This is the perfect coffee for me. I like the smell of coffee but the taste is too strong and bitter. It's just something I can't manage. I drink drinks with chunks in it without blinking and drinks hotter than the fires of hell but coffee I just can't handle. You can call me a baby. I don't give a rip. This though, this smells like a strong coffee, which worried me at first but at first taste I fell in love with it. It somehow keeps the scent but the sugar, which is pure cane I should add, smoothes out the drink to a delightful place that I could spend all day in. Oh chubby Famous House mascot. If you could come to life and sit down with me, I would treat you to a can of this. Why I'm treating you to a drink that your company makes seems dumb since you could probably manage to get free cases of the stuff but nonetheless, I am thanking you for making such a good drink. You should feel honored having your pudgy face on that can.

I'm sorry, sir. Did you give my son a lime with a razor blade in it for Halloween? I swear to God that if you did I am going to take the razor out of the lime and slice your throat. No, you listen to me. I thought that was just a scary thing we told kids to not take things from strangers but now that it's out in the open and people are doing it, I don't know what to do as a parent. I tried to move to a nice part of town and into a place where I my kids are safe, or at least I thought my kids would be safe. No, I'm not done talking. You come into this town thinking you can get away with this stuff. Don't you know there is a block club where we talk about stuff like this? Fine. What do you have to say for yourself, you scum?

You what? Don't you lie to me! I'm a very powerful mother with four kids and will not take any of your garbage. You gave them what? A drink? My son Danny told me you gave him a lime with a razor blade in it. Danny, you told me. No. I explicitly heard...Oh it was like a lime with a razor blade in it. Do you have any more? Jesus, you're right. It tastes like lemon lime pop but the carbonation is actually sharp. You said this is diet, too? Eh, it's not too bad and I'm always drinking diet stuff.

Mister. I'm very sorry. You have to see it from my point of view, though. If you heard that your kid had gotten something with a razor blade in it, you would freak out, too, and rightfully so. I'm sorry. Please come to our next block club meeting and I'll bake you some cookies. Have a good night and I hope I didn't scare away your trick or treaters. Then again, that's the point of Halloween, right? Ha. Could I have another bottle of that, please? It's pretty good. I'll toss in another dozen cookies. Thank you. Hey! There is a razor blade floating in this drink! Eh, I guess I deserved it. I was a real jerk to him, Danny.

This morning Mike and I had a meeting at the local Coke bottling facility. Our new friends there told us about what they do and about the new products coming out. Once that concluded we were taken on a tour of the warehouse/bottling section. Everything was normal and on the up and up until we came to a make shift boxing ring tucked away in a back corner. When we questioned its existence, our tour guide gave us a sly smile and tossed us a can of this new Monster Baller's Blend. He said it was a way to promote the new SKU inside the company. Every week the warehouse employees downed a can of this fruit punch flavored energy drink and had it out in the ring to see who would take the upcoming weekend shifts.

We were in luck because the week's fights were just about to start. We sat there as approximately two dozen employees cracked open a case of Punch Energy and used their keys to pop holes in them and shotgunned the hell out of those cans. Mike and I watched on as we sipped our can. It was surprisingly good. We were actually taken aback by how decent it was. When we think of a fruit punch energy drink the only image in my mind was an overly sweet cheap tasting syrupy mess. Luckily the liquid inside has a nice fruit punch flavor that doesn't seem too childish. I believe that was due to the fact that it's sweetened with sugar, so it's not too syrupy and the slight general energy drink flavor gave it a more adult taste.

We only had time to watch the first couple fights, but let me tell you those warehouse guys were no joke. This was an all out bare-knuckle brawl, with a bunch of grown men who were all sorts of amped up on energy punch. The second forklift operator lost at least one tooth that I saw. I guess when you're weekend is at risk and the weather finally getting nice out, you're gonna do what you have to do for some time in the sun. The invited Mike and I to go a few rounds against each other for the titled of Duke of the Dudes of Thirst, but we politely declined. There were tacos in our future and we didn't want to take a chance of ruining that with bloody lips and black eyes. Instead we downed the last few sips of our tasty beverages, said our goodbyes and made our way out into the wild world of taquerias.


As you may have guess by that last line, none of this is actually true, except that we did have a tour/meeting and we drank this surprisingly good beverage. There are no real taquerias in Buffalo, and that is the shame of our city.

Can you guess what I'm going to say about this tea? Oh perhaps it's that it's so sweet with a high concentration of fruit flavor that you can't taste the yerba mate that is supposed to be the base of the drink.

This drink is 100% natural, yet it tastes like it should be some random drink you find at a gas station. You know you go in and see a weird iced tea you've never tried and when you drink it you're in disappointment city because it just tastes like a sugar drink. Okay, that was a bit harsh, this is a lot better then that, but I so badly want this to have a strong yerba mate flavor that is nowhere to be found. Instead I'm left with a whole lot of sugary mango and the slightest notion of some tea.

I've been around for thirty years and I still don't remember when it gets warm. We in Western New York get spoiled once in January with a fifty-degree day and a little bit in May with near tropical temperatures then it drops back down. To psych myself out and make my dumb body feel like it's summertime, I cracked this bottle of vintage open. Vintage because it's been over a year since I've had this on me and have been, well, dreading drinking it. It gets a little more credit than I've given it though because it's not too bad. It's not too bad for a melted Popsicle, if I were twelve. I'm thirty. This takes me back to a lot of fun times as a kid and just being dumb. If you want to get dumb again, drink some of this with some friends you went to junior high with and play some street hockey, listen to Michael Jackson "Dangerous," and live it up. When this drink is done, you have to get in your sedan and get back to your desk job. The last fifteen years have sucked in hindsight, right?

Here we have one of the originals of the Arizona line. It's not very common nowadays. I was actually asked if it was a new flavor when I pulled it out to parch my thirst at band practice last night. I'm pretty sure the reason this flavor never became more popular is that I don't believe that it was ever released as a tall boy can; I've only ever seen it in glass and plastic bottles. It's a shame because this is way better than you would expect. Even though it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, you can actually taste the real brewed tea, instead of just sugar water. Sure, there is a decent amount of sugar in this drink, but it tastes like mass produced sweetened iced tea should. I'm looking at you with disappointment Brisk. That's right, you're getting the “dad face” while Arizona gets a proud arm around it's shoulder.

Dear Kraft, You sent us these samples months ago and I'm sorry I'm just getting around to reviewing this now. You see it somehow fell behind the giant mountain of drinks that is my kitchen, and it wasn't until I tried to organize everything yesterday that I found it. Such a little squeeze container can easily get lost in a forest of the gluttonous large bottles of most American beverages. In this country we are taught that more is better, but most of the time that is not true. More often ends up with stomachaches, cavities and diabetes.

The more is better mentality also does not fare well with Crystal Light Liquids. When they say one squeeze for each 8oz serving, they mean a small squeeze, not a big honking one. With a small squeeze you get a nice fruity flavor that tastes more like a tea that it should for not having any tea in it. IT has a general tropical fruit flavor rather than one of specific fruit. There is also a slight diet flavor from the sucralose they use to sweeten it, but it's more than manageable. The more you squeeze, the less pleasant the flavor become and the more the diet taste of it all jumps out at you.

When done properly this can make a nice little beverage for those weirdoes in the world that don't like the taste of water. It's also a nice substitute for sugar water if you're trying to lose some weight or just consume healthier beverages, just don't overdo it like you did those bacon triple cheeseburgers that got you into this mess in the first place.

Sadly this is my last bottle of Ralph & Charlie's. When we received a shipment of juices that were nearly all carrot based I did not expect to be taken on the wild trip that is concluding today. Carrots are great, but drinking them does not sound like something I would ever look forward to. This company has come up with the wonderful mixtures of carrots and other fruits and vegetables that are always interesting and leave me wanting more.

The idea of mixing carrots and cranberries has never crossed my mind. Sure both are staples at Thanksgiving, but I don't think of them as a team. Never in a million years would I expect their combination to taste the way this juice does. It is very sweet, without crossing over the line of tooth decay. It's also very fruity, which is due to apple juice being the second ingredient, following water. This is essentially a cranapple juice with carrots mixed in to give it just enough of a unique flavor to make you sit back and savor each sip.

I find myself wondering how this drink would fare if it didn't have sugar added to it. Would it be even better, or is the sugar necessary to give the carrot juice the little push it needs to not overpower the rest of the flavors?

Thank you for coming to the 3 o'clock show of The Great Blastino! I hope you all enjoyed the past 20 minutes of magic and illusions. We have time for one final trick, The Miraculous VBlast! In this trick I will turn an ordinary bottle of water in a vitamin packed treat with a light purple hue.

For this trick I will need a volunteer from the audience. Yes you, you will do nicely. Will you please come up here and inspect this bottle. Feel free to taste it. Can you confirm that this bottle is full of nothing but ordinary water? Yes? Good. Now let me return the cap, say the magic words, BolognaOnPastrami! Now you will notice that the fluid in the bottle has changed in color. Please take another sip and tell us how it now tastes. Ahh yes, you say it has a nice light grape candy flavor, but in a diety sort of way. You would be correct. You will also be happy to know that you just received a mouthful of crucial vitamins in a fun and interesting way.

Now folks magicians aren't supposed to reveal their secrets, but truth be told I actually am an employee of the VBlast Corporation and this entire performance was put together as a marketing technique to introduce you to our newest vitamin drink. You see it truly was just a bottle of spring water; the vitamins are all stored in the cap, which once you twist it causes the contents to drop into the water. All you need to do then is shake it up and enjoy. Bottles are available for sale in the lobby. I will also be out shortly to sign autographs.

This is the least dramatic Joia I have had. Is it still good? Yes. Is it as good? No. I enjoy the oddities that come from these guys. This one still has nutmeg and jasmine, which, for all intents and purposes, are strange ingredients. What does it do? It makes for some of the best sparkling orange juice I've ever had. I would amp it up, Joia. That's what you do. Ramp it up. Double the nutmeg. I want this to taste like a Christmas orange juice drank inside of a floral wonderland. This is just a great orange juice with fizzles. Yeah. Fizzles. I do what I want. This is great just not as great as I wanted it to be. Still got a four out of five. Even when they fail they win.

Hell hath no fury like my scorn for gross energy drinks. If this were someone's first energy drink, I wouldn't blame them for never wanting to try another one again. This is hard to stomach. I don't know if it's the un-original "energy drink" taste that is as bland/gross as the packaging of this can, or the sucralose that is burning an ulcer into my stomach. I have a deadline on Monday and am trying to get ahead so I don't have much to do this weekend. Despite my stomach telling me to stop, I keep drinking this. And you know what? It's not getting any better.

I just took another sip; yup it's still nearly undrinkable.

Sweet tea. I've spent too much of my life critiquing it. I won't let it go either. It's the simplest thing to make. Anyone can make it. Black tea. Sugar. Done. I've modernized it a little bit by adding Monin syrup but it's only concentrated cane sugar so it's the same thing just cleaner than cups and cups of loose sugar. As soon as someone wants to add anything, even something that is a tea like yerba mate, can throw it off. I have had a couple versions of yerba mate, too and this is strange mix. It's not a very good yerba mate as it has close to no bitterness. If you are going to call it one thing, deliver it on that one thing. It's as simple as that. As a sweet tea it's pretty close. You can tell that it's good sugar and good tea. It's a little "softer" than I would like a tea but it's good. If I went to a restaurant and they gave me this in a glass, I would be stoked because it's not garbage fountain syrup tea. If I had a handful of ice and a glass next to me, I would serve this to myself ice cold. This is good. I wouldn't be mad if they removed "yerba mate" from the line all together because this is my second one and I feel it's been lacking. Jesus I love sweet tea.

Get yourself a big ole' bucket of water. Now dump a big ole' bag of sugar in it. Squeeze some of those little ole' passion fruits and those regular ole' mangoes into that there bucket and what you get will probably taste a little bit like this. This only has 30% juice in it, but what amount of the remaining 70% is sugar? It's ridiculously sweet to an extent that it takes away from the flavor of two of my favorite fruits. Both are present but the amount of sugar makes them taste candied. Too bad.

First things first; I believe the label for this packaging was misprinted. You see I have this and a bottle of the mango pear sitting in front of me, and the ingredients lists are the same. Sure they could just use different quantities, but I don't taste pear in this at all, and I had the “non-diet” version of this a while back and that had mango and pineapple in it, and this tastes the same as I remember that. Just a heads up Bai, you might want to look into that.

As I just mentioned two seconds ago I had the regular version of this, and I have to say this tastes eerily close to it, even though erythritol was swapped out for the cane juice, the flavor stays fairly consistent. It still has a great mango flavor with some pineapple mixed in. I'm going to feel like a real idiot if there is not any pineapple in the 5 calorie version, but I can taste it, but it could be totally psychosomatic. It also has a nice white tea base that is hard to miss. There is only the faintest erythritol coolness to this. So little that if I didn't know it was in there, I might not notice. Bai did a great job masking the flavor, while still keeping it low in calories. Good job folks.

I don't eat tiramisu because I'm not a big rummy. Yeah, those tasty ladyfingers are soaked in rum and you serve it to your kids. I don't mean to get preachy but that's bad parenting. Giving kids rum. Look, if you want to rub some on their baby gums so they can make it through the tough teething process that's your call. I didn't and wouldn't but that's a freebee if you want it. Tiramisu, though: rummy. This is a Taiwanese coffee drink that tastes, or is supposed to taste like that dessert delicacy but doesn't really. As a coffee drink it's fine but as a cake flavored coffee drink it's just not there. It smells like cake but doesn't really taste like it. Sitting here with the empty can net to me wafting the coffee scented cake towards my nostrils is a constant reminder that it could have been good. I'm about to throw this can across the room since it smells so good but is about half as good as it is leading me to believe it is. This indestructible can is filled with disappointment and hype. It's good, but a let down. I wanted cake and coffee for breakfast. I only got coffee and the sensation of someone eating cake next to me and not sharing.

Honey is a wonderful thing. Think of all those millions of bees out there working their little stingers off for their queen and as a result leaving this sweet delicious waste behind. That's right, honey is essentially bee poop, and we all love it.

Ginseng on it's own is rather gross. Have you ever had one of those Asian energy drinks that are basically ginseng root floating in water? They taste like the water that is strained through a potted plant, or so I would assume. Ginseng mixed into other drinks can be pretty alright though.

The thing is when honey and ginseng are mixed together; all I can think of are cough drops. No one wants to be reminded of the things they need to ingest when they are ill. It just causes waves of gross feeling to wash all over you.

As a result of all I have written above, I fully expected this to taste like a cough drop bathed in a sea of chemical energy drink grossness with a hint of diet poison. I am very grateful that the Xyientists would never let that come to pass. They busted out their Erlenmeyer flasks and their Bunsen burners and burned the midnight oil (whilst listening to “Diesel and Dust”) to create a downright tasty drink that they themselves could have utilized on that late night.

This is firstly a green tea. It has a bit of a honey edge to it, but you can't really taste the “dirt” ginseng flavor. It comes nowhere near cough drop flavor, which is a huge plus. The flavor of the sucralose blends in well with the energy drink flavor, and it ends up not tasting too much like either. It's also non-carbonated, which is a nice direction for energy drinks to move in. These new lines of tea and lemonade Xyience beverages that come out have all put a nice twist on a beverage style that is becoming increasingly stale and boring.

Pomegranate Lychee, huh? Yeah, I'll take it. Deliver it to my mouth; right in there. Wait...I asked for pomegranate lychee but you just gave me pomegranate. Sir? I'm sorry, sir? I asked for pomegranate lychee and you just gave me pomegranate. You're saying it is in there? Well I don't really taste it. I guess if I give you the benefit of the doubt and said that I might taste it at the very end but not so much as to call it out on the bottle. I will say, that is a fine bottle you've got there, sir. It's a shame that most people will throw it out and most of those people will not recycle it. Aforementioned issues aside, this is a good, sparkling drink. It's fruity and the fizziness gives it a nice touch. You've done a wonderful job even though you mislead me a tad with the whole "there is lychee in here" thing. We're over that now, though. We're bros again.

Quote direct from the can: "Ultra Blue is a little less sweet and lighter tasting with zero calories..."

They had me at less sweet. I love Monster energy drinks, but some are ridiculously sugary to the point that I feel like I'm developing a new cavity with every sip. Every word in their quote rings true. Well I can't scientifically prove that there are no calories in this, it tastes like a non-gross diet drink. My guess is due to them using erythritol to sweeten it. Not only does it taste good for a zero calorie sweetener, it's actually good for your teeth!

"Erythritol has been certified as tooth-friendly. The sugar alcohol cannot be metabolized by oral bacteria, so does not contribute to tooth decay. Interestingly, erythritol exhibits some, but not all, of xylitol's tendency to "starve" harmful bacteria."

So next time your mom or dad tells you energy drinks are rotting your teeth, as long as it's sweetened with erythritol you have a great argument.

Overall this is a great energy drink, it is delicious and light and the perfect amount of sweetness. The flavor is hard to pin point, it has a grapefruit taste to it but also has that classic "Monster" taste to it as well. The can is textured like they have been doing with their recent releases and I like it.

post script: Due to the name of this drink, "Ultra Blue", I thought it was beer at first and got really confused when it was next to the other Monster drinks.

The coffee machine at your office has been on the fritz all week, which means that you have had to bring your own caffeinated beverage into work. The thing is that today your alarm didn't go off for some reason. Luckily your internal clock woke you up, but with only 20 minutes to get to the office. So it was get up, brush your teeth, drag a comb through your hair, put on a suit and you're out the door. You didn't even have time to stop at a gas station for the sludge that they deem fit to call coffee. As a result of all of this you have been a wreck all day. You're sluggish and you can't concentrate because you haven't eaten since you grabbed Taco Bell on the way home from work the day before. You're a mess.

You know it's not something that any human should do, but you still go into the break room and look for some food to steal out of the communal fridge. Sure, it's not the most moral thing to do, but the GM is coming in shortly and if she sees you like this, it probably wouldn't bode well for your career. The fridge is full of Tupperware containers full of moldy leftovers. Doesn't anyone ever clean this thing out? Things are looking grim. You're about to give up when you move a container of soup that is dated seven months ago and behind it is this bottle of Havana diet vanilla cappuccino. You find yourself thinking that you should probably rethink your stance on the existence of god as you look around and grab the bottle. You scurry away to your cubicle and crack the seal. After a gulp you think that it isn't half bad. Sure the milk to coffee ratio seems about even, which is more than you usually like, but it has a nice vanilla flavor to it, so you feel a little fancy. After that each sip gets harder and harder to get down. The taste of the Splenda is getting stronger by the second. Diet coffee; is there anything worse for someone who normally drinks it black? By the time you finished the bottle you're feeling more normal. You're stomach has a little something in it, and you've got a little caffeine buzz going on. The only downfall is you can taste the Splenda seeping out of your gums, and that is something you never want to experience again. What do you expect from a drink that was abandoned at least seven months ago?

Glaceau, home of Vitamin Water and Smart Water, has decided to try its hand at sparkling beverages. When the dealer passed out the cards things we're looking good for them, but their hand just wasn't strong enough to make something spectacular. On first sip I thought this had the potential to be something like a Clearly Canadian, but then the sucralose kicked in and everything went downhill. Does anyone on this planet actually think that sucralose is acceptable? I mean I know people deal with it, but with stevia hitting the market, why would a company that uses real sugar in one of its other product lines use such a low level zero calorie sweetener? Next thing I know they'll be using aspartame. Ick.

Okay, so the base of this tastes like a nice light, non-syrupy raspberry soda (if such a thing exists). It's quite pleasant until the sweetener kicks in. With a different sweetener this could have been all the rage in my world. As it stands I didn't' finish the bottle.

If you are one of those imaginary people that actually like sucralose, I highly suggest you check this out. If not, stay away.