United States - 4098 Reviews

Marky, move the launch ramp slightly to the left. I want to make sure I don't land on my mom's flowers. What do you mean I'm going to land on them anyways? Haven't you ever seen me skate before? I'd be pro if I could just get an audience with the head of some company. Just to prove it to you I'm going to launch over my dad's new car. First let me down this can of Crayons. It will give me the extra energy I need. Hmm this stuff is actually pretty good. It has the consistency of watered down Gatorade, but twice the flavor. It's got that weird blue raspberry flavor that tastes like it should come from a real fruit, but raspberries don't taste like that at all. In fact I like this a lot. Guys, you won't believe this. It says right on the can not to launch over your dad's car OR your mom's roses. Looks like this little show is off. What's that Tommy? You're right, those aren't roses they are petunias. Here I go.....

Like everyone else in this ghost town, I like to go to the saloon everyday. The usual characters are always there: One-Eyed Jack and the blacksmith playing poker, the owners son 'lil Johnny playing with his dog in the corner, and Davey playing the piano while two women danced on the balcony. The only problem is I always get made fun of for my drink of choice. While I'm told Smitty's Saloon has the best whiskey this side of the Mississippi, I don't like the hard stuff. My father was a drinker and I didn't like what it did to him so I swore I'd never try it.

I prefer Outlaw Orange Cream. No, it's not because I'm a criminal. I only had that one run in with 'the law' once when I was playing a prank on my best friend and took his horse around back. The sheriff and I straightened that all out years ago. I like this soda pop because it has a classic orange cream flavor. I've heard some fancy hot shots in New York City are trying to make orange cream soda that will appeal to everyone, but what do they know? This is great the way it is. It has a great orange flavor, with a really nice smooth aftertaste. Sure I wouldn't mind if it was a tad bit smoother, but it's a damn fine orange cream if I do say so myself. In fact, when this one is gone, I just might order another one if Smitty ever comes back to this side of the bar.

You are a citrus demon. You can't have enough. You eat lemons for breakfast, grapefruit for lunch, and limes for dinner. Oranges are snacks to you. The acidity running through your blood would burn through the toughest metals but it somehow is contained safely in your veins. If you were stabbed, your blood would eat through the knife before it got to any vital organs.

When you're thirsty, you don't reach for an iced tea. Not even a lemon iced to can quench your acid driven thirst. Not even the sourest of lemonades can quench you at times. This time, when you are in need, look no further, for College Club has developed a secret blend of grapefruit and lemon. This isn't your grandpappy's half and half. It's tart, a bit sour, and yes, obviously tastes like Squirt. Side by side I might be able to pick out the lemon, but alone, it's a whole lot of grapefruit. Actually, now that I think about it, it was tamer than a Squirt so I wonder if the lemon calmed it down a bit and kind of turned down the grapefruit.

Either way, you'll love it and it is, without a doubt, a great summertime drink. Put some ice in a glass, and if you're some sort of fancy pants, put an umbrella in there. Also, since you love it so darn much, College Club only makes it in quarts so drive on down to Western New York and go through their drive through and pick some up. Talk to the brothers while you're down there. You won't regret it.

Everyone I'm on tour with kept making fun of me because I wanted to stop at a Big Lots to get drinks. I understand it sounds ridiculous, but that closeout store is a goldmine for drinks and $3 DVDs. Joe from Night Birds grabbed some DVDs I grabbed a buttload of drinks.

This one was the opposite of stellar. As Joe said it tastes like a goddamn melted lime push pop, but only drenched in sucralose. Ickville.

I fell victim to marketing yet again. I went to the store today and noticed a big selection of Turkey Hill teas and lemonades in the cooler. Turkey Hill makes some of my favorite drinks and has never disappointed me. I was going to just get a traditional raspberry iced tea, until I saw this jug of raspberry lemonade with the ominous “limited edition” beacon. As much as I wanted that raspberry iced tea, not wanting to potentially miss out on this flavor drove me to buy this instead.

I had reservations with this before opening since it is a light/diet drink and sweetened with fake sugar. Luckily, it's pretty damn good! It doesn't have a diet/chemical taste at all, which is good news. In fact, in a blind taste test I doubt I could identify this as a diet drink, which means they're doing something right. It has a really nice sour taste to it, which is key (in my eyes) for good lemonade. Hopefully others concur with my thoughts and Turkey Hill rethinks this as being only a limited edition drink.

I'm tagging along with my friends, Night Birds, playing the role of "merch dude." Our first stop was Cleveland, OH. We went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was surprisingly rad. I got to see Ian Curtis' lyric sheets, a bill The Replacements got for damaging a hotel room, the original Riot Grrrl zine, some rad Nirvana stuff and a bunch more. I nerded out a bit. I also worked up one heck of a thirst. Only juice could save the day.

Cleveland is hardly a coastal town, but how can you say no to Nantucket Nectars with its all-natural juice goodness? It's pretty readily available everywhere, so I don't know why I don't drink it more. This is a perfect blend of pomegranate and pear. Both are obviously present, but the strength of their flavors keep each other in check and subdued. It's incredibly refreshing. Just the way I needed it to be.

You've got a great son, Mr. Ziegler. Roy Jr. is a bit high strung at times and often likes to plot other children's demise, but all in all, he's not a bad kid. He's good at math, but not so good at history. He's good at science, but not so good at English.

Reason I called you down here is because of two things. He brought this Lipton 100% Natural iced tea in and passed it around to the rest of the class. Although his sharing is great, it felt almost as if he coerced the other kids into doing it. Like they were doing his bidding. Have you ever noticed that type of behavior before? Like he had taken control of their minds through some sort of magic and was making them take sips from this one bottle. I took the bottle from him and made him finish his work but I've got to be honest with you. The drink, although good, was not the best. I found it lackluster and a bit...forgettable. It was a bit too sweet because of the Stevia. The flavor was alright, but I took a couple sips and never really craved going back to it. I drank it because it was there. That's not really that great? So, why did Roy Jr. tell everyone it was the greatest? You might just want to work on getting him to wash his hands and inform him about the danger of germs.

Second thing is that he brought in this magazine...I can't stop thinking about that magazine. I mean, where did he get it? I can't get those images out of my head.

I bought this because I had no idea what "korker" is.

Is it named after a person?
Professor Korker worked tirelessly into the night and the day before his hundredth birthday, he came up with the perfect pop. Everyone said he was crazy but he did it anyway.

Is it a fruit?
Ecologists from all over the world went to all reaches of the earth to try and find a fruit that was only known to the Mayans. It was brought from the heavens to cure all disease and ailment and when their society crumbled due to the non-stop fighting about who was going to win the second American Idol, they took their secret, legend fruit with them.

Is it slang?
Hey, don't be such a shmuck and grab me that korker.

Is it a mediocre blend of what I think are lemon and lime?
Yep.

Unfortunately, this drink did not deliver any of the hopes and dreams I had for it. I wanted all of the above except for the last to be true, but from beginning to 2/3'rds of this bottle, I was let down. It didn't taste like your typical lemon and lime combo. It wasn't as sweet and it just wasn't as flavorful. It was a very fast and tame flavor. This is for people who just want a little bit of pop. It wasn't dry, it just was...safe. Sometimes safe isn't where you want to be.

I wonder if they wanted to put the strawberry seeds in here? Is there any pop with stuff in it? Aloe has chunks. Some lemonade has chunks. All of those Kato drinks have chunks in it. Juice seems to take the cake when it comes to accompaniment. I bet, if done well, this drink would be awesome if it had actual strawberry seeds in it.

Where is this all coming from? This might be the most honest fruit flavored pop I've ever had. Not to mention it's mixed with everyone's favorite sweet fruit, rhubarb. Yeah, rhubarb is technically a fruit. I thought it was a root, but I guess roots would grow underground. "Plant" would be a good second categorization, but it would also be wrong. Either way, the taste of strawberries and rhubarb...rhubarbs(?)...rhubarb is pretty fantastic.

I feel like this is a real "country guy" pop. Like you get this at farmers markets and ho-downs. I would like Jackson Hole to please respond if you read this and let me know if either of these assumptions is true. I hope they are.

Mohawk Place is the only bar in Buffalo that I think is worth going to. It used to be a biker bar, but over the years it has transformed into a "punk" bar. All of the employees rule, and I've become good friends with most of them. I DJ there bi-monthly, and when my bands play Buffalo that's where we do it. It's a dive bar with the perfect size stage and the room is big enough to hole 200-300 people, but doesn't seem empty when only 50 people are there. It is a beer and mixed drink bar with nothing too fancy. The other day someone asked the one bar tender to make him a mojito. For some reason that is hysterical to me. Don't get me wrong I think they are tasty (minus the alcohol of course), but the idea of someone drinking one at Mohawk is completely ridiculous. It's way to fancy pants for that place. I didn't witness it, but I can imagine Erik the bartender semi freaking out of the guy, and that makes it even funnier to me. I had that on my mind today and when I had to make a decision between Give flavors, it was a no-brainer to go with the mojito grapefruit.

This is an all-natural energy drink. It's a good thing to be in this day and age. It's made with yerba mate, gotu kola leaf, guarana, gingko biloba and rhodiola rosea root extract. Nothing chemical. Nothing gross.

The can did not instruct me to, so I did not shake it before opening it. As a result three distinctive sections of flavor were in the can. The first third of the can was mostly grapefruit with just the tiniest hint of lime and mint. The grapefruit flavor was great, just the way I like it. The second third was more mojito flavor with a hint of grapefruit and a slight note of yerba mate. For the end of the can it was mostly all yerba mate with a lime/mint aftertaste.

I would have preferred more grapefruit flavor the whole way through the can, but it was still pretty great. Better than most energy drinks. I will definitely be giving their other flavors a shot.

If you ever find yourself in Buffalo at Mohawk place, order a mojito and see if you can get the bartender to snap.

Today was the gay pride parade. I don't see how it's possible to not have a good time seeing hundreds of people having the time of their lives. Free like gay birds, these people did what they wanted, wore what they wanted, and acted how they wanted together as a society. If only every day, people were so accepting.

In between the parade and the after party, I went to our local beer merchant who also sells some pretty good drinks for the likes of the youths. I was lucky enough to find singles, or loosies, of Saranac's black cherry cream pop. I had come across this in my supermarket but it was only available in a sixer and I wasn't exactly ready to commit to that long-term relationship. So I picked this up, took a sip and was surprised. It had a really good black cherry taste followed by a smooth cream taste. While this was oh so cold this was good, but it was a warm day today.

I am an adult at times and I don't chug pop. What's the point? I sip and get the flavors I deserve. As I said, initially this was good and the half dozen of people who co-drank this with me agreed. I walked two blocks and something happened. The syrup congealed and got downright unsatisfying to drink. Everything kind of blended together.

If you want to try this and you want it to be good, drink it quickly or somehow keep it cool.

Are you aware that there is never an inappropriate time to yell "It's Science!" Be it in the lab, at the dinner table, the zoo, an ICP concert it is always appropriate if said in order to confirm a statement you've made. If you're out for pizza and a friend thinks it tastes gross, but you really like it, you can say something like "It's really good because they didn't go overboard with the sauce. It's Science!" You have just won the argument. There is nothing they can say to come back from that.

Science is truly at work in this soda. It's to such an extent that it doesn't even need to be said. I knew going in that it was going to taste like grape. I opened the cap and the strong sent of grape hit my nostrils. My mind still expected orange, right until the point that my taste buds registered it as grape. It messes with ones brain. It's like listening to Beatles records backwards only to find out that Paul is the walrus. Even at the end of the bottle my brain still processed it as a mixture of grape and orange even though there is no orange flavor in it. If I went into this blind folded it would taste of pure grape soda, yet my eyes continue to mess me up. You win this round Real Soda.

To whom it may concern,
What are you doing over there? Do you have three separate divisions? Your drinks have completely different flavors. You've got your Joe Shmo brand garbage like Brisk and this half and half which is quite possibly, top five worst half and half's I've ever had, and your TrueLeaf and your new 100% Natural line which are pretty amazing. So what's the deal? Here's what I think.

You've got the classics, the relics, the veterans, and the original line up. These guys are the people that started Lipton. They make stuff the way it should be made; real sugar, actual, real tea, natural flavors. These guys make the TrueLeaf.

You've got the new jacks, the rookies, the kids making the 100% Natural line. It's good for you and has natural sweeteners, which don't taste like liquid sewage and actually let the natural flavors shine through. They utilize the newest technologies and natural ingredients to allow the flavors to act as they should and stay low in calories.

Then you've got the 80's guys. Those jerks. Giant lapels and even bigger hair, these know-it-alls will do anything to turn a buck. Take this half and half, for instance. It's too sweet. It is clearly made from excess or overstock Brisk. Then there is lemonade in there. You can't really taste it, but you are left with the feeling on your tongue like you just drank lemonade but can't taste it. You know they're churning this out by the gallon and those 80's dudes are just sitting on their cigarette boats, blaring Van Halen's "1984" so loud that it's veering the ship off course.

Old dudes and young guns, why do you let yuppie jerks get away with bringing your entire company down? Yes, I understand that they carry the load of the company on their padded shoulders, but don't you want to be known as a quality tea manufacturer rather than a drink powerhouse? It's money versus integrity.

I love a lot of your stuff and I don't like a lot of your stuff. You've released more than any company and you've got a lot coming out all the time. Try and turn down the poor quality stuff and turn up the classic tastes.

Sincerely,
Mike of the Thirsty Dudes

Sir, I'd like to hire you to work for our company. We're looking for someone who can go through all of our peaches and pick out the finest ones to be used in our teas. Your outwardly French disposition leads me to believe that you would be perfect for the job. Sir don't tell me that the French have no history with peach picking. I am the head of this corporation. Do you think I came this far without knowing a thing or two about the different nationalities and their fruit traits? I'm just going to need some information from you. Can I please see your passport and work visa? What do you mean you don't have them? Carol get me immigration on the horn, we have an illegal in the office! Why should I listen to you explain? What could you possibly say to make me not call the authorities? What? You're a penguin? I'm sorry I thought your beak was just a comically over-sized nose. So a French penguin huh? Well you surely don't have any peach experience. How about you just model for the image on our label? Okay let's keep this on the down low. I don't want any animal INS on my butt about hiring illegal birds.

So we learned today that penguins know squat about peaches and that the fictitious head of the company that I made up can't tell someone with a huge nose from a penguin. What I also learned was that oolong tea is halfway between black and green tea, and it definitely tastes that way. Also this tea is delicious. It's supposed to have a little more sugar than the other Honest Teas, but I can't really tell. It's "just a tad sweet" just the way I like it.

I just ate five pounds of lentils. Okay so maybe it was about two pounds, but it was so many lentils, and they were covered in so much hot sauce. It was wonderful. When I got home from the diner I was stuffed, but I wanted a nice sweet sparkling drink. I'm borderline food coma here, and I still crave a pop. What's wrong with me? How do I not weigh 500 pounds?
Muscatel it is. It's a wine grape, but this doesn't taste like wine at all. At first I thought it tasted like some weird freezie pop, but then I realize it tastes kind of gross. Wait maybe it does taste like a wine of some sort, because wine is also gross. Way to ruin perfectly good grapes by making your crappy beverage wine makers of the world.

I want this to be good, but it's just not. It tastes old. Jerid said it tastes like it's been sitting open on a shelf for years and is long expired. Maybe he's right. He tastes right. I mean it tastes like what he said, not that his flesh tastes right. Maybe it does. I've never actually tried it. Hey Jerid come here....

Prometheus Springs really has a niche and rule at it. Aside from ginger beer, no one dares compare to the heat that Mr. Springs brings to the table. They're pros and they know it. They've got the gall to burn people's mouths and have them crawling back for more.

I enjoy giving their drinks to unsuspecting people and having them take a normal chug just to watch their faces. I giggle when they look as if they just unknowingly ate rat poison or got shot, unsuspectingly, in the chest. Sometimes it's hard to get them to try it again with a sip rather than a chug strategy.

This new line is tamer, I feel, than their previous line. It's way more approachable and I think they toned it down a titch. I find this new line more drinkable from beginning to end a lot easier. I haven't seen it on the shelves yet, but as soon as it does, you've got yourself a little sweet and spicy treat. The flavor is great, too. A real good, smooth mango taste and it's just sweet enough that you could probably grab another if you wanted. If you didn't know, you would have no idea that it's going to take your throat for a vicious trip down a lemon juice rain, razor blade hallway. I all of a sudden want to draw what that looks like. Could someone create a flash game where you have to walk through a razor blade hallway with lemon juice raining down through the sprinkler system? If you make it to the end, you win. You lose by incurring a certain amount of pain. When your pain bar reaches full, you have to go to a fat nurse like the one you had in your high school, and she's got a terribly short skirt and you think you can see "it" but you can't be sure.

Dudes, this tour has been great. We've been to 26 states and we're on our way home. I can't believe we got up and out of the hotel so early after last night. Dude, you threw a chair out the window of a 28 story hotel into a swimming pool, and that...is neat. Let me stop on to this Arby's and get a jamocha shake.

Oh, crap. Now I've got this shake and I've got to pump gas. I don't know why we would get an RV and not get a driver. Seems dumb. So now I've got to put down my milkshake and pump 80 gallons of gas.

Great, done. I smell like gas, but who cares because I've got this...oh, come on. My milkshake melted. Why didn't you turds move it from the dashboard? I'll still drink it, but if I wanted cappuccino, I would have bought cappuccino. I wanted a milkshake. Drats.

Seriously, if this is gross...it's not bad. It basically tastes like a melted jamocha shake. You guys are lucky that it's still drinkable. If it weren't, I would have quit like I almost did in Nebraska. Why you threw your drumsticks at me still doesn't make sense. So I stole your snare drum and ran around with it. Who cares? Don't get so upset. You took all the strings off my bass before we went on set and then the roadie, who didn't pump the gas because he's thoughtless, brought it on stage and didn't check. Idiot. Next stop, Kansas City!

The weird thing about diet drinks is the more you drink them, the more tolerable they become. Normally I despise diet sodas because they taste like chemicals, but I've been drinking a lot of Diet Pepsi over the past couple weeks. This is because I've been staying with my mom for a few weeks until I found a place to live (which I will be moving into tomorrow) and all she has here is Diet Pepsi. Being the soda fiend and night owl I am, I have been drinking enough of it to build up a tolerance to fake sugar in soda.

I realized I had built up this tolerance when I took my first sip of this diet birch beer. I was expecting it to taste gross, but the first sip wasn't that bad. In subsequent sips I could taste the Splenda. This is a really light birch beer. It has a slight bite in the aftertaste, but not nearly as much as I would like and tend to expect from standard birch beer. This definitely gets filed in the "not the best, but not the worst" file.

Last night I kept having a dream where I was with John Lithgow and I had to stop him from dying. Sometimes it was accidental and sometimes he was trying to kill himself, but over and over I had to intervene. Then I looked down and noticed a 3" in diameter hole in the ditch of my arm. My arm was hollow and all dried out on the inside. Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit all over the place. Needless to say I slept like garbage.

Now it's later in the day and I'm going to be up late watching some bands play, so I needed a little boost to help me through the night. I didn't want anything too intense so I grabbed this Rumba. I mean it says 100% juice, so it can't be full of too much garbage. In reality taurine, caffeine, ginseng and a whole mess of other stuff in it, but I can pretend it's all-natural.

First off it's weird because it's not carbonated and it's always weird when energy drinks aren't. It tastes like a highly acid orange juice with a little tangerine and pineapple thrown into the mix. There's a slight energy drink taste, but it's mostly just fruit juice. I like it way more than I like highly disturbing dreams. Oh yeah, while I was distracted Mr. Lithgow ended up offing himself. Services will be announced later in the week.

John, I've got a fresh case of fruit. We don't have time to do the usual routine of cleaning, peeling, juicing, straining, and all that other stuff. We're swamped with other stuff and don't have time for all those steps. Just do what you can to get that fruit into these bottles. Oh, one more thing, the box fell out of my car and into a pile of sand. Good luck.

Great, now I've got to crush these and I have to leave in 9 minutes. Did he take what I usually use to clean all these? All I have is a cheese grater. Son of a gun! Whatever. I'm going to have to grate pineapples and stuff the same way I would grate mozzarella. I certainly wouldn't buy this batch. Plus, this sand, is he kidding me. If I had like 5 extra minutes I would rinse these but I've got to go to baseball practice and coach said if I was late one more time, he'd make me play outfield and we all know that outfield is one step away from off the team. This actually isn't as hard as I thought and I'm burning through this box of fruit. I'm going to bottle these here...alright...careful...got a little on the floor and if there isn't enough time to clean up the fruit, there isn't enough time to clean the floor. Honestly, who fills up a bottle with a handful of Wendy's straws? Hasn't anyone ever heard of a funnel before? Alright, done. All that fruit actually fit in there. Everything has settled on the bottom so let me give it a shake...alright. Taking a sip. Wow. Hey boss! You've got to try this. It's better than our usual stuff. It's got substance and that kiddie pool sand actually gives it an interesting texture. The tropics have never tasted so good. It's really natural tasting, like I'm eating fruit and some rind, you know, like you would if you ate real fruit. We should be in a bind for more time more often. Alright, sorry about the mess. I've got to get to practice. I'll clean up this ridiculous mess tomorrow. Wait tomorrow is Saturday. Monday. Ugh, this is going to be awful to clean up Monday. Whatever. See you later, boss.