United States - 4098 Reviews

Do you think Joe was originally known as Trapper Joe? For some reason, I always imagine him being from Canada, even though I know his origins are German (at least in some capacity). I just picture him out there in the wild wilderness of Canada, setting traps and collecting his bountiful pelts. He lived like a king, and then slowly, but then very suddenly the pelts dried up. Joe found himself without work, and started to lean on his other skills more, and got more into the commerce side of the game. It wasn't long until he started working with an entirely new set of people, who referred to him as Trader Joe instead of Trapper Joe. Eventually he made his way down to the States and well, the rest is history.

That whole scenario has nothing to do with this drink, but oh wait it does. For some reason they decided to name this juice “Heart of Darkness.” At first glance this seems to make no sense what-so-ever as neither mangos nor passion fruit are native to the Congo where Joseph Conrad set his short story. Since the actual juice has nothing to do with an ivory transporter in central Africa, I can only assume that the name is in some reference to Joe's history as a trapper come trader. Maybe the owners of the company are just fans of late 19th century literature. Either way it's a strange name for a juice.

No matter what the name, this is one tasty juice. While it's not solely mango and passion fruit juice, it is still 100% juice with apple, white grape and pineapple filling out the missing space. It does taste more like a tropical fruit punch then it's namesake, and even though that is a bit of a disappointment at first the taste is more than good enough to make you forget your woes.

Did you know that Trent Reznor/Nine Inch Nails are the masterminds behind this beverage? I think it may have been part of the weird Year Zero marketing that was going on. If you're a fan of the band you may know that every release the band puts out gets a Halo number. Halo 1 was the Down In It single. Year Zero was Halo 24. I'm pretty sure this is Halo 24-Pi or something weird like that. Here's some background into that whole thing:. Weird, right?


I don't remember exactly how this drink fit into everything. Maybe it was what was served at the secret shows, and one of the bottles had a USB drive in it with a secret song or something. All I do know is that they were strange and awesome times, which I wish I had been apart of.

This flavored water is infused with trehalose, which comes from the resurrection plant and helps it to regenerate after a century of drought. So there has to be some sort of coded meaning in that. I mean the movie is about some distopian future, and I can only assume that by using trehalose they were hinting that society needed to regenerate into a functioning unit. Oh, and that specific ingredient has shown benefits in the realms of anti inflammatory, anti oxidant, neuro-protectant and reducing cell damage from dehydration.

This tastes like very lightly sweetened, perhaps even lighter flavored water. It's pleasant and completely unobtrusive. It's like when people soak fruit in water to flavor it, instead of adding juice to it. You get hints of the fruit without it being the main player in the game.

Okay, it looks like this product came out after Year Zero, so apparently there is no connection, but according to their website it was developed in 2007, the same year the record came out. Coincidence? I think not!

I can pretty much guarantee that if I gave a purple carrot to Mike's son Max he would say something along the lines of, “That's not a cawwot, cawwots are owange silly!” Apparently in my mind Max switches out Ws for Rs. I think he actually does that, at least that's how I hear it in my head. I think what we have here is a full proof way to get kids who don't like carrots to eat them. What child wouldn't be excited about eating purple food? Kids hate carrots, right? I know in my family we did. At least I grew to enjoy them, while my sister just goes around telling people she's allergic to them, and every other food she thinks might be gross. That's right I just outed her. Also she might slip in the old …€˜I can't eat that or it will give me kidney stones” act. She's a magician with many tricks. It's too bad they are all to get her out of eating food.

Everything I have written above has absolutely nothing to do with this drink, so if you made it this far you deserve a treat. May I suggest a bottle of this juice? I know carrot juice doesn't sound very appealing. I kind of like it, but I was hesitant the first time I tried it. This beverage on the other hand tastes mostly like a heavily strawberried apple juice with a vague root vegetable flavor floating around the perimeters of your taste buds. If this didn't say “purple carrot” in the name I would have never guessed that they were a part of the ingredients list.

Strawberries run this town, with the aid of his deputy apple juice and even the uniqueness of a purple carrot isn't going to be able to change the way that they run things.

It's amazing how much mangosteen tastes like orange juice in this case. It's also quite amazing how unhealthy orange juice is for you. It's amazing how orange this drink is while not being orange juice and it's amazing how this just tastes like a diet orange juice.

Now even though I used the phrase "amazing" a lot previously, this drink is not amazing. Actually, I received polar opposite opinions during the survey that I ran in my office yesterday. I got "not bad" and I got "tastes like baby powder." Both sides of the spectrum. What do I think? I think it tastes like a pulpless, lifeless orange juice sweetened with Xylitol or Stevia. I didn't hate it and it was actually pretty good when it was cold. When it warmed up a bit, it got a little gritty like a protein drink might.

I do enjoy that strange little mangosteen cat sneaking in the mix more and more. I'm sure I'll regret saying that as soon as "the big guys" start making it and ruin it like they do everything. You know what, big guys; you're making that green. You're doing what you came here to do. Play on, playah.

I think it's safe to say that Faygo is the leader of the mid-level pop game. They have been around for over a hundred years, and have the widest selection of flavors that I have ever come across when it comes to the drinks with the bubbles. Most of those flavors are pretty standard, but they do try some untraditional flavors as well, all of which range from decent to pretty darn good. While I have yet to taste one of their sodas that completely blew my socks off, I've also never tried one that I flat out didn't like and that is what I think they are going for: middle of the road soda that will appeal to the greatest number of people with the lowest price point. I can't fault them for that, as I'm sure that business model has brought them quite a lot of money and made many people happy along the way.

With this flavor the Michigan company has strayed a bit from the norm. Fruit flavors in soda are mostly reserved for grape, orange, cherry and pineapple rears it's head more than you'd expect. Berry sodas are not very common, and when you find them more than likely they are more sugar than fruit. While there may not be any fruit juice in this, and it is fairly sweet, it doesn't taste like generic sweet bubbles. I'm actually not completely disgusted by this and I have already drank more than I had anticipated (I'm trying to cut down a lot of sugar form my diet, and drinks like this make that hard to do). I want to compare this to freeze pops or something like that, but it has no harshness and I think the flavor isn't quite the same. I guess the closest I can think of is it tastes like a Slurpee flavor that I had once, but since I can't remember its name that bit on info is pointless.

This definitely falls under the category of a flavor of soda that kids would love and adults more than likely have little to no use for. It's not that they don't like it, but they want to pretend to be mature and mature people apparently only drink dry sodas and coffee.

Oh kids. You've got so many more selections than when I was a kid. I want you to read that like I was the oldest man alive because that's how I meant it to be read. The written word just doesn't have the same flair as, say, an audio recording. Oh, you know, kids. Records. Remember records? Remember crank windows? You dumb kids and your dumb buttons. Try endlessly turning a knob for a little bit, why don't'cha? Lazy brats. Oh, right. Reviews. Right.

I don't spend a lot of time around raspberries but I've been around an apple a couple times and I've got to say, this is a very accurate portrayal of that dynamic duo. You've got some super sweetness from the apple and some nice berryness (not a real word) from the raspberries. Not too bad, Litl' Squirts. All without adding any extra sugar in there, too. You, sirs and madams, have made a good juice.

Speaking of little squirts, you! Hey, you! Do something constructive with your life. Yeah, I'm sure leveling up in World Of Warcraft took a long time but it's not making you a better person. Go get dirty. Get hurt. Get a job. Stop talking on the phone. Drink some healthy juices. Get strong. Be nice to old people. Get me something to drink. Hold the door for people. Be polite. Golden rule. You kids are the worst, nowadays. The worst.

When I think of bliss the first thing that crosses my mind is shoegaze. If you're not familiar it's a style of music that sounds very dreamy (sometimes droney) with a lot of effects on the guitars. As soon as I hear the word bliss either a Slowdive or My Bloody Valentine song pops into my head and I like to take a moment and just bask in it's strange pop bliss.

Is this beverage the liquid version of those songs? Not even close. While the added ingredients may have reduced my stress in the long run, I got no relaxation from the flavor. The sole reason for that is that even though crystalline fructose is the main sweetener, there is also sucralose in the mix, and as we all know if it's there at all it is overpowering. Without the sucralose this could have been a very pleasant, lightly carbonated raspberry drink. I keep trying to block out the fake sugar taste and I know there is a truly enjoyable beverage in there somewhere. I can just tell it's something that I would really, really like. Unfortunately the sucralose buries nearly all of that taste under its grossness. If you are one of the people who walks this planet that are unaffected by sucralose, like those who like cilantro, you will probably be all over this.

Cheribundi has cherry juice in excess. They must for the amount of varieties of their drinks that are on the market, and all of them with straight up cherry juice in them. In fact they juice 20 cherries for every 16.9oz bottle of juice they produce. They are also purists and don't deal with concentrate when it comes to this tart little red fruit. The result is they have an entire line of products that taste like the wonderful fruit that is the origin of their company name. Seriously, every beverage of theirs I have tried really tastes like I'm eating a bowl full of cherries. As a professional I can tell you that is most definitely not the norm with cherry flavored, well anything.

The downfall of this drink (extremely slight as it may be) is that with all of their diligence on their money maker, the blueberries in here did not receive as much attention as they should have. They in fact came from a concentrate, but hey at least it's real juice and not some artificial flavoring made to taste like blueberries. I don't know if it is due to the concentrate, or just the amount used, but the blueberry is losing the war against the cherries. There is not a harmony shared between them, and the strong flavor of the cherries overpowers the tiny blueberries. The blue fruit is most apparent in the aftertaste and even then the lingering tartness of the red is still highly present. That being said, this is by no means a bad drink. In fact it's on the greater side of the scale. I'm simply dreaming of ways to push it to the “Gotta have it now or I may explode category.”

Now, in the comfort of my own home I can enjoy the sweet, spicy taste of chocolate chai. No more lines. No more waiting for people to get their backpacks, feet, and iPods off the table so I can be a patron to the establishment I went to spend money at. No more frustrating ordering of dumbly named drinks. No more, I say, for now all of that has been crammed into a delightful carton of love and spices.

This drink rules. There. I said it. There are really no if, ands, or buts about it. All that you love about chai and all that you love about chocolate has been sucked from the bowels of the earth where chai is made to give it that earthen taste and injected into hermetically sealed cartons. That plastic flip-top really seals in all that spicy earth. Seriously though, it's a nice, dark chocolate taste with a strong cinnamon river running throughout.

I really thought I was never going to get what I wanted when it came to chocolate chai but thanks to Jay and his knowledge of the world around him, he let me in on this secret and now I am blowing the lid of the joint and letting you, the public know about it. Oh, this spicy, creamy, chocolate goodness. I shall see you again soon, my friend.

Bunny, when you're done flirting with that ski instructor please meet me in the lodge for some hot chocolate. You weren't flirting? Then I'm guessing that piece of paper you gave him didn't have your phone number on it and had something like directions to the nearest Dairy Queen. Right. I'm sure, Bunny.

I got you and iced tea. Sit. Let's talk. How was that Green Circle you did? Well you're learning. You can't jump up just yet. It might seem boring but it's all about fundamentals, my dear. Aren't you going to ask daddy how his black diamond was? It was fine. Nothing like the one I did in Aspen last autumn but it's adequate. I saw you fall a couple times but you're learning. What did they teach you at that ski camp we went to? Pizza and french fries, right. Well, no, we don't eat pizza or french fries. Those foods are for a lower echelon than us. I got us some dark hot chocolate. I'm sure it's not as good as the stuff we drank when we were vacationing in the French Alps but it's better than nothing.

What do you think of this, Bunny. The view, the quality of the snow, the hot chocolate? You like it? Concise. I like it. This hot chocolate is good but leaves a bit to be desired. I suppose it's the same as the regular hot chocolate with the smallest possible amount of dark chocolate added to be able to call it a "dark chocolate" hot chocolate. It's good but would be nice if it had a bit more of that dark chocolate flavor. Remember when Hans made it for us and he melted down Swiss dark chocolate on the stove and mixed it with heated milk? That is what I wish this was but you can't expect that luxury everywhere, I suppose.

Well darling. Shall we get back out there? In an hour or so your mother will be back from shopping with an armful of bags and a new fur coat. Honestly, I've already had to have a separate closet built just for her fur hats, coats, and scarves.

Filbert's is a Chicago institution. That fact alone leads me to believe that the denizens of the Windy City are either incredibly dumb, or sadly lack taste buds. I don't mean to be harsh, but we've given the company an honest try and they have let us down at every turn. This is the third flavor we've reviewed and I would rather drink the syrupy swill of store brand soda than this cane sugared sweetened bubbly mess.

There is hardly any flavor to these sodas except carbonated sugar water. There is the vaguest of fruit flavors in here, but I would never in a million years guess that it was peach in a blind taste test. I didn't expect it to taste like you were biting into a peach (I would murder ten men to have that soda), but I did expect at least the fake peach candy flavor. Not only did this leave me let down as my dreams were not fulfilled, it couldn't' even manage to live up to my realistic expectations.

I'm sorry Chicago, but I really think you deserve better than this representing your city.

“I can't tell you what juice I'm drinking but there are two berries involved.” How many times can one website paraphrase stand up comics (Mitch Herberg)? The answer to this and other unimportant questions will be hidden in our reviews over the upcoming weeks.

This may be the single chalkiest protein drink I have ever tasted. I'm halfway through the bottle and my teeth feel like they have a very thin layer of sand on them. It's a weird experience that is for sure. I don't even know if I dislike the sensation, it's just odd.

Once you get past the chalkiness and delve into the six strawberries, five blueberries, three apples and one banana that are in this bottle things are a little bit of okay. It definitely has more of a berry flavor than anything, so the name is fitting. The apples and banana aren't very noticeable, even though they make up a majority of the substance.

Okay, I've come to the conclusion that while I don't have the chalkiness, it's not something I really enjoy, thus this is a functional beverage in my book any nothing I would drink solely for the flavor. I would consume it again when I'm trying to juice my pecs (pun definitely intended).

Sometimes, when you are in “fancier” settings, there will be a pitcher of water with an array of fruits and botanicals floating in it for your drinking pleasure. The idea is that the water absorbs trace flavors from the content floating within to give the drinker a nice little treat. I am personally a large fan of such refreshments. During my time in Hawaii our hotel had such a dispenser full of oranges and pineapple. There is also a nice little juice bar here in Buffalo that has been known to have basil leaves floating in their water picture; it's quite the treat. Such a little thing can go such a long way in making your day just a tad bit brighter.

By adding a packet of True Grapefruit to a glass of water, you are essentially skipping the actual fruit step in this process. The glass before me most certainly tastes like it was dispensed from a great glass urn full of the most plentiful liquid on Earth that has had giant chunks of grapefruit floating in it all day. It is impossible to mistake the flavor of this citrus fruit, yet the flavor is faint with no trace of bitterness. It has become flavored water, in the truest sense. There are no sweeteners or anything of the sort added. It is simply cold pressed and crystallized grapefruit that has been absorbed by the water. This is by far my favorite in the True line.

Oooohhh how I wanted this to be great. You know, and if you don't you should, Jay and I love hibiscus. Green tea and hibiscus? Set me up because that jam is my jam. This...falls...so...short. It's hardly floral and there is no green tea bite and it's just too tame to be good. Oh the disappointment. Oh the sorrow. Oh the tears. Oh the children. The poor crying children. They're crying over the promised millions that this dream team of a tea was supposed to earn in order for them to eat food. Welp, looks like there are going to be some hungry kids tonight. Thanks, tea representatives.

There is only so much you can say about juice, and I think I've said most of it before. As a result I started reading other people's review on this internet for Berry Blast, and my findings confused me.

Okay let's start from scratch; this bottle contains five blackberries, four raspberries, 4 strawberries, three and a half apples and half of a banana. With those type of ratios it's no wonder that this tastes like berry flavored apple juice (to be fair it tastes like a heavily berry flavored apple juice, but the base of the larger fruit is still very noticeable. Thirteen berries could fit in the palm of my hand; it's not much at all. I still enjoy the taste of this, and I understand that a lot of juices are cut with apple juice to sweeten them and keep costs down while retaining a 100% juice claim, but from Naked I expected a stronger berry flavor. With the somewhat hefty price per bottle, I expect a little more.

None of the above is what I found confusing. What put a quizzical look on my face was that people were saying that this is not a healthy drink at all and that it's all lies. Some claimed that there was a ton of sugar added to it, others claimed that there were “chemicals” added to it. Wait, what? I know there was a lawsuit against Naked, but not for the reasons mentioned above. If I read everything correctly the lawsuit was because GMOs were used in the vitamin “boots” added to some of the drinks. There is no sugar secretly added to this juice. There are also no weird chemicals in the mix either. This is simply a mix of fruits, as it doesn't have any of the boosts in it. Yes, this is not as healthy as eating straight up fruit, due to pasteurization, but it's not sugar water like some people claim.

The internet is a terrible place where everyone thinks they have a voice and their opinions are right, even though they don't have their facts straight. People read an article a little piece of it sticks out to them, and then their brain extrapolates that with no factual basis and suddenly it's gospel. I am not denying that some sketchy stuff may have gone down with Naked and their labeling, but the internet has become a runaway train of additional claims, that have no basis in real life. These are certainly the end times.

Everyone is sick, right? This has been a brutal winter. It's the worst one in a long time. Not so much for the snow but man have you ever lived through so many consecutive sub-zero days in all your life? Frozen pipes and hundred dollar heat bills will be the death of me.

One thing that I think, psychosomatically, makes me feel better is tea. Hot tea and cold tea. It doesn't matter. Unsweetneed. When I went to the store and saw this, after the way that I felt the last couple days, you'd better believe that I got this. The whole gallon. I bought it, pretty effortlessly. "Green and white tea with a hint of mint. That will clear me up." I thought to myself.

Now I'm three glasses into this gallon and it's a very fine tea. It's unsweetened so there is nothing getting in the mix. You can taste the green, you can taste the white, and, if you think about it, you can taste the mint. "Hint of mint" is about all you get. Am I letting that get the best of me? No. I'm picking my battles and if it's being mad at a tea for not having enough hints, I'm wasting my time. I've wasted a lot of time in my life but being sore at mint has never clocked any time on the board and trust me that board has a lot of gripes on it.

My quest might be over. Jay and I had a bit of a "date day" today. We ran all sorts of assorted errands like buying a microphone, replacing a headlight, duplicating a key, and so much more. One of our stops, midway through the way, was a trip to Starbucks. He read my previous review about my new quest of finding the ideal chocolate chai and how what I'm looking for just might not exist. Well friends, he changed my opinions on that matter by introducing me to Starbucks chocolate chai.

This chai, was in all regards, superior to any other chocolate chai I have ever had. Not only can you taste a strong chocolate flavor but it also has bite, brother. It's downright spicy with its nutmeg or cinnamon or wizardry or whatever else makes up a chai. Sure it was the temperature of the sun when I was handed to me and I left it in the car while Jay and I ran more errands but when I got back, it couldn't have been more "go time" if it tried. This, without a doubt, is my new drink. Goodbye childish hot cocoa. Goodbye adult hot chocolate mocha. Hello Eastern treat chocolate chai. Eastern right? You have a little debate about that. I'm leaving it there.

You mission, whether you choose to accept it or not is to find a cache of Mission Root beverages and acquire them all, especially those of the amla variety. . Be it my legal or nefarious means matters not to me, just as long as you get to taste this sweet nectar. Actually, let me add to that mission, procure the beverages, try them for yourself and them bring the rest of them to me. I want them, and I need them.

This has the taste of a wonderful fresh pressed ginger beverage, but without the burn. It's crazy how much it tastes like a nice agave sweetened ginger, yet the flaming “aftertaste” is nowhere to be found. I've never experienced it before. On top of that amla is added, which is another name for Indian gooseberries, which Wikipedia tells me is “sour, bitter and astringent.” I taste none of those things in this drink. It's sweet, without being overly sweet and there is another flavor in there besides the ginger and the agave, but it doesn't taste like the description. It has a slight fruity flavor. Whatever it tastes like, it's rich in antioxidants and this beverage is on the healthier side of things; all the more reason for you to start planning on scheming how you are going to get this in your life. I expect a full report on what went down in order for you to possess this wonderful drink on my desk by 5pm Friday. So, you know, you better hurry.

Option A:

Step One: Go out and buy yourself one of those fancy machines that allow you to carbonate anything. As a matter of fact, you should already have one in your home because how fun would it be to make random carbonated things? Actually, why don't I have one of those in my home? I feel like I have somehow failed at life because of this fact. Perhaps it's because I would inevitably carbonate things that should never have tiny bubbles in them. No matter. Get one of those machines, that is your mission.

Step Two: Brew yourself some low-grade green tea. Don't go getting all fancy, get some bags of Lipton or something. This isn't a pinky out kind of tea that we're going for. While your at it chop up a little ginger and boil it with the tea bags. Make asure not to use too much because we just want a hint of the flavor.

Step Three: Add a cubic buttload of corn syrup to sweeten up this mess we're creating.

Step Four: Use the machine previously mentioned in step one to add bubbles to your concoction.


Option B:

Step One: Get a bottle of Canada Dry ginger ale.

Step Two: Brew some low-grade green tea, skip the sugar and ginger this time.

Step Three: Somehow make a concentrate of the tea.

Step Four: Mix your green tea concentrate into your ginger ale.



Either of those options would give you something close to this soda. Option B is probably closer to procedure you're looking for. This really tastes like a cheap green tea that has some light ginger ale undertones. I mean that in a good way though. If this had less sugar in it (58g) I would be all over this stuff. It tastes shockingly great.

It must be difficult for a gypsy to run a company. I mean, they're vagabonds. They're always moving around. It must be quite expensive to constantly pay that one dollar to the United States Postal Service to have your address changed. Also, to have to pack and unpack an entire tea company cannot be easy. Did Zhena establish the company, put her seal of approval and then grab her things and hit the road like she's supposed to? She put the company in capable and stable hands of people who didn't have to move so that she could continue her life as a gypsy. I think that in the world of gypsies, no one likes a nonconformist gypsy that doesn't move or steal. That's what they do, right? That and strange, confusing street games.

Alley games and layered clothing aside, Zehna did a pretty nice job with this. Not a super strong chocolate taste but do you really want something strong? The chai is a nice flavor, though. There are a lot of flavors in there I wish I could taste more like the licorice but you can taste the clove, nutmeg, and maybe cinnamon. It's all kind of mulling around in my mouth but they're all bold flavors and hard to distinguish once they're all in there. I'll give them dark chocolate but it's not the most potent chocolate tea I've ever had. I think that my search for a strong chocolate chai might be a wild goose chase. I wonder if a gypsy could catch a wild goose. I think that I gypsy would make a false promise of a wild goose for some sort of monetary gain. "I'll give you a wild goose from the back of this wagon for four dollars. Let me have the money and I'll just make change in the...back...of...this...wagon..." and then you duck to dodge the wagon spitting out small rocks and dirt because they just sped off with your money. That's how they get you; with that promise of one dollar change. Smart racket. Wish I had thought of it.