Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Now back to the wonderful chunky world of aloe drinks. I think Sabila may have this game on lock-down. This is my second bottle of their product and both have been more than awesome. It's the use of actual fruit juice and the lower sugar content that have put them in the lead. When something is supposed to be mango flavored, why mess around with chemicals? Sure they may save you a little money, but you'll have an inferior product. Sabila knows this. Their collective mothers didn't raise aloe-loving idiots.

Buy it. Love it. Share it with friends and see how they react to the chunks. It's delicious and fun, just like aloe was meant to be.

Wow. I can't believe I was able to find one of these. Although I appreciate the wacky word play, I do think that a majority of people would find it in poor taste. Also, no I'm not a Nazi or racist. It's more of something that I would chuckle at the idea of but never expect to see the real thing. In fact when I was DJing the other night three Neo-Nazis came in, and were quickly chased out with bats. Had I not been playing music at the time I would have been helping my friends throw the trash out.

Seriously though the idea is so ridiculous it's pretty funny. The German eagle chugging a bottle of soda = priceless. In German the label says "From the other side of the wall" and "All Clear." Not as funny as the text on the bottle of Leninade, but still amusing.

The soda itself was fairly mediocre. I don't know if it's just in my head but whenever I drink a pop that is normally a different color the flavor just seems weak to me. This just tastes like a weak natural soda. It had no bite to it whatsoever, but it did still have a cola flavor. Not the best, also not the worst. It's a decent tasting novelty.

100% Juice? Check.
No Sugar Added? Check.
Rad looking toucan on the carton? Check.

We're off to a good start here. This is nothing but mango pulp and apple juice. Apple juice is the great stretcher of fruit juices. Seriously almost every juice has it mixed in to keep costs down and make the central fruit last longer. It's perfectly fine because apple juice is great, and it never overpowers the other fruits. This still tastes like nothing but mango. Remember how there's no sugar added? It's still crazy sweet. I'm talking 27g of sugar sweet.

Welcome back to Canada Week here at Thirsty Dudes. For today's installment we will take a look at some Vintage Soda. There's something about soda in a can that is kind of a turn off. The expectations I had for this were lower than low. I expected a garbage generic soda that was made with cane sugar instead of HFCS. Our neighbors from the north have proved me wrong yet again.

On first sip it tasted like a pretty standard cola. It was better than I expected, but it didn't stand out much. When I went in for another taste there was something else there. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something special. Back to the trough I went and is that nutmeg I tasted? Upon inspection of the ingredients yes it was, along with it's friends cinnamon, ginger, and cloves. What's that straggling behind? Oh of course it's maple syrup. There's maple syrup in this pop! Canada you really do live in your stereotypes, and I love you for it. If it were legal for me to marry a country I would have you at the alter before you could pick out a proper dress.

I had expected to drink a couple sips of this, review it and dump the rest. It ended up being one of the best colas I've ever had. If it were in a glass bottle I'm positive it would have gotten a full five-bottle review. I just had to hold back because I know it could be just a tad better when served in the right medium.

For a while now I've seen these little guys sitting on the shelf of Wegman's natural drink aisle. They used to have a different design with robot animals on them. It looked like a kids drink, and I'm not a huge fan of flavored water so I always passed it by. I can only imagine that there was a meeting at the company where they decided to change their image in order to reach a wider market. I keep picturing the Paul F Tompkins bit about peanut brittle. Someone surely must have yelled "I want five modern fonts on my desk by five o'clock! That's right five by five!" I think the decision they made was a wise one. The new look of Bot looks "new" and "fresh," but at the same time it could still be alluring to children. Bright colors will do that.

On to my other concern: do you remember in the 90's when flavored water was all the rage? I certainly do. I can also tell you that every one that I tried was terrible. The water would be flavored, but for some reason the companies felt compelled to add artificial sweetener. It's water people. It doesn't need to be sweetened. A little fruit flavor in there and you should be all set. The powers that be and I did not see eye to eye. As a result I avoided flavored waters.

About ten years ago or so Vitamin Water popped up. For the longest time I didn't try it because of my previously mentioned reasons. When I finally did I was shocked to see that I actually enjoyed it. It was a gross between the gross flavored waters of the 90's and Gatorade. Similar companies started popping up. Bot is going for something along those lines as well. The thing is that their water drinks are a lot thinner than their counterparts. This has more of the consistency of water than other ones I've tried. The flavor is also lighter, but it's definitely there and enjoyable.

Does this taste like a bottle of water with a lemon in it? No. Does it taste like a syrupy mess? Also, no. It's in the middle ground right where I like it to be.

Seeing as none of the Thirsty Dudes drink alcohol we had our friend Ryan help us with this review. He got trashed and drank the bottle at the end of the night. This is the review he wrote:

In order to properly test this product, I felt it necessary to make sure I gave myself a pretty bad hangover. I know my body fairly well, and it doesn't like tequila. So, last night i started off with 2 pint sized margaritas, followed by 4 pints of beer. I figure the mixture would give me a sufficient hatred of my decisions in the morning.

When I got home I drank down the Gtox shot. I'd love to give an accurate review on what it tasted like but let's be serious, I don't quite remember. I vaguely recall it being a very watery tang-like flavor.

The true test results were when my alarm went off at 5:20 this morning and my head felt like Paul Bunyan took an axe to my cranium. There's that hangover I expected to have. I'm not really the puke-your-guts-out hangover type to begin with, so perhaps this stuff could help with that. But as for the headache, Advil and lots of water is still the best cure.

I doubt anyone is buying one these to drink for it's flavor, so I'd give it a one-bottle score for it's function.

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In order to follow through with the taste, as Ryan was too drunk to remember, it's citrus flavored. It really reminds me a lot of the original yellow Gatorade flavor. It has that same slight harshness on the back of your throat. Actually it's somewhere between Gatorade and a melted Freezee Pop. I don't mind the flavor at all. I will give it a three for flavor, since that's really what Thirsty Dudes is all about. Ryan stands by his one bottle for function though.

Even though coffee was never my think I drank obscene amounts of it in high school. My friends and I would hang out at Perkins and just down coffee for hours. It was what we did, so I joined in. I added so much sugar and cream to mine that I don't know if it could technically still be called coffee, but it is what it is. As we got older, meaning we got cars, we would go into the city and hang out at Topic Coffee in Allentown. The first couple of times I got coffee, but then a random person we met exposed me to chai. I love tea now and drink it all the time, but when I was younger all I knew about it was that my grandmother drank it. When someone had me try their chai tea bells and whistles went off in my brain. This was delicious. It wasn't bitter like what my grandmother drank, and the spices made it seem so exotic (keep in mind I was 16 at the time). Since then chai has been a favorite of mine, and the times I find myself in a coffee shop it's generally what I order (Unless Nina is working and she makes me this magical peanut butter mocha thing with tons of whipped cream).

I had expected this to be a soymilk with a light chai flavoring, but the chai was way stronger than I anticipated. I love it. It is a completely vegan drink chock full of vitamins and minerals that actually tastes incredible. At first the chai hits you nice and strong. As that fades out a dry soy aftertaste creeps in. It's subtle and nice. I've finished the carton and now I already want more. If only this were available in Western New York.

Mangosteen may not be my favorite fruit ever, but it still has a little something going for it. I blame the name. Even though I know it has absolutely nothing to do with mangoes my brain always expects a little bit of their flavor to creep in. Of course it never does.

This is more of a tropical fruit punch than it is mangosteen. It does have mangosteen juice in it, but it doesn't show up on the ingredients list until after apple, orange, pineapple and passionfruit. All of those flavors blend together into one solid flavor.

Had this been made with cane sugar I imagine I would be in love with it. Hansen's decided to give the world a nice natural lo-cal treat so they used rebiana as a sweetener. As I've stated many time I'm not a huge fan of diet drinks, but as far as they go anything sweetened with the stevia plant is far superior to any artificial lo-cal sweeteners. You can still tell it's diet by the taste, but it's not enough to turn you off from the flavor of the fruit juice held within.

I've gotten into a bad habit of bringing drinks out with me places and then not wanting to write the reviews. As a result I have maybe eight bottles in my fridge with two sips left. Now I keep hearing the voice of Mike "Lumbergh" Literman in my head repeating over and over "We sorta need to play catch up." When the bossman speaks the drones will listen.

Here at Thirsty Dudes we are big fans of the Calypso line. If you have any interest in lemonade you should be too. They make some of the best flavored lemonades on the market. They were recently kind enough to send us a bunch of samples. We were psyched just to receive them. When I sent Mike a picture message of what they sent his response was "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" To make things better they sent us a sampling of their Teamonade line. I didn't even know these existed. They are basically a version of an Arnold Palmer with additional fruit flavoring. On an average day half and halfs are always incredible, when you throw some peach into this mix it's pretty out of this world. Calypso didn't cheap out on the peach flavoring either. For that they will get one thousand hi-fives.

Now I just need to remember to fill out my TPS reports.

For years there has been a secret tryst going on between Mr. Ginger Beer and Ms. Ginger Ale. It was a fiery romance to say the least. Even though they came from similar backgrounds the differences were just too much and it drove them apart. The last time the two tried to work it out they took a trip to Goose Island. They got a nice little bungalow on the beach and had one last spicy weekend romp. Unbeknown to them at the time a miracle occurred. A child was conceived, a child that, once born, brought the world together. It was neither a beer nor ale. It was simply a soda. It got its flavor from its mother's side and a little bit of fiery temper from his father. He was loved the world over and soon rose to the role of leader of the free world. If you turn on your television now you will see him giving a speech that will end all discrimination, unlike my cat who is a racist.

It's going to be a long night. I haven't slept much in the past couple of days....stupid Jersey kids and making me laugh all night. I've been watching bands play all day. When did Record Store Day become some kind of fest? Oh I'm just complaining because I'm exhausted. These bands all have been fun and good. I mean how often does one get to see Floor play in this day and age? Ugh, I have to DJ tonight. How am I ever going to make it? I guess it's time to bust open this can of Beaver Buzz.

I'm really glad this obviously Canadian company has a sense of humor. Between the beaver and the "Dam good" joke this company had my support before I even opened the can. I also appreciate that the top of the can in black. It's the small things that amuse me. This smells good. Less chemical than most energy drinks. It also actually tastes like berries. That's a complete and utter shock. In fact this may be the best tasting energy drink I've ever had. It's like I'm drinking some carbonated juice rather than something that could make my heart explode if I drink too much of it. So it tastes great, but will it do it's job properly and keep me up?

*Many hours later*
Well it's now 5:30am and it's six hours after I drank the Beaver Buzz and I'm still wide awake. Seeing as I felt like I was on the verge of falling asleep before I drank it, I'll say it worked. It worked a little too well in fact. I now have to drink a relaxation drink in order to fall asleep. I wonder how cokeheads deal with problems like this.

When I found this my heart skipped a beat. I'm a sucker for fall spice flavored beverages. I really expected it to taste like a sibling of the Reeds Spiced Apple Brew. Between my love of that and the stellar performance Maine Root has put forward so far. I thought this was a shoe in for a 4 or 5 bottle review. Not so much.

There are some spices in the mix, but you can't make out the individual flavors. It's just a jumble. It also tastes like cheap generic store bought pumpkin flavored snacks. I wanted it to be super rich, and for it to taste like a chilly autumn night where I am walking home and some crazy homeless man jumps out from behind a car and hits me in a face with a homemade pumpkin pie (he stole it from a window sill a la Yogi Bear). I lost this game.

Children gather 'round the campfire and I shall tell you a story from the before-time. As you know before the apocalypse came people lived in houses and there were things called cities. Gas may have been $4 a gallon (Oh yes we had a thing called money that we exchanged for goods and services. Thievery and bartering weren't very prevalent.), but at least there were gangs of marauders terrorizing the countryside searching for the last drops of gasoline to fill their motorcycles of doom.....of doom!

Anyways, in the great north there was a city called Toronto. That city contained a very special and magical place. At the intersection of the roads Queen and Spadina resided a man wiser than most. He ran a little hot dog cart. It wasn't like the other street meat venders though. He had a vision. A vision of a world filled with condiments. He slowly built up an empire of toppings that overflowed from his cart. Before long he had a sign boasting "Over 50 Toppings." It was because of that sign that he was dubbed "50 Toppings Guy." He even had secret toppings behind his cart for those in the know.

From the years 2000 until 2007 he reined Toronto with a tender hand, dispensing hot dogs and veggie dogs alike to everyone who graced his presence. In 2007 a change was on the rise. This marks the beginning of the great hot dog cart war. Prices were slashed to kill out the competition. The number of condiments dropped, because there wasn't enough money in the till to keep them stocked. It wasn't long before 50 Toppings Guy couldn't hold on any longer. In his muppet-esque voice he agreed to sell the stand to the enemy. Many claim this to be the sign that the end of the world was coming soon. Soon the once mighty stand at that intersection became nothing more than a clone of the other stands around the city.

Many folks kept returning to the spot to buy their hot dogs in homage to the once great owner. It was like visiting a gravesite, where you left flowers. Only instead of leaving flowers they left onions and corn relish scattered across the pavement. There was another casualty in that great war. You see 50 Toppings Guy always stocked the much sought after orange soda C-Plus. When he was overthrown the empty can remained in the display that showed what sodas were available. Unfortunately for the mourners when it was ordered they were always handed a can of Orange Crush. There is nothing wrong with Orange Crush. It's pretty much the standard for "normal" orange sodas. It has that flavor that is said to be orange, but when you think about it, it bears no resemblance to the actually fruit. It's more like the flavor of the color. The problem is that it's a let down when you are expecting a superior soda.

Children the night has grown old and the fire is burning low. Let us retire to our lean-tos and sleep lightly in fear of hearing the motorbikes on the horizon. Before we go let us sing our prayer to 50 Toppings Guy.

Hot dog land.
Hot dog land.
You better put that hot dog in my hand.
We're putting pickles on the dogs.
Even though we just put relish on.
Eat all you can in the hot dog land.

A couple of years ago I was on tour in the UK. We went to Ireland for a few days and with the exception of the Dublin show those four days were a disaster. There were poor turnouts and the cops shut one of the shows down. Tensions were running high in the tour party. The thing that made things better was that it was blackberry season. I don't know if you're aware of this, but blackberries run rampant in Ireland. They are everywhere. Seeing as they are my favorite berries I was in heaven. I must have consumed over ten pounds of blackberries in those couple of days and every single one was perfectly ripe. Since then I'm constantly let down when I buy some from the store. They are still good, but only a couple out of each bunch is perfectly ripe. The rest are always a bit off and sour. I continue to buy them, but I always look for perfection in the fruit.

This drink is that perfection mixed with a bit of grape juice. It actually tastes like ripe blackberries, which is a shock. Some other fruit overpowers most things that are supposed to be blackberry flavored. This is just another reason to love Canada.

Barq's is a fairly controversial root beer. I feel the populace either hates it or adores it. I will admit that in a former life as a caffeine junky I was a fiend for the stuff. At the time I thought, "Root beer with caffeine? I believe there is a god!" Yep, the often-mentioned bite in Barq's is caffeine.

It's been a long time since I've had a Barq's and I didn't know if I would ever say hello to this old friend again. When I went out to eat this evening I got a combo meal thing that was cheaper than if I got the items I wanted separately. It also included a drink. There wasn't much to choose from the in the old cooler, so I went for a Barqs. I don't mean to sound like a snob, but I've become accustomed to a fairly high standard of root beer. When I took a sip of this, it had a familiar root beer taste, but it missed the mark of what I remembered it being like. You can tell it has more spices than your run of the mill root beer, but it almost has a cola-esque undertone. Did I mention that it's really syrupy?

I will admit that it's better than I expected it to be, but it's nothing close to great. I think it's happened I think I've finally become a "grown-ass man," and I can leave the syrupy candy sodas in my past.

The cinnamon challenge is a thing of modern folklore. Oh you're not familiar? It's a little game where you dare or bet someone that they can't swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon without the aid of a beverage. The person is also not allowed to puke. It can be endlessly funny at parties. Generally if you can convince one of your friends to do it, it's pretty much guaranteed that others will join in saying that the people who can't do it are wusses. If you've never witnessed the hilarity please head over to You Tube and watch some videos of it. Watching the puff of spice come out of peoples mouths like smoke from an angry dragon never gets old.

I found this drink in a grocery store up in Canada on a little trip today. They had a handful of flavors, but since it was a little on the expensive side ($3.50) I had to chose only one. All of the flavors looked great, but once I saw blackberry and ginger combined I knew my answer.

It tastes like a lightly gingered apple juice. It has some slight berry flavor to it, but the apple it what really hits your taste buds. The ginger is there in flavor, but there isn't a burn with it. I brought up the cinnamon challenge earlier because even though it isn't listed as an ingredient there is the definite dryness of cinnamon in the aftertaste. Just like in the challenge, but to a smaller extent, it feels like the drink dries out your mouth. No one is going to be screaming for water because of it, but it's there and it makes the drink more interesting.

This is a natural energy drink. They make sure to point on that there is no refined sugars or taurine contained to give you "fake energy," as I will call it. In a separate ingredients list they let you know all of the "Botanical Extracts" that are contained to give you energy. Included are yerba mate and guarana.

I don't know what I expected this to taste like, but it was not how it actually tastes. I'm okay with that though, because it's pretty great. It's sweet, with just the right herbs and spices. I wish more companies would take note.

Not only is it an incredible movie and two songs (Thin Lizzy and Jet's to Brazil), but Chinatown is also a fascinating section of almost every major metropolis. Everything about it seems so sketchy in the best way possible. You can generally find almost anything you could possibly be looking for and bizarre things constantly go down. On my last trip to Toronto we walked down Spadina to the Asian center of the city and so many strange things happened and no one took any notice. My friend Tony leaned in close to me and said "I think David Lynch is directing my day." I couldn't have summed it up better.

While soaking it all in I stopped at a little grocer and purchased this bottle of aloe. The sweetness of it took me by surprise. I have grown accustomed to the aloe drinks produced by the Alo and Sabila companies. They are all natural and not overly sweet. The amount of sugar in this bottle would make any dentist see dollar signs. It reminds me a lot of Aloevine, but with a more natural fruit flavor. The peach in this is somewhere between a slightly unripe peach and a gummy peach ring. It's a bit much if you drink a lot of it, but in moderation it's quite pleasant.

Granny Squibb's has done it again. She's now 3/3 with great tasting teas, all of which for four bottle ratings. This one here is definitely something special. It's pretty much their mojito tea with raspberry juice added to it. Can you really ever go wrong with adding raspberry? Okay, you can really mess up cakes with fruit, especially wedding cakes. I love fruit, but it has no place in a cake. It always ends up tasting like someone spread some jelly on your wonderful piece of cake and ruined it. Friends take note. I want no fruit in my cake (unless it's whole strawberries on top). Luckily there is no cake involved in this tea, so added the raspberry was a great idea. I hope that Granny Squibb continues to expand their line of outstanding iced teas.

It's apparently Canada day here at Thirsty Dudes. No, no, not the holiday. That's not until the first of July. That would be a long time to "rock your body" as Robin Sparkles may say. I've just reviewed two beverages from the wonderful country of Canada and they were both over the top great.

I first encountered this on tour in Ottawa last year. I got it in a co-op where I also picked up the best samosas I have ever tasted. They were spinach and tofu. I still think about them to this day. This drink perfectly accompanied them. It did not perfectly accompany the burrito I had tonight, but that was because it was fairly spicy and this didn't help cool my mouth down. I don't care. My mouth can deal with the heat. I'm not five years old. What? Do you think I am? I can assure you if I were I would be the fattest five year old ever having drank so many drinks in the past six months. My parents would also be brought up on child abuse charges for the same reasons.

Back to the drink; chai and ginger are two of the best flavors ever. That being said, I would never have imagined mixing the two together. For that fact I am a moron. It's spice heaven in my mouth. It's a mostly chai taste with a great undertone of ginger. There are also orange, lemon and lime juices mixed in to give it a slight fruit kick.

It's very rare that I give a drink a five. It really has to knock my socks off to get that sought after rating. This has gone beyond any expectation I could ever have. I can't press you hard enough to give this a try if you're ever up in Canada and it's in your general vicinity.

Canada gets the worst rap ever. As a country it is the butt of probably 37% of the worlds jokes. I'm not kidding polls were taken pie charts were made up. This is serious business. I love Canada. I would love to move to Toronto, and I even looked into it at one point, but it wasn't in the cards. I've never had anything but a good time while I'm in the Great White North, and seeing as it's less than 10 minutes from my house, I'm there a good deal. I actually have plans to go to Toronto twice this week. With all of my love for our northern neighbor I never expected an outstanding ginger ale to be one of its exports. I always associate ginger ale with Wisconsin (another incredible place). It's probably because of Vernors. That's made in WI right? Either way this is pretty incredible. It stands high above nearly all other ginger based beverages I have tried. It's full flavored with just the slightest bit of burn. I mean this is a ginger ale and not a beer, so it shouldn't burn too much. It's not overly sweet and it's perfectly carbonated. I will surely look to grab some more of this on one of my Toronto trips.

I salute you Canada for your plentiful maple trees, your noble beavers, your abundance of veggie food and now for your wonderful ginger ale.