Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Oh white tea you are so...what's the right word...dry(?) tasting. Whenever I have white tea it always feels like the moisture is getting sucked out of my tongue. I mean I don't feel like Ned Nederlander, but neither am I feeling like Dusty Bottoms in the desert canteen scene from Three Amigos. Seriously how great is that scene? Okay, entire movie? I would really like to shake John Landis' hand for casting those three fellas together. It's comedic gold!

Okay, so here I am slightly drying out my tongue as I drink this tea, trying not to get carried away on a childhood favorite of mine. Like the label says this is "Just a tad sweet." It's also just a tad flavored. You can taste the pomegranate, but it's the white tea that is the prominent flavor. I'm okay with that. I enjoy a tea that is more tea than fruit juice.

The trifecta combination of the white tea, pomegranate, and acai gives this beverage a crazy antioxidant property. Drink it for health, drink it for refreshment, drink it for taste, or drink it because you're in the desert and your canteen turns out to be full of sand. Just make sure you give it a try.

"Lip balm?"

Beware cheap beverages with the price tag built into the design of the label. That is one thing I have learned from Thirsty Dudes. The only exception to this rule so far has been Arizona Iced Tea, but even most of them are on the low side of the tea spectrum. For the most part a cheap tea is still fairly decent. That same rule does not apply for soda. Cheap pop is just the pits. Towne Club Grape is a little better than most cheap soda, but not by much. It tastes like a syrupy version of melted grape freezie pops with a butt load of sugar added. I don't know who decided that this is what grapes taste like; because I can assure them they certainly do not.

Sparkling Water and grape/orange/passion-fruit juices are the only ingredients in this drink. It's the way things should be sometimes. Although this tastes more like a tropical punch than the individual flavors that compose it, it still tastes completely natural. It's very obvious from the first sip that there is nothing fancy or chemically added to this for any reason. It's made for those that enjoy sodas, but for health reasons they don't drink them. I want fountains of the different flavors of this line flowing in my house at all times.

I feel like Indiana Jones with this drink. No lie. I had heard legends that it existed, but had never seen any proof. There were murmurs that it was at this store or that, but I would show up and there would be no truth to the stories. You see this drink came out a few years ago and was quickly pulled from the shelves by the creators, due to impending arrests. Why were there going to be arrests? It seems they were advertising on the can that this was a legal substitute for the illicit street drug of the same name. Of course this caused all sorts of rumors as to why it was pulled. Some said the level of caffeine being too high. Others claimed that there were trace amounts of cocaine in the drink. Rubbish. Things had been quite and I was settling down to a life of teaching drink archeology (I am a scientist after all). Suddenly it came down the wire from a reliable source that a tiny mini mart in the Black Rock section of town had a couple of cans. I jumped in my car with my own tiny version of "Short Round" (my girlfriend who was confused for a toddler earlier today while sitting in the back of a car) and we made our way across town. We dodged obstacles (construction and missing a turn) and made it to the store. We bounded through the doors and searched the coolers. Nothing. It seems I was misled again. Resigned to go back to teaching I sighed, turned around and started making my way towards the exit. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I notice a smaller, almost hidden, cooler by the register. There is an almost holy glow emanating from it. There before me was my Grail. I quickly grabbed a can and slammed it on the register. As the cashier and I exchanged currency for product I felt as if I was switching a bag of stones for my treasure. (Yes I know it wasn't the Grail he switched for his bag of stones.) As soon as the transaction was complete I was out the door for fear of giant boulders, or snakes.....I hate snakes Jock! Outside there was a whole mess of cop cars. (Yes I would say there was a plethora of them El Guapo...Sorry wrong movie.) Short Round Natalie and I dove in my car and got the hell out of there, before we could hear an officer proclaim "The drinks will be found! You won't!"

Back in the safety of headquarters I rounded up the troops and we cracked our treasure open. I took a big sniff of it. It was a formidable scent; it stung the nostrils. (Again, wrong movie.) There was also an undertone of strawberry. I took a big swig and the flavor was definitely strawberry. Suddenly one of the craziest burns I've ever experienced set in. It was like a ginger or a capsicum burn, similar to those in the Prometheus Springs beverages. People had described this drink to me in the past as drinking liquid razor blades. Although it did hurt, it was in a very good way. After passing it around Mike said it tasted like Faygo Red Pop. Dan said it tasted like red War Heads candy. They were both right. This is one of the craziest drinks I've ever had. It also is said to have 3.5x's the energy as a can of Red Bull. I don't think this beverage is anything close to being healthy for you, but it certainly is interesting.

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This is the warning they put on the cans now to ensure there is no legal recourse:
This message is for the people who are too stupid to recognize the obvious. This product does not contain the drug cocaine (duh). This product is not intended to be an alternative to an illicit street drug, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

I love them.

Houston, we have a problem. We've been orbiting out here in space for a few weeks now and the most disastrous of problems has come to fruition. Houston we are out of Tang! How do you expect us to be proper astronauts without this life giving powder?

Buzz, we got you covered there. Head back to the cargo bay and pop open the container that is supposed to have your back up oxygen. There you will find a few cases of Asante Immune Mandarin Orange drink. It's basically pre-made Tang. It tastes like it was made from a powder and it's just an orange flavored drink. Now Buzz, I know you would have rung my neck if you had found out we had replaced your auxiliary oxygen with drinks, but aren't you thankful now?

........................

Buzz? Are you there Buzz! Oh no....looks like they ran out of oxygen. Oops.

This was actually one of the first drinks I reviewed for Thirsty Dudes, but somehow before the site went live the review got deleted. Here is a new review as I bought another can.

This is not carbonated which is weird for two reasons. 1. This is the only energy drink I've had that wasn't. 2. Things that come in skinny cans always seem like they should be.

Basically this is agave juice that has been transformed into an energy drink. It's really sweet, but in a non-offensive way, like a pure fruit juice.

If you're looking for an alternative to all the chemical energy drinks out there, give this a shot.

For the majority of my life I was under the impression that all colas tasted like Coke or Pepsi. As a result, I never really liked cola all that much. There was also a weird phase of my life where I wouldn't drink brown sodas. I really have no idea why. It was just something I did. Man, I can't believe I didn't drink root beer. It's one of the best things ever. It wasn't until relatively recently that I discovered a world of specialty colas. They taste nothing like the mainstream brands. They are to Pepsi and Coke what fancy root beers are to Mug and A&W. So many herbs and spices that take you on a wild ride of flavor. If you haven't had the Fentiman's Curiosity Cola or the Taylor's Tonics' Chai Cola put down your Coca Cola Classic and make a run for the store. It's a whole new world.

Natural Brew stepped up the cola game with their Chai Cola, and they have proved that it wasn't a fluke with this Ginseng Cola. It has an earthy taste, but it's in a good way and not in the way that tastes like it was filtered through worm ridden soil. A cola made with herbs and vanilla is a cola that I will certainly drink again and again.

Scientists have been working around the clock for decades to come up with a drug that will cure almost any problem that you could possibly have. Finally they believe they have their solution and they call it Neuro Fuel. If this does half of what it claims than it must be a miracle drug. Neuro Fuel boasts to enhance coordination, intelligence, motivation, concentration, desire, sexual function, and recovery. The can also states that it calms anxiety, relieves depression, and reduces the urge to overeat. For those of you who are familiar with the Kids In The Hall movie, they would have you believe that this is a liquid version of GLeeMONEX. Hopefully Neuro Fuel won't induce a coma in anyone where their son and grandchildren come over for Xmas in a never ending loop.

When I opened the can my first impression was how carbonated it was. One sip caused an immense burp. The second thing I noticed was that it smelled very yeasty. It was a turn off and I feared what this was going to taste like. Strangely, but fortunately, it didn't taste yeasty at all. Rather it tasted diety, fruity, and a whole other mess of things that end with the letter Y. If this weren't diet I would have probably liked it more. As it is I will finish the can, but can't say I'd ever crack open another one. Then again I never go for a second round of diet drinks.

GLeeMONEX Neuro Fuel makes it feel like it's seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!

Have you ever tried to eat a mango without the proper utensils? It's one of the sloppiest meals I've ever had. Once on tour in Indiana we were given a handful of these wonderful fruits. The only thing I had to eat them with was a pocketknife. I cut them in half lengthwise and then we basically ripped the fruit from it's casing with our teeth like we were the feral kid from Mad Max. We really didn't think it through. In a matter of moments we were a dripping sticky mess, with no means to clean ourselves up. Worth it. Mangoes are incredible and so is their juice. Maaza understands this and has done a great job bottling its greatness. They let you enjoy it without the mess. It may be less fun, but it's just as tasty.

I think it's safe to say that all of our readers are familiar with classic orange soda. It doesn't really taste like an orange at all, but it's still pretty good under certain circumstances. You know, like picnics and barbecues. It's a kid's soda that is acceptable to drink in instances where you want to pretend you're still a child. Who am I kidding? I enjoy it and I drink it whenever the fancy strikes me. Does that mean I'm a child? Probably.

In a shift from those sodas there are a handful of companies out there who are making a soda that is actually made with orange juice. It's a true orange soda. I for one love them. It's the adult version of the barbecue favorite. It's not as thick and has a better flavor in my opinion.

We're slowly approaching the end of winter here in Buffalo. In my youth I always tricked myself into thinking that March = Spring. Every year I would be crushed when the snow was still around. I now know that even April doesn't always mean spring. Being indoors so much may be the death of me though. I need to be outside and for everything to be green. White/Grey is not for me.

One thing I really miss about the summer is sun tea. You get a big glass container, fill it up with water and dump a few tea bags in it. Let that sit in the sun for a few hours and then move it to the fridge to cool it down. You can add sugar, but I like it unsweetened. It's refreshing and tasty. I would not be surprised at all if that is how True Brew made this tea. Especially seeing that water and black tea are the only ingredients. So if you're lazy, or on the go. Pick up one of these for your sun tea fix.

A drink called California Garden that is made in Lebanon. Well that makes sense. I don't even think pineapples can grow in Lebanon. There's some sort of mystery here that needs to be solved! I more than likely only think that because I started re-watching X-Files. I'm going to see conspiracy everywhere now.

Besides the great Lebanon cover up this what I like in a juice. Firstly, it's actually made from pineapple. You would think that would be a given, but through doing this site I've learned that "juices" are pretty artificial more than you would expect. Secondly, it's filled with wonderful chunks of fruit. We here at Thirsty Dudes really can't get enough of "chunky drinks" as we call them. This is different than most. Normally the chunks are soft and chewy. Since these chunks are pieces of pineapple they are a lot harder than I'm accustomed to. I was able to quickly adapt.

Oh man. I spent all day at the beach. I went swimming, built sandcastles, commented on how ridiculous a lot of the people looked there, went on Shark Watch 2011, and most importantly I got a wicked sunburn. I slathered myself in sunscreen and everything. I'm talking SPF 85 here. Still my archenemy the sun got me, and he got me good. Burn city. The only thing to do now is to cut a leaf/branch off of this aloe vera plant and rub the juice on my burn to sooth the pain.....

Oh wait I'm sorry I just drifted off there. I'm actually still in Buffalo, NY. It's 14 degrees out and snow is everywhere. It's pretty ridiculous that even in my escapism fantasies I still get terrible sunburn. It's my life. I'm cursed with being an "outdoor kid" that is easily burned. I don't even own an aloe plant. What I do have is a bottle of original flavored aloe drink. My only history with an original flavored aloe drink is with Aloevine. Theirs tastes like white grape juice for some reason. I had stupidly assumed that aloe naturally had a grape like flavor. Nope. Alo makes a more natural product without all the additives and there's doesn't taste like grape at all. It has a fairly nondescript sweet flavor. There are big chunks of aloe in it like all of their drinks. I'm a fan.

Now back to my dreams of the beach. This time I'm upping the SPF even more.

Some drinks are hard to review. They are good, but I don't know what to say about them. I really, really like this tea. I've actually drunk a couple of them over the past few days since they were on sale for $.70 each. It's bitter because of the mate, and because like a lot of the Honest teas it's "just a tad sweet." The maqui adds a slight berry taste, but it blends in so well with the mate that you don't even notice it's there. They are packed full of antioxidants, so you're upping your health with each sip. I really wish I had something more interesting to say about this. It's just a solid drink. I'm going to end up drinking a lot of these. Maybe I'll think of something more to add after drinking it again.

If I had to use one word to describe this drink it would be "hammock." It's the kind of drink you should be sipping while gently swaying in a hammock outside of your private bungalow on a tropical island. The salty sea breeze cooling the sweat on your brow as your monkey butler comes out to refill your glass and fan you with giant palm leaves. That monkey sure knows how to make a good juice. Even his tiny primate brain understands that a pure passion fruit juice would be way to harsh to enjoy. He watered it down a little bit, added a dash of sugar, and put it on ice. It's strong and sweet just the way you like it. Now lay back down and let the sound of those waves lull you to sleep.

The Honest company knows what they are doing when it comes to iced teas. We even used their teas for the picture of us pounding drinks in our header. It looks like they are now trying their hand at some 0 calorie teas. They seem to know what they are doing with that as well.

This has that tell tale diet taste to it, but it's mellowed out nicely by the green tea and the passion fruit. To be honest, I don't know why they don't just eliminate the sweeteners completely from diet drinks. Instead they add either artificial or in this case stevia. Sure stevia is much better than those gross artificial sweeteners, but it just seems unnecessary. If someone is on a diet, they should be able to live without sweeteners in their tea. Unsweetened tea is delicious. A lot of the time I prefer it to the sweetened variety. If you're trying to lose weight, make some sacrifices. Not only will it be healthier for you, it will also taste better.

Unfortunately the rest of the world doesn't agree with that, so companies have to step it up. Honest Tea did a great job here.

Can we all be honest here for a moment? Let's all just admit that the Lipton Brisk line was one of the biggest blunders in the history of tea. Sure it probably made them millions of dollars, but at what cost? A world of children now think that iced tea is actually just sugar water. Seriously brisk doesn't even taste like iced tea. It's just some ghetto sugar drink. It's something you should find in gallon containers at your local mini mart. I need to sit down and look at the ingredients, but I bet there's not actual tea in it at all. Ugh!

Brisk had me turned off from Lipton for years. Yesterday while hiking we stopped at a small town gas station for refreshments. They had one of the worst selections of drinks I've ever seen, but hey it was a very, very small town, so I can't really expect much. I saw this, and I decided to give it a try. I think it may have been the only drink in the place that didn't have HFCS in it. I didn't even see any bottled water there. So I begrudgingly bought this bottle of Lipton PureLeaf. I now have a renewed interest in their company. It's still pretty sweet, but it doesn't taste like sugar water. It actually has tea in it, and that is evident in the flavor. It also has a classic raspberry tea flavor. It was definitely something I enjoyed after a few hours hiking in the snow and watching a cow run full speed. If you have never seen a cow run, you my friend are missing something spectacular.

What can be said about orange cream soda that we haven't said before? We all know it tastes like a carbonated melted creamsicle. But wait. What is this? This has actual orange juice in it. That is something new. It still has the insane amount of creaminess of the previously mentioned creamsicles, but the orange juice adds a new dimension. It's as if Orangina was mixed in with the creamiest off cream sodas. A pleasant surprise indeed.

Last spring I was on tour in the UK. After our show in Manchester some friends took me out to a couple of clubs. Even though I don't drink alcohol I've been to a decent amount of bars in my time. Most of the time they can be pretty depressing places in a sober state, but every once in awhile things just fall in line and it's a lot of fun. This was one of those nights. You may be asking yourself what someone like myself has for a beverage of choice in a bar. Is it water? Coke? No my friends. When I go out I ask the bartender for a mix of cranberry juice and 7Up. A lot of the time this is either followed by a strange look and some smart-ass comment. I don't care the drink is delicious. So back to Manchester. We get to our first bar of the night and I head up to order my trusty beverage when I notice there is a list of non-alcoholic mixed drinks they serve. Suddenly this night became even better. The first thing on the list was a Mojito. I was floored.

Now time for a back-story inside of a back-story. The year before this event we were down in Athens, GA. Walking around town. Checking it all out. We're walking by the outside patio of a bar and sitting there is Mike Mills from R.E.M. (my favorite band of all time, I don't care if that makes me a nerd). Guess what he's drinking? If you said a Mojito give yourself a fist bump. I'm not one to get all fan boy, but I did engage in a quick, slightly embarrassing conversation with him.

Back to the first back-story. So yeah I had never had a Mojito. Mike Mills was drinking one. I decided that is what I would choose from the list. I made a wise choice. It was delicious. Mint and Lime are a great combination.

This is a different sort of drink. It's Mojito mixed with tea. That means it's instantly improved. Mint in tea tastes like you're chewing gum while drinking tea. It's a sad fact the world needs to accept. When you add lime to the mix, it's a whole new player. The gum factor is out the window and you're on a sailboat to the Isle of Refreshment. This time that boat just happens to be captained by Granny Squibb. She definitely knows how to handle that vessel.

It's well known that most energy drinks have a fairly similar chemical taste to them. I'm now realizing that most relaxation drinks taste alike. Luckily that taste isn't like something you'd find in a beaker in a mad scientist's lab. It's almost a diet taste. I blame the Valerian Root and Melatonin. They are in all of these drinks, and they are what gives them their magical powers. Imagine if relaxation drinks came out in the olden times. The creators would be burned as witches. "You brewed a potion that put others to sleep. Now you burn!" Logs are ignited and the town reeks of scorched flesh for the next few days. It's bad news all around. Luckily we live in a modern world where the machines will rise up and we'll all be burned for being human instead of witches. That's a better alternative, right?

Oh yeah, this tastes like a diet orange pop. I probably should have said that earlier.