Energy Drink - 555 Reviews

While I'm not the world's biggest supporter of energy drinks (I feel like too many people abuse them to an unhealthy level) I do have a weird soft spot for them. I've found that most people take issue with the way that they taste, but I for one love it for the most part. There is something about the strange liquid candy flavor of them that excites the little kid that lives inside of me (well that sounded creepy). Many times I have been heard saying that I wish there were drinks that tasted like energy drinks, but without the actually energy. I would truly enjoy that, but such a beverage has yet to hit the market.

When I first opened this that unmistakable “energy” smell filled the air in my car. I'm starting to think that it may actually be taurine that gives these drinks their scent and taste. I took a sip and smiled. It was like someone mixed Hawaiian Punch and Red Bull. “Now this is a drink that I can get down with,” I thought to myself. After a couple more sips I decided that I had been dead wrong. This stuff gets pretty gross. The more you drink, the less it tastes like fruit punch and the more it tastes like something in a beaker in a high school science class. By the end of the bottle the fruit punch flavoring was nothing more than a memory.

It's really no surprise that this companies website no longer exists. I can't imagine they would have stayed in business for very long with drinks that taste like something you would normally call poison control if you ingested.

So let me get this straight:
1. Weed = downer
2. Energy = upper
3. Weed + Energy = upper

I've just got to get some simple mathematics out of the way before I start this review. I am not a dummy. I am aware that hemp comes from "the pot plant" but that doesn't mean that you can just put a pot leaf on the can and assume you're going to get a billion sales to stoners. Sure, it doesn't help because those people are like lemmings when it comes to that type of stuff. When I worked at Pacific Sunwear a decade ago and I worked through the Billabong to just Bong transition, I watched sales rise like never before. You know why? Idiots.

As a drink though, it's just an energy drink. I didn't know what to expect with this being an energy drink and not a tea. The hemp tea we have had have been like a decent tea strained through an old rope. This is just berry energy drink and no rope. I guess "good job" but you could easily drink someone's barf if you put energy drink on it because that taste trumps everything.

I guess that if you put a pot leaf on something you're bound to get sales so congrats to the marketing guy who stayed up all night to put that proposal together. I, for one, would like to see a day where we don't need to put weed on things that have hemp in it since, although not technically lying, it's kind of hoping people buy it to get high and we all know that's not going to happen...well...maybe not everyone.

I drank this for a long time and out of nowhere just stopped. I don't know what happened, probably nothing, but then I just stopped. Then I read that unfortunate article in either Men's Health or Maxim that put this drink in the "Do not drink" column versus something that has fewer calories. That being said, this has an abominable amount of calories. If you have an element of self-control, you will be fine. Half this and you're at a standard bottle of pop. Naturally, if you drink the whole thing because you're thirsty or weak you will ingest 240 calories. Vicious.

I do love this drink, though. It tastes nothing like green tea and everything like mint...something. If you took all the bite out of green tea, added sugar to cut it down even more, and then a secret ingredient that I think tastes like mint but half of the people that say that to disagree. Look I'm wrong about a lot of things a lot of the time and can accept this, but I have always thought it was minty.

This stuff rules. Drink it with a friend and don't get chunky together.

The name of this flavor instantly made me think of Gatorade. It's like a word association in my head. You say “Frostberry Blast” and I think of “Frost Glacier Freeze.” The fact that there is blue in this packaging and the Gatorade is also blue helped as well. I'm glad I had that association because as far as I can remember they also taste similar. Well it tastes like Frost Glacier Freeze mixed with one of those random flavors of Mountain Dew (Voltage). It's blue raspberry flavored, but it's sweetened with sucralose, so it's not overly sweet. It actually doesn't taste overly diet either. I'm pretty into this. It's a nice change up from your normal energy drink flavors.

Xyience was ahead of the game due to their name as it is. As a man who now owns a lab coat, I assure you that anything to do with science I will look upon with favor. I mean they must have scientists working for them to come up with the idea to ship their drinks in the canisters banks use for their pneumatic tubes.

They are also the official energy drink of UFC. I hope that when they unveiled this it was at a match. Two of the fighters entered the ring in lab coats and goggles. They were each handed a can of Frostberry Blast, which they instantly chugged and then proceeded to just beat the hell out of each other while they were all hopped up. I just really want to see two people in scientist attire go toe to toe. It can be ultimate fighters or it could be the nerdiest, gangliest dudes that NASA has to offer. I'm fine with it either way.

The dragons are unhappy, my friend. You best beware. Why? Well it's because we have been shooting arrows at them when they fly above us. I don't know why they are surprised. They step on our buildings, eat our cattle, and use the townspeople as toothpicks. Not to mention they burp fire constantly so we're always putting out fires. Arrows are going light if you ask me. We should be using cannons or a Trebuchet or something but the ammunition is far too expensive to waste on dragons since it doesn't do much. Recently they have been just sitting at the edge of town and spitting on the townspeople as they leave to go outside to hunt and such. It's a real jerk move if you ask me. They're just sitting out there, literally sitting and spitting at people. It's downright disrespectful. I think I would rather fight them than have them use me as a spittoon.

Did you hear what the town wizard said, though? He said that the dragon spit actually has magical powers if you ingest it. It sounds so gross but I actually went out there, mooned a dragon, and he spit on me. I was covered head to toe. I came home and rung my clothes out into some pots so you and I could try it. Here is a glass of spit for you and a glass of spit for me. You got more in your cup because I got spit on and don't deserve to drink as much. Bottoms up, friend.

You know what? It's not bad. I really thought that it was going to be so much worse. I've been in pub fights where someone has spit on me and I've had my own spit and it's not anything that I would think of drinking in a million years. That darn wizard is usually right about this type of thing so that's why we're sitting here drinking an actual dragon's spit. You know what this tastes like? Have you had the mythical drink Mountain Dew? How about the mythical drink Red Bull? No? This guy came through town claiming he was from the future and brought us a case of both. No one really liked it but I've got to say, this is a better version of both of them mixed together. It makes both of them stomachable. The flavors of both are so intense on their own but together they kind of battle each other down to fifty percent of what they are alone. I don't know if I'd make a habit of drinking my soiled clothes every time I got to the forest to get berries, but I might get less mad. It's rumored to give us energy, too, which we could either choose to fight the dragons, a dumb idea, or run from the dragons which seems like a better idea.

What do you think? Good right? Man, how does that wizard know what he does? He probably sits in that cave-house of his and eats and drinks everything and just records the outcome of each. That sounds gross if you think that part of everything is dirt, rocks, and stuff. Crazy dude. Helpful, but a little crazy.

What are those dragons doing now? Throwing mud at the townspeople? What a bunch of jerks. Seriously. Dragons. They're the worst.

For most of my life if I were asked whom my favorite Simpsons' character was I would answer Kirk Van Houten without skipping a beat. Milhouse's dad is absolutely hilarious in his desperation and defeat. Very few things are funnier to me that “weekend dad” who got fired from a cracker factory. Okay scratch that, I just thought of something funnier and that would be Kirk wanting to know the school cafeteria's menus in advance because he doesn't like the idea of Milhouse eating two spaghetti meals in one day. Now that is genius humor.

Last year that all changed when I decided to rewatch every episode (basically) in order. While I still love Kirk, I realized that Moe Syzlak is the shining star of the show. As the seasons rolled by he went from being a surly bartender to one of the most despicable pieces of human garbage to ever grace the animated screen and I love him for it. From trafficking black market whales to trying to steal “Midge” away from Homer, nothing but hysterics come from his performances. Over the months of rewatching the show my love of Moe grew and grew.

Last week friend of Thirsty Dudes, Tony Flaminio went down to Florida for his grandfather's 90th birthday. He took a break in being day-drunk to head to Universal Studios and go on the Simpsons' ride where he bought me this energy drink. When he finally got back to Buffalo and gave it to me I couldn't stop giggling for a while. For those of you who are not aware The Flaming Moe is a drink that Senior Syzlak ripped off of Homer that is composed of a mix of every type of leftover liquor and some kids cough syrup (hysterical in it's own right). It's a great episode and the fact that someone made a drink with its name is just plain great.

I shot a video review for it, but decided not to put it up, because it was dumb and a let down. You see in the show the secret to the Flaming Moe is that it's a decent drink, but once you light it on fire it becomes amazing. Obviously I needed to see if the same was true for this drink. I took a sip, instantly remarked how it didn't taste like Red Bull at all, like most memorabilia energy drinks do, and that instead it tasted like berries. I later found out that it is supposed to be bubble gum flavored, but I didn't taste that for even a second. So I took my sip, then poured it into a glass and tried to ignite it. Not only did it not light, but also whenever the flame got close to it (not touching it) it went out. It was expected, but it was also a let down. I really wanted it to go up in flames and then acquire a different flavor. I guess not containing alcohol or cough syrup will suppress the flammability of a fluid. The drink did taste better than I expected it to, but since it's a “special” energy drink the price tag was a bit hefty, so I wouldn't drink it on the regular even if we did have it available in Buffalo. Still, the idea is hilarious.

Remember he was born a snake handler and he'll die a snake handler.

This ship is great but exhausting. All day and everywhere and every minute there is something going on and you feel obligated to go to all of it. I've done karaoke like four times, swam in the pool, eaten tons of fruit, went on a water slide, casinos, cafes, candy shops, banquet halls, and more.

I like the boat, I really do, but I cannot get a good night rest. Every morning I wake up unsatisfyingly tired. The pillows and bed are too soft and my body is used to firm both. I needed a boost so I drank this. I punched me square in the mouth and not in a good way.

I normally like getting decked in the mouth by drinks but this was a sucker punch. It tastes like fruit punch with that "energy drink" taste. It was strong like bull and the first half of the can made me twitch every sip. After that it just tasted overwhelming. It did get me to 1:30 in the morning, though so I might actually give it the credit it deserves there.

On the ship, there is a nightclub called "Rex." Since there is only one club, everyone who doesn't want to sleep is there and the joint is jumpin'. It's like a club for everyone because all sorts of people go; fat, white, black, latin, skinny, and everything in between. A few people who go are there to dance and have fun but some people are there to hunt. It's that animal instinct that brings me to this drink.

Only one of the guys we're with out of the eight of us is single and he is the epitome of single. Now I'm no stupid idiot. I know that drinks like this don't "work" like an ignoramus would think. No one that has their head on correctly would actually think that drinking one can of this stuff will make you a dynamo in the sack. Yeah, sure if you feel you need help in that department it might not sound like it could hurt and you'll try anything.

Regardless of your sexual prowess, you will be disappointed because this just tastes like Red Bull. Horny goat weed is something you buy at truck stops to stay awake while laying down night miles in your truck, not something you use for stimulation.

At the end of the night, our single friend and I split a can of this and didn't talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. We had something to look forward to because it's a drink called "Sex Drive," but not good enough to talk about. After that drink, singing karaoke, and watching a good comedian, we called it a night without even going to Rex. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow. It's fun in there.

We all know the origin story of Spiderman: Peter Parker is a nerd, who does to a science exhibit about radiation where he gets bit by a radioactive spider and gains supernatural powers. Exciting, but ultimately just a story. What you may not know is that scientists have recently found spider webs in a radioactive area where no life should be able to exist. What that story doesn't tell you is that they have found the spiders in question, captured them and scientists have studied them in captivity. They came to the conclusion that a bite from one of these spiders can in fact give you super human strength and powers, and the military has been working on a way to weaponize that. In addition they have discovered that if the venom is significantly diluted it can be used to make energy drinks. These drinks give you a limited range of the abilities of a full dose for a few hours. They thought it would be a nice gift to the citizens of the United States. Having super powers, even for a limited time is a dream for most Americans. It's unfortunate that in the sea of energy drinks that has flooded the market “Spider Energy” has been virtually lost.

The strange thing about radioactive spider venom is that it has an orange flavor to it. I was actually surprised that orange juice was not an added ingredient, and that it is in fact the flavor of the venom. It's actually more of an “orange drink” flavor mixed with your everyday orange soda. It's not bad, and the flavor is certainly worth it for those wacky spider powers. They warn you that if you get bit you'll certainly “stay lit” and eventually burn out like so many test subjects before you. If you only drink this beverage the side effects only include crashing from the dizzying highs.

Ice is everywhere. It is nice to chill your drinks, keep your food from spoiling and even preserving cavemen in ice until they can be unfrozen in California and turn out to be a way cool dude. The problem with ice is that it's not very portable. It requires large, bulky equipment to move it anywhere without it melting. Sure there is the dry ice option, but the number of people who just burn the hell out of themselves with it is astronomical. Scientists have been hard at work in the labs trying to invent “liquid ice.” If their plans come to fruition it would be less bulky and easier to cart around your frozen Neanderthals. Sure people mocked them saying that liquid ice is nothing but cold water, but that didn't stop them. They kept trucking on in their research. Many experiments were performed, but unfortunately they did not achieve their goal. Instead they invented an energy drink. You would think with all the chemicals they would use anything that was created should not be ingested, but these scientists thought outside of the box and tried non-toxic materials. Since their real research seemed to be going nowhere they ditched the actual liquid ice idea, kept the name and started marketing it. They ended up with a diet energy drink that had sucralose in it. It really just tasted like liquid Spree candy, if that candy was made from compressed sucralose instead of compressed sugar. It wasn't mind blowing, but they thought that since no other energy drink company had yet to call dibs on the Spree flavor that might as well. That is the story. I heard it from my cousin's nephew's third grade teacher, and she would never lie. Liars have to stand in the corner.

All I can think of since I picked up this can today is that stupid Metallica song “Fuel.” The terrible tribal flames on the can don't do much to help either. There is a broken record in my head, and all I hear is “Give me fuel. Give me fire. Give me that which I desire.” Infinite loop. I don't even know if I've ever even listened to the entire song. Do you remember back in the 80's when bands like Metallica and Slayer seemed like the evilest things ever? I remember the kid down the street from me stole a Slayer tape from his brother and I was scared to listen to it. We finally did and I thought it was the fastest music I had ever heard. I also thought that it was pretty awesome. That same kid and I also got in trouble that year in school because we were reading a Sandman comic that had the devil in it (he didn't even look like a demon, just a dude). The fact of the matter is that both those bands were decent back then, but now I have friends that are in bands that play way faster and are way more evil. It's strange how our perceptions change.

I can tell you two perceptions of mine that I don't think will ever change. First off newer Metallica is garbage and it feels like the band is playing a joke on people. Secondly this is not a very good energy drink. It just tastes like carbonated diet sugar water with the faintest hint of fruit punch. There isn't even a fake candy taste to it. It's just total sucralose. I'm a guy who prefers diet Red Bull to the regular version, and I just can't get down with this. It does its job of getting you energized, but there are hoards of other diet energy drinks out there that do the same while tasting better. Leave this one to gather dust in discount stores.

It's official I am now terrified of black mambas. I was all, “Oh, they are just venomous snakes. You get bit, someone sucks out the poison, or you get some antidote and you're good to go.” Think again friendo. The black mamba is one of the most deadly venomous snakes in the world. If you get bit, it can take less than 20 minutes to kill you, and according to the internets, which we know never lies, “Chances of surviving the bite is less than none.” On top of that that are between 10 and 15 feet long. That is one big friggin` snake. It's terrifying I tell you.

Knowing the above information I now think this drink's tagline should be “Chances of feeling tired or sluggish is less than none.” Except they would spell less “lessssssss” to imitate the sound that snakes make, or don't really make in real life. This looks like a tiny can, but it's really the same amount of liquid as a normal size Red Bull. They are just pulling some spatial magic. I believe it's supposed to be a fruit punch flavored energy drink, but it tastes more like red Pixie Stix. I'm okay with that, and so should you. Sure it's got a bunch of artificial ingredients in it that would probably poison you if you consumed them in a large enough quantity, but hey they call it Venom for a reason. Now drink up and face the snake. Okay that was a better tag line. Someone really needs to hire us to write copy.

Can someone please tell me when the energy drink consortium signed an exclusive deal with the Wonka corporation for all energy drinks to taste like someone shot candy with a laser to make it a liquid. One would think it would be a normal flavor, but it is one that is exclusively used in sugar-based candies and in energy drink. It's the strangest thing. Even though this is a sugar free drink it still tastes like candy. How can something with no sugar taste exactly like something that is composed entirely of sugar? That is the “shock” in Shock Wave. It's a shock that this can taste so sweet and candylike, but be sugar free.

Oh and yes, this tastes like a variant of 95% of all energy drinks out there. It tastes slightly diet, but mostly like candy. Sweet, sweet candy.

Impatience. We've learned to treat this as anything but a virtue. Like that time that Mitch Hedberg told the wino who he saw eating grapes “Dude, you have to wait!” Apparently the folks at Starbucks never got that memo and they harvested their coffee beans too early. You see the little buggers were still green. They were in no shape to be roasted and eventually brewed into a $4 cup of coffee at one of their stores. The thing is that unlike everydayman the Starbucks head honchos are an industrious type. They knew that the green coffee still has high caffeine content. They didn't want their crop to go to waste, so armed with this knowledge they decided to make a chilled energy drink. They took some sparkling water, mixed in some orange, apple, grape and watermelon juice, and then put in the extract from the green coffee and some other ingredients to help create energy (physicists be damned). For an afterthought due to impatience it is crazy how good these drinks ended up tasting. It almost tastes like a mellow Orangina, with a little bit of a watermelon kick. Unlike almost every other energy drink in the world, this one tastes like you're really just drinking some sparkling juice. It also has a low calorie sweetener in it, but the taste of it is nicely hidden. It's only really noticeable slightly in the aftertaste. Well played Starbucks. It's shocking that a drink in one of your shops costs about as much as three of these did in the supermarket, and these taste way better.

Dude I know you've been working out a flat-tax proposal, but we totally have a gig tonight and we need your head in the game. What's that? No, I don't care that you somehow proved that there's no god with your numbers. Don't you see that is completely meaningless when we're about to play the BATTLE OF THE BANDS! We've been practicing for weeks in Mark's garage, and to be honest I need something to show my wife that this whole “little hobby” as she calls it is worthwhile. I mean I know we're the best rockers this town has ever seen and that we're totally going to ride to the top of the Billboard charts, but unless we win this thing I'm pretty sure Mavis is going to make me quit. So now drop the calculator, grab your bass and let's go. You look a bit sluggish from going over those numbers all night, so I grabbed you an energy drink. They had a whole mess of them, but I grabbed this one because it's called Amp and we're rockers and there ain't no rocker that's gonna rock without his trusty Carvin amp. Also, it's got some other junk in it that is supposed to help you keep focus and concentrate, and again to be honest you're thunderous bass lines have been a bit sloppy lately. This should keep you on target. Actually I could use a little focus myself for my fiery solos. Hmm that stuff tastes pretty good. It tastes like some kind of blue candy that is basically just compressed sugar, you know like Spree or Sweet Tarts. It tastes better than your run of the mill energy drink. It actually doesn't taste too chemically either. I would have thought adding more junk in an energy drink like choline and theanine would have made it taste more like a science experiment, but that sugary berry flavor really masks it well.

I really can't believe that I talked about that energy drink the entire time we loaded up the truck, drove to the show, unloaded and set up. It's time for us to start so here we go “If I Had A Million Dollars” in 4 3 2 1…€¦…€¦.

Full disclosure: I am sick. It's been over a year since I've been sick so it's not that upsetting. I have a horrible cough and my nose is like a faucet. I woke up today feeling slightly better so I thought I'd come to the coffee shop to get some work done. I didn't think drinking coffee while being sick was the best idea, so for some stupid reason I thought an energy drink would be better.

In the past I have hated every Rockstar energy drink I've tried. Maybe it's because my nose is so stuffed that I can't smell a thing and it's throwing my taste buds off, but I actually don't mind this one. It has a less sweet Red Bull/melted candy taste. I'm not sure if this is the best thing for my body right now, but it definitely woke me up enough to realize that I'm still too sick to work.

Corporations, man. They're eating our society up. Everywhere you look there is another chain restaurant eating up the once freethinking eatery that was there before. It's a plague on our society. Everyone is a capitalistic pig whose only concern is sex and money. Everyone just wants to make a quick buck using as little of their brain as possible by buying someone else's franchise and cashing in on the lemmings. The sad part is that they will succeed because we're conditioned to accept these franchise STDs as common in our lazy society. What ever happened to small, mom-and-pop stores? There was nothing wrong with them and there was a helpful, local, friendly feeling to them. Now everything is painted in a coat of cold steel and wood and cookie cutter'd out as if corporate America is just churning out mediocrity to feed it's overpopulated, suburban sprawl.

What? I'm kind of in the middle of something here. Can I help you? What? You expect me to drink this? Starbucks is some of the worst people that existed. It's roots were hardily into West Coast soil but once they found out they could make a buck or two expanding, they littered America with their stores, merchandise, and cups, filling up landfills and valuable property, raising the cost of living and pushing the less fortunate so the wealthy can devour mediocre fare like so many before them. Fine, since you said "please" I will drink this for you to prove to you how terrible and awfully average Starb....ohh...this is actually good....er...I mean. This is alright for a corporation. The raspberry is pretty strong and the aftertaste or pomegranate is pretty refreshing. Only 60 calories per can? Oh, Stevia. Cool. That's a pretty, mostly all-natural drink that uses coffee like Bai to infuse energy into their drink naturally. It's nicely, sweetened and the Reb-A isn't overpowering and overly sweet.

Starbucks is a plague on society not unlike boils and frogs, but I've got to admit, this is really good. I guess a company that makes this can't be all bad. They've got to have some people working there that understand "good" and I will try and keep a little bit more of an open mind.

Did someone say something about WalMart back there? Are you carrying a WalMart bag? Oh, sir, did you just open a thirty to forty minute can of worms. Please, take a seat. I've got some things to say.

Welcome to part one of a two-part candy flavored plan of attack I had for last night. Last night I DJed at Mohawk Place, as I am prone to do every other month or so. On the way there I drank this can of Liquid Ice. The company had very graciously sent us an obscene amount of it (with a card that said “More samples coming”). With Derek out west and Mike and I not drinking energy drinks all that often these things are going to last us a lifetime. So I'm driving downtown pouring liquid energy down my throat and an odd thought floated into my consciousness; I really wish this wasn't an energy drink because it tastes really good. As we've mentioned time and time again energy drinks normally taste like a bunch of chemicals and it always seems to me that the flavor should be a dead giveaway to how unhealthy they can be for you. Also, along with those chemicals is normally a candy taste of some kind. Usually it's Smarties (US not Canada). Liquid Ice has somehow found a way to avoid the gross chemical taste and slide right into the candy phase. Better than that it doesn't taste like Smarties, it tastes exactly like liquid Spree. This drink really has a great flavor, as I said. So much so that it made me with it was just a regular soda so I could drink it and not fear for the future of my heart, or for my sleep that night. Within 15 minutes I felt energized and ready to stay up late and annoy the bar's clientele with music that probably only I like. A couple hours later led to part two of my plan. You can read it here.

ps. Wouldn't liquid ice just be water? Think about it. Maybe you too can be a scientist some day.

Snotty people eat grapefruits. They sit there with their silver spoons and carve away at the softball sized fruit and add their low calorie sugar and have themselves a little treat. They do this before their polo matches and tennis lessons, and lobster dinners. They do it before their trips to Paris, trips to the Bentley showroom, and trips to the bank where they deposit millions of dollars bi-weekly. Rich people. They live such a difficult job. Well guess what fellow schmos? I've got a secret that the rich people don't know about.

Inside this bottle of Clearly Canadian is pink grapefruit. Sure, there are a lot of chemicals, too, but being poor, we can handle it. We weren't fed organic, free range, farm raised chickens or massaged, sake fed cows. We were fed McDonald's. A lot. We can take chemicals, dirt, pesticides, lead, or whatever you throw at us, as long as it doesn't require us to see a doctor because health care is expensive. This drink, as far as I know and remember from the limited times I have had an actual grapefruit, tastes a lot like grapefruit. The sugar, albeit artificial, actually enhances the flavor to a point where even I, a previous disliker of the fruit, really like this drink. It's light enough that you, like I, can drink an entire bottle, regardless of its statement of 2.5 servings.

General public and not those who drive cars that are worth more than houses hundreds of thousands of dollars more than our houses, this is the drink that levels the playing field. If they find out about this, they don't have anything anymore. They don't have anything except for their 152 foot yachts, columned houses, argyle cashmere golf club covers, gold Rolex President watches, cars with umbrellas in the doors, and a couple other things. We're catching up.

32 oz of the worst energy drink ever. Instead of being on the 'cutting edge' of huge cans, they should work on making one that a normal human can enjoy. I'm so disgusted at this drink that I'm not even going to give it the courtesy of an amusing story.