Energy Drink - 555 Reviews

One of my two bosses drinks at least one of these a day. It didn't occur to me that we hadn't reviewed one yet so I borrowed some which if he asks for it back; it will be in a disgustingly different form.

Starbucks has some good "on the shelf" stuff. This is good. You know why it's good? Because it doesn't taste anything like an energy drink. Strange how that works, eh? I love this drink because of it's false advertising. I would expect this to taste like coffee spilled into some brat kids plastic pumpkin head of nothing but plain chocolate and Pixie Stix. Scene:

"Trick or Treat!" says the little girl. "It's November, kid. Get out of here," your grandpa says. "I know, but I want candy and my mom said that I can't have any and I know that when I go to other people's houses and ask with a ghost costume on, they give me candy. See? Look. I've got some chocolate and someone had Pixie Stix left over. They said they were to old for Pixie Stix and gave me a handful of them." "Oh yeah?" said grandpappy. "Well here's what I think of your out of the box thinking." he said as he pours an entire carafe of old coffee into the boys plastic jack-o-lantern, but before the boys leaves, the old man dips his cup into the pail now filled with floating candy bars, Pixie Stix wrappers, old coffee, and the little boys tears, and takes it to his lips. He enjoys it, because he's a terrible old man.

End scene.

Thing is, it doesn't taste like that. It's a smooth coffee drink. If I didn't know better, I would just say that it's a mocha Frappuccino. You even get a periodic taste of real coffee, which is a nice touch, I must say. Who knows how much actual caffeine is in there, between the coffee and whatever other energy supplements they have in there.

I hope that story that was completely fabricated never comes true. I would hate to see a sad ghost kid walking down the street with damp, coffee stained candy.

A lot going on. But there always is, isn't there -- a lot going on?

A classic line from the classic...er movie "Made" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. That line defines this drink to a T. Tee? Tea? Who cares, am I right?

In one corner of the royal rumble, you've got the Monster name. With that, you expect that "trillion Smarties" taste. You don't get it in this drink, but you expect it.

In another corner, you've got a coffee taste. It's not too bad. It's definitely more than a basic, poor person coffee taste. It's compressed, like Monster has hired ex-baristas and are just having them compress coffee in an underground shack for this drink.

In the third corner of the world's strangest wrastlin' ring, the sweetness. It's regular first, and then it gets a little diet-y. There is sucralose in there, but it is tolerable. It's pretty masked by a lot of the other flavors that are going on, hitting each other in the heads with folding chairs from your aunt's dumb basement party. Why does she have parties and gatherings in the basement when she has a perfectly clean and functioning upstairs?

In the fourth and final corner, there is milk. Milk is kind of like the ref in this game. While the drama is going on with the other wrestlers, the ref literally smoothes everything out. He's a nice guy. He smoothes everything out in the ring and before that, he refs his kid's T-Ball game.

I didn't hate this as much as I thought that I would. That says a lot.

Jay is back from tour and that means that we are in the market for Sum Poosie. Poor, lonely Jay. On the road with two dudes. Yeah, they're good dudes, but dudes none-the-less. So now it's time for Jay and myself to get Sum Poosie. Normally, we aren't the type of guys interested in this type of thing, but sometimes you just need Sum Poosie. Along with the powers of ginseng, our minds will stay intact as we go to town with the ladies. There is also the need for methyl sulfonyl, which is methane. We don't know what it really does, but we crave it every time Jay gets back from tour and its step towards the debauchery that will take place is the never-to-near future.

By now you should know that I am talking about the drink called Sum Poosie. It's an energy drink that loves the ladies and encourages you in every way, shape, and form about trying to get some or see nude girls. As a drink, it's not bad. As an energy drink, it's better than most energy drinks. It doesn't have an energy drink taste and actually tastes a little like cherries, or cherry bubble gum, or cherry lemonade. If I didn't know this was an energy drink, I wouldn't know that this was an energy drink.

If you love the ladies, don't want to stop partying, and just want to spend all of the day at a strip club eating low price, lower quality lobster and shrimp scampi, this is the drink to you. If you like energy drinks and don't mind looking at false stats about one particular women who is on the side of the bottle while you get energized, this is the drink for you. If you are a stuck up women hater who wants to sleep and would never step foot in a strip club and hate the taste of cherries, this is not the drink for you.

The Fest in Gainesville, FL is one of the best times of year. I would take that weekend over Xmas any time. Even on years such as this where there wasn't very many bands I was interested, I still had an incredible time. It's the "punk rock family reunion." People from all over the country (and world) that I have met from playing in bands are all congregated in a tiny college town. It's really a special thing to be surrounded by so many great people. Fest ended last night, and I was sad to have to leave everyone behind to head out to the next town. I know I'll see everyone again next year, if not sooner, but it's always a bummer.

We had an 11-hour drive to Richmond, VA (we wanted to avoid the south which is over-saturated with touring bands). I was first to bat for driving. I downed this energy shot to help get me where I needed to be. It certainly did its job. We made it well into South Carolina before I felt the need to give up the driver seat.

As far as I know 5-Hour Energy was the first company to get into the energy shot game. I somehow had never tried one until now. It was much better than I expected. It wasn't as harsh and as chemical tasting as other ones I tried. It did have a very distinct grape flavor. That's a rarity in this world. Usually the shots just have a general sweetness to them. I'm still not a big fan of energy shots, but if I have to get one in the future i would pick this over any other ones I've had thus far.

Last night my band played in Atlanta. After the show we went to a friend's house to crash for the night. As soon as we got out of the van he told us that even though it looks like a bad neighborhood it was in fact a safe place because the house Martin Luther King Jr was born in was a block away. Less than a minute from him finishing that sentence a guy came up to us with a gun demanding wallets. Several of the people got a gun pressed to their head and a handful of them got pistol-whipped. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Luckily no one was seriously injured. The cops came took statements and we went to a different neighborhood to stay. One of the kids who lived there put this drink next to me while I was sleeping. We were in the ghetto and this was a "ghetto" energy drink. Little Jon makes it so yeah it's backed by southern rap.

Let me tell you this drink was nearly as terrible as our night. It's in the running for worst energy drink I've ever had. it tastes dark and heavy. Almost smoky and only vaguely like pomegranate. I will never drink one of these again and I really have no interest in going to Atlanta again for quite some time. Watch yourself kids.

My first experience with Jolt, like most people, happened when I was a kid. I had heard a lot about Jolt for years. This was a time before energy drinks so the tales of the pop with so much caffeine it makes you jittery would be passed around all the time. I finally came across a bottle at a corner store after school one day when I was 12. I was so excited to find it, but to my dismay it was flat. The store must have had it in the cooler for ages because it tasted like someone opened it up and let it sit for 3 days. It lacked even a single bubble of carbonation. For this reason, I never sought out Jolt again. I was so disappointed by my first experience it killed all the years of anticipation for this soda.

Skip to present day and I come across this bottle. Seeing as I now am more opened minded than I was in my adolescence, I decided to give Jolt another try. Verdict: it's a pretty basic cola, nothing much to it as far as flavor goes. It definitely does have more caffeine than a normal bottle of pop. I'd liken it more to a cup of coffee. In the present world of energy drinks, this is child's play.

This morning I had to go to the DMV. As I type this, I can already hear your groans. It has been several years since I've been to the DMV and stand up comedians and movies have ingrained in my head that the DMV is never a pleasant experience. Let me be the first (at least on this website) to say that I had a quick and easy series of transactions there today. I waited a total of 5 minutes, plus all my documents and paperwork were in order and acceptable. 20 minutes in and out and I now am the proud owner of an enhanced ID (which allows me to enter Canada).

Now I'm not going to give this energy shot all the credit for making my trip a success. I stayed up until 2am making sure my application was filled out correctly and I had all the necessary forms of identification needed to prove that I do indeed exist and that I reside in New York State. But when I woke up at 7:15am, which is about 5 hours before I normally get out of bed, I definitely needed something to keep my eyes open. Since there was no coffee shop between my house and the bus stop, I grabbed this before I walked out into the chilly morning air.

It obviously didn't warm me up the way a nice cup of coffee would have, but at least it tasted good. You know those little cans of mandarin oranges that are swimming in syrup? That's what this tasted like, but without the heavy syrup. It definitely kept me awake as well until I got downtown and could procure a cup of coffee. Not the strongest energy shot, but at least it tastes good.

I was going to write a witty post involving Ghostbusters and tie it into the drink because Azul is very close to Zuul. But then two things happened: 1. I got really tired and 2. This drink wasn't that good. This is a shame because the other Tropical Azul drinks we've had so far by Cintron have been delicious, as have their energy shots. Unfortunately not this one. It's pretty bad when a drink looks like mouthwash and after you drink it, you wish it would have tasted more like mouthwash because then it would have tasted better. It did give me energy so I'll give it that much. Sorry Cintron, I guess you can't win them all!

Sure Gatorade replenishes your electrolytes and brings the sodium levels in your body up to par, but what about giving you a little energy for after the big game. You worked hard. You exhausted yourself for the love of the game and the adoration of the fans. Now you are exhausted and you don't even know how you're going to make it to the locker room without passing out. Lucky for you Hydrive has created a sports and energy drink combo. It's non-carbonated which makes it kind of strange. It tastes more like a lemon lime sports drink than an energy drink. Actually it tastes more like Powerade than Gatorade. That makes it lose points. Powerade is gross. What elementary school cafeterias do to pizza is what Powerade did to sports drinks. Not a scene you want to be involved in.

Oh yeah, watch out when you dump this over your coach's head after winning the big game. It is still an energy drink after all, and it will absorb into his skin and cause heart stoppage.

It's weird when a drink tastes exactly like the flavor it's supposed to be. Many times it's advertised to be something, but somewhere between the taste testers and the packaging department something went awry. Not with this Slap energy drink, it really tastes like a crisp apple with a slight green tea aftertaste. I'm glad it's not strong on the green tea because I am not a huge fan and was kind of dreading this drink for that reason.

This is a great energy drink because there's no gross taste to it. If you wouldn't have told me, I would have just thought it was an apple green tea soda. I wanted to write this review about someone slapping this can out of my hand and not caring, but I couldn't do it because it tastes too good.

I hate these damn kids who are trying to be vampires. I know people who work in banks are always afraid of being robbed, but who would have thought a blood bank would be robbed on a regular basis? Have there always been teenagers who want to be vampires? Bram Stoker wrote Dracula back in 1897 so they have been a part of popular culture for over 100 years. I obviously wasn't alive back then but I can only assume it inspired some kids to want to drink blood. The earliest vampire craze I can remember vividly is when Buffy: The Vampire Slayer came out but I was still delivering papers back then. Ever since these stupid Twilight books and movies have become popular, I've had at least 3 nerdy teenagers a week trying to steal blood while I work the overnight shift.

Luckily I've discovered something to outsmart them. Harcos Labs makes this Blood Energy Potion that looks just like a pouch of blood. I've started to hang them up in front of the real blood pouches so when the kids run in and grab them, they don't get the good stuff. The jokes on them because this stuff tastes like bubble gum that's been soaking in a cup of fruit punch. The high-energy content will also make them twitch. I can only hope that it solves the problem and these kids get a life.

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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

As of today I have officially crossed the line into abusing energy drinks territory. I'm not at a point (and don't think I ever will be) where I need them to get my day moving, like a coffee addict. No, today I was out of "quick" food in my house before work so I drank this energy drink as an appetite suppressant. That's the whole concept of diet pills, right? They are chock full of caffeine so you don't feel hungry. I learned that from Saved By the Bell, and if you are between the ages of 25 and 35 you probably did too.

I have to say it worked. I didn't feel hungry the entire time I was working. Job well done Sentinel. I must also point out that this was the lightest energy drink I've ever had. To the extent that it felt like I wasn't really drinking anything. The flavor is really, really mild citrus, and the sucralose is down so far in the list of ingredients that it tastes like you have a glass of soda water with both an orange and lime slice in it that someone put just a tad bit of artificial sweetener in it. Very strange indeed.


I was going to write some dumb story about the Sentinels from X-Men, but then I got ashamed of my abuse. Just pretend I wrote something about how crushing mutants is a hard job, and even robots need a little pick me up from time to time.

If Dora the Explorer has taught me one thing, it's that "azul" means "blue". Since I took four years of Spanish, two in high school and two in college, I already knew that, so that loud brat actually taught me nothing.

This drink is certainly blue and certainly tastes tropical. Check and check. Two things that are not lies right off the bat. Good start, Cintron. Then I took a sip and there was another check; an energy drink that was not at all disgusting. It does taste "tropical" but I can't exactly pinpoint actual flavors. I'm going to say pineapple might be in there, followed by some leis and also a hula skirt and a copy of Dog the Bounty Hunter: Best of Seasons 1, 2 and 3 on DVD all liquefied into a can.

I don't drink a lot of energy drinks but I've been feeling my body crash at like six almost every day so today I felt like I needed it. If all energy drinks were this good or if this was sold by me, I would turn into one of those people that can drink them and get no boost, like those jerkwads who take so much ibuprofen that when they ask you for it and you say "How many do you want? Two?" they respond with a scoff and a number higher than five. You're a drug addict and you're also pathetic. Deal with the pain and earn your tolerance back. Stop taking medicine for everything. Pilgrims never had medicine and they turned out fine. I bet pilgrims would have loved this drink though.

I have more in the can downstairs. I hope those dogs didn't knock it off the table and are getting speed boosts.

It feels nice to consume an energy drink for a change that doesn't feel like it's killing you. I know a lot of people who think Rumba is the best energy drink on the market. I can understand why; it's 100% juice, it delicious, and it's much better for you than other energy drinks.

But what about the Samba flavor? It also is 100% juice but I got a mouthful of a flavor I don't really like when I sipped it: cranberry juice. I've been trying for over 20 years to like cranberries, but I still can't do it. They are one of my most hated fruits. If you love cranberries then you'll love this. You might even want to marry it. Although, if you're like me, and cranberry anything makes you gag, stay away from this fun looking can.

Are you sick and tired of worrying about the impending zombie apocalypse? Does it keep you up at night thinking about the day when you and your family will be attacked and the walking dead will rip the flesh from your bones in order to get to your sweet, sweet brain nectar? Harcos Laboratories has a new product to put your mind at ease.

After years of research, and movie watching, it was scientifically proven that zombie's do not attack their own kind. With this knowledge Harcos employees worked long and hard in the lab to come up with a syrup derived from actual zombie blood that will cause the imbiber to give off certain pheromones that will trick the living dead into thinking you have already been turned. In layman's terms your brains will smell like butt-soup to them instead of sizzling prime rib.

It's lucky for us that zombie blood in its natural state tastes like melted green freezie pops. The difference is that downing this I.V. pouch won't make you cough like the dickens. Unlike the mind, it's not a terrible thing to taste. It is also has added ingredients to give you extra energy to run to safety in case you are in the .01 percentile that are unaffected by the blood of reanimated corpses.


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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

Jason Draper is a wimp. Yes, that's right, I'm calling him out right here and now. Last week, he reviewed the Tweak Extreme Berry and said it was one of the most intense energy drinks ever. This surprised me because I had previously tried the Grape flavor and I didn't think it was that crazy.

So I had to see for myself. I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me this morning so I cracked this bottle open. It tastes good. It's not amazing, but it's a decent non-carbonated energy drink with not much energy gross taste to it. After I was done drinking it, I noticed the bottle said you're not supposed to drink more than 8 of the 12 oz in one day. Well I did, and on an empty stomach nonetheless (not on purpose, I was just so busy that I forgot to eat). Not drinking it on an empty stomach is another warning it gives you. Oops!


You know what? It didn't bother me. Compared to how insane the Redline Energy Drink was, this is nothing at all. It did not make me jittery, and it didn't make me any more energized than a couple cups of coffee would. So I challenge you Mr. Draper to try Redline (I have purchased a bottle for you) and then tell me if the Tweak Extreme you had is truly as strong as you thought it was.

If Walter Matthau was still around, he would sue this company because people would be overusing the phrase "Bad News Bears" while describing this drink. It smells like every other energy drink you've had and if that is your cup of tea, fine. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the smell is deceiving. On first sip, it wasn't that bad. On subsequent sips, it got increasingly bitterer. I've had energy drinks before, but this, to me, tastes very bitter and overly generic. If I were you, I would get more sleep because morning breath tastes better than this drink. That will energize you and not leave you with the deep seeded feeling of regret.

You'd think at 3:30am I should be reviewing one of the many relaxation drinks in my queue. Nope, not tonight. I have a lot of work to do in the next 36 hours so I'm going to power through the night at work. In order to do this, I need energy obviously. That's where this wonderful little bottle comes in. I went with a Cintron energy shot tonight because they have a good track record of making delicious drinks. This isn't ground breaking, but it's definitely good as far as energy shots go. The mango flavor is nice, but the citrus mixed with the energy flavor leaves a bad aftertaste. Luckily the bottle is all gone now and I'm already feeling more energized. Back to work I go!

I found this in a gas station between Bloomington, Indiana and Cleveland, Ohio. There were 4 different flavors and they were $1 each so I decided to get all of them because they were cheap and I had never seen them before. It turns out this is an exclusive energy drink to Speedway gas stations. It's a pretty standard energy drink. It tastes like Mountain Dew Code Red with an energy drink aftertaste. I'm glad this was only a dollar because it's not worth much more than that.

Toronto is a big city, which means it can be very exhausting when you walk everywhere because you think the exercise would be better than public transportation. I have nothing against the bus, or subway, but I know that starting in a week I'm going to be sitting in a van all day on tour, so I should get my exercise while I can. After a day and a half of nothing but walking and eating I decided to try this energy shot out. It tastes like a harsh lemon lime Gatorade. The harshness is due to all the concentrated energy junk that's in it. It's not as harsh as most though, and it kept me trekking for the next couple of hours.