Energy Drink - 555 Reviews

Last night I participated in the 4th annual Portland 24 Hour Zine Challenge. From 10am on Saturday to 10am today, a bunch of nerdy zine kids went to the Independent Publishing Resource Center and each made a 24-page zine within the 24 hours. I wrote mine about every house/apartment I have ever lived in (there has been many) and I finished with 5 hours to spare.

This wonderful drink definitely helped a lot. In recent times I have significantly cut back my energy drink intake in fear of making my heart explode. When I was getting snacks and drinks for the challenge, I was excited to find this because I had never seen this rehab flavor before. All the ones I've had thus far were delicious, and this was no different. It has a slight energy drink aftertaste, but for the most part it tastes like iced tea and Sunny D. Some might recoil at the sound of that, but I love the flavor of Sunny D. There's real orange juice in it so maybe it was just in my head.

So next time you need to make a zine in 24 hours, this will definitely do the trick.

I would like to think that a doctor created this after being up in arms with the amount of soda Americans drink on a daily basis. I like the idea of a doctor creating a healthier soda that actually tastes good, but as it turns out this 12oz bottle actually has 45g of sugar in it. This doctor isn't in it for the health, but maybe that's the whole point. Perhaps the dear doctor decided he had had it with medicine, and he decided to go the way of Pepper and Brown. Perhaps the doctor realized that he wasn't good enough of a doctor to be a world renowned surgeon, and thought that he would have a better chance at fame in the soda game. Unfortunately no one will ever really know what was on the doctor's mind when he made his line of sodas. You see poor story telling and uninteresting plot lines tragically killed him. The doctor and this review have much in common.

Let us not wallow in his death, but instead celebrate his soda. In essence this is a cherry soda, which leans a little bit on the medicinal taste. It doesn't cross the line into full-blown cough syrup flavor, but it hints at it. The thing that saves the drink, and in fact makes it great is the slight herbal undertones. They make the cherry flavor seem less medicinal and makes it very interesting. It is very sweet, but sometimes you just crave a soda like that. Today just happened to be one of those days, so things worked out nicely.

The drink has caffeine, guarana and ginseng in it, which make it quasi energy drink. I guess if you would consider Jolt an energy drink, than this would fall in the same category for you.

Scared out of my mind. Fast Twitch? Really? That's not something I want. Ever. I don't want any speed of twitching. Really? That's what the round table discussion ended up with? I would have loved to hear the bad titles of this line of drinks. One other thing before it's time to travel over the bridge to Reviewtown is that the flavor of this drink is "purple" and not grape. Oh, it tastes like grape, but it's not titled grape. Does grape have a trademark on its name? If so, that's wack.

Bridge...

This tastes like grape and is not at all as absolutely revolting as I had anticipated. With a title like Fast Twitch and with promises of "explosive strength performance" I thought this was going to be wildly sweet and have that "Oh dude. There is protein in this and now has an undesirable viscosity and texture" thing that I don't like. Turns out it just tastes like a grape Fla-vor-ice. Sorry, purple Fla-vor-ice. Lawsuit avoided.

Today I turn 33. I really couldn't care less about my birthday. As Patton Oswalt so wisely pointed out there are only 20 birthdays that really count, and I have 7 more years until I get to celebrate again. So logic would show that today is a day like no other. Logic would be flawed today. Sure my birthday doesn't matter, but more important than that, and just about anything else, is that the new Batman movie comes out tonight. Any celebrations that I may have, or any gifts I receive are not because of my birthday, they are because of Batman Day aka the best holiday of all.

Since my birthday doesn't matter, I worked today. I woke up and printed a buttload of shirts in my shop, which gets way to hot this time of year. It really is exhausting and since I am going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight (and I'm sure it will be three hours long) I decided to give this Monster Java a try. I like it. It tastes like any other prepackaged chocolate-coffee drink. I always thought that taurine was what gave energy drinks that weird chemical taste, but there is just as much in this can as there is in other energy drinks, and this just tastes like over-sweetened coffee with chocolate mixed in. I am grateful for that. If it had that energy drink taste this would be puke sauce in a can. If you are someone who likes your coffee black, you probably think this is far too sweet. Actually, you probably would be the type of person that wouldn't bother with any sort of fancy coffee at all. This is very sweet. It's actually sweeter than even I, who doesn't really like coffee much, would want it to be. I do enjoy it though, and I'm sure it will help to keep me up and alert to watch the “breaking of the bat.” Seriously, you have no idea how pumped I am to see Bane wreak havoc on Gotham. It's going to be so sweet!

As if the 10 calories in Sugar Free Red Bull were too many, they recently came out with TOTAL ZERO. Imagine those words being emitted by an ominous voice and it makes the drink sound more intimidating. Sadly, it's not really that much different (taste wise) from Sugar Free Red Bull. I was hoping they were going to shake up the Red Bull recipe a little for this, but they stuck with what they know.

There are certainly apples in this can. No doubt about that. They at one time might have been great apples, too. The cream of the crop. Then science and nutrition and kids had to come into the equation and mess it all up like they always do. Have you ever had a pure apple juice that was too sweet? Nope. Mother Nature has bred apple juice to be just right all the time. Now you take a drink like this which is essentially apple juice with sugar in it, somehow manage to sell it as an energy drink when everyone knows that sugar is not really "energy" as it is a temporary shot in the arm, and market it as such. You can taste the green apples and you are excited. Then follows the first quasi-offensive, more bittering Stevia taste I've ever had and unnecessary carbonation. What was wrong with apple juice that you had to do this to it? Nestle, you should be ashamed of yourself. You ruined a good thing.

Energy drinks are a dime a dozen. There is one vat of that crud that all of the other energy drink companies suckle off of like a mama pig and her lil' piglets. They take the same stuff, add one ingredient, put it in a can with their logo on it, and sell it as their own stuff. Someone, probably a secret conglomerate company, is making a killing off of these little guys, but not Amp. They decided to take their business elsewhere. They are the rebels, the vigilantes. They do things their own way. They somehow managed to create an energy drink that doesn't taste like an energy drink. If you drank this and didn't know it was an energy drink, you would wonder why a half hour later you were bouncing off the walls.

This drink just tastes like grape pop. If you like grape pop and need a pick-me-up, this is it. It doesn't taste too syrupy regardless of the corn syrup. It just tastes like grape pop. Did I say that? It's just grape pop, in case I didn't.

There is an entire new line of these and now I'm not as disinterested in reviewing them because they don't taste like what "the man" thinks an energy drink should taste like. All of a sudden, Amp is like a cool dude that just came to your high school who might be 25, has a full beard, and somehow rides a motorcycle and keeps his hair looking sharp. How does he do it? You'll never know. You'll never be as cool as him and man, is that bike loud. The teachers hate it but even they think he's cool.

I've talked about this before, but energy drinks had really overrun our society. I have so many friends who can't sleep at night because of their intake, and then in the morning they feel like a filth bin, and they drink more energy drinks just to get through the day. It's a sad cycle that can be cleared up by some detox time in which people will feel like complete garbage for a while.

I luckily am not in this camp, but I feel a lesser version of it. I've been lucky that at any point in my life I've been able to fall asleep within five minutes of my head hitting a pillow. This past week things have been different. The little sleep I've been able to get has been complete crap. I wake up feeling terrible. I keep saying I just need to buy a new bed, as I've had mine forever, but secretly I think that my sensitivity to caffeine is getting worse. It used to be if I drank anything with caffeine after 5PM I wouldn't get to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. My 5PM cut off seems to be getting much earlier now. I'm not at a point where I need to drink an energy drink, or coffee every morning to get through the day without being miserable. I really hope that I never get to that point. I did feel it would be a wise idea to drink this Function before I went for a little hike with some friends, seeing as my sleep was limited and poor.

This doesn't really fall under the same category for me because it doesn't have the chemical garbage like taurine to give you energy, that makes you crash like a kamikaze. Instead this has the natural stimulus' caffeine, muira puama root extract, epimedium extract, guarana seed extract, catuaba bark extract and yerba mate leaf extract. It doesn't taste like a normal energy drink, which the bottle boasts, but I mourn. It also leaves you with less of a crash. That is something I can get behind. Flavor-wise it does have a tropical fruit juice flavor, but there are no individually distinct fruits in there. It just has a general tropical flavor mixed with a bit of the yerba mate flavor. Expecting more of a sports drink type flavor the yerba mate can be a bit off-putting, but when you know to expect it, it's welcomed.

Bro...I'm so hung over. I had a few too many Corona Lights, Bud Lights, strawberry daiquiris, Appletinis, Fuzzy Navels, Sex on the Beaches, Singapore Sling, Jagerbombs, and Zimas. Yeah, I drank all of them. What? I'm 22 and I am invincible. What was my tab? I don't know. Hold on. I'll get it. It was...$321.86. Woo. That's a lot. You were right there. Do we have any coffee? I'm dying over here. How are you fine? You drank one last shot? I don't understand how a shot saves you from the immense headache that I'm feeling. What? It's a powder? Are you talking about coke? Dude, I will drink until the sun comes up but I'm not doing coke. Oh, you're not talking about coke. Alright. It's a thing you put in water that you drink after you slam a few dozen drinks? Would it have helped me? You think it would? Did you see how many Bartles and James I had last night? So you just drink it and it makes hangover's not happen? My god. How do I get that inside of me like eight hours ago? Can I try one? You do what? You press it into a bottle of water? That's cool. It tastes like chalky, fruity Smarties. It's not bad, but it's clearly a powder in its infancy. I like it and it's drinkable, though. I would easily drink this after a night of crushing Smirnoff Ice.

I wish I had found this last night. I wish I had a better roommate that would allow me to not have the room spin. I guess until time travel is invented, I'm going to lay here on the kitchen floor with the lights off. Oh, you need to make a sandwich? What time is it? 4:00!? Well I'm fired. I don't even care. I'm not leaving this floor until that ceiling fan starts spinning on its own and not by my mind's way. This is sickening.

Let me start off by saying that I don't like reviewing mix drinks. When we started doing this site, I wanted it to be for ready to drink beverages only. I don't like that there can be so many variables that can affect the taste of a mix drink. Mike started reviewing some, then we got sent a couple more, and here I am reviewing a drink mix. I know that just blew your collective minds.

I figured since this was just going into a specific sized bottle of water (160z) there really isn't much that could go wrong. Well there was my first problem. The Powercap didn't attach correctly to the top of my water bottle. It has one of those shorter caps that use less plastic, and it apparently didn't leave enough room for the cap to latch on. I held it in place, pushed the thumb dispenser and when I was certain all of the powder had made it into the bottle I replaced the Powercap with the original cap and shook it up. Problem = overcome.

I like the idea of these caps, because you can easily bring them everywhere without having to carry around bulky bottles. My problem with them is that they are generally all 0 calories so the sweeteners they use are of the diet variety. This cap used stevia, which is the least offensive 0 calorie sweetener in my eyes. That doesn't mean that I thoroughly enjoy the taste of it though. While the contents of the cap do give the drink a mild pomegranate/acai taste (more than I expected) the stevia aftertaste turns me off. It's pretty strong and it overpowers the actual flavor the drink it supposed to have. My ladyfriend thinks that it tastes like medicine, but if you're used to diet drinks, you probably wouldn't mind it at all.

ATTN: CANADIANS!

Are you looking for an energy drink that fits into your countries unique tastes? If so I've got what you're looking for right here. You see I have learned that people from Canada are obsessed with Tahitian Treat pop, and that they buy it buy the case when they can get their grubby maple syrup covered hands on it. I don't believe I know a single American who has ever expressed interest in Tahitian Treat, but I know Canadians who go gaga over it. If you're not familiar it is a fruit punch flavored soda that has a very specific taste. This energy drink also has that taste with the energy drink flavor mixed in.

I started off thinking this was okay. Then about halfway through the can it got almost sour, and by the time I was ¾ through I felt like my tongue was going numb. I think I might have liked it more because of those things. I am strange. I have accepted it. Now smuggle some of this over the border in your trunk full of soda.

Back in 1997, "You go girl!" was such a big phrase that a company used it as their name. Go Girl was formed with women in mind. What do women need? Calcium and energy and a proprietary blend of secrets called "Super Citrimax." women crave these things and they don't even know it. Well, no one wants to get osteoporosis, hence the calcium. I guess the need for energy is pretty self explanatory, too. The Citrimax though, like I said, it's proprietary.

Women, the delicate flowers of the human species, need a flavor that matches their personality and what better accompaniment than the soft flavor of a peach.

What Go Girl doesn't tell you is that inside this feminine can resides a pretty basic, diet tasting peach tea. Although Yerba Mate is included in the package, you have none of the bitterness but you might get some of the energy. Halfway there, I suppose.

Go Girl is doing good things for good people but fall short since it almost uses all-natural ingredients. Sucralose was never found on any tree or bush I've ever seen. I'm no horticulturist, but I know a thing or two about artificial sweeteners.

Go Girl? You go girl...to re-research a better blend of an all-natural, peach, Yerba Mate tea.

Half this review is factual. You guess which half.

I think it's fair to say that the two hottest drink styles out there currently (besides the classic sodas) are energy drinks and coconut water. It seems like every time I go out drink shopping there is a new version of one of them just waiting to be ingested and half assed reviewed. To save me some time Rockstar decided to combine the two. Yes, that is the only reason they put this into production. Rockstar cares about me as an individual. I get cards from them on the holidays, gifts on my birthday and monthly calls just to see how I'm doing. To tell you the truth it's a bit creepy. I mean how did they know that I wanted a combination coconut water/energy drink? The only time I mentioned it was when my ladyfriend and I were in bed, about to drift off to sleep. The last card I got from them alluded to them being akin to Santa Claus. Remind me to sweep my house for bugs and cameras. Also, remind me to move and change my phone number. I don't want those creeps following me around anymore.

Even though they got the idea to make this drink by being a bunch of creeps, they did a good job with it. It really just tastes like a can of overly sweetened coconut water. It has a very strong coconut flavor, and a very weak energy drink flavor. It's a nice change of pace. It's also nice to have a non-carbonated energy drink. Rockstar is really going against the norm now. The downfall is that like all coconut waters it tastes its best when it is ice cold. The more the temperature of the fluid rises, the grosser it becomes. This is a fairly large can, so be prepared to either slam it, put it in the fridge for later, or deal with the gross warmness of it. Next thing I know Rockstar will read this and start making cans that keep drinks colder longer. Pray for Mojo.

Do you know how coffee is produced? I certainly had no idea until about a year ago when I visited a coffee plantation. Okay, I had an inkling when we got those Bai drinks to review that are made with coffee fruit. The point is that it grows on bushes and there are these little green berries. Once the berries ripen they turn red, and are harvested. Inside the berries are the coffee seeds or beans, which are dried and roasted to brew the coffee that you drink for your get up and go.

When the coffee berries are still green they still contain a decent amount of caffeine, so Starbucks, amongst other companies, have started using them to make alternative energy drinks. These drinks aren't quite coffee and they certainly aren't traditional energy drinks, but they still give you a nice little boost without any added chemicals.

This little guy right here is quite aromatic. As soon as I cracked it open my car was greeted with the scent of strawberries. It's one of their weird two tier flavored drinks. While it's in your mouth it tastes like a nice watered down, carbonated strawberry lemonade. It's not tart at all, but it still has that lemonade flavor. Then when you swallow the slight bitterness of the coffee berry kicks in, and the berry flavor fades away. When I was at that coffee plantation I tried a green coffee berry and it was incredibly bitter on it's own. The sweetener in here takes care of that a bit, but it lingers some in the aftertaste.

I do wish this was stronger on the lemonade side of things, but for an energy drink that doesn't taste like your run of the mill toxic garbage, I can handle what they give me.

Peaches are soft, weak fruits. They've got a fuzzy exterior and are a soft pink color. They're wimps. Cue wild peaches: tough guys with hard exteriors. Emotionless, these guys go into bars, dump popcorn on your head and then hit on your girlfriend. They are notorious for kicking sand at you when you are at the beach. That's the worst kind of bully right there. They do it when you, a human, are asleep. All fruit has their own life. What?! You thought they just hung out on vines and trees all day? Nope. Wrong. When you juice a peach, which is like genocide, but that's an argument all in its own, you get juice. When you juice a wild peach, you get all the piss and vinegar that comes with it in the form of energy.

Hydrive, the foremost hater of wild peaches put this little drink together because they think you would like it and they actually have the ability to bottle up their enemy. If you could, you would. The taste of success is sweet, a little diet, but definitely sharper than a regular peach drink which is as soft as a fresh pup's fur. This doesn't taste like peach too much at all so if you hate peaches like Hydrive hates their crazy relatives, you might still like this.

If those wild peaches didn't pee in the window of CEO of Hydrive's car and put all those framing bags of wild peach poop on his front porch, we wouldn't be able to enjoy this drink. He is the mastermind behind this but they're seriously jerks.

Well pardner, I just finished reading the last of the Preacher comics. I honestly don't know why it took me so long to finally get to reading the series, as it was great. There are few storylines better than one about a guy who gets "possessed" by the offspring of an angel and demon and then goes off with his ladyfriend and a vampire to go find God and make him own up to all of the crap he's put humanity through. If that wasn't enough there are also a whole mess of references to cowboys, and even John Wayne is a semi-main character. I'd like to think that if either Mr. Wayne or Jesse Custer (the Preacher) were to drink an energy drink it would be Junior Buffalo.

There isn't a single other energy drink on the market that is backed by the ideas of cowboys and the old West. I don't know exactly why a cowboy would need an energy drink riding through the prairies all day. Perhaps he would use it to keep his nerve up for a gunfight. That's what I'll go with, gunfights.

So if you have an upcoming gunfight and you don't think you have the focus you need to take down your opponent, grab yourself a can of Junior Buffalo and as soon as you crush it draw your gun and walk out of that place a winner. Well, if you can call shooting someone making you a winner.

Opposed to their normal like the Junior version that I'm drinking here has no caffeine or taurine. All of the energy in this can comes from vitamins and L-carnitine. It's supposed to be a healthier version for all of the little ones running around the homestead. So I guess they won't be needing this for gunfights, unless the Old West in my head is way more messed up than I think it is. I guess the grown cow folk could feed this to their younger kin to help them with their chores. I really don't even know what this taste like. It doesn't really taste fully like an energy drink. I guess it's kind of a citrus grape flavor. It starts off nice, but it goes out harsh. I guess it's something kids would probably like.

I'd like to state that I am completely against giving kids energy drinks. They should have all of the energy they need just from being young. It really freaks me out when I see 12 year olds downing the largest size Monster they can find. While I don't fully endorse feeding this to kids, it is less unhealthy than the other options on the market.

If this drink were a person, it would be Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1970 while he was giving it his all to become Mr. Olympia. Every sip is beating the living crap out of me. You all know that I've been around like a lot lizard at a trucker's parking lot convention when it comes to drinks. This one is downright violent. Every baby sip tastes like I'm drinking a thick, syrupy monster that is just so concentrated that mentally, my brain is telling my I made a mistake by not mixing it with water. Like if you put a packet of Kool-Aid into a shot of water. That's how I feel.

This is a strong drink. You know how big Arnold is. You know how big Lou Ferrigno is. These are the people that I'm comparing to this drink. It's an energy drink. It tastes like an energy drink. It's like a double shot of liquefied candy. It's G.D. brutal. Mind meltingly intense. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you energy. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you "bad" energy. I say, without a doubt, that you will make the same "Ooohhh" face with every sip that I did.

A wise man once said, “Martin Short better watch out cause here come the bees.” Well Mr. Short that bodes well for not only your character in Pure Luck, but also if you have a fear of energy drinks. Killer Buzz has updated their look and released a handful of new flavors. I was on the fence about their original two flavors, but I have come around to this new line.

What we have here is “a mongrel mix of beneficial berries.” I don't know about you but to me that sounds like they somehow found a way to splice bees, stray dogs and raspberries together and then milk them for their energy source. That is just sick and it is something that Martin Short should truly be afraid of. Flying rabid dogs with huge stingers that smell like sweet, sweet raspberries. The little blurb on the can does nothing to refute this thought either. If anything it confirms it. While the idea of these creatures is enough to turn your hair bone white, the resulting energy drink is very tasty. It tastes like a mixed berry pop with only small hints of the energy drink taste. I downed this can pretty fast before I realized it was gone. That could just be dangerous. Part of me feels like energy drinks shouldn't taste good, so that people don't abuse them. Who am I kidding people are going to do that no matter what.

As long as the company keeps them locked up I don't think we have anything to fear, but let's just hope that they are not asexual reproducers. If they do escape make sure you down a can of this as it will give you the energy you need to escape unscathed and unstung.

To come up with some dumb story about this drink would just be too easy, and obvious. Yes the 16 year old that lives inside of me giggled a bit when I saw this can in the store and no I am not ashamed. I just hope someone was trying to make a joke and started a fake argument, which they were planning on escalating to a fake fight in which they would taunt the other person in juvenile ways and then pull out this can as the punch line. I would also hope that jokester would get punched in the face, because that is cheesy and not funny.

This is made by the Jones company and it definitely has that specific Jones sweetness to it. All of there sodas have it, so why wouldn't their energy drink. It actually tastes like they took a raspberry/pomegranate soda and mixed in the extra ingredients that would make it an energy drink. I'm not too crazy about the flavor, but it's not horrendous.

I remember when this used to be a joke drink. There was a caricature on the can, and it was supposed to be funny. It seems Jones decided to give their look an overhaul and the iron cross looks like they are trying to appeal to the biker crowd. I would put my money on the idea that they were trying to appeal to the MMA crowd, but just got it wrong, and now it just catches the eye of grizzled bikers. Hey, everyone needs energy sometimes.

Look, I'm not fantastic with boats. I'm apparently alright with cruise ships but that's no different than riding atop a floatable skyscraper. I'm fine on those. Lil' boats destroy me. I know all the tricks; ginger ale, looking at the horizon, not taking Dramamine. They don't always work and I get nauseous and either want to hurl or sleep.

Jessika, Max, and I were going to go aboard my boss' daddy's boat and we were getting supplies. We went to K-Mart to get Max a baby sized rash-guard. K-Mart in the city is rough. Rough. Jessika's mom gets us gift cards for there and we always tell her that we never go because it's pretty depressing. One positive thing about it is that there is a dude there that looks just like Prince and he's there just enough that it's a real treat when our schedules match. He was there on the day we bought this drink and the baby shirt so I knew everything was going to alright.

We boarded the ship, rode for a few hours, Max got restless, and we got off. Sickness free. I was so distracted by Max that I didn't drink this until we went home. I didn't know what to expect because between energy, cherry, and limeade my palate didn't know what to expect. What did this deliver? Everything is in a pretty decent package. It was cherry limeade with a little bit of candy taste to it. All of the flavors actually worked well together. So well, in fact that I'm surprised that I hadn't seen this drink anywhere else before. I think that if more energy drinks tasted like this, I wouldn't always think that they sucked so badly. Some companies know what time it is and you can add this one to it. Good job, Canada. You win this round.