United States - 4098 Reviews

You just rocked the pants off of Buffalo, NY. After playing in front of 30 people in the basement of 99 Custer, no one can dispute that you are now truly a rock star. All of the fame and riches are now yours for the taking. Now if only there was a drink out there marketed just for you that could bring your energy level back up to the top. Look no further my shredding friend because there is in fact an energy drink just for you and it's called Rockstar.

Like most "classic" energy drinks this tastes like liquefied candy. They all have their specific candy and this one falls under the category of Pixie Stix. That's right you too can have a drink that tastes like a bunch of chemicals that has 80 little paper straws of sugar dumped into it, and you don't have to worry about the fizz over. I always say that energy drinks taste like chemicals and they do, but after you have one or two, you develop a taste for them, which is very strange. Oh well, you better pack up your gear, tomorrow you're off to Lakewood, OH to play the Soggy Dog House!

Do you remember when your parents used to take you to McDonald's and it was an event? I do. I remember the sights and sounds and smells of it. I don't know if it's because we didn't really ever go or because the whole family would get in the car and we'd drive there and go together. Hamburger, cheeseburger, or McNugget. That's all we would get. Their menu now is very elaborate but their staples, albeit terribly unhealthy now that we know what "good food" is, are still there and still guiltily delicious once every six months.

That's about the frequency that I go to McDonald's. Once every six months. Yeah, sometimes I go through the drive through to get a sweet tea, but that's not really considered a trip.

Today my girlfriend and I went to get some nuggets and we decided to try their McCafe shakes. We got a strawberry (review coming soon) and a chocolate (where you are now). It's simple; take a regular McDonald's shake, whip in some whipped cream, add more whipped cream, and put a cherry on top. It tastes more like a frozen yogurt or a half melted ice cream than a shake. McDonald's has this thing where they make the shakes so hard to get through a straw that by the time you are finished with one, your cheeks look like they've been put through as much stress as Louie Armstrong's did in his entire career. It was very creamy and not too sweet and the additional whipped cream made it even smoother once you drank half of it and everything kind of mixed together.

It is a nice alternative to a classic shake and although it could never replace the standard, it isn't that far from it where it feel like cheating, like if you were dating a sister and she had a twin and you kissed on her a little bit. It's close enough that no one can blame you. That's how it works, right?

Franklin Mercer has been sick for quite awhile. His wife Sharon has been up for the past three nights. Franklin is so congested that he can hardly breathe and what little breath he has comes out in the loudest snores you've ever heard. She's begged and pleaded but he's so darn stubborn and won't take medicine. To fix her problem Sharon and I have mixed up this little concoction to trick him into getting better.

If there's one thing Franklin loves it's soda pop. He drinks it all the livelong day. I suggested that we slip a little Vicks Vapo Rub into his soda in order to get him well. Yes I know you're not supposed to ingest it, but every time we try to rub it on his body he wakes up and freaks out. It's like waking someone with night terrors. I'm surprised I don't have a black eye. Sharon said her family has a secret recipe of mixing a bunch of buds and needles from spruce trees and boiling it down to make a syrup that will fix you right up. The problem is we're on vacation out in Arizona and there isn't a proper tree to be found anywhere. As a substitute she decided to mix in a pine scented tree air freshener that she found at the gas station. I don't know how they are equals, but she assures me it will do in a pinch. We boiled it all down, mixed it in with his Sprite and here we go.

Lucky for us his nose is so stuffed up because the smell of this stuff is intense. I can't believe he's drinking it. The cold must also be effecting his taste buds. I took a little sip earlier to make sure it wasn't poison, and it tasted like I had bathes in Vapo Rub and then decided to lick the sap from a tree. I couldn't get more than a little sip down, Franklin just chugged the whole bottle. Here's to hoping it clears up his nasal passages!

The diet soda world improved greatly when rebiana and stevia were introduced as sweeteners. I can hardly stomach pop that is sweetened with aspartame or sucralose. It tastes so grossly artificial. It's robot food, and no matter what anyone says I am not a robot.

Sans did a decent job with this root beer. You can definitely tell that it's a diet drink, but it's not overpowering. I could do with a stronger root beer taste. The way it is now tastes watered down, but I would take that any day over an artificially sweetened variety. If you are looking to eat/drink healthier, but you just can't give up soda this is the product for you.

There is a very fine line between crust punks and hippies. Seriously there are so many similarities; dirty, smelly, anti-job, and they both like getting messed up. One of the differences is that hippies prefer weed and hallucinogenics, while crust punks prefer alcohol...oh who am I kidding? They will take anything that will get them messed up. Another difference is that most hippies like to relax and "chill to the groove," while every traveling crust punk I've ever known has been obsessed with coffee. Seriously coffee non-stop. I am hereby requesting that for their coffee line Marley's changes their name to either Discharge or Crass.

I was halfway through this bottle before I questioned whether or not it was a relaxation drink. I know the idea of a relaxation coffee is ridiculous, but I was working and I had a shirt order I needed to get done, so falling asleep just wasn't in the cards. It, of course, is not a relaxation drink. It's a regular coffee drink. Maybe regular is wrong, because I am not a fan of coffee per say, but I think this is incredible. That could be because it tastes more like chocolate than coffee, but that's exactly how a good mocha should be. This tastes exactly like what my friend Nina makes me at her place of employment (minus the peanut butter). I seriously love it, but I would love it more if it was called Crass' Systematic Death Mocha.

In my opinion, which is an opinion of a self-appointed, semi-professional drink reviewer, I have been on the fence about Body Armor. I know what they're doing and I know what they're going for, but something in their mix hasn't played well with my palate. They've got a real "health food" approach to juice. "It can be good and good for you" and all that jazz. I appreciate that, I really do.

As I have said on multiple occasions, acai is pretty gross. It is pretty bitter and always leaves a bad aftertaste. All the time, every time. I have liked it in some cases, but there is no in between. It's either really prominently bitey or not too bad and I'm impressed and think, "Hey, maybe I do like acai." but then I get a drink like this that has it in it and I hate it again.

Since I'm playing with fake ratios and percentages like a science teacher who accidentally made his way into an algebra class but stayed there because the superintendent was in the class sitting in and he didn't want to look like a total loser, I will continue on my way. This drink is 75% good. First sip, to swish, it's good. Real nice drinkability. You get some pomegranate in there, you like it. You get some other stuff in there, whatever that is, and you like that, too. Then you swallow because you can't just drink and drink and drink and not breathe. Do you think that Body Armor wants that on their hide? Nope-ahh. Suffocation? No. They don't. I will skip right on past their PR manager on that one and answer for the company with no need for their clearance. Then, when it's done and you've swallowed, thar she blows. Acai. Crap factory.

As a whole, this is a good drink. One rotten fruit will not hold me, or this company down. I would like to let the world know, that because a fruit is labeled as a "superfruit" does not mean you need to use it in everything. You know what's delicious? Cantaloupe. Use that in more drinks.

Back in my formative years I went to camp for a week every summer. It was for my cousin's church and it was a bit weird, but still a learning experience and fun at times. While there snacks and gum were the ultimate contraband. Of course that meant that I was going to sneak in as much as I possibly could. I mean I had a rebel image I had to uphold. Wait did I say rebel, I meant extreme nerd. There was one summer when I knew I was getting braces put on in the fall, so I was chewing as much gum as I possibly could before it would get all gunked up in my new bionic facial features. I've never been a huge fan of mint, so that summer I smuggled in well over 30 packs of Extra bubble gum. I secretly chewed gum every second that I wasn't eating, sleeping or brushing my teeth. It was seriously out of hand.

If you combined all of the gum I chewed in that week and make a soda out of it, this would be it. Okay not really, but the flavor made me think of all that jaw work I did. This tastes like candy bubblegum, but it's more in the aftertaste than in the actual flavor. While it's in your mouth, it just tastes like sugary soda water. It's when you swallow and then breath through your mouth that the bubble gum flavor pops up and says "ello."

To be honest this is way too sugary for me. It has 48 grams of sugar per serving, which seems pretty insane. I really don't think this was made for adults, and I don't blame them. If someone handed this to me when I was a kid I'd be all over it. Now I could only get down about 1/3 of the bottle before going into a sugar coma.

Waist Watcher? More like weight watcher? Am I right? What, sir? Oh, that's the gag? Oh, well I guess that's not a great joke. Well, have you had this stuff? I mean, come on, people, ginger ale? More like ginger pale, Am I right? Oh, pale ginger ale exists? Geez, tough crowd. Well, alright. How about this one? If you're fat, you shouldn't be drinking pop to begin with. Bam! Sir, please give me a break. I've only been doing comedy for seventeen years. I can't get it right all the time. I wrote this material on the plane ride over from Sandusky and they served this on the plane. I mean, come on. What plane doesn't have Coke or Pepsi? It seems like an industry standard. This stuff, it's like fake carbonated sugar only. The only ginger ale you get is when you burp and although burping is fun, it's hardly worth the effort and torture it takes to drink this.

Alright sir, I've been working on this bit for a while, try it on for size. Did you hear about this Lorena Bobbitt lady? You have? Hmm. Well you've been a wonderful crowd, that's my five...er...one minute. Good night!

It's been a long day at the gym. I'm a sweaty mess and I'm also exhausted. What can I say sometimes you just need to juice your pecs. Did you see me in there though? I was benching so much that it could have been a beached whale. No not that one that blew up all over some Asian city when they were trying to transport it. That was insane and disgusting. Why would you bring that up? Seriously, you're the "bar tender" at the gym juice bar. Is that you're opening line to make conversation with patrons? If so you really need to work on it.

So what would you recommend that I drink at a time like this? Muscle Milk? Sounds disgusting. You know that milk is basically blood and pus right? Ugh. Seriously are you trying to make me sick here? Is that how you get people to lose weight in this establishment? Oh they have a water version that is raspberry flavored? I guess I'll take one of those. Hmmm it tastes like a diet Vitamin Water with a little milk mixed in. This is really weird. It's basically water, juice and whey protein. Flavor-wise they either need to ditch the sucralose or the whey. Both are needed for their formula, so I guess it's what we're stuck with. I don't hate this, but I can't see drinking it every time I come to this gym. Wait...what? This isn't a gym? This is just the basement of a construction site? Then why are you serving drinks? Stop looking at me like I'm insane!

I'm sick. I don't like it, I don't deserve it, and I don't want it. My strategy for dealing with sickness is usually as follows: drink as much orange juice as humanly possible. It does me well. I go to the store on my way to work once I find out that I might be getting sick and I buy one of the small cartons of OJ and just house it all day. Next day I'm usually right as rain.

Yesterday I was minding my own business and it hit me like a truck. Spacey head, super sensitive hair, it hurt when I breathed in, overall muscle ache. Those were the symptoms. Today, I am left with everything at about 50% so at this rate, I should be back to normal in a day or two but man, it's taking a lot out of me. I ran out of OJ and saw this little guy in my stock and decided that I would allow him to help me. It's a very familiar taste, as you and I have grown up with it, because it tastes like Sunny D.

Now here's the thing, I don't like about Sunny D. It burns. Something in there mixed with something else in there that makes me feel like I have a sore throat and who wants that? This is a smoother Sunny D but still with the same generic citrus taste. Although it says there is orange, tangerine, and lemon, you can't really distinguish between them too much.

I thought it was pretty good and would defiantly recommend this over classic Sunny Delight, regardless of how classic it is.

Diet death. That is what in encased in this bottle. It is chock full of tons of things that are good for you, and that probably wouldn't taste all that bad, but then it's completely overloaded with sucralose. I've learned to accept sucralose in moderation, but it's so prevalent in this drink that I just can't handle it. It definitely has a grape and apple taste, but that stupid artificial sweetener gets in there and just messes it all up for everyone. Well everyone that has taste buds. On top of all that it is a neon teal color that has nothing to do with either of the fruits represented. It actually looks like toxic waste, just the way it tastes.

This just may be the best berry tea I have ever had. It may have an unfair advantage as they call it a "juice drink" and not a tea. It tastes like they created an incredible mixture of blackberry, raspberry and hibiscus and then combined one part of that with one part of black tea. Most flavored teas are mostly tea with a little flavoring and a whole lot of sugar. In this drink the fruit juice seems more important than the tea. It works well.

The label says it's "light sweet," but truth be told it's pretty darn sweet. I have no problem with it, as I said it tastes incredible. If I was looking for a tea that wasn't very sweet and I got this I would be in for a surprise. Other than that this is a top notch drink that I hope catches on in a big way. Also between the company name and the stripes on the bottle I feel like it should be served at a circus. I'm not putting my head in a lion's mouth again though. I'll tell you that for free.

The other flavor of Sipp I had was absolutely incredible. It was one of the best beverages that I have come across in my time here at Thirsty Dudes. With this one they missed the mark a bit.

I love cherries and cherry flavored things. I am not a huge fan of black cherry beverages. I also love berries, all kinds including blackberries, which happen to be my favorite. This drink doesn't taste so much like blackberries as it does a black cherry version of a berry. I don't mean it tastes like black cherry, but whatever the difference is between a regular cherry and a black cherry is what is happening to this berry. I wonder if it's the mint interfering with the blackberry. At first I didn't think I could taste mint, but when I think about it there is a flavor that very well might be the mint. The lime? The lime is fine. It's right where it should be.

I'd like to try this without the mint. I think I would really like it then. Now it's just kind of there. It's not good or bad like uncooked celery.

I could write a big long story about living in the tropics and coming across this heavenly drink that quenched my thirst, but instead I'm going for the no b.s. review today.

This drink is amazing! Plain and simple. This is easily the best coconut water drink I have ever had. It's light and creamy and is full of so much flavor. Of the 4 juices in this (lemon, apple, mango, and passion fruit), the apple and mango stand out the most with hints of lemon and passion fruit in the after taste. I had a feeling this drink was going to be good since Bolthouse rarely disappoints, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS good.

This can looks like one that would be used in a Foo Fighters video in order to show the ridiculousness of energy drinks. I can just picture Dave Grohl dressed as a club girl drinking this as he walks past a bunch of guys waiting to get in. And then just as he enters the doorway, he half turns around and winks at someone. Say what you will about the band's music, they have made some great music videos over the years.

Unlike the can, the taste did not make me feel like I was in a club listening to Euro Dance Mix 2004. It's a really light drink. This is probably because, as the can says, it is sugar, carb, and fat free. I can't put my finger on what the taste reminds me of, but it's good! There's no diet taste, and there's definitely no battery acid energy drink taste. I wish I had more than just this one can. I could drink this all the time.

I didn't realize until today that there is no direct route from my new apartment to downtown via bike. I should have figured that out before I had 20 minutes to reach my destination. I rode fast and I rode hard, and I was only one minute late. Not too shabby, but exhausting. I'm glad I brought a drink with me, specifically a drink this large.

It has a decent tea taste with a lot of sugar (hey it's sweet tea it's supposed to have copious amounts of sugar, if you have a problem with us then drink something unsweetened). I was actually shocked when I saw it was sweetened with HFCS. It doesn't taste like it, nor does it have the consistency. It's not the best sweet tea I've ever had, but for a drink that comes in a tall boy it's pretty darn good.

I've been saving this guy for a long time. Look at it. It's literally a flower in a jar. It looks revolting. Yeah, it's a flower in a jar, but it looks like something decomposed in there and they're trying to pass it off as a drinkable, delicious drink. Well I'm here to tell you what's what.

On first sip, it was light. Really light. I, for some reason probably along the lines of I don't like to read, thought that it was going to be sweet or mint or something. It took a couple more sips to get used to. Once situated in the floral land of chrysanthemum, I was whisked away to a land filled with flowers and the lightest tea one can drink. There was a strange taste in there that, and this is very strange, tasted like pickles, but once I finally read the ingredients and noticed that there was orange peel in it, it tastes less like pickles and more like orange peel. That is a good thing.

As I stated, this is a light tea. No bite, no complex flavors; it tastes like it looks, light and yellow. I wished it would have been a bit bolder, but as late as it was when I drank it, it was alright with me just the way it was. Although, when I got to the bottom and one of those petals touched my mouth, I thought I was going to gag. It was instinctive. I strategically poured it into another glass for fear of losing my lunch. I also took the bottle's advice and went for round two and put more water in.

Stop your complaining Mark. You drew the short straw so you have to go to the store for snacks. You're not going to be able to go to the corner store either. We have some needs and they must be filled. You're going to have to go to the Co-Op for this. I need 20lbs of raw almonds. Don't get that roasted garbage. I need them raw. Also pick up a few things of cane sugar. Yes by things I mean canes. "Canes of cane sugar" just sounds dumb. Okay fine. Canes of sugar. There, are you happy? Oh yeah and get a couple of bottles of seltzer water. I'm going to make you guys the best almond soda you've ever had. What's that Mark it's going to cost over $100 for all of that stuff? I thought you were a master thief? Can't you just lift it for us? Oh you got caught last week at Coldstone Creamery? What were you stealing there, wait, I don't want to know. Fine be a party pooper, just pick us up a sixer of Red Ribbon's Almond Cream. It probably tastes better than what I was going to make anyways. Their soda tastes extremely almondy, but without tasting like almond extract. That should be like $5. Oh and you can pay for it too. Deal with it.

On a recent trip to the rain forest, Carl got lost. He was in the forest and no it wasn't raining. He did have a khaki bucket hat on and a Hawaiian shirt on, so he fit the bill. He also had cargo shorts and boots on, so you know he was semi-pro. He wasn't in love with nature, but he felt that he had to make it to the rain forest once before he died. A few of his friends went down on a cruise and he wandered off and hasn't been seen for hours. He's known for that kind of crap.

Carl is in the forest, walking around. He's hearing sounds that he's never heard before and seeing monkeys just jumping from tree to tree. It's awesome. Lions are walking around all casual-like and there are scarlet macaws just whizzing by his head trying to take his dumb hat off. He's getting a little thirsty and thinks to himself, "Man, I'm getting thirsty. I wish I hadn't used my good water to wash some dirt off my hands." Just as he said that, he walked into a clearing. He squinted his eyes to adjust to the light and a small form came into focus. It was a tiny bar with one man at it. He walked up to it and sat down at one of the chairs. The bartender, who was washing one cup said, "What can I get you?" to which Carl responded, "What've you got?" The bartender gave him a look and then moved the sign, which had the two drinks that they served very easily readable printed on it. His choices were Rainforest citrus pop and tiger blood. He obviously chose the Rainforest pop.

"This is pretty good." he said, wiping the sweat from his head from wearing that dumb hat all day. "It tastes a little like a Sprite but a little bit more bitter, but in a good way," he said. "Can you buy this in America?" he said to the bartender. The bartender nodded "yes" and ducked down behind the bar, as if to say, "Carl, you have had your drink and I am done with you."

Carl, who knew when it was time to leave, left and just as he stood up, he could see the resort in the clearing and realized that he hadn't been lost in the rain forest, but he has been drunk and wandering around the resorts mini-golf course. Carl had the time of his life that day and it was mostly all in a drunken stupor. As he turned around, the mini bar and bartender were gone. He looked down in his hand and noticed that he still had the can of Rainforest citrus pop. "Strange" he said, as he walked back up the lynx to meet up with his friends.

Members of the board, we are in crisis mode. Sales for cranberry juice have plummeted. Our whole urinary track mega cleanse could only take us so far, and now with this "Super Fruit" craze going on the world is grabbing for pomegranate and acai drinks. We have very literally been left in the dust. Who cleans those supermarket shelves anyways? If that wasn't bad enough, with all the garbage going on in the world, no one has anything to be thankful for, so our November rush looks like it's going to be a bust.

Drastic measures need to be taken, so in my own time I developed a new juice for us. It's still cranberry based, but I've added blueberries (a super fruit for all the trend jumpers) and blackberries (the most delicious fruit known to man). It still has the tart bite of our classic cranberry juice, but it also has a wave of sweetness, and is bursting with flavor. I think it's safe to say that for all of us here this company is a labor of love. We have sworn an oath to the cranberry and we will stand by it. Hopefully this tasty mixture will turn others onto our cause, or at least get us through the next financial quarter.