Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

For as long as he could remember the road had called out to George. When he was younger he just loved the idea of cars. As he grew older he devoured the works of Kerouac and Ginsberg. Their words romanticized the road trip in a way that he had never imagined. When he was 16 he worked his little butt off and bought a junker car. He spent the next two years fixing up that car while he finished high school. The travel may have been in his blood, but he was a smart boy and he knew the dream couldn't last forever, well unless he fell into the druggy crowd and died of an overdose. That could seem like forever. The time had finally come and he had just graduated and it was also his 18th birthday coincidentally. He rushed home from the ceremony to print up the directions for his trip. He had decided to keep it old school and he was going to drive historic Rt. 66 all the way out to California, where he would bask in the sun and dip his toes in the tide.

When he got home he hit print, grabbed his backpack and was out the door. It was somewhere around his 7th hour of driving that he noticed something was wrong. He was pretty sure that Alabama was not west of Kentucky. He pulled over and took a better look at his directions; he was an idiot. He was so excited that he didn't really pay attention when he was typing into his computer. He must have hit the “F” key instead of the “R” and auto correct took care of the rest. He wasn't on Rt. 66, and from the looks of the map these directions wouldn't take him anywhere near it. Instead he was on “Fruit 66,” a series of roads that would take him to all of the major fruit farms that the United States has to offer. He decided that he had gone too far to turn back now, so he jut ran with it. He rationalized it by telling himself that it wasn't the destination that was important to this trip, but the ride itself, so it didn't matter where he went. It was also around this time that his old car was thirsty and needed to be filled up. When he pulled into the gas station he was surprised to actually see a Fruit 66 sign. He had assumed it was just a clever name the website had given to the route, apparently it was a real thing. He went in and there was a visitor's center with maps and photos and it looked like he was in for a treat. He also would be passing through South of the Border aka the most racist place in the United States. At the back of the center there was a cooler with cans of Fruit 66 sparkling juice. They were only $1 so he grabbed a couple of cans; one for now and one for the road. As he walked out of the center he cracked open the can and took a big gulp. It was getting hot now that he was getting further south and he was a growing boy, a very thirsty growing boy. As soon as the juice hit his tongue he knew his little snafu was for the better. If this juice was any hint of what this trip was going to expose him to, well then life was good. It was some of the best sparkling juice he ever had. It was basically seltzer water with a whole bunch of fruit juice in it; you know the fruit punch fruits. Normally seltzer water disgusted him, but the juice sweetened it up enough to make it still taste slightly dry, but to mask the seltzer flavor. It was 100% juice in this can and it reminded him of a better version of Juicy Juice. Sweet, fruity and healthy, it was exactly what he needed to lift his spirits and quench his thirst. If this was just the first stop of his adventure he knew he was in for a treat. He could only hope that all of the rest stops along Fruit 66 would also have cans of this juice. Perhaps if the beat poets had taken this route insted of Route 66, they wouldn't have had so many issues and they would have been content. Now onward to the peach orchards of Georgia!

Ricky was a boy who knew what he liked, and what he liked was limes. He had him mom buy limes by the bushel. He would put them on and in everything he ate. I'm not kidding the kid put limes on his PB&J. It was completely disgusting, but he loved it. Did I mention that Ricky was Canadian? Well he is, which means he also put limejuice on his poutine. If you ask me I think perhaps Ricky had an early life stroke that affected his sense of taste. I'm no doctor, but I see no other explanation for his love of limes.

Ricky's mom worked in Burlington, Ontario at The Pop Shoppe factory. It was her job to make soda pop day in and day out. For Ricky's birthday she wanted to do something special for him, so she convinced her foreman to make a lime soda and call it Lime Ricky in honor of her son. He was something of a local oddity so why not celebrate his insane taste buds? It was essentially their lemon lime soda, but without the lemon and double the lime. It was a bit more like lime candy than the fruit, but it all fell under the umbrella of Ricky's love. The foreman was actually impressed with the taste of the soda, so he decided to make this limited edition pop part of their regular line. Lime Ricky you are a very special boy and I hope you enjoy your birthday present to the world.

Pomegranate had it's hey day. Then it was acai's time to shine. The world has had oranges, apples and gross bananas crammed down their throat for centuries. What I want to know is when is it going to be guava's turn to stand in the spotlight? It is one of the greatest tasting fruits in the history of the world, and as I just learned it has a bunch of health benefits. It lowers the risk of both cancer and diabetes, it promotes fertility and good eyesight, and it helps regulate blood pressure. I think we need to declare the guava a superfruit this very minute.

Since it is now amongst the chosen fruits I shall celebrate with a bottle of guava flavored aloe drink. It's really a match made in heaven. One of the most fun styles of beverage and one of the best tasting fruit all rolled into one. The weird “grape” flavor of the aloe blends in perfectly with the taste of the guava. It's fruity and sweet in all of the right ways. The chunks of aloe are of average size, so you still get the fun aspect of them. At the store they had other flavors of OKF in larger bottles, but the guava only came in the smaller one. I feel as if I have been cheated and I demand restitution!

Did you know that I am fluent in Spanish? I'm actually quite the scholar. Give me anything and I will translate it for you. That? Sure I can translate your drink for you. As a bonus I will also translate the flavor of the drink into words you can understand. El Dorado, well that is just Spanish for “The Dorito.” I don't know why anyone would want to drink something that tastes like liquefied tortilla chips with powder flavoring on them, but I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go …€˜round. I'm actually regretting saying that I would translate the flavor for you. This really sounds revolting. Black raspberry Doritos, that just makes me want to vom. A promise is a promise so here I go. Hmmm this doesn't taste like Doritos at all. It really just tastes like berry-flavored water. Did you know when I was a kid my grandparents had a farm and they grew three different types of raspberries? Yup, there were golden ones, your classic red ones and a couple of bushes of “black” ones (they were really dark purple/blue). I assumed they were just blackberries until the day I bought a container of black berries at the market. There was a definite difference. This surely tastes like the black raspberries my grandparents grew. It's a different taste than the raspberries you are probably used to. It almost tastes like regular raspberries mixed with a couple of cranberries (minus the bitterness). I actually really like this and it seems that I have drunk your entire bottle. My apologies. I still don't understand what this drink has to do with Doritos. Perhaps I should write the company a letter telling them it would be wise to change their name.

Sometimes you find yourself hanging out with a couple of friends in need of late night Chinese food. Those times are generally going to be good times. As we waited for our food to be ready last night we pursued the bodega next door. All of the usual suspects of crappy drinks were there. I decided to go with a raspberry Arizona. It's been awhile since I drank one, and they are a nice treat from time to time. I grabbed the red can and as I pulled it out of the cooler I realized that it wasn't raspberry at all, but rather it was cranberry. I had to stop for a second in disbelief that I didn't know this flavor existed. Even before this site existed I was always on top of the new flavors of Arizona. I feel like I have failed in some way. I checked and sure enough we hadn't reviewed it, so strange. I purchased the can, went back next-door to pick up my food and we went back to my friend's house to eat.

The tea was basically the same as the raspberry tea, but with the raspberry traded out for cranberry. It has the same black tea flavored base as most of the Arizona flavors do, but the accent was different, which is always nice to have a new choice on the old 99cent shelf. It definitely actually tasted like cranberry juice, but without that dry bitterness that normally comes with it. It was overly sweet as most things Arizona are, but you know what you're getting into when you buy a can. It wasn't anything Earth shattering, but it was a decent inexpensive tea. I'd happily drink another can or a dozen.

A Eulogy.

Back in the year 2000 I became aware of a glorious place that existed a mere hour and half north of my in the magical land of Toronto. If one were to venture to the corner of Queen and Spadina on any given day (including holidays) one would find the source of much joy in this world. No I'm not talking about the bank, or the McDonalds. I am referring to the small hot dog cart that has sat there for many years. You might say, well that's not anything special. I would reply that this cart has incredible veggie dogs. You may say well okay that's a little special, but so do a lot of other carts in the greater Toronto area. My response would be but do any of those other carts boast to have over 50 condiments? I think not. A group of brave Buffalonians named this cart and it's cook “50 Toppings Guy.” You would be surprised at how many condiments you can actually fit on a hot dog. I've broken 20 on several occasions. The most important of all of the toppings is the often sought after corn relish. It is a true delicacy that the world needs to be educated about. So yes for years my friends and I would eat multiple dogs from this great establishment every time we were in Toronto (which is way more often then you would expect. There were times in the middle of the night when we would be getting hungry so we would just make the drive for hot dogs and nothing else (oh yes the stand is open 24/7). Those were the days when gas was under $1.50/gallon. With every order I placed at that awesomely dirty stand I also got a can of Cplus orange soda. Nothing compliments hot dogs better than a nice orange soda, and it doesn't get much better than Cplus. The secret to this soda is that it actually has orange juice in it, which makes it actually taste like oranges and not some weird mixture that kids are taught orange tastes like. Over the years I must have downed well over a pallet of these cans. You see it's not available in the US so I would get my treats in while I could.

Sadly the dark ages moved in. A large company bought out almost all of the hot dog carts in the city. “50 Toppings Guy' held strong and what followed was the Great Hot Dog War of 2007. (that may actually not be the correct year). A cart right around the corner and the lord and savior of condiments went toe to toe. The competition had the money so they lowered their prices to try and drive “FTG” out of business. He fired back with even cheaper prices. There was a point where you could get a dog for a loonie. It was a good day for consumers, but a dark time for our hero. Eventually condiments started to disappear. He simply couldn't afford to keep them in stock with his lowered prices. After a valiant fight 50 Toppings Guy gave in and sold his cart. A cart still stands at that location, but it's not the same. They did keep the corn relish though, so every time I'm in the land of Toronto I still eat a hot dog in memory of the ghost of a true Canadian hero.

Today I set up my grill for the year and cooked myself a round of veggie dogs. I've been saving this can since November, waiting for the perfect day to crack it open. Today as we mourn the loss of the greatest hot dog slinger to ever exist I urge you to raise a can of Cplus in his memory. You'll never find an orange soda as this, or hot dogs as good as his.

Welcome to part one of a two-part candy flavored plan of attack I had for last night. Last night I DJed at Mohawk Place, as I am prone to do every other month or so. On the way there I drank this can of Liquid Ice. The company had very graciously sent us an obscene amount of it (with a card that said “More samples coming”). With Derek out west and Mike and I not drinking energy drinks all that often these things are going to last us a lifetime. So I'm driving downtown pouring liquid energy down my throat and an odd thought floated into my consciousness; I really wish this wasn't an energy drink because it tastes really good. As we've mentioned time and time again energy drinks normally taste like a bunch of chemicals and it always seems to me that the flavor should be a dead giveaway to how unhealthy they can be for you. Also, along with those chemicals is normally a candy taste of some kind. Usually it's Smarties (US not Canada). Liquid Ice has somehow found a way to avoid the gross chemical taste and slide right into the candy phase. Better than that it doesn't taste like Smarties, it tastes exactly like liquid Spree. This drink really has a great flavor, as I said. So much so that it made me with it was just a regular soda so I could drink it and not fear for the future of my heart, or for my sleep that night. Within 15 minutes I felt energized and ready to stay up late and annoy the bar's clientele with music that probably only I like. A couple hours later led to part two of my plan. You can read it here.

ps. Wouldn't liquid ice just be water? Think about it. Maybe you too can be a scientist some day.

Alright children. It's the last day before summer vacation so we're going to play games all day. Let's start off by playing “Heads Up 7-Up.” You children in the front row are it for the first round. Everyone else put your heads down on your desk with your thumbs up. When the round is over if you're thumb has been pushed down you must try to guess who pushed it down. What's that Marcie? Why is it named after such a mediocre pop? Well it's because the game starts with seven people being it. Oh there are only five people in the front row, so that doesn't make sense. Okay well how about this, if they called it “Head's Up Vernor's Ginger Ale” people would get too excited thinking about that great soda and be distracted from the game. No one loves 7Up, but no one hates it either. It is the pop that is just there. It's not interesting in anyway. It's safe. Regular 7Up might as well be orange juice for all I care. I did once have some made with real sugar though. It was a little bit better. It tasted about the same as regular 7Up, but more old fashioned. It was still just lemon lime pop that I would normally pass over on any given day, but I was at a family picnic and it was all that was left in the cooler, so I drank it. I guess I enjoyed it. I certainly didn't not enjoy it. So yes, I liked it. Marcie now you've gone and got me distracted. Let's just go out into the fields and play Manhunt instead. I've been looking for a way to get fired anyways.

It's a well-known fact that by the time The Pixies recorded their third album Black Francis had taken over complete artistic control of the band. It turned into a “What I say goes” situation very quickly. There was actually only one time that the rest of the band put their foot down and refused to let him have his way. You see around this point Francis' lyrics were starting to get stranger and stranger. He was writing about outer space, aliens and for some reason superfruits.

In the break between Doolittle and this current album, he had gotten really into making juice. He made this one that he thought was superior to all others. He had combined the juices of acerola and peaches with some help from some oranges and mangoes into what he referred to as the uberjuice. He was so proud of this drink he had created that he wrote a song about it. He intended it to be the opener for his opus Bossanova. The band recorded the tracks and while everyone else was out at lunch, he downed a bottle of his juice and recorded the vocals as an ode to it. He sang about how the sour taste of the acerola cherries was evened out by the sweetness of the peach and mango juices making it incredibly smooth and delightful to drink. He also sang of the health benefits of the juice. One bottle contained 1200% of the recommended vitamin C for a day. Mostly he sang about how great the juice tasted and how he was going to put all other juice companies out of business with this juice that tasted like biting into a perfectly ripe peach while already having some acerola cherries half chewed in your mouth. It really did get graphic at times.

When the rest of the band returned from their lunch break they listened back to the track and shouted their disapproval. Not only was it just weird, but it also seemed like a big commercial for a company that Black Francis was going to start. Things got heated. Kim quit the band, but then rejoined shortly after. Francis finally agreed to remove the lyrics, but he refused to rewrite anything, hence the opening track on Bossanova is an instrumental. Strange times.

In 1993 the band finally broke up. Each member went their own way. Kim did The Breeders full time, Joey Santiago also continued in the music industry while drummer David Lovering took up metal detecting and magic. As you may know Black Francis started going by Frank Black and released a slew of albums. What you probably don't know is that he went big with his juice and he names his company Bossa Nova after the album that he first expressed his love of fruit on. You don't believe me? Rearrange the letters of the front of this bottle and it will read “Black Francis is the walrus, and a juice lover extraordinaire.”

Name three fruits that are pretty intense in juice form. You chose cranberry, pomegranate and cherry all of which are correct answers. Straight up cranberry juice is pretty common and it's not super intense, but it can be fairly bitter if it's not sweetened properly. Have you ever drunk pure juice of the cherry or pomegranate? Now that is a wild ride. Ocean Spray has combined these three juices, along with apple and grape juices, into a concoction that is mild and pleasant. I really think it's the apple juice that smoothes it all out, but the three main flavors are all present in their own way. The cranberries and pomegranates swirl around each other and mix way nicer than you ever would expect. The Cherry is mostly there in the aftertaste. There is no sweetener added to it, which is the way juice should be.

Wow this was a boring textbook style review. Oh well it was a great juice, but there's really not much to say about it other than it's awesome.

This drink was a castaway in the sea of beverages that flows in and out of the homes of the Thirsty Dudes. We've reviewed 25 different drinks from Cintron, and I'm pretty sure this is the last one left. When Derek left to move back to Portland last week Mike and I raided his cupboards and stole all of the drinks that he wasn't going to be able to take with him. I personally expected it to be the lowest of the low like Mike and I have sitting around, the things we are just dreading writing reviews for. As it turns out there were quite a few gems in there, this being one of them.

For such an unusual flavor for iced tea, it doesn't seem that odd when you drink it. Sure orange has been in hot tea for eons (literally eons, are you calling me a liar?) but how often do you see it in an iced variety. I have seen possible 2 or 3 companies that have it in their product line. Raspberry? That's old news. Combine the two and you have something new and exciting that doesn't taste too extreme. Fill up a glass for a friend and dollars to donuts they wouldn't even ask about the flavor, yet when you know the flavor you detect a subtle orange flavor hidden in an otherwise ordinary raspberry tea. It's great, and I'm glad we got to potentially close out this company with yet another great review.

S - Hey man I have an awesome drink for you to try.

L …€“ Oh that's cool. What is it?

S …€“ You don't even know man it's Way 2 Cool.

L …€“ Okay well what is it?

S …€“ No man, the company is called Way 2 Cool. It's ginger ale.

L …€“ Oh I like ginger ale. Let me have a taste…€¦..There is definitely something off about this ginger ale. Are you sure it's not about a decade expired?

S …€“ No man, that's just the barley malt in it.

L …€“ To quote my ex-roommate, “That's the kind of thing you tell a goddamn man!” Seriously malt beverages can be decent, but it's not the kind of thing that you sneak up on someone. If you don't know it's there the drink just tastes like it's gone bad.

S …€“ Dude, malt makes everything better…€¦.like liquor.

L …€“ Okay, you're just an idiot, and this drink isn't very good. It's most certainly isn't “Way 2 Cool.” Actually it's barely passable. I don't even think I could finish this bottle. I like malt when it's mixed with apple or pineapple, but it does not mix well with ginger. If it wasn't for that stupid malt this would have actually probably been a decent ginger ale. It has real ginger in it, plus limejuice and cinnamon. I bet it would have been interesting, and more than likely tasty. Here I sit though trying to make it through this weird malt that is overpowering every other flavor, while somehow slightly tasting like moldy bread. I can't believe that there is no mention of malt on the label besides the ingredients list. It's just going to turn off 99% of the people that would buy this. Also dude, why on Earth does this label say “Free Tibet and Taos?” Isn't that a bit insulting? I mean grouping in human rights activists with a couple of snowboarders that want a town to let them ride there? I'm beginning to think a bunch of suburban hippies started this company, and that makes sense why it tastes like garbage. Those type of hippies ruin everything.

S …€“ But dude! If you drink to the top of the label and put in orange juice it's a straight-edge brass monkey!

L …€“ Oh my god, you are an idiot. Please never give me another drink. Actually, please never speak to me again. I think I became dumber in this brief conversation.

Dear The FDA,
Can we get a little stricter on ingredient lists? I mean what constitutes natural flavoring? I could soak muddy rocks in a vat of water, would that fall under the category of natural flavoring? Take this can of Noah's for instance. It's a nice little drink. It's obviously flavored soda water, but the ingredients only like carbonated water and natural flavoring. Since the can also states that it contains 0% juice, I want to know what it is that I'm drinking that is creating that berry pomegranate flavor. I like the flavor, a lot actually. This reminds me a lot of the Dry Sodas. I hate seltzer water, but I really enjoy those, and I enjoy this a good deal as well. The Dry bottles list what is flavoring them though. This is just natural flavoring. Does that mean that they just soaked fruit in the carbonated water and then strained them out? How about a little guidance here? I like this drink it's lightly flavored sparkling water that makes you feel like an adult, even though it looks like it's marketed towards kids. If you could get kids hooked on this stuff instead of regular soda, the world would be a better place. I'm just the curious sort. Also, what is this that I've been hearing that if a drink has less than 4 calories, companies can now claim them to be zero calories? FDA, you either need to go back to school for some basic arithmetic, or stop being such a liar.
Sincerely,
The Thirsty Dudes

For the first time in the history of the world this orange juice is now available to the general populace. No longer do you need to be descended from royalty in order to enjoy its splendor. As recently as three months ago if someone was found with even an ounce of this juice on his or her person, or in his or her home, and they could not produce the proper paperwork to prove their lineage they would be tar and feathered. It was an old, outdated law on the books, but for some reason every law agency in the free world enforced it; unlike the law that states that it is illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. That one never seems to be enforced.

Here we now are at the dawn of a new era and congress has made an amendment to the constitution stating that no man (or woman) will be denied their constitutional right to delicious juice. One taste and you will understand why all those kings and queens of old would want to keep this drink all for themselves. It is nothing but organic orange juice, but it is some of the best orange juice I have ever tasted. One could easily believe that it was in fact this juice that kept them noble. It is sweet and citrusy without being overly acid in any way. If you were a betting man you might say that one could drink an entire gallon of this juice in one sitting and not get a stomachache. No betting man would say that about Minute Maid or Tropicana. It is a good day for the common folk, so don your makeshift crowns and drink a bottle or two. Its your day to play king.

After riding my bike around on a nice pseudo spring day I worked myself into a Zen-like state. To be fair being out in the sun for a while after a few months of winter (mild or not) will do that to a person. I decided to celebrate my brief inner peace with a bottle of Zico Tao Mango coconut water. I've really come a long way in enjoying these beverages over the past two years. From hatred, to passable, and now they are just enjoyable. Apparently to the fine folks at Zico Tao is a pseudonym for cinnamon. This tastes like cinnamon and mango (and of course coconut water). It was an unexpected flavor to have wash over my tongue, but it is enjoyable. The ingredients say nothing about it containing cinnamon, but maybe that falls under the "natural flavors." I would have never thought of mixing mango and cinnamon, but Zico must have gotten my message I wrote yesterday about companies halting their production of peach mango drinks. See you can think outside of the box and have great results. My girlfriend says it tastes like tanning oil, but what does she know? She's surely not a scientist.

An open letter to the beverage world,

Folks, don't you think you've beaten it into the ground? Perhaps we should just let it die in peace. Peaches are great. Mangoes are wonderful. When you combine the two they make a nice couple. You know the kind that will date for a few years, eventually get married and go on to have a nice respectable family. Everyone likes to know a couple or two like that, but no one wants to be surrounded by nothing but couples like that. It leaves one feeling like something is wrong with them for not being a part of such a wonderful couple. Then the non peach-mango will get desperate and try to pair itself with anything to be like the happy couples. That just isn't good for anyone. Am I making any sense? Of course I'm not. My point in that it seems every drink company out these days has a peach mango option. It's been overdone and it's no longer exciting. It used to be one of my favorites, but I no longer look forward to reviewing drinks of this flavor. I know you folks have more in you, so be creative. Match up some other fruits. I bet a passionfruit/dragonfruit would make for a wonderful wedding.

Sincerely,
Jason & The Thirsty Dudes.

ps. This actually has a decent peach/mango flavor to it, but for some reason they decided to add sucralose along with the sugar and crystalline fructose in here and you catch hints of it. I have no idea why they added it, but one serving still contains 42g of sugar, so it obviously wasn't to keep the calories down. Also if I didn't know there was milk in this I don't know if I would realize it was there, except for a little extra creaminess. Knowing it's in there grosses me out a little. I'm going to guess that 95% of this drink is all water, sweetener and milk. Take a second to think about making that in your kitchen. You wouldn't want to drink it then, so why would they put it in here? I don't see what it's there for at all. Take it out and maybe this drink would have gotten 4 bottles. As it is Derek is off crying because a cow was raped to make this drink. Fuze, why did you have to go and make Neulando Calrissian cry?

While on a recent trip to the Philippians Franklin went to a restaurant to get himself a nice lunch. He had spent his morning climbing and exploring the Taal volcano and had worked up quite the hunger and thirst. As he is prone to do he asked his waiter to put a lime in his water instead of a lemon. He read somewhere that lemons in restaurants are full of germs and bacteria since they are left out and workers tended to cut them with bare hands. As per usual logic did not surface in the mind of our fair protagonist and to him limes were as clean as can be. The waiter informed him that he was sorry, but the restaurant did not have any limes. Now Franklin did not like being lied to. On his way into the restaurant he had seem into the kitchen and there was crate upon crate of limes. He had even thought to himself that he had never seen so many limes in his life. To be fair you don't run across large congregations of citrus in western Pennsylvania. Franklin began to raise his voice and it took a whole two minutes of him giving the waiter a piece of his mind before the server could get a word in edgewise to inform Franklin that those were not limes, but calamansi. He then informed his guest that it was a different sort of citrus fruit that tasted like god put a lemon, a lime and an orange in his heavenly blender and then shoved the result back into a skin that looked like a lime, but was actually sweet. Being a man who likes to get a taste for local fare, Franklin asked if he could have a wedge of calamansi in his water. His server told him he would do him one better and bring him a glass of his island famous calamansi juice. It was his grandmother's recipe that was a mixture of the fruits juice, cane sugar and a little bit of honey for flavor. He warned Franklin that it was a bit acidic so he should not drink it on an empty stomach and urged him to eat some of the complimentary bread on the table while he went to fetch a glass. Franklin was no dummy, he knew to never fill up on free bread at a restaurant. He was a well-read man who had read that factoid somewhere (he just forgot the part about not doing that at buffets). He didn't touch the bread and when the glass was set before him, he chugged it down like a true Pennsylvanian. The waiter had not lied this was a tasty and refreshing drink that did in fact taste like the description he gave. It also tasted like the rind was left on the fruit when it was blended, but that was not a bad thing. It had a sweetness to it, but there was not so much sugar added to eliminate the tartness of the fruit. He could also taste the honey. It wasn't very strong, but it was there enough that he noticed it. It was basically lemonade made with this exotic fruit instead of dirty old lemons. This was something that Franklin would rave about when he got back to the States. He let out a huge burp and asked for three more glasses to be brought out. He would forgo his meal in order to fill up on this delicious juice. The waiter tried to talk some sense into him, but Franklin would not hear it. He was a grown man and he knew what was best for him, or so he thought until a half hour later when he left the restaurant with the worst gut rot of his life. Let this be a lesson to you; always have some food in your stomach when you drink something with a high citrus concentration. Franklin would never make that mistake again, well at least not until he ran into another exotic fruit that was new to him.

Sometimes there is nothing to do but not go to work and stay home and read a whole mess of comics. Did you know that the Erie County Library has more graphic novels than most comic shops I've been in? True fact. I've delved into their stock a bit here and there but today I went overboard and checked out nearly 30 collections. Hey it's cold and slightly snowing and I just want to kick back and relax. That includes drinking a nice dark soda. I would have preferred to accompany my comics and licorice with a root beer, but the only brown pop I had cold was this cola. Fear not, it paired well. I think a pop company should have recommendations on their sodas like wines do. You know like “Pair this Chardonnay with poultry,” but instead it would be things like “Pair this Mountain Dew rip off with video games” or in the case of this drink “Pair with Batman or Ex Machina.” I'm currently following this fictitious beverage association to a T.

Johnny Ryan has yet to disappoint me. This is a cost that is very obviously sweetened with cane sugar. Out of all of the sodas in the world cola benefits from this particular sweetener the most. It just brings out the flavors in a way that other sweeteners can't. I feel like this should be described the same way as one would a good root beer, so I will do just that. It's dark and full-bodied. My only complaint is that when you get to the point where there is about 1/5 of the bottle left the flavor gets a bit weak. It's strange because usually the end of a drink is stronger due to settling, but not in this case.

Danny's daddy always told him to stay away from certain areas of town. He told them they were dangerous and an unsavory element hung out there. Since as far back as he could remember Danny's ears were filled with warnings of the danger just a few miles away. His imagination made these areas out to be war zones torn apart by drug dealers and road warriors (he was a huge early Mel Gibson fan). His nights were filled with nightmares of being stuck in these areas and having to fight his way out after saving the president (he also love Escape From New York). There was absolutely no way that he would ever set foot in those neighborhoods. He liked being alive and not strung out, and he wanted to keep it that way.

When Danny was 16 he got his license and his daddy let him take the car out for a ride to celebrate. He left home, and got on the highway to go pick up his cousin so they could go do a few laps at the mall and score some Orange Julius and soft pretzels. It was going to be a good night. He got a few miles from home and without warning the car ran out of gas. He was luckily able to coast over to the side of the road, right before an exit. “Oh no” thought Danny. This was the exit that led to one of the bad neighborhoods that his father spoke of. He had no choice but to walk off the exit and find a gas station or a phone. Seeing as he was only 16 and his parents weren't insane, he did not have a cell phone. He shoved his hands in his pockets put his head down and began to walk. As got off the exit onto the main road he was surprised to not hear any screams or to see any buildings burning. Actually it didn't look that much different than where he lived. Luckily there was a small mart a block away. Out side the door Danny paused, drew in a deep breath and pushed open the door. He was instantly greeted by the shop keep who also informed him that there was not a pay phone, but that he was welcomed to use the store phone to call for assistance. Danny made his call to his deeply concerned daddy, and then continued to make some small talk with the cashier. He was a nice funny man, who even offered Danny a soda. It was like nothing Danny had ever seen before. He was shocked to discover it was from Lebanon. For all he knew there was nothing but bombed out buildings there and poor people. It was also kiwi flavored, which Danny had never heard of in a soda. He expected it to just taste overly sweet and “green.” He twisted off the gap and took a sip. It did taste a little sweeter than how he normally liked his soda, but he had to admit it really did taste like kiwi, which was a huge surprise. It did taste a little candy like, but in a way that wasn't gross at all. It was also a shocker to find out that this was a pop that actually had fruit juice in it. The soda was delicious and before he knew it the bottle was gone and his daddy was pulling into the parking lot. He thanked the cashier and left, quickly turning around to buy a sixer of this wonderful soda and gave his thanks again. As he climbed into his dad's car he thought of several things: A. This neighborhood really was kind of nice. B. He dad was a racist. C. His dad was really a jerk for letting him borrow the car with no gas in it, and without telling him the fuel gauge didn't work. What a prick.

Let me start off by saying that I found this drink at Big Lots. Not only that, but it was also on clearance. Something on mark down at a discount store generally means that this product has been discontinued. After a quick check I see that it is listed in the "Retired Products” section on the Jones website. I wonder how old this is. There's no expiration date to be found on it. I don't blame them for discontinuing it. It's not very memorable. It's basically Jones' version of the Energy flavored Vitamin Water, except it doesn't taste as strong, or as good. There is no specific citrus flavor to it. It's just nondescript tropical citrus. It's a water drink, so I don't expect the flavor to be very strong, but the problem with this is unlike Vitamin Water you can taste the vitamin undertones in it. Vitamins don't exactly taste wonderful, so that's kind of a deal breaker. With so many other vitamin based drinks on the market these days this beverage falls short. Jones, I've tried a bunch of your products, and I have to say, stick with what you know…€¦soda pop.