Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

I feel sort of stupid reviewing these drinks, because they are essentially just water. Sure each one has a little something added for a benefit, but you can't taste it at all. Well, maybe you could taste it if you had insanely powerful taste buds, but I assure you I only have an unnaturally strong sense of smell.

What we have in this instance is a bottle of vapor distilled water with magnesium added to it. One would think that this is some kind of energy water since it's called “Power,” but the name is just because magnesium helps to build strong bones and muscles. The bottle says that it's a nice change of pace from eating spinach. I say they are wrong. Spinach is delicious and I eat it all the darn time. I also drink a cubic butt load of water a day, so I guess it's for those of us who don't get enough of either, but yep…€¦it still tastes like water.

This has been sitting on my shelf for longer than any other drink I have to review. I don't particularly like Big Red. It tastes like bubble gum with a hundred pounds of sugar added to it. After one sip I swear I can feel my teeth rotting. On top of disliking the flavor, I also am not a fan of most diet drinks. That is two strikes going against this drink and it was enough for it to sit in my cupboard for over six months.

I decided I should start working on getting all of these older drinks reviewed before I worry about the newer ones. Basically I was sick of looking at this can every time I opened the cupboard. The company sent us samples and it was a “preview” can that is just a silver can with a sticker on it. I actually like the look a lot, and I wish it were the real label. I looked online and apparently this new diet version of the drink is sweetened with sucralose, Ace-K, and aspartame. That's a whole lot of artificial flavors that I want little to do with. The thing is, I found this to be better than the original version of the drink. It still has that bubblegum flavor, but it kind of masks the flavors of the artificial sweeteners, and it doesn't tastes like you're drinking an entire barrel of sugar. It's sweet, but not cavity sweet, and with only slight fake sugar flavor. I think you may be onto something here Big Red.

Everyone knows that carrots help with your eyesight. If you eat enough carrots you can read books in a pitch-black setting, it's a simple fact. What many people don't know that rabbits are the key to even better vision. They consume an insane amount of carrots, and then something happens with their metabolism that creates an enzyme that can cure the blind. The only problem is that the enzyme resides in the rabbit's ears, so they must be removed for the sake of science and in the name of better eye care. Okay, if you believe that, you my “friend” are a moron. In fact, according to the internet, just eating carrots doesn't even help your eye site, you must also do eye exercises. Say goodbye to everything you knew about healthy eating.

I have a tendency not to look at ingredient lists, or descriptive writing on drink bottles until after I drink them. The reason being that I don't want it to affect my review. I want to go in blind. With that in mind I expected this to be mainly carrot juice with mango and blackcurrant juice added. I knew there would be other stuff in there too, but that is what I expected the base to be. With carrots on my mind I took a swig and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it didn't taste like carrots at all. In reality it tastes like a mango orange juice with just a hint of currants. After I contemplated the sip I checked out the ingredients and I was correct, there's not a drop of carrot juice is present. It is all white grape, pear, orange, mango and blackcurrant juice with a whole mess of other “eye” ingredients. It tastes pretty great as a juice. I would never expect that it had such ocular benefits from the flavor. I would have just taken it as a juice.

This is one of those rare occasions that I should have read the ingredients before I drank it. You see this drink contains fish oil, a no-no for a vegetarian such as myself. If you have similar dietary restrictions I would stay away, but if not try it out and give your eyes some love.

Ps. The companies name on the packaging looks like a nose and two eyes. I hope that was intentional.

We all know the origin story of Spiderman: Peter Parker is a nerd, who does to a science exhibit about radiation where he gets bit by a radioactive spider and gains supernatural powers. Exciting, but ultimately just a story. What you may not know is that scientists have recently found spider webs in a radioactive area where no life should be able to exist. What that story doesn't tell you is that they have found the spiders in question, captured them and scientists have studied them in captivity. They came to the conclusion that a bite from one of these spiders can in fact give you super human strength and powers, and the military has been working on a way to weaponize that. In addition they have discovered that if the venom is significantly diluted it can be used to make energy drinks. These drinks give you a limited range of the abilities of a full dose for a few hours. They thought it would be a nice gift to the citizens of the United States. Having super powers, even for a limited time is a dream for most Americans. It's unfortunate that in the sea of energy drinks that has flooded the market “Spider Energy” has been virtually lost.

The strange thing about radioactive spider venom is that it has an orange flavor to it. I was actually surprised that orange juice was not an added ingredient, and that it is in fact the flavor of the venom. It's actually more of an “orange drink” flavor mixed with your everyday orange soda. It's not bad, and the flavor is certainly worth it for those wacky spider powers. They warn you that if you get bit you'll certainly “stay lit” and eventually burn out like so many test subjects before you. If you only drink this beverage the side effects only include crashing from the dizzying highs.

Somewhere in a dark dungeon of a laboratory a scientist, possibly a mad one, is wringing his hands together in celebration of his victory. In the light of one of those things that is just two poles that shoot electric waves between them he is one happy little monkey. What are those things called anyway, and why does every evil scientist have them in their lab? Are they a way of turning evil into electricity? These are questions the public has, and which we demand answers! Back to our scientist: He is so pleased with himself because he has created an unholy abomination of water and antioxidants, and to top that he has added flavor to it. Somewhere deep in the pages of the bible god proclaimed that man would not mix water with those who fought against the mighty oxidants, but that did not stop our evil friend. He will certainly go to hell for these acts, but he has created water that will fight free radicals that tastes like a nice peach-mango combination, and that is certainly worth eternal damnation. Even if he does have to “face his maker” his plan is to claim that in reality it is no longer water because it's so sweetened and flavored, albeit lightly. You see he simply made an antioxidant ridden drink. That would fool god right?

Wait, I thought that Fandango was that service where you could order movie tickets? Oh, it is. I'm not crazy. When I asked you to bring up Fandango, I meant for you to bring it up on the computer, not bring me a glass of sparkling juice. Yes, I know we have plans tonight to go to your niece's stupid recital. Oh good we get to go listen to four year olds pretend they know how to sing and play instruments. I just wanted to try and pre-order tickets for Batman. Yes, I know that it doesn't come out until mid June, but I want to make sure that I get tickets for the midnight showing. I mean it's Batman, he's the greatest “super hero” of all time and he's fighting Bane. Have you even watched the preview yet? I told you to about a million times. Obviously you haven't though, or you wouldn't be questioning me.

Okay, you've gotten me sidetracked. Back to the question at hand: What is this drink? Oh, it's a spritzer that is names “mango fandango.” I guess that makes sense that you brought me it. I mean it's not bringing me any closer to seeing Batman, but it is tasty. I appreciate that there are no added sweeteners, just the glory of fruit. It seems like a lot of companies use apple juice as a base for everything, and I understand that. Pure mango juice would be way more expensive. Luckily the addition of mango and passionfruit juice to the apple juice gives it a great flavor that stands out. It tastes tropical in a completely non-citrus way. I like citrus, it's helped me out many times in my life, but I would choose this type of tropical any day. This is actually very sweet for not having sugar added to it. We should bring a case of it to the after recital party tonight. Those youngsters these days eat/drink way too much garbage and they all seem to be getting overweight. If we turned them on to this instead of regular soda they will thank us in twenty years. Oh man in twenty years I bet there will be at least 3 new Batman franchises. I can't wait.

Whenever I drink one of these sodas I always think of rap/hip hop. I know that the champagne spells their name differently, but I still always think of it. This also led me to think that there better be a hip hop song that has the line, “Bottles poppin. Booties droppin.” Thanks to a quick Google search I know that the hip-hop community has not let me down. Like they ever would?

You know who else would never let me down? Kristall. Sparkling water, apple juice and sugar make for one great combo, that's a no brainer. Kristall takes things in a slightly different direction by using a different type of apple. I don't know what type of apples are typically used to make apple juice, but there is certainly some standard. Kristall doesn't use that type. I wish I were more of an apple connoisseur so that I could tell you specifically what it is, but my palate is not that refined. I can tell you that it is a dryer apple, and the flavor of the skin is still intact in this drink.

Get yourself a nice “dry” apple and a bottle of sweetened sparkling water. Take a nice huge bite of the apple, chew it for a second and then let your mouth over run with the water. That will give you a homemade version of this beverage and a big wet, sticky mess. Now clean up that mess and yourself, we're in the middle of the grocery store.

At the top of the list that I find upsetting today is that this company has zero web presence. We drink so many drinks that go from garbage to mediocre to decent, and almost all of them have some sort of website or info online. Of course now that we find a company whose teas squeeze our mind grapes in all the right ways, we have no way of ordering more. Friend to Thirsty Dudes Marcus Scott Meadows sent us this tea as a gift. It's made in IL where he is from, and I've never had a drink make me wish I lived somewhere else before. I want this to be readily available to me in any corner store. Actually the fact that it is not pretty much proves to me that god is either dead or never existed.

This is a kettle brewed green tea whose flavor I would liken to the green tea you are served in high-end Chinese restaurants. They take that great tea and sweeten it with honey. I am a huge supporter of unsweetened tea, but when it has to be sweetened honey is the way to go. It adds such a great flavor to green tea, without making it overly sweet. Had Mmm..Tea stopped there I would have said this is one fine tea that is not to be missed. They were not content with that though. To step up their game they cut a decent sized chunk of ginger and put it in the bottom of the bottle. Suddenly this tea has gone from great to astronomical. I've heard it said that the key to a man's heart is through his stomach, well I can assure you that the key to my stomach is with ginger. I eat it daily on everything: Asian food, veggie dogs, veggie burgers, burritos, you name it. The fact that this is not only flavored with ginger, but also contains a big hunk of it is going to make it hard for me to find a better iced tea. Oh and before you ask, of course I are the ginger when the tea was gone. What do you think I am, an amateur?

I really wish I had been the one to review the “regular” sweet tea that Tradewinds makes. I would have liked to compare it to this to see just how much sweeter this is. I will say that this is the closest tasting prepackaged tea that I have ever had to authentic sweet tea that I've drunk on trips down south. It's just brewed black tea leaves and sugar, glorious, glorious sugar. There is no mistaking that real sugar taste in here. It tastes like someone filled up a pitcher with water, put in a mess of tea bags, and an even bigger mess of sugar and let it sit in the sun for a few hours to warm it up and let it brew. It makes me want to sit in a rocking chair on a front porch with an old dusty dog. I don't think there's a bigger compliment for sweet tea. Oh yeah if you drink one of these a day for a month I'm pretty sure your teeth will rot out of your head. Make sure you brush properly. I don't want to play any part in your poor dental hygiene.

Everywhere Elliott went everyone constantly told him how amazing he was. It was as if he could do no wrong in the eyes of his peers. Things weren't always this way, it all stemmed back to a couple of years ago when he went to Coney Island, before they tore it down, and made a wish on the Zoltar fortune telling machine. Why he was asked to make a wish by a machine that was supposed to tell him is fortune is something that never quite sat right with Elliott, but who was he to argue with the results? Since then everything has been coming up Milhouse…€¦.err I mean Elliott.

Elliott had always loved juice, and when he could afford it he would make his own with fresh produce from the grocer. At a family party he served some of his newest concoction (apple, cherry and strawberry juice) to his sisters husband, who just happened to be a very rich and powerful man. Do you know what he said? He exclaimed, “Elliott like you this juice is amazing! The flavors are so smooth, yet present! The cherry/strawberry combo makes it taste like you mixed the flavoring from a Fruit Roll-Up with good quality apple juice!” He then whipped out his checkbook and wrote Elliott a blank check to start a company to mass-produce the juice, along with other flavors.

It's now been a year since that party and things have been going great. Elliot's juice line has expanded and everyone says it's amazing, so much so that he decided to name the company “Elliott's Amazing.” The only fear that Elliott has is that the FDA is going to tighten up their restrictions and come down on him for saying his juice is “all natural” when it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. It's only a small worry though, as he's sure that if he gives them a bottle they will look at him and shout, “Elliott, you're amazing!” and then give him a pass.

Uludag: a name that strikes fear into the hearts of the common folk. It's the type of name that if this review were an old movie when it was said thunder would crash and lightning would flash. No one knows exactly what sort of evil lies in wait at the center of the Uludag mountains. All that is known if that when men enter the region they never return.

I will let you in on a secret. I know what the heart of the evil is and it goes by the duel names comfort and luxury. You see there is a little town at the summit of one of the mountains, and in that village there is a little shop that sells cans of Uludag cola. The people of the town are so friendly, the view is so exquisite and the cola is so tasty that visitors have no urge to ever return to their old lives. Sometime, early on, someone came up with the idea to start rumors of a monster or demon living in the area to deter people from showing up. No one is a fan of overpopulation; it would just ruin the allure of the town. Whenever a brave young buck ventured forth to vanquish the evil, they would eventually find the town, and be so intrigued by it that they would agree to the terms and stay. The other option would be for them to be publicly hanged, but luckily that option has never even had to be presented. It really is the cola that keeps people in that town. I know all of this because my great uncle lives in said town and once smuggled me out a can. I don't know what it is exactly that makes the cola special, but there is something in it. Unfortunately I could not read the ingredients, or anything on the can for that manner. There is a picture of a telephone, and I am shocked that such a small town in the mountains, that is trying to remain hidden, would advertise a phone number. It is a delicious cola though. At first it tastes like a high quality standard cola, but the more you drink, the more you notice a little something extra that makes it smooth with a little extra taste and it's great.

I just tried to research the language on the can to find out the ingredients, and you know what? My uncle is a big fat liar. There are no rumors of evil in Uludag, it's just a mountain in Turkey where a pop factory is. I feel like an idiot, but at least I know I can score more of this cola.

Dear Red Jacket,
I am now under the impression that there is no juice that you cannot master, well at least not one that is apple based. Everything I have tasted that you have produced is beyond great. You take fresh fruit and cold press them into perfection. This drink has no added ingredients, just apples and strawberries. It's the way juice should be and it tastes incredible. Each sip is like I'm picking a strawberry fresh from the patch and shoving it in my mouth, which is already overrun by delicious apples. That is something that I really feel I must do now. Does gluttony count if it's with fruit? Isn't that just healthy? Either way, keep doing what you're doing and I hope that some day you will expand your juices into the realms of other fruit.

Everyone thought that Stephen Lina and his father were charlatans because they sold heath tonics out of a little cart. They were early wave traveling sales men, but unfortunately for them some men had come before them trying to make a quick buck by swindling people out of their money by offering them what were essentials vials of dyed sugar water. The Linas were not con artists like these others. They had similar selling tactics as their peers, but their product actually worked. You see Mr. Lina was a scientist and he had discovered the healing properties of flaxseed. He knew it could be used to help combat ailments that would in the future come be known as cholesterol, diabetes, cancer, constipation, menopause, heart disease and depression.

Mr. Lina could have easily made it public knowledge that flaxseeds could help cure so many ailments, but then his family would stay exactly where they were: in the poor house. He had promised a better wife for his family, so he made up a whole mess of flaxseed tonics, loaded up the family cart and went out to make his fortune with his son. It's just unfortunate that the time that they chose to go sell their wares was the same time that people across the country were getting fed up with scam artists ripping them off and not healing their problems. The Linas were chased out of every town they went to. They never once even sold a bottle of their flaxseed tonic. Broken and beaten the two men returned home with their tales between their legs to live out the rest of their life in poverty.

It wasn't until over a hundred years had passed that Stephen's great grandson David's interest was piqued when his grandmother told him tales of the traveling Linas. He found his great great grandfather's notebooks in an old trunk and used his fancy college science degree to make up a batch of “Vita Lina” as his ancestors had called it. It tasted okay, but it needed a little something. He just happened to have some iced tea and a can of guava juice on hand, for some unknown reason, so he added it to the mixture. That was exactly what was needed. What his grandfather had once called a tonic was now a tasty beverage that was most definitely marketable. The guava and iced tea masked most of the flavor of the flaxseed, but it was still slightly there. Nothing about the flavor was offensive at all. In fact if one were unaware of the flaxseed content, they would never be the wiser. The consistency was a bit off though. It was a little thick, our young scientist's girlfriend most than once announced that it felt like she was drinking body wash when she would take a sip. David didn't think it was that thick, but he gave it to her that it was thicker than most drinks in a strange way. David eventually teamed up with Simply Originals, to distribute his beverages, and finally his family started to see some money from their ancestor's ideas. It was a good day.

My ladyfriend recently watched a documentary about a man who went on a strict juice diet for some insane amount of time. He lost an insane amount of weight and improved his health immensely. I keep toying with the idea of trying it myself and see how far I can take it. I'm not exactly overweight or anything, it's just that winter is ending which means that I have been incredibly lazy and inactive for the past five months and I don't like the way it makes me feel. I have already started to get active again. I've broken out my bike and gone for a few rides, but a little help never hurts. Also, I like challenging myself.

So there I sat with the idea of this juice diet swimming around in my head and I saw this bottle of Fave juice sitting in my fridge. In the documentary the guy only drinks fresh juice, but I know I can't afford that so I figure anything that is 100% juice with no added sweeteners would work for me. I thought to myself “I'm going to start this right this very morning.” I grabbed the juice, poured myself a decent size glass, and began my journey. As soon as I took my first step of my journey the problems arose. This doesn't taste quite right. Let me rephrase that, this tastes like it should, but not the way I want it to. I wanted it to be a nice citrus juice that masked the flavor of the vegetables contained, but retained their nutrition. Instead what I got was a vegetable juice that had a citrus flavor to it. There are two distinct juices in this bottle and they are battling it out for the top flavor. Unfortunately for me the vegetable juice is winning out. I have no problem with vegetables. I love them. I eat them daily. My problem is that the fruit juice has sweetened the vegetable flavor and it just tastes strange. I'm sure there are loads of people out there that would love this juice, so I'm going to give it a three-bottle review. There is nothing intrinsically gross about it; it's just not really my thing. I've already begun rethinking this juice diet, and I'm pretty sure that by the time 4pm rolls around I will have eaten some bagels and hummus. I am a weak man.

Folks, let's just face the facts. The chances of anyone out there actually making a watermelon flavored drink that tastes like watermelons are slim to none. Most things that are supposed to be watermelon end up tasting like Jolly Ranchers. They only get the credit because there zero amount of research I will claim them as the first company to try and harness the essence of watermelon. It's not a bad flavor, but it certainly tastes absolutely nothing like the fruit. There is so much water in watermelon that it would probably take 50 full grown melons to get enough essence juice to make an 8oz beverage. It's just not cost effective, especially since I don't think there are any real health benefits to that specific fruit. Rant over.

While this doesn't actually taste like watermelon, it does have a decent blueberry flavor to it. It's also the strongest tasting Cascade Ice that I have tried. Sure it's sweetened with sucralose and is essentially flavored seltzer water (a losing combination in my book) it is still remotely enjoyable for me. I keep thinking “I'm really not into this,” but as soon as the flavor leaves my mouth I find myself taking another sip. I can only assume that those of you out there who are into diet drinks, and who are not grossed out by the taste of sucralose, would really enjoy this. With zero calories you could drink an entire case of this and not feel terrible about yourself, well except for the fact that you peed your pants.

Marco and his family had money. Not only did they have money, but they were filthy, stinking rich. Where as normal families save all year to go on a weeklong vacation his family went to exotic locations every weekend. You would think that all of that travel time would be rough on a child of ten, but you'd be surprised at how much faster a Lear jet can get you places. Marco's favorite weekend trips were the ones they took to tropical locations. He liked the beaches and all the crazy birds, but his favorite part was all of the crazy exotic sounds drinks his parents would have, but never let him try. As he laid his head down on his pillow each night his mind was filled with visions of margaritas, mojitos, mai tais, and daiquiris. The names and colors were so intriguing, but since they were “adult drinks” not a drop ever passed his lips. For years he begged, but his parents were relentless.

One unlikely day whilst on a trip to NYC where he had tagged along with his dad, his life changed forever. His dad had stopped at a corner store for a pack of cigarettes, and told Marco to grab himself a drink. Being disgustingly rich, Marco was not used to shopping for himself. There were people who did that sort of thing for him. He was shocked at the selection of drinks set before him. Instantly a pink bottle caught his eye. He instantly knew he needed this drink in his mouth as soon as possible. This was all before he even saw what flavor the drink was. When he pulled it from the shelf he saw that it was a strawberry daiquiri. His brain was suddenly filled with the Gabrielle song “Dreams” (you know the one “Dreams can come true, look at me baby I'm with you.”). It took until the second verse until he realized that the song was actually just on the radio in the shop. As he held it in his hands his dad gave him an understanding smile and gave the shop keep some money.

He wasn't even out the door before he had opened the bottle and let the sweet, sweet liquid pour over his tongue. To tell you the truth, it wasn't as magical as he had expected. Maybe it was because he was in a dirty metropolitan and not in a tropical paradise, but the drink seemed off. It certainly tasted like strawberries, but more like a combination of real strawberries and strawberry flavored candy. It was also way milkier/thicker than he had expected it to be. This wasn't what he expected to be drinking when he turned 21 in Cabo. Okay this is stupid. This drink is okay, but it's nothing special.

Ice is everywhere. It is nice to chill your drinks, keep your food from spoiling and even preserving cavemen in ice until they can be unfrozen in California and turn out to be a way cool dude. The problem with ice is that it's not very portable. It requires large, bulky equipment to move it anywhere without it melting. Sure there is the dry ice option, but the number of people who just burn the hell out of themselves with it is astronomical. Scientists have been hard at work in the labs trying to invent “liquid ice.” If their plans come to fruition it would be less bulky and easier to cart around your frozen Neanderthals. Sure people mocked them saying that liquid ice is nothing but cold water, but that didn't stop them. They kept trucking on in their research. Many experiments were performed, but unfortunately they did not achieve their goal. Instead they invented an energy drink. You would think with all the chemicals they would use anything that was created should not be ingested, but these scientists thought outside of the box and tried non-toxic materials. Since their real research seemed to be going nowhere they ditched the actual liquid ice idea, kept the name and started marketing it. They ended up with a diet energy drink that had sucralose in it. It really just tasted like liquid Spree candy, if that candy was made from compressed sucralose instead of compressed sugar. It wasn't mind blowing, but they thought that since no other energy drink company had yet to call dibs on the Spree flavor that might as well. That is the story. I heard it from my cousin's nephew's third grade teacher, and she would never lie. Liars have to stand in the corner.

If there was one thing that Izze was great at when she was young it was remedial art. Actually it was just the mixing of primary colors that she excelled at. She absolutely loved the concept that mixing two separate colors could result in a completely different color. If she mixed blue in with red, she got purple, blue and yellow got her green, and red and yellow brought her orange. It was simple, it was science and it was wonderful. She would spend her days mixing different proportions to see what shades she would achieve. She never tried mixing more than two colors though. That would just cause unimaginable chaos.

When Izze got older she found herself a part of the soda game. She was sick of the everyday sodas that that no redeeming values other than taste. She watched the world around her grow fat from ingesting far too much of it. She decided to take a stand and offer the world a soda that was mostly fruit juice. She added no sweeteners and let the fruit do its job. Things were going well, but then the bills for the fruit started to add up. She wanted to make some out of the ordinary flavors, but purchasing the fruit to make those juices was expensive. That is when the light bulb of genius lit above Izze's head. She would use her old knowledge of color mixture to simulate the flavors that were too expensive. She would start with the blueberry. After doing a little math in her head, she deduced that the blueberry flavor was simply nothing more than grape and apple juice mixed together. She whipped up a batch and threw in a little bit of actual blueberry juice in the mix, so that she wouldn't feel like so much of a liar to her customers. When she took a sip she instantly realized two things: Apple, grape and blueberry juice mixed together is pretty delicious and also that she was a complete moron for thinking that color theory had anything to do with the flavors of fruit juice. Apple and grape juice mixed together, while tasty, tastes nothing like blueberries. It tasted more like a light grape juice than anything. There was a hint of some sort of berry flavor hidden in it, but you really had to look for it. What Izze should have done at that moment was change the name of the flavor, because it was tasty and she was on to something, but it just wasn't blueberry. Unfortunately she had already ordered all of the bottles for the soda, and there was no way she was going to waste money on new ones. Screw her customers.

If my grandmother saw me drinking this she would probably yell something along the lines of, “You're drinking mums. Why are you drinking mums? Why are you drinking flowers?” I knew a chrysanthemum was a flower, but I never would have thought “oh yeah those are mums like in my grandmother's garden.” Yes I now realize that “mum”
is in chrysanthemum, but whenever I said the name before I always thought it was “chrysanthium.” I am certainly not a botanist.

To answer my grandmother's question I would have to respond with “I am contractually obligated to try every drink that is in my path that is not alcoholic.” I basically signed the Hippocratic Oath of beverages. Did this drink look appetizing when I saw it in the store? Nope, but I bought it anyways out of obligation. I admit that I have grown to appreciate some flowery drinks over the past two years or so, but a flower that looks like the one on this can is not screaming flavor. I know exactly how that flower smells and I don't want to taste it. I really don't, but I must. Fine I'll get it over with quick. Hmmm that was an unexpected turn of events. This drink is overloaded with the taste of licorice root. I expected Easter floral hell, but what I got was only ever so slightly floral and mostly licorice. Sometimes I wish that licorice root tasted like red licorice, but that's really not licorice at all. I actually absolutely despise black licorice “licorice,” but I love things flavored with licorice root, specifically root beers. I'm actually a bit bummed that Mike isn't here to enjoy this with me, because I know he would absolutely love it. To recreate this beverage, get yourself a bottle of sweet tea and while you're drinking it chew on a stick from a licorice tree (yeah we've done it, but it doesn't make us hippies). Swallow and repeat.

This is the first concentrate that I am reviewing for Thirsty Dudes. Mike has done a couple, but I just want to come right out and say that I'm not a fan of concentrates. No matter what the instructions say I can never get the proportions correct. I've followed them to a T and measured everything out, and they just don't taste right. Then one of my friends will come along and mix it by eye and it will be delicious. The same thing goes with rice. I cannot make rice without either a mass amount of it to the bottom of the pot, or having it turn out soggy. I am just an idiot.

For further proof of myself being an idiot. I took this bottle down from a high up shelf to day to grab a drink that was behind it for a friend. When I placed it back on the shelf I accidentally did it so it sat there precariously for about 3 seconds before it tumbled to the floor and exploded everywhere. You would think a person's first response would be to start cleaning it up, but my instinct was to quickly grab what was left of the bottle and pour the remaining precious concentrate into a glass. Only after it was secured did I go about cleaning up the mess. Then I went back to work. When I was done I then cleaned up the mess again because even though I mopped the floor felt like that of a discount movie theatre. Not something you want in your home. Now that I am sure the floor has been thoroughly cleaned I am sitting here with what is left of the concentrate. After I mixed in the proper 3 parts water to one part concentrate I had maybe enough to half fill an 8oz glass. I took a few tiny sips and I have to say, it doesn't taste like something I mixed at home. It was strong, lemony and oh man did that ginger have a kick to it. I added just a little bit more water to calm it down a little and I think for once I got a mix right. It certainly doesn't taste like natural lemonade, but to be honest nothing is ever going to replicate that flavor properly unless it's just lemon juice sugar and water mixed together. The fact that it doesn't taste “real” doesn't detract from it at all though. This is a whole other beast altogether. It tastes like a lemon drink with a healthy dose of ginger in it. My ladyfriend couldn't handle the ginger, so if you're not a fan of the burn I would water this down a bunch more. Now I am a bit disgruntled that I had at most 6oz of this drink when I feel I could have had several gallons. I must learn to be more observant of my surroundings.