Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Attention! Alright you maggots, welcome to basic training. I will be your drill sergeant, Perry Como. The first one of you to make fun of my name or to refer to the singer who I happen to share a name with gets to clean the toilets for the next week with their toothbrush, and THEN brush their teeth with it. I'm here to whip you little sissy girls into shape. I will make you the men that you ought to be to defend our beloved country. Yes I know that is sexist, but guess what I'm a drill sergeant. I am supposed to be offensive and unpleasant. Haven't you ever seen a movie before?

As may of you may know Vitamin Water sponsors the United States Army. As each group of new recruits shows up at the base so does a pallet of one flavor of Vitamin Water. After getting a look at you children, it only seems fitting that you would be given such a froo froo drink as this blend of apples and watermelon. Oh and look these apples are from Fuji, well ooh la la aren't we fancy? You will not be given refreshments until you have completed each phase of your training. That being said you're first bit of training is that you will be running 20 miles out in a torrential downpour. Since it is not raining we have a machine that will simulate the storm. It will move with you around the track, dumping rain and wind on your heads like the king of Hades himself. As you run I will sit comfortably on a platform just outside of the storms range enjoying one of these girly drinks. Let me get prepared and open one up now, so you can watch the enjoyment on my face as to give you motivation. I will now take a sip and describe the flavor to you, so you can begin salivating like the dogs you are. Ahhhh. This really does taste exactly like some scientist somewhere found out a way to juice candy apples. It has the specific apple flavor that can only be given by a Fuji apple, but it also has the candy taste of the sugar coating. There is a slight watermelon flavor in it, but really it's mostly candy apple that I taste. It's wonderful to have that flavor without the mess that normally accompanies it. Also there is a whole mess of caffeine in here. It would make more sense for you to drink this before you run, but we're the army and we're cruel, so afterwards you're bodies will be exhausted, but your minds will be alert! Now get under that storm machine and start running!

Tina had had enough of her restless nights. She was a busy woman and she needed to be at the top of her game. You see she was in the middle of a big job at work that required her to be at the lab at 6am and she was sometimes there as late as 11pm. Whenever her friends complained about working too much, or being tired, all she had to do was shoot them a look and they would shut up immediately. Originally she had drunk coffee to help her stay alert, but her body became accustomed to it, and it stopped working well. She then moved onto your everyday energy drinks, but she really was never comfortable with all of the artificial garbage in them. On top of that they gave her the jitters and they also kept her up during the few hours that she actually had for sleeping. She was a mess and her research was suffering because of it. Then one day on one of her brief and rare breaks she wandered into a health food store and saw this little bottle of Guayaki. The bold pink letters of “Yerba Mate” stood out to her like the bat signal in the night sky. An all natural, organic drink that would work the way an energy drink should without advertising as being one. On top of all of that it was grapefruit and ginger flavored. It tasted like a typical yerba mate tea, you know earthy and bitter with a coating of agave and Stevia laden grapefruit juice to mix things up a bit. It was a bit more diety than she had hoped, but for an all natural energy drink that wouldn't make her feel crazy, she was happy to deal with it. She had also hoped that there would be a little kick from the ginger, but alas there was not. It only appeared in the faintest form of flavor. That day the gods looked down upon Tina and bestowed their grace upon her for her excellent work in the field of hotdog milkshakes. Her research would soon propel the world into a utopia where hotdogs and ice cream were properly fused into one glorious dessert drink.

Max was a strange boy. He was obsessed with all things orange. Not only did he eat the fruit and drink the juice constantly, but he also used orange soap (hand and dish), burned orange scented candles and painted everything in his home the color. As I said there was something off about that Max boy. No one would ever expect this boy to come down with scurvy. A typical meal for him would be oranges to eat, orange juice to drink and for dessert he would put a little sprits of whipped cream on top of an orange slice. One day it dawned on him that he could recreate his dessert in the form of a beverage. He first tried mixing orange juice with whipped cream, but the cream ended up curdling and even though it tasted fine, the idea of it made him want to vom a little. On his second attempt he used orange soda with a little bit of orange juice mixed in and added the whipped cream to that, then mixed it all together into a uniform consistency. The result was subtler than orange cream sodas he had tasted in the past. Since he used whipped cream instead of the traditional vanilla cream, it wasn't as strong and didn't taste like a creamsicle as much. The flavor actually fell in-between that of an orange cream and regular orange soda. He decided to call it orange crème, so he could pretend he was fancy and foreign. As I said, Max was a strange boy. A strange boy whose complexion eventually turned orange, and not from tanning too much.

Can someone please tell me when the energy drink consortium signed an exclusive deal with the Wonka corporation for all energy drinks to taste like someone shot candy with a laser to make it a liquid. One would think it would be a normal flavor, but it is one that is exclusively used in sugar-based candies and in energy drink. It's the strangest thing. Even though this is a sugar free drink it still tastes like candy. How can something with no sugar taste exactly like something that is composed entirely of sugar? That is the “shock” in Shock Wave. It's a shock that this can taste so sweet and candylike, but be sugar free.

Oh and yes, this tastes like a variant of 95% of all energy drinks out there. It tastes slightly diet, but mostly like candy. Sweet, sweet candy.

This week I took my ladyfriend to Philly to go see Wild Flag, eat way too much food and hang out. She had never been to the city of brotherly love before, and it was a good time. No trip to Philly is complete without a stop at Wawa for soft pretzels, peanut chews, and iced tea. At the first Wawa we stopped at I decided to go with the Green Tea Mango. I have never seen it in the past, so I believe it may be a newer flavor. Either that, or I am just completely oblivious to my drink surroundings, and if that is the case I should probably just retire from this game. So I grabbed the tea, my two pack of pretzels and two packs of Goldenberg Peanut Chews. I made a wise choice. The tea was fantastic. One would think that a mini mart's store brand of tea would be garbage that was more sugar water than tea, but one would be wrong in forgetting the magically power that is Wawa. The tea is sweet, but in a good way. It's actually made from green tea, and not some powder. It's also sweetened with real sugar and not HFCS like most store brands. It has the dry/bitter taste of a somewhat quality green tea, with a mango flavoring that tastes authentic. I had barely made it two blocks before all of my purchases had been consumed. I should have opted for the larger bottle.

Sometimes you have a long day at work and when you get home you just want to sit back relax with your ladyfriend and your cats and watch a movie. Sometimes you still feel stressed, so you drink a relaxation drink to help mellow you out. Sometimes that relaxation drink is a can of the sugar free version of Koma Unwind. Always that drink will taste like the strangeness that would be diet Pixie Stix. Instead of tasting like flavored ground down sugar it now tastes like flavored ground down sucralose. It's somehow not completely terrible. I don't like it as much as the normal, but for those of you out there who are accustomed to diet drinks this would probably taste pretty darn awesome.

Sometimes about a half hour after drinking this drink your still conscious, but your body feels like it is asleep. Sometimes it's a strange sensation and it makes you feel restless, because you're not in bed and asleep. Sometimes you give in and go to bed. Sometimes you have dreams that you're a criminal breaking into a broken down Dave Foley's house to break into a safe. Sometimes he comes home and you sneak out the back into a neighborhood park. Sometimes he comes out and you chat each other up. Sometimes you ask if you can use his bathroom so you can go back in and recover the jacket you left behind. Sometimes Dave Foley has a completely disgusting toilet. Sometimes the next thing you know a truck with a gallows on it is pulling up for your execution. Sometimes you make it so the truck rolls down the hill into the lake in order to not die. Then sometimes for some inexplicable reason you dream about drawing highly lifelike pictures of Hugh Laurie.

Sometimes life is very strange with Koma.

I'm sorry, but I have nothing positive to say about this drink. It doesn't really taste like tea at all, even though it has natural tea solids. It also tastes overly diet. Splenda is the devil, and it has no place in beverages. Drink companies of the world take note. It's gross. I don't want to drink it. Keep it out of your drinks, so I don't have to taste it when I write reviews. I understand the need for diet drinks. We live in a country where the majority of the inhabitants are overweight in an unhealthy way. Diet drinks are fine; just use natural sweeteners such as Stevia. Finally, the peach flavor tastes insanely fake due to all of the artificial sweetener that's in here. Hansen's I expected more from you.

Impatience. We've learned to treat this as anything but a virtue. Like that time that Mitch Hedberg told the wino who he saw eating grapes “Dude, you have to wait!” Apparently the folks at Starbucks never got that memo and they harvested their coffee beans too early. You see the little buggers were still green. They were in no shape to be roasted and eventually brewed into a $4 cup of coffee at one of their stores. The thing is that unlike everydayman the Starbucks head honchos are an industrious type. They knew that the green coffee still has high caffeine content. They didn't want their crop to go to waste, so armed with this knowledge they decided to make a chilled energy drink. They took some sparkling water, mixed in some orange, apple, grape and watermelon juice, and then put in the extract from the green coffee and some other ingredients to help create energy (physicists be damned). For an afterthought due to impatience it is crazy how good these drinks ended up tasting. It almost tastes like a mellow Orangina, with a little bit of a watermelon kick. Unlike almost every other energy drink in the world, this one tastes like you're really just drinking some sparkling juice. It also has a low calorie sweetener in it, but the taste of it is nicely hidden. It's only really noticeable slightly in the aftertaste. Well played Starbucks. It's shocking that a drink in one of your shops costs about as much as three of these did in the supermarket, and these taste way better.

The fine folks of Azerbaijan have dreams, big dreams. In case you didn't know it Azerbaijan is a country in Eurasia that borders Armenia. If you didn't know that you certainly did not know of the countries collective love of all things bubblegum. The people of Azerbaijan dream of a world where all things have a bubblegum flavored equivalent: ice cream, steak, asparagus and even sugar. They have come close to their goal. In fact just recently that have perfected a bubblegum flavored pickle that I'm told will knock your socks off.

Now that their goal is nearly achieved they have decided to up the ante a bit. They now want different flavors mixed with the classic bubblegum flavor to give people options. You know that classic Azerbaijan saying, “Life is all about options. Without them people are no better than a tortoise.” Well they take that very serious, so their scientists have been hard at work at splicing flavors. So far they have perfected the coupling of bubblegum with mint, cantaloupe, cardamom and the often sought after artichoke. Rumors have it that recently the scientists have set their sights on the flavor of pear, you know apple's bastard cousin. I believe what I hold in my hand here is a concentrate of the pear bubblegum flavoring. I say that because the flavor is so strong and sweet that to think it was an actual beverage blows my mind grapes. I hadn't even twisted the cap off all the way before the entire room I was sitting in suddenly smelled incredibly strongly of pears. It is strange because once you get the cap off and smell the liquid directly it smells more of bubblegum than pear, but it's still detectable. The flavor is that of the strongest cola champagne I have ever tasted with slight undertones of pear. I guess it's true what people say that the people of Azerbaijan love their bubblegum flavor, but sometimes like a pinch of something else. Had I not known the history of this fine country I would have not expected this beverage to taste like this at all. I would have expected simply nothing but sparkling pear juice. That is why you must learn the history of the world, so that bubblegum flavored drinks don't sneak up on you.

These drinks are the beverage worlds equivalent of Tribbles. Don't act like you don't know what a Tribble is. I know you're secretly a nerd and have at least a beginner's knowledge of Star Trek, so you can just stop pretending that you are clueless as to what I'm talking about. Again, this drink=Tribbles. No matter how many I drink of them whenever I open my fridge/cupboard there are more waiting for me. I think they may actually be asexual organisms that are just reproducing. If they were spectacular drinks I would celebrate this and encourage them to reproduce at high volumes. Truth be told, I'm not a fan of diet drinks, or things that taste like seltzer water. I don't flat out hate them, but with so many other drinks floating around my world I'm drinking these out of a sense of duty. In reality these aren't bad at all, but they are completely middle of the road. This one in particular tastes like a slightly dry diet orange soda with just a hint of mango. You really can't even make out that it's mango, but there is definitely another fruit flavor there other than orange. To be completely honest I would have probably enjoyed this a bunch more if they had completely forgone a sweetener instead of using sucralose. Oh well, I'm sure that when I go to move more drinks to my fridge tomorrow I'll find 8 more bottles of this stuff. KKKKKHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!

It's hot, I mean unnaturally hot for this time of year, and you've been cruising around like a jackass on your longboard all afternoon. Earlier you got a double iced ristretto venti nonfat organic chocolate brownie Frappuccino from the Starbucks on campus but for some reason something with such a stupid name just didn't refresh you like you wanted it to. You really need something to cool you down, but you blew the last of your money on the sweetest visor you have ever seen at the local “skate shop.” Well at one point in the past it was a skate shop, but now it's really just a stupid clothing boutique, but they still have a couple killer longboards in the window. You were just about resigned to give up on your day and head home and drink whatever beer you could find stashed in other kids dorm rooms, when you decided to take a shortcut behind the mini mart that sells beer to underage kids. As you were holding your breath to ride passed the dumpster that smells like it contains the corpses of at least eleven different types of mammals, you noticed a case of drinks sitting by the back door. The turd who worked the counter made fun of you last week for buying Zima and Skittles so screw him you're just going to steal a couple of bottles. You grabbed a handful of the drinks and shoved them in every pocket that your cargo shorts had to offer. Then you reached down to grab one for the road. You really showed the proprietors of that store, stealing drinks they had out by the dumpster. That will show them to laugh at your alcoholic beverage choices. As you turned out of the alley onto the regular road you cracked open the bottle of Jones 24c Strawberry Lemonade. It looked like it was your lucky day, nothing beats the heat that a nice bottle of lemonade. You gulped a huge mouthful and promptly fell flat on your face. It could have been the pebble that stopped the wheel of your longboard, or it could have been the distinct feeling that something was not quite right with the lemonade. Actually you instantly decided that whoever decided to call it lemonade should be fired. Not only did it not contain a single drop of lemon juice, but it also didn't taste like they even tried to fake it. Now that you think about it, it didn't even really taste like strawberries either. It just tasted like a generic fruit flavored fake Vitamin Water. Something was also very off with the taste. Originally you thought that it might have been the sweetener, but after realizing that it was made with cane sugar, you decided it was either the vitamins that had been added, or the drink had simply gone bad. All of these thoughts swam through your head as you stared down at your new visor that was now swimming in a mud puddle. Suddenly a moment of pure enlightenment washed over you. Whether it was spoiled or this was just the way it tasted this drink had been where it belonged out by the dumpster. Also, you are a complete douche bag and “longboard is the wrong board” bro.

Hi, I'm Mr. Pure. You might remember me from such drinks as Papaya Punch and Pineapple Orange. I believe I know what people want, and I take pride in providing them with only the purest juices. Here in my factory I order the purest juices (in concentrate) this world has ever known. I then add some water to un-concentrate them and add high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, pectin and red 40 to the mix. People want pure and I give them pure that's why they call me Mr. Pure.

Okay, even though the whole pure thing is pretty much a garbage gimmick and there is nothing pure about this drink (the bottle itself says there is only 10% juice in it) this is a decent tasting beverage. Sure there is no watermelon in it at all, unless that falls under “natural flavor.” It's just apple and peach juice. If you hold in it your mouth for a while it gets that Jolly Rancher watermelon taste to it, which is kind of creepy knowing there is no watermelon in it. The peach taste is decent at least, and that's from real juice. Also even though it is sweetened with HFCS it's not as thick as I would expect. It may not be pure juice, and it may not come close to a nice 100% freshly squeezed juice, but it sure is a heck of a lot better than most juice drinks you would find in a gas station.

I wasn't really prepared for this. I expected a decent juice, but not to this level. Raspberry flavored apple juice sounds great right? Well how about whole raspberries pressed into some of the finest purest apple juice you will ever taste? This bottle contains 100% cold pressed fruit. On top of that it's made semi-locally. It seriously tastes like I'm eating fresh fruit, and I can't get enough. It's known that I am a glutton when it comes to drinks. My ladyfriend always complains when I ask for a sip of her beverages, because to me a sip is a quarter of the bottle (or so she says). With that in mind I am trying to take the tiniest sips possible of this, so that I can savor the flavor. This really is one of the best juices I have ever tasted. If you ever see this at your local market, don't even hesitate to make your purchase.

MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM, I want lemonade! Now son, you know we're in Mexico and you can't just have everything you want. We've been here for a week and all you've done is complain about how you want some lemonade. I told you before I looked in every store and nowhere sells it. I also haven't been able to find any lemons to make you some fresh. They must be out of season or something. But MOOOOOOOOOM I really want it. What about that weird plastic lemon that is in the fridge, couldn't you make some with that? Well I suppose I could. I don't want to make it with the tap water though. W have a lot planned today, and I can't have you running off to the bathroom every five minutes with the runs. The only bottled water I have is carbonated, but if it will get you to shut up let's give it a try. Oh, now you've gone and put far too much of that lemon juice in the sparkling water. We'll have to fix that by adding some sugar. Unfortunately since this is a rented room, there isn't any sugar here. Oh wait, I think I have some packets in my purse. Ugh, all I have is artificial sweetener. I guess it's better than nothing. Here try this. What do you think? Ugh, MOOOOOOOOOOMMM this is GROOOOOOOSSSSSSSS! Nothing about it tastes natural. MOOOOOOOOMMMMM I don't want lemonade anymore. I want iced tea!!! Well lucky for you they had some down at the market. Let's take a quick trip there.

So yeah, this tastes exactly like the drink this family made, except it has little dark chunks in it. It's apparently part of the limejuice, but it just looks like the drink has gone bad. This also says it has no diet aftertaste. Guess what? They are liars.

Never before has apple flavor tasted so sickeningly sweet, yet still tasted so much like an actual apple. The spectrum of apple drinks normally ranges from your everyday normal apple juice to that disgusting fake sour apple flavor that tastes nothing like an actual apple. This somehow tastes like apple candy, but in a way makes you think that you're actually biting into a nice red apple that has been soaking in a barrel of sugar water for the past three weeks. It's strange, and it seems like it should be gross, you know too much, but it's somehow not. On top of that it has chunks of nata de coco in it that make for a fun experience. So it's now like that sugar soaked apple has little chunks of hard coconut bit throughout it. Wow, typed out that sounds completely disgusting, but believe me it works. Kids would probably enjoy this more than most adults, but if a lot of sugar doesn't bother you, pick up a bottle at your local Asian market.

Surplus! Surplus! Surplus! What on Earth are we going to do with this surplus of vegetables?!? Marky “accidentally” put the decimal point in the wrong spot on his last order before he spit in old man Peterson's face and quit. Now instead of 50lbs of vegetables we have an entire warehouse full of them, and they are going to go bad fast. I know what you're thinking, and no we are not going to donate them. Sure it would be a tax write off, but I'm not going in the business of throwing way money, especially in such high quantities. Don't give me that look. I bet you have never done a day of charity in your life! Oh, you work in the soup kitchen and read to dying children in the hospital in your free time? Well aren't you little mister perfect!

Wait a minute. What was that drink that you had last week? It was juice, but it also had vegetables in it. Ahh yes. V8 Fusion. You said that was delicious, so why don't we do the same? We have a bunch of peaches and mangoes that we were going to make juice out of, why not stretch that a bit further and mix in a bunch of veggies. You could hardly taste them in that V8, or so you said last week. Plus the vitamin content will increase, which means so with the health benefits. People love healthy stuff these days.

Okay either you're a liar, or V8 did something we didn't because I can most certainly taste the vegetables in this juice. It tastes pretty much exactly like what it is; peach mango juice mixed with vegetable soup. Well if that vegetable soup was sweet, which is weird because we didn't add any sugar. It starts off all right, but that aftertaste is like a bad gazpacho. We could cut down the number of veggies we use, but then we would still have an insane amount left after the fruit is gone. I think we should stick with this recipe. Even if it's gross, people may still buy it because it's a new product, and we have no intention of ever making more after all this produce is gone, so who cares if they will never buy it again. Now let's make some juice.

Imagine this if you will. It's about 1am and you're about to make a 3+ hour drive from Cleveland to Buffalo. You just got out of a show and you are dying of thirst. The thing is that you're in the ghetto and pretty much everything is closed. You finally find a gas station, but your driver won't stop because of “unsavory characters.” Instead you find a second gas station that looks far worse than the original one to you. You know you have a long drive ahead of you and you don't want to sleep so a large beverage is what is needed. There it is staring you in your big stupid face. Pineapple Passion Fruit pop, with a suggested retail price of 99 cents. Keep in mind you've had a long day and your brain is weak from lack of fluids (that's a thing, right?). To you this is a holy grail. Two of the worlds greatest fruits together for possibly the first time in soda form, in a bottle that is so big it will last you the entire three hours home, and on top of that it's under a dollar. The gods must be smiling down on me. I quickly made my purchase and went back to the car. I didn't even have the door of the car closed behind me when I suddenly realized four things: those fruits probably shouldn't be made into soda, no one in their right mind needs that much fluid, especially when they are driving, nothing that big should be that cheap and that I had made a terrible mistake.

To sum this up, it's now over a month later and I'm sitting here with this bottle and there is only maybe 1/5 of it gone. I didn't get very far into it that night, or in the following weeks, because well it didn't taste very good. It tastes just like it costs: cheap. The flavor isn't pineapple nor passion fruit, but a general tropical citrus flavor. That is if tropical citrus flavor tasted completely artificial and like cheap hard candy. If you're watching someone's kids and you don't care about their health give them this to drink. Their taste buds aren't fully formed so all they will taste is the sugar, and they will probably love it. I can't see any adults liking this, that is unless they accidentally drank a glass of acid in a lab, or blew far too much coke (isn't any far too much?) and can no longer taste anything.

So for a while now this drink has been bouncing around the three of us here at Thirsty Dudes. Mike found it somewhere for mere cents and had to buy it. The problem is that we all hate banana flavored things, well except Runts. Since then it has exchanged hands several times, never willingly. I really should have just kept it going. Hid it in Mikes burrito, or mailed Derek some crazy root beer, but drink it myself and fill the bottle back up with this “banana flavored drink.” An old roommate and I once hid a box of caramel popcorn in each other's rooms for over a year. When one would find it, they would hide it somewhere in the others room. I wonder if he ever found it the last time I hid it. It's been over two years since then. Oh well enough dilly-dallying and tales of wonder, I'm going to drink this bottle of what has to be grossness and end it's reign of terror.

Oh god, I think it may be worse than I ever imagined. It's one thing for something to be banana flavored. I mean they are gross, but tons of people like them. If it actually tasted like bananas I would have given it a decent review, because it would have tasted like it was supposed to and billions of people would have enjoyed it. There may be eight people in this world that might enjoy this monstrosity. It actually smells like banana Runts, so I thought there might be hope for it. Nope. It tastes like banana candy mixed with Windex. There is actual banana juice in this, yet I would be more suited to wash the windows of my house with this than I would be to drink it. Since this is Hello Kitty, and a weird flavor one would be led to believe that it is a product of Japan. Again, Nope. This sucker was made in Italy. Italy, you should know better. You're drinks are normally top notch. I expected so much more from you.

Dude I know you've been working out a flat-tax proposal, but we totally have a gig tonight and we need your head in the game. What's that? No, I don't care that you somehow proved that there's no god with your numbers. Don't you see that is completely meaningless when we're about to play the BATTLE OF THE BANDS! We've been practicing for weeks in Mark's garage, and to be honest I need something to show my wife that this whole “little hobby” as she calls it is worthwhile. I mean I know we're the best rockers this town has ever seen and that we're totally going to ride to the top of the Billboard charts, but unless we win this thing I'm pretty sure Mavis is going to make me quit. So now drop the calculator, grab your bass and let's go. You look a bit sluggish from going over those numbers all night, so I grabbed you an energy drink. They had a whole mess of them, but I grabbed this one because it's called Amp and we're rockers and there ain't no rocker that's gonna rock without his trusty Carvin amp. Also, it's got some other junk in it that is supposed to help you keep focus and concentrate, and again to be honest you're thunderous bass lines have been a bit sloppy lately. This should keep you on target. Actually I could use a little focus myself for my fiery solos. Hmm that stuff tastes pretty good. It tastes like some kind of blue candy that is basically just compressed sugar, you know like Spree or Sweet Tarts. It tastes better than your run of the mill energy drink. It actually doesn't taste too chemically either. I would have thought adding more junk in an energy drink like choline and theanine would have made it taste more like a science experiment, but that sugary berry flavor really masks it well.

I really can't believe that I talked about that energy drink the entire time we loaded up the truck, drove to the show, unloaded and set up. It's time for us to start so here we go “If I Had A Million Dollars” in 4 3 2 1…€¦…€¦.

America has decided that they are simply too cool to take vitamins in pill form. There was a public hearing and it was decided that vitamin pills were just too 80's, and not in the “cool” we dress like complete morons way. They were fed up, and demanded something simpler, because as you may know they are a lazy bunch. The FDA suggested that if they did not want to take their vitamins they should simply start eating better. If you're getting everything you need from your food, supplements are completely unnecessary. America laughed in their face. They chuckled as they said there was no way in hell that they were going to give up their Big Macs, their pork rinds or their Double Downs. It was a sad day for America indeed. Then someone had a stroke of genius and decided to start putting vitamins into drinks. People could easily consume all of the vitamins they needed for the day in one convenient bottle. More importantly it was a drink for this decade, not the stupid past. Thus Vitamin Water and the like was born.

Not long after a million other companies started doing similar things. Some were great tasting others belonged in the filth can. Sadly Multi Vitamin Enhanced Water is closer to the latter. What we have here is a lemonade-flavored water. No it's not just lemonade, it's like watered down lemonade with a whole mess of vitamins thrown in the mix. The label boasts that there are “more vitamins in every bottle.” That is definitely true because you can taste them, and it's not a good scene. In other companies versions of these drinks the flavor of the drink masks the taste of the vitamins. When you drink this you may be confused and think that someone put poison in your supposedly refreshing beverage. This is like the end of Planet of the Apes, but in beverage form. We finally did it. We got rid of the need for pill vitamins, but now it's been replaced with gross tasting beverages.