Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

We talk a lot about sugar and real sugar and fake sugar and at the end of it I would give it all up for unsweet tea. This would be a good start. It's good. It tastes like something you could make at home but who cares. It's there in a fancy glass container with a gigantic mouth that's hard to drink out of but that's a lame complaint that I'm not even using against the final report card of this drink.

Look, apple isn't a strong flavor. This does taste like apple but faintly. The hibiscus is good, though. Paired together is a nice. Think of it like a boisterous party guy who is dating a real sweet but quiet girl. What a pair but they are on both ends of the spectrum. This is the nice relationship that is two people that truly love each other that you question why they're together until you see them in person and all questions are answered.

Where do I sign up for the cleanse that I just drink this? Is it far away? I will take a trip. Seriously. This is fantastic. It tastes like a spicy lemonade and then you lick your lips and it tastes like honey. I would go broke if I did it but I would probably feel a whole lot better if I did. This drink was $7. When Jay did his cleanse, he drank four a day for three days and that math adds up to $84. I might feel better physically but mentally I would feel like I was robbed. I'm not saying it was not worth it but I simply could not justify spending that on juice. If they could somehow cut the price by adding non-local honey or something, bringing this down would let me buy it more and, who knows, feel better.

Seriously, I wish I hadn't had it shared with me from my lady friend and drank the whole thing. It was wonderful. Just slightly less punishing and masochistic than a Prometheus Springs.

What better way to ring in the day after a wedding than to drink a crisp, refreshing Bellini? This drink, according to people that drink and people that do not drink, was faithful to its name. It was very sharp. I think the carbonation mixed with the sweetness of the peach juice made it such but it was good. There were little bits of peach in it and it was supposedly made with 25% peach juice. This is also to be used as a mix but honestly, I don't know why you would want to ruin this otherwise very good drink with alcohol. I guess that is why I don't drink because "I just don't get it."

I hope that this company follows their own path and uses this same model to create other drinks using the same formula because I think they would all be this good.

As I review this, I am in Long Island. I am drinking Long Island Iced Tea in Long Island. This, as if it needs to be said, is non-alcoholic. It is just iced tea. It is a sweetened iced tea but there isn't much "tea" flavor. It isn't bad but it's just kind of sweetened stuff. If Nestea was better, it would be this. It's not fantastic and it doesn't taste like a sweet tea with lemon. It tastes like a general "iced tea" made with real sugar and with lemon flavor. I would say "nothing to write about" but writing about drinks is kind of what I do. Long Island...you never cease to bore me.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Bitter. Bitter. Cold. That's the roller coaster that this drink takes. It's good for a while. It's got a good coffee taste. In hindsight I don't really taste any vanilla but the fact that it's not super coffee tasting I can only assume that it's partially due to the vanilla smoothing the edges like the nice router collecting dust in your late grandpa's basement. The bitter comes from the coffee. It's good. It tastes like a good, sweet, iced coffee. Where the cold comes from is the Stevia. It is quite dastardly in this drink. It somehow overpowers vanilla and coffee. It leaves you with a distracting cold that takes away from the otherwise good flavor of its brethren. How dare you. Show your elders some respect.

I don't know if I knew what to expect with this drink. There are a lot of flavors in that title. Can you taste all of it? I actually think so. So right away, kudos. Green tea and ginseng? Right off the bat. That's your round one. That is followed by a mix of pomegranate and acai. I have never eaten a raw acai. I have seen that one web advertisement where that "newscaster" girl is touting that it's some sort of cancer killing miracle fruit. Those two friends, acai and pomegranate work together in bitter, fruity harmony. The agave gives it a smooth sweetness. I actually like it. It's sort of calming and rounds out the edges a bit. This has a decent amount of bitterness from all of the companies combined which is nice since after all, it's supposed to be bitter.

All around, it's good. It does what it's supposed to and tastes like how it's supposed to taste. It's not asking a lot but rarely delivered. Congrats!

Shannon, you've got to calm down. I don't know what the big deal is. You always get like this. You stress out over something that really doesn't matter. I'm your friend and you wanted me to tell you when you were getting ridiculous. Now is that time. I've been thinking and I think I've got what you need. Answer? Herbal tea. Whenever you get all jittery about something as dumb as Alexis in accounting wearing the same dress as you, go to the break room and make some of this tea. I bought it for you. It's light yet complex. It's got fruity flavors from raspberry, strawberry and huckleberry and also has a slight hint of licorice at the end. It's just something to sit and think about. Instead of complaining aloud as to why your DVR didn't record Pretty Little Liars, just sit in the break room and mull over this nice drink. I've got a couple bags of this. It comes in those giant, family sized tea bags so I can make an entire pitcher and have it in my fridge for a couple of days.

Look Shannon. People are talking and they're pretty sick of it. I'm trying to keep your job by giving you something creative to focus your time on. No one cares about how much you wish you could live the lives of any of the Real Housewives. Trust me. No one cares, Shan.

Apple juice: One of the hardest things to review. Why? It really tastes so similar it's like splitting hairs. It's the same with orange juice. It's hard. Also, before you ask, the answer is "Yes." Yes, we know the difference between "hard work" and "hard to review juice." We're aware of our place in this world, alright?

This is apple juice. The difference is that this has sugar in it. Most apple juices are straight apple juice. I do not know why Chaparritas decided to add sugar and honestly, it doesn't change the taste at all. If they would have used a different sweetener like corn syrup it probably would have made it strange and thick but since they used natural, cane sugar, it probably closely mimics that of the sugar that comes from apples.

Sugar? No sugar? At the end of the day you've got a nice, petite glass of apple juice.

Like a scene right out of Chapelle Show's "Pop Copy" skit, I walked in to Dunkin' Donuts and the employees were talking about not committing a crime because it wasn't worth going to jail and having something on their record. Fantastic. I, for one, enjoy catching little gems like that. At least these people have some sort of personality and aren't just robots behind a counter pressing buttons. As long as it doesn't affect my food, continue on, please. I find myself right now asking myself what it is that wasn't worth it. In between jail talk I managed to ask what a Dunkaccino was. Her response was that it was like a mocha but with a powder. I have reviewed Dunkin' Donuts mocha and it was disappointing. Why? Because they advertised it to me as "Oh, you mean a half hot chocolate and half coffee?" pulling the sheet off the magic trick. This was described with a bit less blatancy.

This tasted like hot cocoa with a touch, a dash of coffee. It wasn't bad. It went down pretty smoothly as if it was somehow "lighter" than regular hot cocoa. Frothy, perhaps.

At the end of the day, I'll probably get the jitters from a minimum amount of coffee-based caffeine like a wimp but hey, if the glove fits.

'Tis apple season. We made it. We made it to another apple season. Also, apparently equally as important is that it is "pumpkin spice" season but that holds no weight in this review. This is a sugarcane drink. This is just a sugarcane drink, too. So why am I mentioning apples? Well it tastes like a really sweet, earthy, slightly rotten apple, that's why. I could not tell you why it tastes like this but it does. It's not terribly fantastic, either. It's really sweet and that's fine since it is sugarcane. Sugarcane itself, the raw stalk, tastes good because there is a cool texture when you bite it. This is just a liquid and it comes at you a little fast and there is nothing to break up the onslaught of sugar water down your gullet. I don't want and I didn't want that. I understand that it's raw and that's the only ingredient but I bet if I cut it with water or something it would have been more tolerable.

Jim doesn't get sick often but when he does, he gets really sick. He can stay healthy during multiple cold and flu seasons but out of the blue, he'll get it and it hits him hard with all of the symptoms of a cold or flu to the fullest extent. It usually puts him out for two or three days. People call him a wimp about it but truth is, Jim has a far better immune system than them because he's only sick one time for every three times they're sick.

One of those seasons was upon us and Jim caught it and caught it badly. He had a head cold and couldn't breathe and was blowing his nose every twenty minutes. He just wanted to sleep. He thought about how he usually felt better when he drank orange juice but didn't have any. He went to a corner store by his house and bought a lemonade. He thought that if Vitamin C came from oranges it would come from lemons, too. He brought home a new type of lemonade that he had never tried before because of the nice packaging and the fact that there were no preservatives and he had to shake it before he drank it.

In all his sickness, he took a big sip and loved it. Everything tasted like styrofoam until now. He could taste the lemonade and the lemons and the sugar. It was like he woke up from a deep sleep to be in a technicolor dream world. He could taste the lemons and they were both bitter and sour just like a fresh lemon is.

Although still sick, Jim felt better for a limited time. He knew that all the soup wouldn't make him feel as good as a nice, fresh glass of that lemonade would.

I don't travel anywhere near as much as Jay. Jay has been to all the continental US states as well as Hawaii. I can't imagine traveling that much, mostly because I don't really go a lot of places. One thing I also don't do is specifically travel. "I'm going to go to London and see the Salford Lads' Club." is nothing that I've done. I like going places with people I know and let them tour guide me. If I set a destination, say, Wyoming and made a point to go to the Grand Teton national park and then bought this, I wouldn't be disappointed, but I would be left with questions like, "Why did I come here again?"

It's not that this is bad but it's very basic. Yes it tastes good and it was made with real sugar and it's sweet but what it isn't is "remarkable." Now I know that it's audacious to expect "remarkable" every time but from me to you, you can get "this" cream soda almost anywhere. Maybe cream soda is one of those flavors that you make once, everyone accepts it and moves onto more important things in life. I'm not complaining. I'm just leaving you some of my mental thoughts while I drink something for the first time that I've drank a hundred times before.

"I could make this at home." might be a chef's worst "comment" from a patron. Most of the time, "Shut up. No you can't, sir. I went to culinary school and you cannot make a duck confit like this in your microwave you fat dump." is what goes through their head. This, though. This is a sweetened passion fruit juice. I've seen passion fruit and I've seen sugar cane. Mush them up and you've got this drink.

Now what is different is that I'm not going to try it and I am happy someone else did it for me. This is good. It tastes like a nice, sweet juice. The passion fruit shines and is, if anything enhanced by the sugar cane and not by some artificial sweetener. There is nothing in this, though. Passion fruit and sugar cane juice. Done. Two ingredients. No mucking about.

So if you are a patron of a restaurant and you eat something you can make at home, good for you. Go home, save some money and make your own. That or open up a restaurant and show that chef who is better. If you're not going to do either of those, enjoy the presence of your friends and family and stop being a regular know-it-all. No one likes that. Be fun to be around.

Ah the lemon zest; an attractive garnish on many of the dishes on the Food Network. They just take that lemon, roll it on a cutting board lifting the fruit from that pesky rind and then rub it against a grater like a bear scratching itself against a tree. I wonder if they have a slew of interns just rolling and grinding lemons all of the day for college credit. I think that they also might have entry level, minimum wage workers juicing all the zest into a little drink. Then, the full timers are bottles and packaging. Then, at the end of it all, is the big wigs. The big wigs sit back, smoke big, fat cigars and just count money all day.

What we're left with, in short, is a lemon seltzer water. All that zesting and bottling and smoking just leaves you with a bottle of fairly generic lemon seltzer. Look, it's fine. It's good, right? It's just lemon seltzer water. No need to beat around the bush. Get back to school so you can learn how to cut corners and hire the unhirable slobs that are college students and start learning to count to really high numbers because soon you, too will be swimming in dollar bills and small coins.

Oh the flavors. If you don't like this, then you can just go home. This so perfectly captures the "real" taste of pomegranate as well as the earthiness of a rooibos tea. It's got the bitter and sweet that contrast so well in a good, high quality tea. It's properly sweetened with cane sugar and the blend of pomegranate and rooibos is right down the middle so nothing is lost in the mix.

If you are ever on the fence about getting this, jump on over. On the other side of the fence you can ride dinosaurs while beautiful men and women serve you pizza. The dinosaurs are really nice and let you take your picture with them as long as you don't use a flash. It hurts their prehistoric eyes. And that's how to get a dinosaur to bite you.

Everyone knows about the crunchy, organic hippies. The new ones are just jealous that they missed the entirety of the sixties and all the movements and music and drugs so they think that by juggling in public parks, not showering and putting "Ithaca Is Gorges" stickers on their Prius that they can feel the same thing. Those are the same people that sell Ziplok bags of organic granola for like twelve dollars a bag and won't make eye contact when you ask what's in it. Then there is the other kind.

The other kind made this drink. They are smart scientists and experimentalists that use science and logic to make things smarter, better and better for you. This drink is clearly a pride project and you can taste it with every sip. There are not many ingredients in there and every ingredient you would feel just fine giving to a child. It's some of the strongest, most sour and tart lemonade I have ever drank. There is stuff on the bottom with a nice strawberry taste. I didn't get a lot of mint but the competition is fierce in that little bottle. The lemons are just teaming up and destroying everything. It might have made alright with the strawberry and let him hang out for a bit but not without putting up a fight. Make no mistake; this is lemonade first and foremost. It's just lightly flavored with strawberry and even lighter with mint. Someone with a finer palate than I might be able to make it out more. It's definitely a "grandma's backyard mint" and not an "off the shelf" mint.

Everything was done right in this drink and if I had one complaint, it would be that they told me to "shake well" which I did. Upon opening I was greeted by a geyser similar so something you would see and an ICP show. Out of habit I would give it a little jostle every now and then and would be punished time and time again by doing so. I don't know what's going on in that bottle behind the scenes but I think that it rhymes with "witchcraft."

Herbert loved to travel. He especially loved to sail. He was on a trip to Thailand and was sailing around when his boat hit some coral and took on some water. He docked at the closest island to investigate what could be the problem.

He tied up his boat and started to look around at the damage. A tall man approached him with a package and said, "This is for you." Herbert looked inside and there was some rice, vegetables and a can of coconut water. He sat down on the dock and ate and it was very good. He especially liked the coconut water. It was different than the coconut water he had in the States. It was sweeter but still unsweetened. It was clean tasting and didn't care about the heat like some other coconut waters he had.

He repaired the ship and was about to sail off and the tall man came back. Herbert thanked him and asked where he got that drink from. He said that his brother works for the factory a couple miles away and he gets to bring home cases occasionally. Herbert shook the man's hand and thanked him for his hospitality. Boat accident and all, Herbert had a wonderful time in the sun on an island making new friends, eating great food and enjoying a new drink he was sure to buy more of.

Blueberry sparkling water; that is what this is. Yep. It's sparkling water, like you would get in a seltzer. You could call it seltzer water but you can also call it sparkling water. The blueberry? Faint. Present. Underwhelming. The whole thing? Fine, totally fine. The flavor is doesn't keep up with the sharpness of the water so you lose a little flavor. You'll always lose flavor. You'll have that when dealing with essence.

Rarely on the side of never do I drink "meal replacement" drinks as such but today I did not eat breakfast, the most important meal of the day, so I did not have a choice. First thing I noticed, and this could just be me, is that this was a leaky drink. So leaky. The package was constantly leaking from the cap. Don't let that sway you from getting it. Let my review sway you from buying it.

This was completely laced with Stevia. It was so sharp. Calming down on that and letting some of the chocolate shine through would probably do wonders to this drink. It was thin, so do not expect a shake. It was closer to a thin chocolate milk. Or if you made chocolate milk with skim milk or some other poor life choice.

What would I do to fix this? Number one? Real sugar. I know it would increase the calorie count but it wouldn't leave me with a taste on the tip of my tongue. Look, I drank the whole thing. It wasn't terrible but it was kind of thin and overly fake.

Honey versus lemon, fighting in your mouth. Fighting over something dumb like the hand of a princess who is filled to the brim with the profits of gems and jewels. Fighting over the bathroom like a male in a house full of older sisters. Fighting like seagulls when you throw a french fry in a Burger King parking lot.

In the skirmish, this drink is lacking in a good flavor. It kind of tastes like a lemon and honey tea is being strained through cereal but you have to kind of remind yourself that it's just the wildly pungent flavor of honey. Lemon and honey sounds good in a cough drop. Heck, it does sound good in an iced tea but the blend is off and I was left with a bottle of tea that seemed more like a home remedy than an over the counter drink.