Juice - 935 Reviews

I can't express how excited I was to get a package full of Smart Juice. So much soda and iced tea gets poured down our throats that it's nice to have a break to enjoy some natural juice. There are two ingredients in this bottle; Organic Pomegranate and Organic Purple Carrot Juice. I've said it before, but this is how juice should be made. Fruit doesn't need sweeteners added to it, and concentrate is just a cop out. Keep it whole. Keep it pure.

This is an intense juice. It's very strong. Mike Tyson strong. This juice could go for the belt and win it without trying much. I could see a lot of people wanting to water it down a bit to suit their tastes more. I applaud Smart Juice for giving us this pure 100% juice. Those of us who like it strong can enjoy it that way. The others can add their own water to dilute it. Pomegranate is the main force behind this powerhouse, but its sidekick purple grape sticks his head in there a little bit. You get a slight hint of carrot, but it's only recognizable as that if you really concentrate. These are the drinks us Thirsty Dudes need to keep up our health.

I usually avoid drinks marketed to little kids. They are usually full of artificial flavors, high fructose corn syrup, and involve a straw or a spout to limit the amount of juice spilled onto Sponge Bob shirts. I found this drink at a store that specialized in interesting sodas. Normally I would have passed over the bottle in the corner store, but since it was among bottles of soda's not found in a normal store I decided to give it a try. Plus, I got a deal if I bought 24 drinks.

First surprising thing about this drink (besides the awesome shade of green): it has pure cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. But further down the list there's also aspartame in it, which confuses me.

Second surprising thing: it actually tastes like lime. It's a tart lime. But in the end, it still tastes like a drink for kids. And I hate drinking out of spouts.

What a relief. After the dark chocolate debacle from a few weeks ago, I was anxious to find some redeeming product from Cell-Nique. This did it. Not a hard competition to have something better than "the worst" rating you can get but all the same, this isn't bad.

Let it be known, that this is probably a health food drink over a standard juice or whatever. It's sludgy, gritty, bold, and flavorful. It's pretty good, though. It's like an orange juice with vanilla in it, for some reason, and then some jerk threw a handful of (edible) sand in it. Cell-nique claims that it's like "A farmer's market in every bottle" and I might give it to him. I really feel like this is good for you and the thickness and color don't convince me otherwise.

This drink makes me happier to try the other flavors we have in stock. I'm finding it kind of fun and strange simultaneously to not have anything in my mouth, take a drink, swallow, and be left picking stuff out of my teeth with my tongue. It's an experience, I can tell you that much.

Sparkling Water and grape/orange/passion-fruit juices are the only ingredients in this drink. It's the way things should be sometimes. Although this tastes more like a tropical punch than the individual flavors that compose it, it still tastes completely natural. It's very obvious from the first sip that there is nothing fancy or chemically added to this for any reason. It's made for those that enjoy sodas, but for health reasons they don't drink them. I want fountains of the different flavors of this line flowing in my house at all times.

Oh, some cheap juice? Gross.

That's the old Mike. Now that I've drunk literally hundreds of different drinks from all over, I have to come back to drinks like this and give them a second shot. It's like the food critic that even though he eats at five star restaurants day in and day out, he still likes to go to Burger King because Whoppers are still friggin' delicious.

So Dan, knowing that I am on a real melon kick purchased this cat for me when he was in Ohio. On the front; watermelon and what I think is honeydew because it's green. Smell-wise, it's like a fruit punch in the nostrils. It's strong, but fruity as all heck. It's very inviting. So inviting that the slight HFCS sting doesn't keep you away for long. The flavor is somewhere in between a watermelon Jolly Rancher and some sort of melted melon-y freezie pop. It's pretty syrupy so anyone who is, I'm not going to censor myself here, a dick about corn syrup should just pass this one by. If you can man up for a second and give the inner-child in you a good time for once in your life, they'll thank you.

What did I just say? What did I just say? Remember when your dad said that to you when you "deliberately" disobeyed him for a second time? You didn't mean to, but sometimes it just happened, like you were half way into a killer swing and had to follow through and you didn't mean for that baseball to go through the neighbor's window.

Anyhow. What did I just say? Didn't I say that I wanted a watermelon pop? I did. What did I find on a quest for new and foreign drinks? You guessed it. Watermelon pop. One step better, though, it was cane sugar and not far from my house and it had other flavored friends to accompany it.

Without hesitation, I grabbed it and ran out the door, after paying the cashier/proprietor/cook/stock boy/floor manager. I went home, threw it in my crisper drawer and let it sit and think about what it had done. A week, maybe two later, I thought that today would be the day and it certainly was. This drink was sweet. I don't know how I drank the whole thing but I did. It's labeled as a sparkling fruit drink, but that just means "pop", right? It does to me. It did taste like a watermelon Jolly Rancher, which if that's what you're looking for, is right up your alley.

We found these in a local halal market if you want to know where to get them.

Have you ever tried to eat a mango without the proper utensils? It's one of the sloppiest meals I've ever had. Once on tour in Indiana we were given a handful of these wonderful fruits. The only thing I had to eat them with was a pocketknife. I cut them in half lengthwise and then we basically ripped the fruit from it's casing with our teeth like we were the feral kid from Mad Max. We really didn't think it through. In a matter of moments we were a dripping sticky mess, with no means to clean ourselves up. Worth it. Mangoes are incredible and so is their juice. Maaza understands this and has done a great job bottling its greatness. They let you enjoy it without the mess. It may be less fun, but it's just as tasty.

I think it's safe to say that all of our readers are familiar with classic orange soda. It doesn't really taste like an orange at all, but it's still pretty good under certain circumstances. You know, like picnics and barbecues. It's a kid's soda that is acceptable to drink in instances where you want to pretend you're still a child. Who am I kidding? I enjoy it and I drink it whenever the fancy strikes me. Does that mean I'm a child? Probably.

In a shift from those sodas there are a handful of companies out there who are making a soda that is actually made with orange juice. It's a true orange soda. I for one love them. It's the adult version of the barbecue favorite. It's not as thick and has a better flavor in my opinion.

A drink called California Garden that is made in Lebanon. Well that makes sense. I don't even think pineapples can grow in Lebanon. There's some sort of mystery here that needs to be solved! I more than likely only think that because I started re-watching X-Files. I'm going to see conspiracy everywhere now.

Besides the great Lebanon cover up this what I like in a juice. Firstly, it's actually made from pineapple. You would think that would be a given, but through doing this site I've learned that "juices" are pretty artificial more than you would expect. Secondly, it's filled with wonderful chunks of fruit. We here at Thirsty Dudes really can't get enough of "chunky drinks" as we call them. This is different than most. Normally the chunks are soft and chewy. Since these chunks are pieces of pineapple they are a lot harder than I'm accustomed to. I was able to quickly adapt.

If I had to use one word to describe this drink it would be "hammock." It's the kind of drink you should be sipping while gently swaying in a hammock outside of your private bungalow on a tropical island. The salty sea breeze cooling the sweat on your brow as your monkey butler comes out to refill your glass and fan you with giant palm leaves. That monkey sure knows how to make a good juice. Even his tiny primate brain understands that a pure passion fruit juice would be way to harsh to enjoy. He watered it down a little bit, added a dash of sugar, and put it on ice. It's strong and sweet just the way you like it. Now lay back down and let the sound of those waves lull you to sleep.

Let me walk you through a typical drink quest between Jay and myself. We hop in one of our respective cars and drive to where we think we haven't been before. We go to places you wouldn't dream of, east side type places. Oh your east side is nice? Then places like your west side. Our east side is bad. The late Walter Matthau couldn't have done squat with these kids. Rumor and probably some fact says that there was a racist city developer who said something along the lines of "Let's separate the whites from the blacks" and just put an expressway right down the center of our fair city. After that happen, the West Side flourished and the East Side crumbled and the line is virtually uninhabitable because we all know that no one wants to live "on the cusp" of danger or safety.

So Jay and I go to these places to get drinks. While the West Side has a lot of bodegas and markets, the East Side is uncharted waters to most and we try and get through it unscathed and with drinks in hand. This is just a little back-story on our dedication. We put our lives at stake to get juice, dude. We're serious as a heart attack.

We found this little guy and another one on our last adventure. We were excited to find a nice fruit juice with cane sugar and an adequate amount of real juice. 30%. That's almost a third of the contents. Credit where credit's due. The drink has many a flavor in the ingredients, but not all of them are evenly represented to the palate. Here's my personal taste breakdown from sip to swallow:

Banana -> Passion Fruit -> Orange -> (maybe) Guava.

I don't get pineapple or apple. I don't hate it. It's very fruity and very tropical. Pour this drink, which is written in both English and Spanish but made in Taiwan for some reason, into a coconut and call it a day.

Ohhhh Bethany, this has chunks in it. Why would you give me something with chunks in it? You know I don't like chunky. I like smooth. I like my peanut butter smooth. I like my spaghetti sauce smooth. I like my jazz smooth. I especially like my drinks smooth. Honest to goodness, Beth, why would you give me this? If I wanted something with chunks in it, don't you think that I would have let you know years ago? We've been married 17 years and you've never known me, even a little bit, to go against the grain. I'm an accountant. I drive a base model Toyota Camry. I only own black and dark navy suits and white and light blue dress shirts. I have three ties and two of them are navy. I eat my sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Chunks, Bethany?! You know what? I will take another sip of it because I see that you're getting attached to these strongly rooted opinions that I have on my lifestyle.

On second though...yeah...on second though this isn't so bad. It's a very good fruit taste, and those chunks are just chunks of real fruit, so it's not that far fetched. It's just like eating a really juicy watermelon but a mixed fruit flavored watermelon. There is even a nice buzz that your lips get from the tang of the real fruit. You know what, baby? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. This is actually a wonderfully delicious drink that I could see myself drinking again.

Bethany, here's $20. Go to the local Indian market, buy a mixed case of this stuff and meet me in the Camry. We're driving with the sunroof open today!

Mike and I have had our collective eye on the Cell-nique drinks for months. We would see it in the store every time we went. More often than not we would pick it up and look at the bottom of the bottle. There is so much sludge there. It was equally enticing and disturbing. The $4 price tag deterred us for a long time, but I finally gave in this week. I wish that I had put it off even longer.

Let's start with the fact that this has the longest list of ingredients that I have ever seen on a drink. There are 36 different ingredients. Sheer insanity. There is so much crazy stuff in here that I never in a million years would have expected to drink. Also, everything says "Organic" before it. I hate when companies do that. It's such overkill. This is pretty much supposed to be the healthiest thing you can ever drink. By default that means that it's going to be one gag shy of a trip to Pukeland, USA.

Here is my thought process starting with smelling it:
-Wow this doesn't smell nearly as bad as I expected. It has a general cocoa smell, with some undertones of weirdness. This might not be nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Oh wow it would rule if this actually tasted good for how healthy it is for you.
*Bottles Up*
-Okay that tastes like a strangely fruity dark chocolate bar. It's not the greatest thing ever, but not that bad. I also expected this to have little chunks of grain (Quinona) in it.
*.2 seconds later*
Oh sweet Jesus what the hell is that flavor. It's like someone took every single thing that was in a fridge and put it all into a blender. It's a complete assault on the taste buds. There is absolutely nothing good about this flavor. Show me someone who enjoys this and I will show you someone who is either a liar or someone that was tragically born without taste buds.
*Again .2 seconds later*
Okay now it tastes like I just ate a spoonful of black licorice and hot chocolate mix, but the taste of liquid hell is still lingering in the background. Oh man this flavor just will not leave my mouth. I may have to cut out my tongue if this doesn't go away. I'm going to try and wash it down with something else.
*Hands bottle to Mike, goes into the kitchen and downs a tasty fluid*

Mike wanted to add that it tasted like he was eating a campfire somewhere in the middle of the flavor spectrum. I can't comprehend how disgusting this is. It's now a few hours after my initial tasting and I still have the memory of the flavor on my tongue. I've eaten several things since then as well.

Mike said that I should give this a two. Things this healthy don't have a chance in the flavor department. Sometimes you have to deal with something purely disgusting for the sake of health. This is so disgusting that the only way I could give it a two was if it gave me supernatural powers. I'm still normal me, so it's getting the loneliest of all numbers.

It takes a lot for a drink to gross me out. I didn't know what longan was before I bought this, but I assumed it was a fruit. When I picked up the bottle, I noticed that there were big chunks of something floating inside. Then, I noticed on the ingredients list the following: Longan Meat (2.0%). My vegan instinct kicked in at the sight of meat on the label and freaked me out a little. The floating stuff did have a meat look to it as well. Luckily I was right, and longan is a fruit grown on a tree of the same name in South and Southeast Asia.

Upon opening it, I couldn't help but to smell it first. After drinking some nasty stuff over the years, it's instinct. The smell was something I have encountered many times, but never in a drink. If you guessed really dirty socks, then you are correct. How they managed to bottle the smell of dirty socks I will never know. A couple of my housemates said it smelled like dates or prunes to them, but I didn't get that at all.

To prepare for potentially getting a mouthful of dirty socks, I took the first sip over a sink. Luckily (or unfortunately depending on how you feel about drinks making you puke) it tasted better than it smelled to me. The taste can be summed up in two words: liquid raisins. I don't hate raisins, but I don't particularly love them either. The idea of a raisin flavored drink is pretty disgusting to me. After this revelation, I tried taking another sip and it was too gross. I don't want liquid raisins.

I can't even begin to tell you how refreshing it can be to come across a good carbonated beverage that doesn't have any sugar added to it. We drink a lot of beverages here at Thirsty Dudes, and most of them are full to the brim with sugar. Most of the time it's not a problem, but sometimes it just gets to be too much (I do brush my teeth all the time for fear of them falling out of my head). These are the times I love to visit my friends the unsweetened teas and spritzers such as this.

Fruit is sweet. That is one of the reasons it is so good. You normally don't need to add sugar to it. The R. W. Knudsen family knows all about that. Nothing that I've ever had by them has any sugar added. I may not have been a huge fan of their Sparkling Essence line, but their Spritzer's have been great. This is just sparkling water added to fruit juice. Boysenberries are a hybrid of raspberries and blackberries, and it's definitely shown in it's taste. Mix in a little grape and you have a refreshing drink that I think everyone would enjoy.

If the soda industry took note and followed this process there would be a lot less overweight people in this country. Well if the soda companies also found a way to make American's less lazy too.

Plums? Prunes? Who cares? This stuff is rough. Rough like the seas that took down so many of our Viking brethren. Brethren. Remember how awesome it was when Hey Mercedes used the phrase "uniformed brethren" and you thought to yourself, "Woah, what a good use of that term." Is that me patting myself on the back for using words? Possibly, it's not the point. I am neither a genius nor a scholar. I don't read books and I do not partake in even the finest of wines. Parts of me wish that I would after drinking this near abomination.

Where to start? Well, first sip seems like a good place. It was gross. I asked myself in ever stage, "What's this in the middle?" and favorites like, "What's happening at the end?" The more you drink, the better it gets, but that's not to say that it's ever good or even drinkable. Between three people and two additional "sippers" there is still easily half a can of this stuff left. If you take a couple sips your mouth masks the grossness a couple percentage points and you find the prune/plum but it's not how you want it to taste. It's a tiny bit fruity, wildly bitter, and mostly undrinkable.

When I was in fifth grade, all of my free time was spent hanging out with my friends skateboarding. The funny thing about most kids from around here in the late 80's that skated is that only about 20% of the time we were "skating" was actually spent on your board. The majority of it was actually spent sitting on your boards in front of your local mini-mart. We spent way more time scarfing down snacks and talking about skating than we actually did participating. Our local mini-mart of choice was J&D foods. We would skate up there everyday we could and stock up on candy and our favorite Mistic drinks. We probably liked them so much because we were young, dumb and they looked like wine coolers. As everyone knows wine coolers are the pinnacle of coolness. Back then the juice was also carbonated. I can't even comprehend how many of those things I drank before they inevitably disappeared from our world.

The other day I was out riding my bike on an unseasonably warm day and I stopped at a little mart somewhere on the west side. It would have been more fitting if I were out pushing around on my board, which I'll add was my initial plan. Either way I probably looked like a complete idiot when I saw the Mistic. I may have audibly squealed, but we have no way of knowing for sure. When I finally drank it I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't carbonated anymore, but it was still pretty great. Unlike most "juice drinks" you find in mini-marts these days this actually has some juice in it. It tastes mostly like grape juice with a hint of strawberry in it. It really makes me wish it were still warm out so I could call some old friends and sit in front of a random gas station on our boards and talk about how awesome skating was, even though we could be skating at that exact moment.

Holland. There are a few places that I wish that I could go back in time to. One of them being Manchester in the early 80's to see The Smiths and Joy Division. The other would be the mid-to-late 80's to Holland to see Funeral Oration. While I would be there anticipating the next show, I would probably walk around and see what Holland has to offer. I would get some breads...what do they have in Holland? What does Holland have to offer? Where are Lego's from? Is that Holland? Let me Wiki this...no, that's Denmark. Well, regardless, Holland has Maaza to offer and that's something I can get behind. They do have a different definition of fruit punch, though, which I will go into right now.

This drink was bold and flavorful, but one thing that threw me off was the viscosity. Yes, viscosity made it strange. We've drunk things with chunks, bubbles, and other junk in it but this one set me back. It was right in between a melted smoothie and a juice. It was think. Viscous. It was not a bad flavor at all. Being so thick, it stayed with you for a while. If you love juice, try it out. If you know what you're getting into beforehand, you'll like it more. Promise.

I don't care if pineapple juice sometimes reminds me of vomit; I'm still going to keep drinking it. The positives outweigh the pukeatives every time. Pineapples are just too tasty to ignore. It may be the most acid fruit to ever exist. So much in fact that my tongue bled from eating too much. I don't regret it. It was so tasty that I couldn't stay mad.

Everfresh has added just enough water to the juice to minimize the effect of tasting like you just blew chunks. The acidity is low. The flavor is up. If pounding the actual fruit isn't possible, this drink is a decent stand in.

I didn't mind the PRE powdered drinks at all. It's nice to not have aspartame in my powder. I mean, I could probably drink Kool-Ade all day, and that's sugar, but to know that I'm not rotting my teeth from the back to the front gave me a little sense of mind at the end of the day.

This drink was different than the other ones. It was a bit more watery, a bit less flavorful, a bit more diet tasting. The diet part is strange, though, since it's not a diet drink. It's low calorie, but it's not labeled a "diet" drink per se.

So on to the drink again. It's not bad. If you like a little bit of flavor and a lot a bit of quench and the knowledge you're doing something good for yourself with prebiotics, this is the drink for you. Honestly, this drink isn't not for anyone, but I know that some people who enjoy and prefer a crude blast of flavor might be taken back at the suitableness of this drink.

Think of this drink as the girl who is pretty cute, incredibly smart, and you know when you go to your ten year reunion, she's going to be a doctor. She deserves it because, after all, she worked her butt off in school and you knew she was destined for great things. In my school, her name was Tyra.