Juice - 935 Reviews

A lone luchador sits in a dimly lit locker room in a dusty Mexican town. He knows he's getting too old for this, but he wrestles for pride and the money he is paid certainly helps with his bills. He's pretty sure he has a couple of broken ribs from his last match. Never fight in a tag team match when you don't know much about your partner. His was a good for nothing so-and-so just parading around the mat. He was self-centered fool, and they paid for it with the crunch of bones. The luchador can hear the announcer psyching up the crowd. It won't be long before he has to go out in the ring. This will probably be his last match and with his injuries he will get clobbered.
Just then he notices a little boy from the town in the shadows. He calls him over and the boy hands him a bottle and simply says, "mahn-go." Underneath his mask the luchador gives a little smile. He flexes and growls which scares the boy off, leaving his bottle of juice behind. The wrestler unties the back of his mask and lifts it just enough so that his mouth is exposed. As he twists the cap off of the bottle he notices that whoever made it took a lot of care with their label. The paper has a very special texture. He takes a sip and memories of the ancient city of Coba flood into his mind. When he next becomes aware of his surroundings the bottle is empty and he is filled with a renewed sense of purpose. On his lips there is a lingering flavor of ripe mangoes. It is one of the best things he has tasted in recent times. It's sticky and sweet in all of the right ways. He knows what he has to do. He marches out just as the announcer is calling his name. As he enters the ring he knows that he will win this fight for his heritage. Oh, and for the couple of hundred dollars that is the purse. He has some alimony and child support that he owes his ex wife and her lawyer has been sending a lot of threatening letters.

This little guy here has been hiding from me. He got lost in the back of my drink cabinet and I forgot he existed. Now that I'm drinking it I wish that it were way bigger so that A It wouldn't have gotten lost and B That I had more to drink because it's fantastic. It's apple juice how it should be done (when it's from concentrate). It's not overly sweet or sour. It rides a nice line in the middle. If it were the olden times this apple juice would be able to roll that metal circle with a stick in a straight line all day long.

I have been saving this one for a while. Every time I open up my drink drawer in my fridge it's there staring up at me saying, "This is not the time." Today the voice that is proof that I am completely insane did not whisper in my mind. I knew the day had finally come to drink the last of my Bai.

I was expecting this to be the king of all Bai. Strawberry juice is incredible on it's own, and my history with Bai has been nothing if not stellar. After my first sip I knew that Tanzania Strawberry was the ruler of nothing. It's not bad in any way, but it didn't come anywhere near the idea I had of it in my head. The other flavors have been insanely strong tasting just like the fruit that was in the name. I was expecting this to taste like fresh strawberries with sugar lightly sprinkled on top. What I got was more pomegranate than anything. As it turns out there is more pomegranate juice in this than strawberry juice. The strawberry peaks through more in the aftertaste. If this was labeled as a pomegranate juice it would have gotten higher marks. Seeing at they marketed it as strawberry it only gets three bottles due to disappointment.

Grocery stores are magical places. Whenever I'm out of town I love checking out different stores and when I'm bored I sometimes wander around my local Wegmans. There is something very comforting about it. You're surrounded by food and rad drinks. There are also people everywhere, but they rarely if ever bother you. Whenever I'm there I feel like I'm a part of some sort of enjoyable social experiment.

In all of my times in Wegmans, with all the times that I check the various drink aisles to see if there is anything new, I rarely check the cold juice section. I hardly ever see anything new there, and I really just don't buy larger sized beverages all that often. Recently my lady friend wanted to get some orange juice so we went to said section of the store. Earth Wise instantly caught my eye. In a sea of predominately white packages the green really stood out. I was happily surprised to find that it was a 100% fruit punch of sorts. Juice with no sugar added is a juice that I would like to be friends with. I'm a sucker for blackberries so out of the three flavors they had I chose this one. It's a blend of apple, cranberry and blackberry juice. While it's in your mouth it mainly has an apple taste with a hint of berry. When you swallow the cranberry kicks in and it has the aftertaste of a nice cranapple. The great thing about it is that the cranberry isn't completely overpowering like it tends to be in most juices.

Looks like that juice cooler will be getting more of my attention on future wanderings.

I wrote a long drawn out review for this, and then I hit the wrong button and lost it all. It was pure, complete annoyance. To be honest I don't even remember what I wrote and I don't want to write it all again. Here's the gist of it:

A) Tallboys are awesome. When you're younger it's rad to get so much beverage for so cheap. When you're older and don't want so much sugar, they are great for sharing.

B) I thought this was an iced tea until I opened it. I was wrong. I didn't even know Tradewinds made juice.

C) I drank this at work today. I work in a tiny room with a conveyor dryer that gets up to 400 degrees. I was dripping sweat and parched. This gave me instant refreshment.

D) Even thought this only has 5% juice in it, it tastes exactly like a blend of mango and apple juices. Normally a higher percentage of juice is what I look for, but it really tasted great, so I didn't mind.

E) You can almost feel the grittiness of the sugar in this. Normally that would be a turn off, but it really worked in this drink.

I hope I don't mess this up again.

There is a new Asian market not too far from my house. I have never been there because when Jay and I went, the joint was closed. I don't know why. It was like 8 o'clock on a Tuesday. I have never seen this stuff anywhere else so it leads me to believe that it's like another world in there, an Asian world.

I could never make it in any Asian countries because I would work all day training bonsai, not making a lot of money but enjoying every second of my life only to spend all my money on strange new drinks. I hope to go someday and ruin my life.

I could start ruining my life with this drink. Day in and day out, this tangy little number is like nothing we have here in the States. I don't know why. It could be a tariff issue since I don't know if we have green plums here, but we all know that if you hang a basket of green plums on the landing gear of a helicopter you can bring anything anywhere. Remember in The Simpsons where Bart brought chazwozlers, I mean frogs, to Australia and then on the way back, a koala just casually hung off the side of the chopper? Just hang a little picnic basket off the base of it and you've got it.

This is not overly sweet and it brings a genuine tanginess that I don't get with anything. It's small enough that I can drink the whole thing and not get sick of it. The taste is different and I can't describe it. It's not a standard plum, so it's not that. It's a bit like a green grape juice but with more zip. Zip. Yeah. Look it up in a book. The internet is tired.

Things I've eaten today:
1. Raspberry yogurt. Good for you.
2. Deep fried chicken "Whopper" from a local pizza place. They are delicious, but not good for you.

So in order to meet myself in the middle with my daily nutrition guidelines, I decided on fruit punch. It's 100% of my vitamin C intake and probably has some other goodies in it. Here's the thing though. Sure, it's a HFCS jam, but it's got actual pear, orange, pineapple, grape, and apple juice in it. It is not bad and if you like fruit punch, you might want to grab this one because you will be surprised.

I did not have high hopes for it as it was on markdown and a place that already sells stuff on markdown, but look at me! I'm impressed.

This is such a weird drink. I really liked the Jamaica soda I had by Jarritos so I was excited to try this juice. The first I learned: I don't like the smell of hibiscus. Maybe other people like the smell of it, but to me it smells like a pile of dirty socks. Luckily it tastes much better than that. It's a sweet juice that is very close to a cherry taste. Unfortunately, the dirty socks smell creeps into my nose with every sip and takes away from the delicious taste. Someone really needs to de-stinkify this juice.

What exactly is the difference between black cherries and the run of the mill kind? Are they just riper, or is it a whole different style of fruit? I love regular cherry flavored things, but I'm never a huge fan of black cherry....until now. This really turned me around. I think it's because it's straight up juice and carbonated water. No sugar added. There's some apple juice in the mix as well, which is noticeable in the taste. If all black cherry were like this I would be a converted man.

I have never had such a clear view of what I expected a drink to taste like in my mind as I had with the contents of this bottle. I pictured a serrated knife cutting into a whole orange with little sprays of juice spewing forth. The smell of the rind lays heavy in the air. Then a few leaves of basil are plucked from a plant. They are sliced up and laid on the orange slices. I could smell and taste it before I even opened the bottle. I couldn't wait to try it.

When I opened the bottle the scent of oranges greeted my nostrils, but the basil was only faintly there. The taste was about the same. It was strongly orange, with faint hints of basil. I really wanted there to be an extremely strong herbal flavor, but you can't get everything you want in the beverage world.

This is made by Bolthouse Farms and it's like a more natural version of Vitamin Water. It tastes really good, but the name led me to expectations that were never met.

I'm tagging along with my friends, Night Birds, playing the role of "merch dude." Our first stop was Cleveland, OH. We went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was surprisingly rad. I got to see Ian Curtis' lyric sheets, a bill The Replacements got for damaging a hotel room, the original Riot Grrrl zine, some rad Nirvana stuff and a bunch more. I nerded out a bit. I also worked up one heck of a thirst. Only juice could save the day.

Cleveland is hardly a coastal town, but how can you say no to Nantucket Nectars with its all-natural juice goodness? It's pretty readily available everywhere, so I don't know why I don't drink it more. This is a perfect blend of pomegranate and pear. Both are obviously present, but the strength of their flavors keep each other in check and subdued. It's incredibly refreshing. Just the way I needed it to be.

This is a drink that would have a cameo role in my dreams. I can just imagine it now. I'm trekking across the prairies on a mission to get who knows where, but it's somewhere important. I suddenly come to a gate. Why is there a gate in the middle of the prairie with no fence? I surely don't know, but if you think I'm going to try and bypass it you my friend are the crazy one. I approach the gate and suddenly dozens of screaming undead souls come out of the ground in front of it. I am informed that if I do not dance with them they will tear into my flesh and eat every last morsel, even my pancreas. Who likes to eat pancreas? The undead I suppose. Before I know it someone has cranked "Jungle Boogie" and we're all getting down. There's even a dance line and everyone is trying to outdo each other. I make mention that I'm getting thirsty and one of the zombies pulls this bottle from his chest cavity. I blow off the dust, twist off the cap and take a big gulp. The pineapple is refreshing without being overly acidic. Then the ginger kicks in. At first it's just the flavor, but after I swallow the burn sets in. It's a good burn. The kind of burn that will give you the little push you need to out-dance the undead. Just as I'm about to pull out some big moves I wake up. My first thought would be "Where can I score me some of that juice in the waking world?"

Prometheus Springs really has a niche and rule at it. Aside from ginger beer, no one dares compare to the heat that Mr. Springs brings to the table. They're pros and they know it. They've got the gall to burn people's mouths and have them crawling back for more.

I enjoy giving their drinks to unsuspecting people and having them take a normal chug just to watch their faces. I giggle when they look as if they just unknowingly ate rat poison or got shot, unsuspectingly, in the chest. Sometimes it's hard to get them to try it again with a sip rather than a chug strategy.

This new line is tamer, I feel, than their previous line. It's way more approachable and I think they toned it down a titch. I find this new line more drinkable from beginning to end a lot easier. I haven't seen it on the shelves yet, but as soon as it does, you've got yourself a little sweet and spicy treat. The flavor is great, too. A real good, smooth mango taste and it's just sweet enough that you could probably grab another if you wanted. If you didn't know, you would have no idea that it's going to take your throat for a vicious trip down a lemon juice rain, razor blade hallway. I all of a sudden want to draw what that looks like. Could someone create a flash game where you have to walk through a razor blade hallway with lemon juice raining down through the sprinkler system? If you make it to the end, you win. You lose by incurring a certain amount of pain. When your pain bar reaches full, you have to go to a fat nurse like the one you had in your high school, and she's got a terribly short skirt and you think you can see "it" but you can't be sure.

Last night I kept having a dream where I was with John Lithgow and I had to stop him from dying. Sometimes it was accidental and sometimes he was trying to kill himself, but over and over I had to intervene. Then I looked down and noticed a 3" in diameter hole in the ditch of my arm. My arm was hollow and all dried out on the inside. Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit all over the place. Needless to say I slept like garbage.

Now it's later in the day and I'm going to be up late watching some bands play, so I needed a little boost to help me through the night. I didn't want anything too intense so I grabbed this Rumba. I mean it says 100% juice, so it can't be full of too much garbage. In reality taurine, caffeine, ginseng and a whole mess of other stuff in it, but I can pretend it's all-natural.

First off it's weird because it's not carbonated and it's always weird when energy drinks aren't. It tastes like a highly acid orange juice with a little tangerine and pineapple thrown into the mix. There's a slight energy drink taste, but it's mostly just fruit juice. I like it way more than I like highly disturbing dreams. Oh yeah, while I was distracted Mr. Lithgow ended up offing himself. Services will be announced later in the week.

John, I've got a fresh case of fruit. We don't have time to do the usual routine of cleaning, peeling, juicing, straining, and all that other stuff. We're swamped with other stuff and don't have time for all those steps. Just do what you can to get that fruit into these bottles. Oh, one more thing, the box fell out of my car and into a pile of sand. Good luck.

Great, now I've got to crush these and I have to leave in 9 minutes. Did he take what I usually use to clean all these? All I have is a cheese grater. Son of a gun! Whatever. I'm going to have to grate pineapples and stuff the same way I would grate mozzarella. I certainly wouldn't buy this batch. Plus, this sand, is he kidding me. If I had like 5 extra minutes I would rinse these but I've got to go to baseball practice and coach said if I was late one more time, he'd make me play outfield and we all know that outfield is one step away from off the team. This actually isn't as hard as I thought and I'm burning through this box of fruit. I'm going to bottle these here...alright...careful...got a little on the floor and if there isn't enough time to clean up the fruit, there isn't enough time to clean the floor. Honestly, who fills up a bottle with a handful of Wendy's straws? Hasn't anyone ever heard of a funnel before? Alright, done. All that fruit actually fit in there. Everything has settled on the bottom so let me give it a shake...alright. Taking a sip. Wow. Hey boss! You've got to try this. It's better than our usual stuff. It's got substance and that kiddie pool sand actually gives it an interesting texture. The tropics have never tasted so good. It's really natural tasting, like I'm eating fruit and some rind, you know, like you would if you ate real fruit. We should be in a bind for more time more often. Alright, sorry about the mess. I've got to get to practice. I'll clean up this ridiculous mess tomorrow. Wait tomorrow is Saturday. Monday. Ugh, this is going to be awful to clean up Monday. Whatever. See you later, boss.

All of us here at Thirsty Dudes are huge fans of The Best Show on WFMU. It is a radio show based out of NJ, but available world wide, so don't call it local! The host of the show is the wonderful Tom Scharpling. He entertains the world via radio for three hours every Tuesday night. It is one of the funniest things I've ever listened to. Guests like Paul F Tompkins, Ted Leo, Patton Oswalt, Todd Barry and many others a frequent. If you are a fan of hilarity I suggest you check it out.

Okay now that the plug is over, on with the story. Last week I finally worked up the courage to call into the show to talk to Tom about Thirsty Dudes. The mush state of my mouth was discussed and then when asked for suggestions on things to review Tom told me orange juice. Who am I to argue? So here's your orange juice review.

Simply puts out nothing but high quality beverages as far as I've tasted. It so happens that all three of us purchased and reviewed a Simply drink in the past two days. All of them got high marks. They don't mess around with adding extra ingredients to their juices. They know with something like this it's best to keep things.....simple. I have to say this is the best orange juice (minus some the was fresh squeezed) that I have ever had. It doesn't taste old or weird like a lot of carton orange juices do. There is a decent amount of pulp in it, which is a bonus in my world. I don't care what my friend Kevyn says. Pulp does not make a drink seem like you're imbibing dirty dishwater. It makes it seem like your eating the actual fruit, minus the annoying peeling session. How does everyone else start to peel and orange? I always bite the skin a little, but then I get a spray of the gross bitter peel in my mouth. It almost makes it not worth it. Give me advice people!

I was drawn to this drink because of the color. This pink colored drink really stood out in the Asian markets cooler. After I picked it up and noticed that it was a chunky drink, I was sold.

At first I thought the chunks were aloe, but then I looked a little closer. I saw 'nata de coco' in the ingredients. I had no idea what this was, but a quick Google search found the answer for me. Taken from Wikipedia: "Nata de coco is a chewy, translucent, jelly-like food product produced by the fermentation of coconut water, which gels through the production of microbial cellulose by Acetobacter xylinus. Nata de coco is most commonly sweetened as a candy or dessert, and can accompany many things including pickles, drinks, ice cream, puddings and fruit mixes."

Now I can see these chunks with drinks and fruit mixes. Ice cream and pudding are ones I wouldn't have thought of, but I'm sure it's delicious. The one that throws me off is pickles. So are there jars of pickles with these chunks floating in it? If so, I really want to find one of these because I love pickles.

The drink itself is good. It's really refreshing and taste like something between juice and vitamin water. It's not too sweet which actually works in this case. I feared it was going to be very syrupy. The strawberry flavor is good, but I wish it had more of a tart flavor to it. This is quite possibly the chunkiest drink I have ever had. It is impossible to take a sip and not get any chunks. It's pretty awesome.

Did you read in the paper today about how science has created a human/fruit hybrid? They are adorable and completely creepy at the same time. The article said that they have begun making demands and it looks like they are organizing for a revolt. The "fruitmans" are going to over take the world! It is up to us to put a stop to their movement. We shall call our counter movement Picabi and to raise funds for our struggle we will can the blood of our enemies (which just happens to be delicious juice) and sell it to the populace. As a warning to the fruitmans we will put pictures of their deceased on the cans.

I for one can vouch that the grape fruitman, or fruitlady, has a very sweet taste. It's almost candy like, but it still tastes natural. It's way sweeter than I expected even though there is no sugar added. If you like grape juice and want to help exterminate the fruitmans buy a can today!

A drink is good when you don't want to stop drinking it. A drink is good when you want a fifty-five gallon drum of it. A drink is good when you take your first sip and it leaves you speechless. This drink is good. It's like an apple juice with a kick, but the kicker is not wearing shoes and between the toes is something tangy, and you want more. It's a strange foot fetish type scenario, but dude, you can't help it.

Why such a small can? Woongjin aren't a gaggle of idiots. They know that you'll be back. If they made them larger, you would only buy one. This stuff is fantastic. It's better than the best apple juice you've ever had because it's apple juice plus.

You have to like it. I put my name on it. I was thinking on my way into work that I haven't given a 5 in a while. This deserves it.

Organic pomegranate juice is the only thing contained in this bottle. It's the way god, or whoever, planned for juice to be served. I love pure juice. No sweeteners or preservative added. Nothing is reconstituted. It is just mashed fruit with all of the solids strained out. It's insanely strong and tart, but why mess with a pomegranate unless that's your desired effect. For those of you who have lived under a rock for the past ten years awaiting the upcoming rapture (that didn't happen), I will now describe what pomegranate juice tastes like. It is darker than the darkest purple grape. It is actually similar to a purple grape juice, but 100% more concentrated. It also has a certain dryness on your tongue. Overall it's very enjoyable, but it's not something that you can drink a lot of in one sitting. The Folks at Smart Juice are not dummies. If they were their company would be named Dumb Juice. As a result they have these nice little 8.4oz bottles of juice. It's just enough for a little treat.