Juice - 935 Reviews

I'm sick. I don't like it, I don't deserve it, and I don't want it. My strategy for dealing with sickness is usually as follows: drink as much orange juice as humanly possible. It does me well. I go to the store on my way to work once I find out that I might be getting sick and I buy one of the small cartons of OJ and just house it all day. Next day I'm usually right as rain.

Yesterday I was minding my own business and it hit me like a truck. Spacey head, super sensitive hair, it hurt when I breathed in, overall muscle ache. Those were the symptoms. Today, I am left with everything at about 50% so at this rate, I should be back to normal in a day or two but man, it's taking a lot out of me. I ran out of OJ and saw this little guy in my stock and decided that I would allow him to help me. It's a very familiar taste, as you and I have grown up with it, because it tastes like Sunny D.

Now here's the thing, I don't like about Sunny D. It burns. Something in there mixed with something else in there that makes me feel like I have a sore throat and who wants that? This is a smoother Sunny D but still with the same generic citrus taste. Although it says there is orange, tangerine, and lemon, you can't really distinguish between them too much.

I thought it was pretty good and would defiantly recommend this over classic Sunny Delight, regardless of how classic it is.

Diet death. That is what in encased in this bottle. It is chock full of tons of things that are good for you, and that probably wouldn't taste all that bad, but then it's completely overloaded with sucralose. I've learned to accept sucralose in moderation, but it's so prevalent in this drink that I just can't handle it. It definitely has a grape and apple taste, but that stupid artificial sweetener gets in there and just messes it all up for everyone. Well everyone that has taste buds. On top of all that it is a neon teal color that has nothing to do with either of the fruits represented. It actually looks like toxic waste, just the way it tastes.

I could write a big long story about living in the tropics and coming across this heavenly drink that quenched my thirst, but instead I'm going for the no b.s. review today.

This drink is amazing! Plain and simple. This is easily the best coconut water drink I have ever had. It's light and creamy and is full of so much flavor. Of the 4 juices in this (lemon, apple, mango, and passion fruit), the apple and mango stand out the most with hints of lemon and passion fruit in the after taste. I had a feeling this drink was going to be good since Bolthouse rarely disappoints, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS good.

I finally got my big break. I got cast as Oscar Wilde in the Hollywood blockbuster "Goin' Wilde." I don't understand why the writer felt the need to create of a story where Oscar Wilde and Gene Wilder are college roommates, but really who am I to complain. I heard that Mel Brooks was even going to have a cameo. This is truly exciting.

I feel I must get into my role. No Labatt or Budweiser for me tonight. I guess I'll try the Rosehip drink. That sounds like something good ol' Oscar would drink. Okay bartender, your job is to serve me my drink not to criticize me for my choice of drink. I am an actor! I must become my role!

Hmm this doesn't taste at all flowery like I expected. It actually kind of tastes like a watered down acai juice, but it's still thick. If the flavor was stronger I would think it was a concentrate, but as it is if I added water it wouldn't taste like anything. It's decent, but not something I would expect to drink in a bar. I would probably drink this with breakfast. What's that barkeep? Oscar Wilde was a drunk? I never knew! What was his drink of choice? Absinthe? Oh looks like I'm in for a "Wilde" night. I know it was a stupid joke. Now let me drink in peace. Go clean some glasses or something.

Members of the board, we are in crisis mode. Sales for cranberry juice have plummeted. Our whole urinary track mega cleanse could only take us so far, and now with this "Super Fruit" craze going on the world is grabbing for pomegranate and acai drinks. We have very literally been left in the dust. Who cleans those supermarket shelves anyways? If that wasn't bad enough, with all the garbage going on in the world, no one has anything to be thankful for, so our November rush looks like it's going to be a bust.

Drastic measures need to be taken, so in my own time I developed a new juice for us. It's still cranberry based, but I've added blueberries (a super fruit for all the trend jumpers) and blackberries (the most delicious fruit known to man). It still has the tart bite of our classic cranberry juice, but it also has a wave of sweetness, and is bursting with flavor. I think it's safe to say that for all of us here this company is a labor of love. We have sworn an oath to the cranberry and we will stand by it. Hopefully this tasty mixture will turn others onto our cause, or at least get us through the next financial quarter.

Here are two letters:
Dear Western New York Bike Route Maps,
You make it appear as if there are bike paths everywhere. You excite me and make me want to ride to new places. Yesterday I followed your path and rode to Niagara Falls. I need to tell you something very important. Roads with no shoulders that are completely falling apart with potholes larger than the state of Delaware are not bike routes. I thought I was going to flip over and die on several occasions.

Dear Bodegas of Niagara Falls,
Please step up your drink game. I went to several of you and you offered me nothing exciting. Just your everyday chain gas station drinks and generic overpriced soda. I was excited to find something new. I mean you didn't even carry Johnnie Ryan, which is literally made in your back yard. For shame. I ended up picking up a Modjo Life at a 711 in a small town outside of the city. I had rode my bike over 25 miles on a "bike path" that was in complete disrepair with nothing to quench my thirst. I was frazzled, exhausted and parched. This really hit the spot. It was like a grape Gatorade if it were made with real grape juice. So a juice/sports drink hybrid. At first I thought I couldn't taste the pomegranate, but then I remembered that it just tastes like concentrated grape juice to me, and all was well with the universe. This drink helped me to finish my ride home, and it did it in a tasty way.

Isabelle! Isabelle! Come here! I made something that you have to like. I've been here in the basement for like seven hours mixing fruits and stuff into this one glass until I got it just right. Yeah, I rinsed it out in the basement sink. Yeah, Isabelle, the sink is dirty but the water that comes out is clean...I think. Irregardless, I made something. I mixed some blueberry juice and some limejuice that we had in the fridge that has never been used and made something. As soon as you drink this, you're going to say, "Colin, this is the best thing I've ever drank." Oh, and I also put some seltzer water in there to spice it up a little bit. I'm poured you a glass and it's over there on the washing machine. I think that it's the perfect mix and I don't think that I could do any better. Go take a sip.

Alright, you've taken a sip. What do you think? Oh, I hope that you like it. Wait...you...you don't like it? But...what's not to like. It's blueberries, which you love, and lime. What do you mean the mix is off? Isabelle, don't tell me my mix is off. My mix is perfect. Too much lime? Too sour? What?! Strange aftertaste? Is there something wrong with your mouth? You have been eating a lot of black jellybeans lately. Did you burn out your taste buds? This is perfect! I don't care what you say. Take another sip. Yes. Take another sip. Where are you going? Don't up upstairs. Turn the lights back on. It's dark down here. Don't leave me! Isabelle!

This drink is good enough that it doesn't need some stupid made up story in its review. If Natalie's knows one thing it's how to make exquisite orange juice. That's right, I said exquisite. This is first and foremost a decently pulpy orange juice of the highest caliber. The company was smart enough to start with an amazing base to their juice. I feel like too many companies depend on the alternate flavorings to carry their products. This could be a straight orange juice and I would love it.

The mango and the peach are there to accentuate the orange flavoring, not to overpower it. If you're looking for a strong mango or peach juice, you should probably look elsewhere, but if you're looking for some of the best orange juice on the market splurge a little and treat yourself to a bottle of this.

When I was a kid, gum was awesome and it only got better. Sure, you had Trident and stuff, but that was adult gum. There was Bubblicious, which is way too much gum for one person to chew but hey, if they give it to you like that, you've got to eat it like that. I remember Dr. Pepper and maybe 7-Up making gum that was the size of Bubblicious and had a pop flavored goo inside. That was great. There was that gum, I think it was Cinnaburst, which you could eat with the wrapper. That was fun if it was a gimmick. Oh man, Big League Chew, specifically grape, was phenomenal. Then there was Fruit Stripe gum...Fruit Stripe gum sucks now and it has always sucked and will always suck. Five minutes of mediocre flavor at best and then it tastes like you were just chewing on unflavored gum. Not to mention that the longer you chewed it, the more it just fell apart in your mouth like it was never gum to begin with. Awful, just plain awful.

This drink tastes like if you bought one of those big packs of gum, took out all the strawberry and banana flavored gum, and ate them at the same time. It's not good. It tastes like the worst gum on the market. Is it still on the market? Who cares? It blows, and not the way good gum should.

Son do you know what science is? It's magic harnessed by man. That's right, science is magic that man can control. Ya dig? The Man doesn't want us to know it though. They want to think that magic doesn't exist. They want us to think science is something different, but I got the proof man, and it's in this can! Taste this and just try to tell me that this flavor wasn't made by magic. Just try! Alright now that we both agree that it's got an incredible mix of orange and pineapple, look at the can. What does it say there? "Fusion." That's science man. This can is both science and magic, so it proves that they are one and the same. The thing is that it's too powerful for us to handle in large doses, so they have to distribute it in these little cans. How am I supposed to make a makeshift bowl out of that little thing? The Man is keeping me down again.

Real fruit juice? Check.
No sugar added? Check.
Fortified with vitamins? Check.

There's really not much to say about this drink other than it's great. It doesn't promise much, but it delivers everything it says it does. If Izze is one thing it is that they are truth tellers. Liars need not apply at their company. I appreciate that and I appreciate this drink. It tastes like clementines mixed in with a handful of white grapes. It's also crazy how sweet this is without any added sugar. Further proof that most companies are dumb, or don't use real fruit juice.

Things have been getting a little Cintron crazy over here at Thirsty Dudes. So far everything has been decent to great. I guess the honeymoon couldn't last forever because this one....not so great.
You see the problem is that I am a fully-grown human. If I were say seven years old I would probably have a completely different view of this drink. You see it has that generic fruit punch flavor that is the basis of every fruit punch from Hawaiian Punch to the gallon of red juice for sale at your local gas station. It's something that kids eat, or rather drink up. As you get older that sugar syrup based flavor just stops being good at some point. If you want a fruit punch you want a bunch of 100% fruit juice all mixed up.

Another this about this drink is that it has that historic fruit punch flavor, but it also has a strange coolness to it that is kind of like how mint feels, not tastes. It might be the lime, but it's strange, and although it does separate this from other fruit punches, it's still not enough to get me to finish this can.

The first time I ever heard of Ikea was in the following context: "And I wasn't the only slave to my nesting instinct. The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalog." That's right, Fight Club introduced me to Ikea. Those two sentences left me with no interest whatsoever to look into this company further. I thought it was some yuppy upscale mail order Sky Mall type scenario. Cut to several years later and I'm helping a friend move to Brooklyn. We get her minimal possessions loaded into her new apartment and then we drive to New Jersey so she can buy some stuff from Ikea. The quote from Fight Club suddenly made perfect sense. It's like a giant toy/candy store for adults. There was some neat stuff, but I had no need for it. Now cut to nearly a decade later and here I am with an apartment full of Swedish bookshelves. I gave in. They make some decent furniture and it's affordable. I'm not getting off over a catalog, but I know some people that would.

Is there a point to this? Not really, I just wanted to tie in Fight Club with this, because it's still my first thought whenever someone mentions the store. I went to Canada last weekend to get some shelving units and picked up a couple of their drinks. This one is sparkling apple juice. It tastes like a slightly lighter version of the sparkling apple juice that us non-drinkers buy for New Years Eve. It's a very specific taste that normal apple juice and cider doesn't have. I like it. It's sweeter and slightly fermented tasting. A carbonated version of what my grandpa would slip me a sip of when I was a kid.

I've said it before and I'll say it again 2011 is the summer of lemonade. The amount I have consumed it absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe it has taken me so long to try the Bolthouse Farms version, as I am a huge fan of their beverages. Wrap your brain grapes around that.

This is thicker than most lemonades. It doesn't have the consistency of a smoothie, but it's way denser than your average glass of lemon water. The thickness is due to the mango puree they use to flavor it. It really is a perfect blend of lemon and mango. It's more of a breakfast drink. I can see waking up making a nice large breakfast and settling down on my nonexistent back porch to enjoy it with a glass of this lemonade.

Is there a juice shortage in the world? If not, does Wegmans think that there is? The last one of these I had was "100% Sparkling Fruit Juice." Now we're down to 50%. Is this going to be a continual decrease? In a few months will there be 12% juice? It will be like a selling point. "Now containing .5% actual fruit juice." People will think it's a good thing and eat it up.

Seriously though, why is this only 50%? Do they think these particular juices would be too strong if sold at maximum capacity? Are they trying to cut down on the sugar? Either way it's still pretty good. The flavor is strong. It tastes like a slightly watered down blend of the two juices it represents. If it were a little bit stronger I would absolutely love it. Maybe 75% is the way to go. I'm talking to you Danny!

After that abortion of a acai berry energy drink I downed a couple of days ago, I thought I owed it to Genesis Today to give them another chance to prove that they still have it. They have done just that with this juice.

The acai doesn't taste like its bloated rotting corpse was just pulled up the bottom of a lake, which is a definite improvement. There are a whole mess of fruits mixed into this drink which give it a fruit punch type of flavor, but the acai is definitely front and center giving you a little wave.

For having no sugar added this is very sweet. Further proof that fruit knows how to have a good time all on it's own and companies need to stop adding extra sugar to everything in liquid form.

Genesis Today wins this round. Here's to hoping they are never on the wrong end of the gun again.

Carl S. Junior, get over here right now and eat your vegetables. You can't just eat the fruit and then run into the mud like a Peppa Pig. I'm sorry, Sharon. Carl is being a bit of a bother. He doesn't like his vegetables. Try what? V8? Sharon, did you listen to me? I said he doesn't like vegetables, not loves them so much he wants to drink them. I swear, Sharon, sometimes...CARL! Get off of Mr. Draper's cat. Manny does not like to be pet that hard and especially not with muddy hands.

I'm sorry, Sharon, you said there was a different kind of V8? V-Fusion? I've never heard of it because I haven't been to a grocery store in about four years. It's a full serving of both fruit and vegetables and doesn't taste like vegetables? Sharon that would be the answer this current situation right now. You know, the one where Carl Jr has climbed Mr. Draper's tree and is readying himself to jump onto his roof if I make him eat another pea. Can I get this anywhere? Yes? Remarkable. Seriously, Sharon, how does it taste. Just like Concord grape juice and a little bit like raspberry? My idiot son can't read so he won't be able to see that it's good for him but he knows what a carrot is so I am going to have to pour this into a cup so he doesn't know that there are vegetables in it.

I don't mind lying to Carl Jr, Sharon. He's a kid. He'll believe anything. It's almost not lying if it's good for them in the end, right? Sure. I've got to go, Sharon. "Uncle" Tom is here. Hey, he likes having an uncle and I like that "uncle" Tom lets him play video games while we work on...you know...no Sharon. He comes over and helps me garden. I said it like that because he isn't a real uncle. Jeez, Sharon. Sometimes I don't know why we're friends.

I didn't want this to be as good as it was. I thought to myself that I had been getting off too easy with a lot of these flavors and you, the public, might see some strange drink at a store, are curious, check the site, see that it's gross, and put it down. We travel far and wide to get some of the strangest things we can find, stupidly buy them, stupidlier drink them, and give your our intimate thoughts on them or some equally entertaining/less helpful review.

This guy isn't bad. It's got a tropical, nectar taste to it. Think of passionfruit nectar and if you like that, you'll like this. This dude I work with, Ken, is almost from the Bahamas and he told me how his mom made stuff with the seeds and how they dried the leaves and all about the soursop's medicinal properties for inflammation and pregnancy and such. What a super-fruit! Honestly, if it makes a good juice like this, help people alleviate pain, and do all that other stuff, it's got to be good.

Try it. You'll probably find it at your local Jamaican or Asian market. Sometimes they are the same thing. That is strange to me.

Oh, the problems in my life! I don't eat well. I should. I should exercise more, but so should you. Don't give me that face. When was the last time you ran and no, I don't mean that time that you had to chase your dog because you were eating a double Whopper and walking your dog at the same time and when a pickle fell out, you dropped the leash and he ran down the street. That doesn't count. When I was at the store yesterday and saw that this gorgeous six-pack was available. I did not hesitate. It came out a long time ago and for all I know, which is little, it could still be out, but as long as time has gone by, this has been my favorite V8. I will buy plain, still delicious V8 and put hot sauce in it. Don't believe me? Who are you to deny me? You're in a sour mood today, friend.

I remember V8 came out with spicy V8 before and I think they partnered with Tabasco and that was alright, but I'm not a huge fan of that hot sauce and this could be the same thing, but since it's not actually printed on the can, I don't know, which I like. It's not too spicy but it's spicy enough that if this baby sized, 5.5-ounce can was twice as big, it still wouldn't be big enough.

Since I clearly can't say enough about this drink, and that it's not only wonderful, but it's wonderful for you, I have no choice to give it a five. Congratulations, V8, and I thank you for bringing this gem back into my life.

It's a wonderful thing when you find local drinks that you didn't know exist. I especially love when I find local juices. My ladyfriend picked this up for me at a farmers market and it's incredible. It is made in Lockport, NY and the only ingredients are local grapes and apples, both of which grow in abundance around here. No sugar, no preservatives, just fresh fruit. I love it. It's possibly the best grape juice I have ever had. The apple sweetens it up a bit so it's not very tart, but the strong flavor of the concord grapes greets your tongue with every sip.

If you're ever in the area and you come across this, I can't urge you enough to pick up a bottle. According to their website Blackman also makes a cider in the autumn that I can't wait to try.