Juice - 935 Reviews

Grapes? Buddy. Friend. Grapes? What did I ask you to make for us? What did I ask you to make for Sandora? Pomegranate juice. That's right. What did you give me? Pomegranate-grape juice. Oh, it's good, but it's not what I asked for. I understand that pomegranates are expensive. I understand that pomegranate arils are not easy to get out. I understand it's a messy job. I don't care. Money was put aside and the money we are charging for this juice should have covered the production costs.

Now look. I understand that you didn't want the company to go under and for that I say "thank you," but if I asked for a blend, I would have asked you for a blend. I love grapes. I love red grapes and I love green grapes. Together would make a tremendous juice that I would love to drink with my toast and eggs in the morning. Honestly, buddy, the drink you have created is excellent, too. It's clearly got pomegranate juice in it. It tastes like pomegranates and is tart like a pomegranate should be, but then there are the cut corners you like to call "money saving." I can taste the grape juice in here. I like it. I will continue to sell it, but I want you to know that we can no longer sell the pomegranate juice that I wanted because we are making the "pomegranate" juice you thought I wanted.

You are not fired, but I am going to have to be very descriptive when it comes to the next juice I want. Next time, only put in the fruits that I ask for. If I ask for a grapefruit juice, I had better not see pears or apples in the same room or you will be fired. That is all. Good day to you. We appreciate your hard work and dedication to Sandora.

What else is there to say about Mamma Chia drinks that we haven't said before? They are certainly unique. They are also very tasty. They start with a wonderful tasting juice (cranberry and lemonade in this case) and then fill the bottle with the insanity that is chia seeds. The hard seeds are coated in a slimy substance that helps them go down very smooth. They are slimy, but not in a gross way. It adds more of a thickness to the consistency of the drink. It makes drinking fun. And there are health benefits to it.

The flavor of this is strong, but not overbearing. It tastes like mild lemonade with a mild cranberry flavoring. I say mild only because it's neither tart nor bitter like both of the fruits are in their normal form. There is nothing mild about the taste.

Jason was ecstatic. It was nearly February and he had yet to get sick this winter. For years the cold weather was basically a death sentence for any sort of social life. Every year like clockwork the cold and dry weather would creep into his world and he would never want to leave his house. For some unknown reason lesions used to form all over the inside of his throat. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with him. It was misdiagnosed as mono and tonsillitis. They would prescribe him antibiotics and in a week or so the lesions were gone. The thing is they would return again before the end of winter. Not having health insurance sure put a hinder on his recovery and wallet. Then one doctor recommended sleeping with a humidifier on. Three years passed with only one throat outbreak, but a normal sickness was ever present. He learned to deal with it and tried his best to live a normal life. This year was different though. He hadn't felt sick at all. He was so happy that he announced it one day with pride. As always when someone does something stupid like announce their health to a room of people, Jason woke up the next morning with a strange feeling in his throat/head. It wasn't a full-blown cold but something was definitely brewing.

Jason went to the store to purchase some juice to make sure his sickness didn't progress. Orange juice with extra pulp was always a standby, but to keep his streak going strong Jason was going to need something stronger. He went to the “fancy” juice aisle, where bottles cost upwards of $10. Perusing the shelves it was a no-brainer as soon as he saw this. It felt like he had found the Holy Grail of health. With a combination of ginger and Echinacea it was virtually unstoppable in the war against winter sickness. The base of this juice is basically honey-sweetened lemonade. Added to that is a vague Echinacea flavor. There is only a hint of it present. It is all rounded out with a nice ginger burn. It's not overpowering like some ginger beers, but it's there enough to let you know that it is prepared to go to war with any virus' in your system. Over the day Jason downed the entire bottle and by the next morning he felt perfectly fine. Jason :1. Sickness: 0.

Calling something "clearly" anything, I feel, is a bit insulting. It's like using the word "obviously" as if to say, "You dumb dummy. It's obviously a 1981 MGB." I know, I know. It's called "clearly" because it's clear, but still...a titch too much for my liking. Speaking of "my liking" I liked this a handful more than the previous one I reviewed. This one still has a strange thickness to it, but it's totally drinkable and the grape flavor is pretty good. If I had a kid that didn't drink bottles who needed to be hydrated, I would let him have this.

We're half and half with this company and that's more than I can say for most companies so congratulations.

I like green apples better than red apples. I think it's a matter of crispness and crunch. Red apples just don't have the same pizzazz to me as green apples. I just saw an apple on the can and assumed that it was apple juice. Just regular old apple juice. Nothing special. Apple juice. You know, apples go great with cinnamon and honey. I think it's a Jewish delicacy. I seem to remember wearing nice clothes eating bread and apples and cinnamon and honey. Wouldn't you love to be able to drink an apple and cinnamon juice sweetened with honey? Oh. I'm so excited. I hope this exists.

I was pleasantly surprised that this was green apple, which I didn't know until my first sip. Thing is, initial sips lead me to a delicious, green apple-dom. Aftertaste is a bit bitter and I am on the fence if I like it or not. For all I know, this could be the exact same sensation that happens when I eat a real green apple but without the chewing and the apple skin and the whole experience, I might miss the strange aftertaste that Snapple is telling me belongs there.

This is a nice way to kick off a week. It's different, it's juice, and it might actually be good for you. I look forward to finding more of these 100% Juiced drinks somewhere.

I've drunk a lot of peach juices and nectars in my day. For a while I was obsessed with Looza peach nectar. Then I got sick of paying $5 for a bottle of it, and switched over to the Goya version. It wasn't quite as good, but it still got the job done. Throughout the history of Thirsty Dudes I seem to always end up with the peach flavored drinks, and I'm not complaining.

The Sonrisa peach nectar is not as thick as the previously mentioned brands, but it's nothing to scoff at. Sure it has HFCS in it as a sweetener, but it comes after the juice on the ingredients list. That is saying something in this day and age. It's very sweet, a little sweeter than I prefer, but the peach taste makes up for it. Anyone who has downed more than a couple of whole peaches in their life can tell you that different parts of the peach have different flavors. Sonrisa concentrated on the “flesh” of the peach that comes in contact with the pit. In an actual peach that area is a bit tougher, with some rough spots, but the flavor is very specific. If there wasn't a sweetener added to this I think the taste would be dead on. Adding the sweetener just made it more enjoyable.

You're fading fast. You've had a long day at the office. You know, "the grind", and it's time you let loose. Take that tie off and put it around your head because nothing says "loose" like a tie on your head. Your boss rides you really hard but he's not here. You just relax; there aren't any co-workers in here. Go crazy. Stay out past ten. Drink some of that great looking grape punch. Gah! What happened to the punch?! Did someone spike the punch? What is this, a John Hughes film? Spiking the punch. Really? What did they spike it with? Did they spike it with an energy drink and some sort of liquor? What's happening?

Are you feeling alright? You're feeling energized? That's awesome. You've feeling like you've been alcoholized? Well that's not what you want. You wanted to have a good time and now look at you. You're in rougher shape than before you came to this non-work related party. You don't even drink and now you're a wreck. You've got to get to the bottom of this. "Who did this?" you ask, "Who dumped this stuff in the juice? My first glass was great and then subsequent glasses were less than great. Who's the wise guy?" Less than ten seconds later a kid said that he poured some Monster in there because he wanted to pump the party up. He was bored and now you're suffering the consequences. Thanks kid.

Pineapples out of a can are fine. I'm not a "silver spoon" kind of kid. I have eaten all sorts of disgusting things to get by. Plus, they are actually just plain fine. Who has a problem besides, say, Hawaiians who have the ability to just eat them all day long? Buffalo? We get two months of edible pineapples. Oh, we can buy them more months out of the year than that but they taste like garbage. If I can eat consistently good pineapples that taste a little like the can they come in, I'll take it.

This drink tastes like pineapples out of a can with less of a sting. How did I get this far in the review without even mentioning papaya? Well it's simple. I didn't taste it. Anyone who ingests more papaya than I may have been able to find it somewhere in the mix of tin and pineapple, but I didn't get it. I didn't care that I didn't get it as I was totally fine with a fresh can of pineapple juice.

Jumex from Texas and not from Mexico where I thought you would be from, you're great.

In 1997 the Florida based band Mira (not to be confused with K Records artist Mirah) started putting out albums of shoegazey dream pop bliss. Sometime in the last century a mysterious conglomerate also known as Mira started putting out sugary juice bliss. I think the two must be correlated in some way. I mean what are the chances of so much bliss being created by two separate entities with the same name? I mean sure you could go to the Mira nectar website and you are met by "tropical/island" music, but hey people change. Maybe the fine folks in the band decided they want a more cheery demeanor in their lives.

I'd like to think that when the band went on hiatus in 2006 they directed their efforts into this other endeavor. Each member of the band chose a fruit and it was his or her duty to perfect a juice for production. Guitarist Tom Parker obvious pulled the pineapple card. The taste of this juice is as thick and dreamy as his guitar playing. He took the juice of a wonderful fruit and added some sugar to it to successfully combat the weird bile taste that it's juice sometimes has, while keeping the natural flavor intact. I've lost myself in his music, and I've lost myself in his juice.

I really wish this were all true. Imagine a band going from this to this. It would be simply amazing.

I've been fooled for the last time. First it was soursop, then white gourd and now it's green pumpkin. Let me tell you a secret I'm pretty sure they are all exactly the same thing. The sure as hell all taste exactly the same. It tastes like your drinking the milk leftover after eating a bowl of the strongest grain cereal you've ever tasted. I bet this is exactly what horse food tastes like. I had such high hopes for a pumpkin drink. You've beaten me again Taiwan.

I hope you really enjoy this week's date night. You know how we've been talking about making each date night theme oriented? Well I decided to put that into action. At first I thought about having it French night, but that just seemed too obvious. I thought and thought on it, and well…€¦. Welcome to Brazil honey!

To start things off we'll be going downtown to the east side in order to try and authentically recreate the atmosphere of the favelas of Rio De Janeiro. We may have to get a later start than usual to make sure it's already completely dark out for things to feel right. I mean what would a Brazilian date night be without getting harassed and potentially robbed at knifepoint?

I know what you're thinking, where are we going to get authentic Brazilian food here in Buffalo, NY? Don't you worry I found this guy who will let us come to his house and he will cook us up some nice feijoada. He said he has 12 roommates along with 23 cats and 14 dogs, but hey the more the merrier! Oh yes, feijoada is a stew of pork, sausage and smoked meat cooked with black beans and garlic, garnished with slices of orange. I know you don't eat meat, but I figured you could make an exception in order to make date night authentic.

After dinner, assuming that we haven't been mugged and stabbed with a makeshift knife, we will catch a nice game of soccer. It will be pretty late at that point, so I found a DVD of a game from about 10 years ago. The nice fellow who will be cooking for us said we could watch it in his room. Only four other people share the room, so it should be nice and cozy. He just said to make sure the DVD is the right region. I don't know what that means, but we'll figure it out.

Oh, oh I forgot to mention that I scored a bottle of the traditional Brazilian drink acai juice mixed with coconut water. It's a match made in heaven. The negative aspects of each drink neutralize each other. It's like it's an acai juice that isn't harsh and is a little chalky tasting. It doesn't really taste like coconut water at all, well minus the slight chalkiness. I know how much you like acai juice, but can only drink a tiny glass of it. This way you can chug a nice 16 ounce glass with no issues at all.

So, what do you think? Is this going to be the best date night ever or what? What do you mean you're breaking up with me. I put so much effort into this. How could you say that it sounds like a night from hell? This is authentic Brazil here! For Brazil night you want it to be all beaches and Carnival? Well it looks like we have different versions of a good time. Hey come back here when I'm talking to you, and bring back my juice!

Oh gee. I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like loganberry. I kind of have to, I mean, I am from Western New York. So, to reiterate, I hope this doesn't taste like loganberry. Oh, fantastic, it tastes like loganberry. Oh great, it's carbonated and filled with artificial sweeteners. Awesome, a diet, carbonated loganberry. Plus, factor in the point that I don't know how much I just paid for this and this adds up to the start of a horror story of a drink. If you had to bottle and flavor a horror movie, it would be this drink. If you could have a flavored knife cut across your jugular, it would be a terribly dull knife that, when licked, would taste like this. If you were to be disemboweled by an inanimate object, a large bottle of this would have protruding arms and legs pulling at your entrails, all the while laughing menacingly and squirting it's liquid in your mouth.

Meatballs? Yes. Lamps? Yes. Tables? Yes. Strange, unpronounceable drinks made with otherwise common fruits? Absolutely. Ikea is quickly turning into a provider of everything one would need. A Swedish Target, if you will. Allow me to carefully type out the actual name of this drink:
Kolsyrad Pa(with umlots)rondryck

That's it. They's what they call sparkling pear juice there.

Now I hate pears. I don't like them minced, diced, creamed, marinated, with cheese, without cheese, fried, or anything in the middle. This, unfortunately, will be added to my list of exceptions because it's rather good. Crisp, and almost like a sparkling apple juice, which might be why I like it so much. Nonetheless, my buddy Steve, who I have known since I was about sixteen picked it up at the most local, but not really local, Ikea. I've been sitting on it for far too long. It's a good thing that they didn't sample it on the short drive back from Toronto because it never would have made it back. It's nicely sweet and even though I know it's made from pear, I have finished the short "tallboy" can.

Pears, we may never see eye to eye, but all of the crap I put you through and all of the bad stuff I relentlessly throw at you, you still come through with a drink like this. You are the bigger man and I am a big enough man to admit it. Does that make me a better man? Probably not. I am a lesser man than a pear is a man.

Welcome to the first day of Fizz Ed. My name is Christopher Fabiano and I will be your instructor for the semester. I see a bunch of you have changed into gym shorts and tee shirts with sports logos on them. Those of you that have, like so many before you, are mistaken as to what class you have enrolled in. I understand your confusion due to the fact that we meet in the school's gymnasium and I admit the name can be confusing, especially to the youth of today who's grammar and spelling has gone right down the pooper due to computers and texting. This class is not I repeat IS NOT physical education. It is in fact Fizz Education, or the study of carbonation and more importantly soda and other fizzy beverages. Yes this class is a dream come true for some, but for those of you who are upset about this, there are withdrawal slips by the door. No one's feelings will be hurt if you walk out that door.

Okay now that everyone but six of you have left let's get down to business. Basically this semester we will learn the science behind soda and by the end of the semester you will be brewing your own. All you stoner slackers out there, I know you're thinking that you can use this knowledge to brew your own beer. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that is a different process altogether and while it is interesting the school board won't let me teach it. I mean come on it's a shock that this class exists at all.

Before we start can anyone tell me the difference between soda pop and sparkling juice? No one? Well this is certainly going to be a long semester. Okay the difference really boils down to the amount of sugar added to the drink. I'm glad so many people left because I only have a handful of cans to share with everyone. So take one and pass the bag to the person next to you. What you now hold in your hands is a near perfect example of a sparkling juice. It is also a brand I created to help me in teaching this class. Like the name? Ideally I would have used fresh fruit juice, but with budget cuts what they are I had to settle with using concentrates. I then added carbonated water, and bam magic was made. Notice I did not add any sweeteners. The fruit juice is nice and sweet as it is and it makes for a wonderfully refreshing drink. For this batch I used red raspberries and I think you can really taste it. Of course due to those aforementioned budget cuts I couldn't use pure raspberry juice, so I cut it with apple juice. You can slightly taste the apples, but it still is mostly raspberry. It truly is a wonderful thing if I do say so myself.

For the next time we meet I want you each to write a 25-page paper describing the evolution of soda and how it differs from sparkling juices. What did you think this was going to be a blow off class? Think again!

Here's another treat from Editor Dan. That lucky so-and-so went up to Toronto to see Portishead. I was poor at the time tickets went on sale, and I missed out on my opportunity. Whenever I hear Portishead I think of a French club. It's dark, smoky and everything is slightly illuminated red. Portishead is playing over the PA and everyone is just getting down and slowly grinding on each other. During this scene in my head everyone is smoking for some reason. It's a very specific vision, and I think it's hysterical. It's also hysterical that Portishead would lead into a review for this drink, because the only way this drink would seem more inappropriate in that scene is if it came in juice boxes. This drink pretty much embodies the concept of fun. Portishead is not fun. They are wonderful, dark, mysterious and sexy, but they are not fun. This is a sugary sweet mango drink that taste way more like the juice you would lick from your fingers when trying to open a mango without the proper utensils than you would expect from a drink that comes in such packaging. Also, it has little cubed bits of nada de coco, which makes the drink even more fun. I love it when appropriate drinks have nada de coco in them. In this it's like there are tiny bits (of hardened) mango in it. I love trying to chew on them.

No you shouldn't drink this while listening to trip hop. I think some ska punk would be more up to speed. Less Than Jake I'm looking in your direction.

From the beverages I've drunk recently I have come to the conclusion that Jamaica was once a part of Canada. It was the 11th province. Like modern day Quebec the fine citizens of Jamaica wanted to become a sovereign nation. They petitioned for years and made no progress. Finally a group of radicals strategically planted explosives and broke Jamaica free from the rest of Canada. They were happy to just be separated and declared their independence. It was a happy accident that the coastal tides dragged their country south into a tropical region.

Canada is still bitter, but they have embraced the new beverages that come out of the now sunny and warm Jamaica. One such drink is a combination of mango and carrot juice. Okay it's pulp and puree, but that might actually make it better. It's mostly mango, with just the slightest hint of carrot. You really don't taste the carrots at all unless you breathe through your nose (especially with the nectar still in your mouth). It has a nice consistency that is not overly thick, but more so than a normal juice.

Good work Jamaica. You have succeeded where Quebec has failed. In freedom, as well as in the world of beverages.

I knew that soursop had another name, and I like soursop. It's nice and fruity. I had it in my mind grapes that white gourd was soursop under a different name. I sat down ready to enjoy a nice fruit blast. I didn't get that. I didn't get that at all. Instead I got a mouthful of "cereal tea." My ladyfriend says it tastes like the Japanese dessert mochi. She's right it does, and I don't like those either.

You can take a sip of this and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can hold your breath, and all you will taste is a weak sweet tea. The moment you swallow and breathe it's all cereal and rice. The fact that this comes in a juice box is mind bottling. Maybe children in Taiwan are just accustomed to this flavor. If you gave this to Joe-Schmoe elementary school student I bet they would slap you in your face. I wouldn't blame them. Now I really wish I had some soursop.

Dear Italy, Why have I never graced your shores? I feel like I have been nearby several times, but we never made the leap into the birthplace of pasta and organized crime. You are the home to many great things, and I think you deserve for me to visit and show some respect. I promise I will do so in the next few years. We'll have a quiet little date. We'll eat some real deal homemade pasta and sauce and you'll sip on a nice wine while I down glass after glass of the soda that is your namesake. I have to say that I may actually enjoy the soda more than your conversation. You know I don't speak Italian. I understand you're trying to make a point, but when I don't understand a thing you're saying the meaning you're trying to convey is lost. How about you just give in and speak English, just for a little while. The soda on the other hand speaks a language that everyone can understand (well except diabetic). It's the language of flavor. You Italy are more intelligent than most. You may have been the first to carbonate your juices, and didn't give up on the practice. You kept right on trucking. I assume that red oranges are the same as blood orange. If not they sure taste the same. It has a tarter, bolder orange flavor. It's the top of the evolution tree of oranges. They aren't going to get better than this. You took this miracle fruit and added just a little bit of sugar and some nice bubbles and you have something close to perfection.

It might be the soda talking, but you're looking pretty good tonight Italy. Oh you have a little bit of sauce on your cheek. No, not that side the other side. Down a little. To the right. Okay it's gone. Now you have some basil in your teeth....

I always think that Odwalla is on the bottom of the trio of Odwalla, Naked and Bolthouse juices. I call them the big three, because they are the three companies that are readily available pretty much anywhere in the USA. I think I must have always drunk their Super Protein line. I remember the smoothies always being a bit on the chalky side. With the C Monster drinks that is not a problem at all? Do you love orange juice? Do you also have an affinity for strawberries? Then this is the drink for you. There are some grapes and a little apple in here as well, but you don't notice it. All this tastes like it a premium orange juice that has a handful of strawberries blended into it. I bought this because it was on sale for half off, but I think this may have changed my opinion of Odwalla and I'll be checking out their other flavors shortly.

It's times like this that I wish we had been more specific when we started Thirsty Dudes. You know, like just pop or just iced tea. That would be a good life, just reviewing iced tea. Nope, we decided to take on the entire non-alcoholic beverage world and because of that choice I sit here now drinking Tampico.

First off, there is no possible way that this started off as a juice. I can only assume they started with a vat of water and added some agents to thicken it up a bit. Then they added a tiny amount of juice concentrate and some artificial flavors. Oh let's not forget the mass amount of corn syrup that was added as well. The result is as much of a juice as Sunny Delight is. It really actually reminds me of a slightly thinner Sunny D, except it's supposed to be mango flavored instead of straight orange. I'll stick with real juice, and dreams of a world where iced tea reigns supreme.