Juice - 935 Reviews

This drink is the equivalent of dumping a whole mess of grapes into a blender with an obscene amount of sugar. Sure the grapes get cut up, but there are stuff a whole mess of chunks left over. That's okay though, we love chunks in our drinks. Okay, that sounds gross. I feel like I just said that we love vomit in our drinks. I'd like to go on record by saying that I have never drank vomit in a drink, and I hope that I never end up drinking vomit in a drink. If I did the result would just be the creation of more vomit to put in drinks, and as we already mentioned no one wants that, so it would be a waste of effort and time.

If someone had poured this into a glass and then given it to me, I would have assumed from looking at it that it was an aloe drink. Then after drinking it I would have thought that I had confirmed my earlier thought. I obviously would have been wrong. It's just water, grape juice and grape chunks, but it really does taste and feel like it is an aloe drink. The grape flavor is a bit stronger than any aloe I've ever had, but the similarities are there. I'm shocked that there is only 27g of sugar in here, because it tastes like someone dumped an entire sack of sugar into this little can. While my health would not appreciate that, my taste buds certainly do.

Oh big man. Yeah. You're a big man with a juice box. Look at you. You look ridiculous. You driving a Harley Davidson motorcycle, have a giant beard, and have a full time job as a lumberjack is completely negated because you are drinking a juice box. Look, I'm a librarian and I'm standing up to you. I am five foot two and you are easily a foot and a half taller and I feel confident standing up to you.

What are you even drinking there? Starfruit juice? Man! What a sissy! Can you believe this dude? Oh, you want me to try it? Yeah, dude. I'll crush this thing. Juice. Who cares. All day I'll drink this. Oh...oh man...what is this? This isn't starfruit. It's like a fruit that you meant to put sugar on but didn't know which container had the sugar and which had the salt and you made a terrible mistake. This tastes like salty fruit. Like that acceptable amount of salt in a Gatorade blown way out of proportion. Ugh, and you're just drinking this stuff? You really are a big man. I'm sorry about those things that I said. Drink boxes are secret recepticles that hide mystery drinks. My hat off to you. You are truly a manly man.

Legend has it that Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden for tasting the fruit from the tree of knowledge under pressure from the great snake. The fruit they ate is commonly portrayed as an apple, but that isn't accurate at all. In fact the fruit they ate does not exist in this world. What they ate was basically a strawberry, a mango and passionfruit all rolled into one. While we're clarifying things here, they didn't need Satan pushing them to try the fruit. I mean if you were there wouldn't the allure of such a fruit be enough for you to risk getting kicked out of paradise? I'm actually surprised they lasted as long as they did. No, it wasn't the snake's fault, they just tried to lay the blame on him to get out of trouble and pull a fast one on the man upstairs.

Since the banishment scientists have been working on recreating the holy fruit, with no luck. They just couldn't get it to graft together properly. There are rumors that sometime around the 14th century someone created a blueberry, mango passionfruit, but really that's not the same at all. Even modern day scientists are stumped on the genetic makeup of such a fruit. Then in 2006 a tiny juice company thought of the thing that no man of science had been smart enough to comprehend: why not just mix the juices of the three fruits? You may not get the texture, but it sure as hell tastes the same. They took about 4 hours of experimenting with the amounts of each fruit before they thought had it perfect, and perfect it was. All three fruits are distinguishable in the juice, yet when you think about it they also all combine together into some sort of new superfruit, the kind of fruit that you would risk paradise for. In an homage they named their company Apple & Eve and scientists have scorned them ever since.

I was on tour with Cheap Girls this past week. I hadn't been on the road much lately, so when my friends asked me to tag along on a mini tour I decided a nice little vacation was exactly what I needed and hopped in the van for a few days of music and stupid fun.

Lately I've been eating less garbage food and have been trying to take better care of myself. My normal tour lifestyle is not very conducive to that. Living out of a van leads to eating at gas stations and Taco Bell way too often. This tour was short and for once in my life I actually had some extra money, so I bought healthier snacks and actually ate at restaurants. It was a nice change, and I definitely didn't feel like garbage for once.

To add to my health I decided to drink a bottle of juice every morning to start my day. I tried to keep it to 100% juice with no sugar added, but the neighborhood I was in for our stay in Baltimore wasn't very helpful with that. I found this can of pineapple nectar at a little bodega and decided that it would just have to do. Sure it wasn't only juice in a can, but at least it had chunks of fruit in it. It was actually the least acidic pineapple juice I have ever had. There was no trace of that pineapple vomit smell, and it was very smooth. As I said it had chunks of pineapple in it. In fact I would say that ¼ of the can was actually the flavorless stringy pieces of fruit. I had shaken the can up before I opened it, but the chunks still mainly resided at the bottle half of the can. By the time my drinking took my to that portion, it was mostly chunks and it was a bit off putting. Had the amount of chunks been consistent through the entire drink I would have liked it a lot more. Also, if you drank this warm it would probably be one of the grossest drinks I can think of.

The weather reports are in and boy are they strange. If you're going outside boys and girls, don't forget to grab an umbrella as it's really coming down out there. The thing is that the precipitation isn't rain, but little chunks of mango. Meteorologists were highly confused until it became known that one of the canning facilities for Chabaa exploded earlier this morning, sending it's reservoirs of mango pulp high into the atmosphere. It's just now that it is finally making its way back to the Earth.
While it is a strange thing to behold it is causing the sale of Chabaa to skyrocket (no pun intended). People are looking outside, thinking how much of as pain the cleanup is going to be, and then they suddenly get as craving for some juice. Even though Chabaa puts out a fairly tame nectar (it's slightly thick, but the added sugar takes a little away from the mango flavor), they include little chunks of mango pulp that give the beverage the little push it needs to be great. Pulp and chunks do nothing but make drinks more fun and enjoyable. These are fairly small, maybe 1/8" cubed, but they squish up nicely in your mouth.
So follow your whim and go out and grab yourself a can, just remember to bring your umbrella and your galoshes or you'll be in for some trouble. This is Steve Saginaw signing off for Imperial Weather.

Jay doesn't like tamarind and thinks that it's hilarious when he makes me drink all the new tamarind drinks. I've got to admit, it is kind of funny. Tamarind is weird, though. If I had to describe it, I would say that it tastes like you strained apple juice through peanuts. Take a whole bunch of run-of-the-mill peanuts, crush them up, put them in a shirt, pour apple juice through it, and drink your new, strange juice.

It's not terrible. Let it be known. It really isn't, but it's just kind of...awkward. If I had to separate it into time, 80% of the time it tastes like apples and then it just grows this nutty taste to it. If that sounds like something experimental that you would like to try, this is a good drink to try as I feel that it's tamarind in it's purest sense. I know Jarritos makes a tamarind pop but the carbonation and extra sugar might throw off the taste a little bit.

If anyone can describe it better than that, please, be my guest. My boss really liked this and he is usually the first the turn down a drink.

Okay we've got O.J., purple stuff, some soda, Sunny Delight…€¦…€¦oh wait that's not Sunny D at all. Actually it's called Big Burst, but it looks pretty similar. Is that okay? Well it might as well be Sunny D. It tastes pretty much exactly the same, except that the consistency is much thinner. I see that as a positive thing. Sunny D tasted okay, but the syrupiness of it destroyed me. Oh and for the record it is no substitution or orange juice when you're sick.

This is nothing I would ever purchase myself, but I'm not a kid so why would I be drinking fake juice? If I want juice I'll get the real thing, not a sugar water version of it. The same company that puts out Little Hug Barrels and Guzzlers makes this, so 98% of their demographic is kids under ten. I may be well over the age of ten, but I have to say it tastes much better than I expected. It's definitely a superior option to Sunny D. Big Burst just needs an iconic commercial now.

I don't know what it is with most of the part-timers at my job. Sometimes we get part time workers or interns that seem to have lived under a rock their whole life. They don't know anything about pop culture and the first month is spent discovering how far back in time you can go to discuss things they might have a clue about. I guess when I was twenty-two, I might have not known what lychee was, but when I described it as "it tastes like a fruity old woman," our intern gave me a face, and rightfully so.

He actually took a sip of this. He told me I was right and that's all I needed to hear from him. After drinking half this can, I've got to admit this is one of the better lychee drinks I've had. If they all tasted like this, I would not be as leery to drink them as I am. I don't know what it is but I've had some that are downright terrible. Potentially spoiled rotten. This is like a bouquet of flowers. I don't know what it is about lychee but it's like a fruity, flowery, sweet treat when done right. Someday I'll find a real one and eat it but in the meantime, this is a good place to start.

There is something you need to know about Buffalo. It's vital to understand why we, Buffalonians, are the way that we are. It has to do with vitamin D and the sun. You see, it's crappy here. A lot. It's probably a solid six months of gray skies whether it is our seemingly endless winters or just overcast days. It's quite tolling on our psyche and depression takes its toll on us. It's out of our hands, you know? It's ecological and cyclical. Sure, everyone just takes medicine, turning them into drones and they wonder why they're in such a bad mood come February and March and then they are in a great mood when the weather is nice.

Last week and the week before were teases. It's spring. We all know it, but sometimes you get that fluke week that is picturesque and you just want it to be like that forever. You know the next three weeks are going to be rainy or at very least, moderately cold, but you just want to soak it in as much as possible. This week is slated to be wet and gray; a terrible combination. That's where this drink comes in.

Kiwi strawberry and strawberry kiwi, two separate animals, are summer delicacies. It's nice that it's always summertime in the eyes of Capri Sun. Just drinking it makes me see through the endless fog, rain, sleet, and potential hail into the sun. I would like to take my hoodie off when drinking this, but I know I would instantly regret it. It's a good juice and even though it has the dreaded corn syrup inside of it, you don't care because it's all you've got to keep you from going to the tanning beds to just feel the suns artificial touch on your pasty, almost translucent skin. You can't really taste it anyhow, so don't let it discourage you from getting "The big pack" next time you're shopping for nutrition food.

I know, I know. A couple more weeks of this and then it's jackets off, short pants, and sunglasses until mid-August when it's time to bundle back up and ready yourself for another doozy of a winter. Maybe you should stockpile some of this for the harder, colder months.

No matter how cool of a name dragon fruit is, and no matter how insane and awesome the outside of the fruit looks, once you cut it open it's off putting. It looks like a bleached strawberry. I'd like to rephrase that. It looks like an albino strawberry. If I were the lying sort I would tell you that like other albinos when a dragon fruit it cut open and exposed to sunlight it ignites…€¦just like any other albino.

I'd like to think the folks at Flavur also thought that dragon fruit looked like a pigmentless version of a strawberry and decided to mix in some real red ones and see how it tastes. The answer is it tastes delicious of course. There are two delicious fruits intermingling in a single bottle with a little help from ginseng (luckily his dirt flavor is nowhere to be found), what else could you want? Okay so there is a bit more in here. There are also apple, elderberry and lemon juice involved. Normally I'm not a fan of lemons being introduced into beverages unless it's lemonade, but I will happily admit that it does something to bring out the flavors of the other fruits. All together it's sweet and fruity in all the right ways.

I always find myself jealous of the Canadian public for their awesome beverages. They always seem to have very unique juices to offer. It's also exciting when they are sweetened with beet syrup like this drink is. Now I must go and try to get “Killer Tofu” out of my head.

Alright. I'll admit it. I'm no child anymore. Sure, mentally, I am as dumb as your average eight year old. I still enjoy when things blow up, I'm not opposed to sleeping in awkward positions or in the trunks of cars and have no concept of "clean" and "dirty." I eat chicken fingers, hamburgers, and hot dogs and love ice cream. I ride bikes, play video games, and still enjoy cartoons. That being said, regardless of my past times and eating habits, I turned thirty this week so I should at least think about becoming a full fledged adult.

Cut to today's review and it's the Big Pouch of Capri Sun. It's the loveliness of the old pack but...bigger. I grew up with the taste of this fruit punch so this is like a review I would have done when I was appropriately aged to drink them. Look, juice is juice. You can put an age restriction on alcohol, but not juice. If I, a grown idiotic man, want to drink fruit punch out of a metallic pack like a G.D. astronaut or fourth grader, I'm going to do it. You know why? I'm an adult and can do what I want when it comes to juice.

I've got to say, it's a good thing this guy is resealable because that is a lot of juice clocking in at just shy over 11 ounces. It's not bad, though. It's sweet fruit punch. No bite and all fruit. Sweet fruit. Drinkable but I am responsible and know my artificial juice limits. If I didn't, I would have tons of pimples all over my face and we would revert my complexion back fifteen years. I can't keep going back in time to all my different "eras" so I'm going to stop drinking this pack of juice.

Okay, this is an all-natural drink, with no sugar added, yet it still kind of tastes like that fake candy green apple flavor. I don't get it, there is nothing in here that should give it that taste. It's a mixture of apple, white grape and acerola juices. Could it be that there is a variety of green apple that actually tastes this way that I'm just not aware of? I'm from an area where there are apple orchards all over and I've never tasted such a thing. The green apples that I've had are actually my favorite type of apple.

Actually…€¦.

The more I drink of this, the less candy-like it actually tastes and the more I feel like I'm eating one of my tasty green apples. Now I'm done with the can and I could certainly enjoy another instantly. It's juice and sparkling water combined in a wonderful way without the need for sugar. Thanks Izze.

Mom? Here's what I want to do for my eighth birthday. I want to go to the zoo. I love the lizard room. You know me, mommy. I love the chameleons. Then, after that let's go to McDonalds. I would like a ten pack of McNuggets with both sweet and sour and barbeque sauces. It's my birthday. I love nuggets. Then I would like to go to the candy store and I want some Warheads. I enjoy putting two or three in my mouth and seeing if I can take it. This one time, at school, Michael K. said that he ate five of them and threw up. What? That's not gross. It's awesome.

What do you mean that the candy store is closed on Sunday? Who told you to have me on a Sunday?! My birthday doesn't happen on a Sunday every year? I guess I never thought of that. What am I going to do about my Warheads? You what?! You bought me a Warheads drink?! Mom! You are the coolest. I can't wait. Can I have one now? Thanks mom. You're the best. You're OK, too, dad.

This isn't bad. It's not like the candy, but it is a little sour. It tastes like a sweeter, more syrupy green apple Freeze-e-pop. I suppose since I'm seven I should like that sort of thing. I like playing in the dirt, baseball, hot dogs, and candy. That's my life.

Mom. I can't wait for my birthday. It's going to be so great except that I don't get the candy that I want. I do get other stuff and that I look forward to. Thank you in advance. You guys are alright.

Is there a more perfect fruit than the guava? Side thought: what sort of contraption/green house would I have to build in my apartment in order to grow a guava tree that would bear fruit? I think the biggest allure of living in a tropical location would be that you could have a guava tree in your back yard. Imagine just waking up, rolling out of bed, strolling into the yard and picking some guavas for breakfast. If there ever was a heaven you now know how I would spend eternity.

The only way this drink could be any better would be if they cut out the sugar and had it be 100% juice. That's the dream right there. Since I'm from a climate that is opposite of tropical for most of the year I will take what is offered. This is sweet and wonderful, just like the fruit. It has the slightest bit of grainy texture due to the sugar, but I can overlook it. When are guavas in season? When is that one week out of the year you can get them in the grocery store in NY? I just want fresh fruit now.

All morning for no reason in particular we were talking about The Chapelle Show and how great it was. It seriously came out of nowhere and we talked about it for an hour. It was a wonderful three seasons that ended too soon.

I knew I had some "purple drink" down in my pile so I picked it out, refrigerated it, and here we are. I know the "purple drink" he's referring to and that is not great. It's like that age-old discussion that you have with friends about if Skittles taste different because it's like 49% water, 50% sugar, and 1% flavoring. I never, not even as a kid, like "_________ Flavored Drink" because it's a bad imitation of an imitation. This drink is only one tier deep so it's closer to what an actual grape tastes like but still, not what grapes taste like. It sweet, it's juice, it's purple. That seems to be all it takes to pass the grape exam. This isn't terrible, though. It's absolutely drinkable and after a nice long lunch walk with "work dudes," it's just what I needed.

I do believe that mixing ingredients this way in the olden days would get a person branded a witch. In fact I'm not positive that the folks back at Sun-Rype haven't been dabbling with the black arts. All three ingredients (apple juice, green tea and chai) are all fairly normal on their own. A combination of green tea and chai is a little unorthodox, but it's nothing that someone would really think twice about. Apple and green tea is definitely on the stranger side of things. I don't believe I have ever had an apple flavored green tea. If I did I'm sure the company got it all wrong and instead of using normal apple juice they probably used green apple flavoring, which is the devil in it's own right. All of the above mixtures are acceptable, and I don't think I would think much of them if I saw them, but when you throw all three ingredients into one drink you're going to get my attention (and presumably the attention of some dark beings).

Things have changed as time has gone on. While this mixture probably would have gotten a person drowned or burned at the stake a couple hundred years ago, nowadays it's gets me to yell, “Holy Crap!” and makes me giddy. I am a staunch supporter of all of these beverages and together they do not disappoint. The apple juice and green tea blend together fairly seamlessly. It's a wonder that more companies don't use this combination. The chai is the game changer though. It makes this drink taste like nothing I have ever had before. It adds a slight vanilla spice flavor of the likes that juice has never seen before. It forms a new hybrid creature that would be unstoppable if only the dark lord would make it a sentient being. Luckily for the world it remains just a delicious juice-tea combo that will knock your socks off.

We don't have Jamba Juice in Buffalo. It's not here, so I complain about it. Truth be told if we did have them here, I would probably go there once, maybe twice. I make a decent amount of smoothies at home, but I rarely go out into the wild world to purchase them. The closest I've ever come to going to one was in DC when we were walking around and a member of my traveling party yelled, “OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JAMBA JUICE!!!.” It was the most effeminate that I have ever heard a straight man say, and it turned out it was actually a hardware store and not a juice emporium His enthusiasm was enough to pique my interest in the chain. That experience was five years ago, and I still have ever had Jamba Juice. I guess I wasn't all that interested.

While my attraction wasn't enough to have me actively search out one of their locations, I was still pretty excited when I saw this in the store. What we have here is O.N.E. coconut water mixed with fruit juice and an antioxidant boost from Jamba Juice. It was a great marriage of companies. A company that makes pretty great coconut water merged with a company that I can only assume makes pretty great juice and the result is, as expected, pretty great. It tastes more like juice that it does coconut water, which works for me. It has mostly a mango flavor with some hints of orange, and the slightest flavor of banana (not enough to ruin the drink for me). I could drink a carton at least 7 times as big as this one and probably still want more. It's tasty, it's refreshing and I can only imagine that getting the juice fresh from a Jamba Juice outlet would warrant someone yelling, “OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JAMBA JUICE!!!.”

Something happened around the turn of the century where people started to give up on bars of soap. Suddenly they weren't good enough for people. Maybe people thought they couldn't get them clean enough or something, either way people left the bars on the shelf and America embraced the new product known as body wash. I am a grown ass man and I will confidently admit that I use body wash. The reason I do is that I have some that smells like red licorice and the aroma is delicious. That really plays no part in this tale though. The important thing here is that the body wash empire got greedy. They were blinded by the new trend and in their minds the entire world would soon turn to their products and bar soap would become obsolete. As a result many of them purchased the ingredients needed to make the wash in obscene surplus. Now that a decade has passed the body wash folk are realizing that they have reached their limit of customers. Those who are not already using their products will cling to their bars of soap until the day they die. The problem was they were stuck with enough warehouses of materials to fill a smaller state, like Rhode Island. Sure they were able to sell the “soap” ingredients to some of the bar companies at a loss, but what to do with the “gel” ingredients? After many late night board meetings a solution was thought up; they would sell the ingredient, which are perfectly safe to consume, to the beverage industry to make drinks with interesting textures.

Vita Lina jumped at the chance to ride the crest of a possible trend of drinks with strange consistencies. They released this line of flaxseed drinks that has a viscosity that falls somewhere between body wash and a normal drink. It doesn't taste soapy in any way, but the texture is there, and it's weird. I personally like it a lot. It's interesting, and I notice that I take smaller sips than normal. A few friends who tried it were not so into it. They couldn't get past the texture to even contemplate the flavor, which has a nice subtle mango quality to it. I can't blame them. Even though I like the consistency, I do find it distracting from the flavor. I feel like I can taste texture in this drink, and since I'm not a robot that is impossible. It says it's a drink, but since there is tea in it, I consider it an iced tea. Truth be told it tastes more like a drink that is not overly sweetened than tea.

It's now time for another installment of how stupid Jay can be with drinks. I took this beverage with me to see some bands play at a house show the other night. Buffalo has a long tradition of house shows, and I'm glad it's still going strong. So there I am watching bands, hanging out with friends and occasionally taking pulls from my juice while most other people are downing beers. I was fine with the juice; it wasn't spectacular but it was exactly what I expected from a cranberry juice that was sweetened with cane sugar. By the end of the show I had drunk about ¾ of the bottle and decided to hold off on the rest until I was home and could resample it to write my review.

Cut to now where I am sitting at my desk about to write a review for some decent cranberry juice. I give it to my ladyfriend so she can give it a little taste, and she says, “Wow that's some sweet pomegranate.” I reply with, “No, no, no it's cranberry not pomegranate.” At which point she simply points at the label and I feel like a complete fool. She was right it is pomegranate and I am once again playing the roll of the idiot. I've often thought that pomegranate and cranberries were closely related in the fruit family tree, but I never would have thought I would have confused them. When I grabbed it out of my fridge that day I had cranberries on my mind, so I thought that is what this was. The inclusion of apple juice in the ingredients helped me along. Everyone's heard of cranapple, but who has ever heard of pomapple? If they want to make a drink that sounds cool they should make a cranagranate. I would buy that on name alone. So yes I thought it was cranberry juice, but as soon as I took a sip after I knew I was wrong, all I could taste was strong, very sweet pom. This is the kind of drink that could get kids into pomegranate. Sure it could benefit from not being made from a concentrate, but that would make it cost way more, and it's only 99 cents, which is rad. At least they used cane sugar and not HFCS.

Cozumel, Playa Del Carmen, caves, beaches, and lagoons: That was today. I drove a jeep with a slippery transmission. It also didn't like to restrict reverse when shifting from fifth to sixth. High speed grinding gears: not fantastic.

After about four hours of swimming, brother gets tired. We traveled back to Cozumel to hit the shops but for some reason, it didn't have the same flair as the first time a few months ago. We needed something to drink. We couldn't have drunk everything in all of Mexico so I'll say that the drink supply was massively lacking in Cozumel at that time. I only felt the need to buy two drinks.

This was a good place to start. It was just pomegranate juice. I love pomegranates. Love 'em. This was just juice, so it's hard to review. If you could imagine a pomegranate juice that is not too sweet and tastes like a less bitter pomegranate, you've got it.

Now it's time for dinner, more karaoke with me probably singing Tears For Fears, and probably more Rex.