Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Dear Bot,

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for what I said earlier. Do you recall many years ago when I first had your berry flavored friend and I didn't like it? I was young. I don't know what I was thinking. Do you remember those ten days I had dreadlocks? Do you remember that time that I long-boarded down that hill, fell off my board, and fell head first down and scraped up my hands? Do you remember the time that Connor and I soaked a tennis ball in gas, lit it on fire, and then proceeded to play hockey in the cul-de-sac growing up? I was a very stupid kid. I did a lot of dumb stuff. This is just three of the gallons and gallons of things that I did that weren't so smart. Loving you was one those things.

I know Valentine's Day has come and gone and, once again, I have forgotten about you. I never claimed to be a good companion. I have said, "I love you, Lisa" to a girl called Sarah.

There are a lot of things that I've messed up in my life, and not drinking you for so long has been one of them. After drinking you today, I forgot that you're a borderline juice. You are light, flavorful, and actually quite good. I wish I had you on ice, rather than lukewarm, but all the same, you tasted great and will be a nice addition to my "flavored water" family. You always were just the right amount of sweet and just the right amount of fruit.

So, in closing it's not you, it's me. It always has been, and for that, I'm sorry.

When you have a long day, sometimes you just want to relax. Some choose beer. Some choose weed. Others (wisely) choose cream soda.

Advantages of cream soda over beer:

1. Cream soda tastes better than beer


2. Cream soda won't give you a hangover


3. Zuberfizz Vanilla Cream Soda is light and delicious

Advantages of cream soda over weed:

1. You don't have to drink cream soda through a dryer sheet in your dorm room


2. You will actually want to eat a standard amount of pizza vs. unknowingly eat an entire pizza


3. Drinking cream soda doesn't have a bad connotation with being dirty, owning large amounts of hemp attire, or having dreadlocks

This Zuberfizz cream soda is good. It's candy-esque, but for the first time, not too sweet candy. It's a very soft, vanilla flavor. Nothing too sharp like a lot of colas or juices can produce. It has a very clean vanilla taste and is something anyone can enjoy. It's not not sweet enough for kids, and not grossly sweet for attractive, older ladies whose husbands turned out to be lazy jerks and never washed the dishes one time even though he was unemployed for four months and seemingly never left the house while she bust her hump.

It's been a while since I've reviewed something by Hint. There is no reason. It's not like we went on an awkward date and then, when it was over, I shook her hand, thanked her for paying for both dinner and the movie, and then proceeded to ask her for bus fare. I just walked by them and didn't think twice. Look at my reviews. They're all pretty decent and that would warrant at least a thank you card.

Well, Hint, here is your thank you card. This drink is good and the flavors are pretty in your face. It really does taste like strawberry and kiwi. Having added no additional sugar or sweeteners, you have earned a gold star. Nothing beats a shiny, adhesive gold star. Ask and 3rd grader.

Well what do we have here? Everyone has had green tea and I think it's a safe bet to assume everyone has had Arizona green tea and honey. On to an annoying side story:

My dad's side of the family is orthodox Jewish and my mom was raised Protestant. My dad, although raised Jewish, was pretty apathetic about religion. One day, my mom and dad went to his sister's house for some reason and they brought pizza and pop. When my mom presented said pop to my aunt, she retorted with, "We don't drink that liquid sewage." In comparison, the beloved Arizona green tea is liquid sewage.

This had an incredible, natural green tea taste and the sugar was just right.

Arizona, you are a great company and you make millions of people happy. When you grow up, grow up right and buy a case of this sweetened green tea.

Tropical punch might trump fruit punch. Fruit punch is a mystery blend of fruits that I'm convinced no one knows except for the manufacturer. Tropical punch has pineapples and banana and mango and passion fruit and more. This drink even splurged on a stockpile of dragon fruit, which I give them all the credit in the world for.

This drink has a little bit of a diet taste to it but you can actually taste most of not all of the fruits. It is kind of fun to drink and try and pick out each of the flavors as they come along.

This is a good diet beverage and I will recommend it to anyone who wants to give it a shot.

What year is this? 1995? Even if you're reading this in "the future", in my opinion, vending machine dollar slots should have improved over the years. Remember when you wanted a can of pop as a kid and you would put your wrinkly and potentially/probably wet dollar bill in the machine? You would get so mad when it would spit back out at you. Then when you grew up, you learned a couple tricks of the trade. Namely, that one trick where you flatten the bill by holding both sides and stretching it over the corner of the machine. Often, that would work.

Now, many years later, technology has soared to places we never could have imagined. I can take pictures with my phone and put them online in seconds. Cars drive with cruise control and auto adjust the speed based on the cars ahead of them. Someone invented a hoverboard that works. Why can't all bills work in the machines? My bill was creased, but fine. It wasn't taped or had bent corners or anything. Just creased. I actually didn't want this drink. I wanted a V8 Splash, which I paid for and the slot I paid for was empty so I paid for the ability to open a door.

I was wicked thirsty and this drink was actually refreshing. I didn't know that they made Brisk in juice format. I thought that it was only iced tea. This has a bit of that "Brisk sting" but it's tolerable. The strawberry is very prominent but you can tell that there is some undiscerning taste in there that you can just safely assume is melon.

Country Breeze, why do you deal in mediocrity? How do you sleep at night knowing that you produce a sub-par drink for the masses?

How many companies need to ruin one of the simplest recipes before someone says something? I would love to be that person.

Have you ever drank a high quality sweet tea? It's the simplest thing in the world. It's water, black tea, and sugar.

This tastes exactly how you think it would, overly sweetened and a bit syrupy.

Cut the crap, most companies that make sweet tea that blows.

Two pushes of websites on one day equals stress. Pushing websites on a Friday? Stress. Knowing that the next phone call you get could be your girlfriend telling you to rush home because you're having a baby? Stress. I thought what better time than now to drink one of my relaxation drinks. I finished it about ten minutes ago but have been milking it for a good half hour. The taste isn't so bad. It's a bit diety because even though the primary sweetener is sugar, there is sucralose in there as well. Why? I don't know. I didn't make the drink. The flavor isn't bad. It's a crisp, carbonated pop with more of a berry taste than a pomegranate plus berry taste, but I'm not finicky about that.

But what's it doing to me? I wouldn't say sleepy as much as I would say...spacey. Not that sick, floaty feeling, but that feeling you get when you drive to the mall and then it hits you that you don't remember driving to the mall. You know you drove, but it was so second nature that in retrospect it feels downright dangerous.

Since I'm taking the train and the bus home, I can feel confident that I don't have to drive and I can relax while people look at me as I have plugs, a giant beard hidden in my hood that I wear up constantly and probably look intimidating but really I'm just a white kid that plans on listening to the Thompson Twins "Into The Gap" album. There's nothing tougher than that.

What we have here is a proper drink. Here's how it goes.

Step 1: Birth
When an orange is born, it is just an orange. No one touches it. They don't rub other stuff on it, nothing. Not ignored, just not messed with. This is a fruit in its purest sense.

Step 2: Adolescence
When an orange starts to grow up, it turns into orange drink. Too sweet for normal consumption, good once a year, kids love it. Kids are kids, and kids love kids. Adults don't like kids, so adults don't deal with kids. This isn't a great time for orange.

Step 3: Rebellious Stage
This is an interesting time for an orange. At this stage in the game, he doesn't know if he will go to college, or become an artist, or just be a vagabond and wander the country getting dirt in his pores. He will fraternize with other fruits and end up in punches and mixes like orange mango juice, orange lemon pop, and banana orange smoothies. It is a wonderful time because at this stage, an orange can be whatever it wants to be.

Step 4: Adulthood
Oranges exclusively make up orange juice. Different brands. Different qualities. It all depends on how you were brought up, but at the end of the day, every orange's carton says the same thing; "Orange Juice"

Step 5: Seniority
Oranges in this stage are refined. They know who they are and stick to what they know best. What they know best is water and themselves. The things they know to survive. San Pellegrino Aranciata is seniority aged orange. It's a tad bitter, but with a real orange taste with just enough sweetness to make it drinkable by most everyone. This wonderful drink tastes like a high quality sparkling orange juice. Aged to perfection, this stage is what all oranges strive for.

How have we not reviewed any Calypso drinks yet? I know I've drank a ton of them before. Today, I went to lunch with a handful of Mikes. We took the subway uptown, got out, walked through a storm, and then ordered lunch. I got a turkey breast sandwich with horseradish potato salad as a side. Oh, you don't care what I got? I spill my life into drink reviews and want you in my shoes as I describe how the experience goes. Just pay attention. My lunch was great but this drink was better. It's so good. Watermelon, honeydew, and cantaloupe compose the "triple melon" drink and it's friggin' awesome.

Every sip tastes like summer. Like you just ate a giant mouthful of fruit salad and then washed it down with a refreshing glass of lemonade. Not to mention it might be the coolest color drink ever made. It looks toxic. Bright. Fluorescent pink.

I really like this and will buy it again. I promise.

First of all, no I am not on a diet. Sometimes, people just have drinks that are common and I haven't had and they are nice enough to let me snap a shot of it and take a sip. All diet jokes aside; this is actually a pretty delicious drink. It smelled familiar and I couldn't place it. Then it hit me like a ton of chocolaty bricks. Cocoa Puffs. It smells like Cocoa Puffs and tastes 80% like Cocoa Puffs. The last 20% is a latte aftertaste that isn't undesirable. It's got a nice creamy head on it once you take the 10 mandatory seconds to shake it. Since it's so thick, the foam lasts a pretty good amount of time and is enjoyable throughout your drinking endeavor.

There is no sugar in this drink either, and the calorie count is 160, a lot less than many other dietary supplements. If you are on a diet, Atkins or not, this would be a good drink to try.

I'm glad I'm done with this review because I am just going to slam the rest of this sample I have.

You know what? This isn't half bad. It's diet. There is no hiding that fact and you know what? You get what you pay for with diet, but Mr. Kemper knew what he was doing when he dreamed his dream of making a diet berry pop that isn't ultra gross.

It starts out pretty diet. Being a Stevia sweetener, you get a bit of that cold/sweetness in the beginning but then the berry flavor takes over. It's nice that it's reverse because it kind of saves itself each sip you take. Rather than leave you with some grotesque artificial sweetener taste in the end, it starts you off with a rush and a push and then rolls it out with some sweet berries.

I'm beginning to not despise Stevia. That's a big step. Let me tell you.

Foco...come on. This is gross. It's so thick and syrupy. Dude, it's gross. It tastes diet but it most certainly isn't. It's somehow clear, regardless of how many colorful berries are on the can. It tastes like someone made aloe in cans that had a ton of soap residue on them. This might be the worst aloe I've ever had. I don't know what else to say. Thumbs down, Foco. There is no reason why a "regular" drink should get a one out of five review. I guess in those regards, you won. Congratulations?

Once in a while, it's fun to eat extreme things. Oh, what do I mean by extreme things? I mean things that are so flavorful that it actually hurts. Super sweet cranberry juice that tarts up your cheeks, overly hot-sauced chicken wings that clear your sinuses, and sour apple Jolly Ranchers. All three of these are like an exclamation point to your taste buds. Problem is, you only want a little bit at a time before the novelty wears off and you are wondering why you're torturing yourself.

This sour apple pop tastes like a seemingly endless sour apple Jolly Rancher. It's good at first but then, quite promptly, it overstays its welcome and leaves you with the decision of what to do with a perfectly fine 3/4 full bottle of pop. I shared mine with friends and the best they could do was bring my percentage to 50%. This was simply too much for me.

Milky and fruity? Interesting. As a scientist, I had to buy this drink. I didn't think that it was going to be bad, but I also didn't really know what to expect. With milk, you're kind of rolling dice. Giant dice. Fun dice that you would roll at a local discount home improvement store in order to get a percentage off of your purchase price. After opening the can, I looked in and it was creamy white. It smelled sweet and fruity and actually quite inviting. I poured some out to two different Mike's, one Kevin, and then myself, the third Mike.

I liked it. It was pretty sweet, but, as you could guess, smooth on account of milks doing. The apple was a pretty truthful apple flavor. I might say green apple if I have to pick. It's pretty good. Nothing like Apple Jacks, like you might imagine apple and milk would taste. That's bad for people who love cereal and think it would be a good idea to bottle and sell cereal milk. I've got news for you, friends. You aren't the only one who has thought of it.

For my final trick, I will make this unsweetened green tea good. Wait, does that make this drink sound like it's bad to start? Am I saying this out loud? This is the worst magic...er...illusion show I've ever done. I think that me saying that made it worse. My boss is going to fire me for this performance. Kids, here's a handful of quarters. Pull them out of each other's ears.

What am I going to do? This tea is pretty good and not everyone is going to think it's bad. It's got a good taste through and through, but these kids won't appreciate it since there isn't sugar pouring out of the top of it.

Jimmy, don't put that quarter in your nose. We're doing ears only.

Where else could I work? I've got illusions running through my blood. I can do so many things that people only dream about with a single deck of cards except play poker. That's something I could never get a hold of. Cards aren't a game, though. Cards are serious business. This tea is serious business. No sweetness, all goodness. Maybe I'll get a job at the...JIMMY! DON'T PUT THAT QUARTER IN TOM'S NOSE EITHER! WE'RE ONLY DOING EARS! GOD!

I'm great with kids, but I don't want to be a teacher. Maybe I'll just get a job at a bank. I can do some cool stuff with money. I don't think that they would want to see their money disappear, though. I know customers like to get in and out of a bank and the usage of smoke and mirrors might be prohibited in a bank.

JIMMY! STOP IT WITH THE NOSE ALREADY!

Lemon and lime. Lemon and lime. Lemon and lime. It gets old after a while doesn't it? You know that one friend who tells the same story all the time? I've been known to do this, but I can admit it, which makes me above those that don't. Yeah, I'm better than some people. Who cares? Embrace what you're good at. You know what Ski is good at? Mixing lemon and orange and throwing limes in the garbage or giving them to Mexican restaurants for delicious tacos or to bars to put in Corona beers to make them more drinkable. Yeah, I know originally you put limes in because it keeps the flies out, but if there are flies in your bar, find a different bar because someone isn't cleaning sufficiently.

Orange and lemon pop is pretty good. It's less sweet than a lemon lime pop and after you accept that orange took lemon's place, it's not bad.

Good job Ski. You've done a good job of switching it up.

When I was in about 9th grade I can remember a conversation that I had with my home and careers teacher verbatim. First of all, I started with "I'm going through a lot of changes." which was probably the worst thing I could have started with. I thought that she thought that I was going to talk about body hair, or at least something involving my wiener. I followed up that ambiguous statement with "I like to drink tea." I then followed that by saying that I think that I like listening to classical music, which lasted about a month and never, went past one compilation album of "the essentials" of classical music. I probably wouldn't touch the stuff now.

So anyhow, back to teatime. As soon as I started liking tea, I thought it was all the same. I don't even think that I had ventured into the Celestial Seasonings line yet. It was just whatever we had in the house. My best friend growing up's parent were right off the boat from England, Liverpool to be more precise. Being English, they knew their tea and bought me some loose Earl Gray tea. It was alright. Not too strong, pretty basic, but drinkable and very consistent. This Numi tea is the first time I've had Earl Gray of any variety in probably over ten years but it reminds me of way back when. This is sweetened, barely, but nonetheless, sweetened and it's very good. You can taste that it's different than just black tea and has a little something else to it. It's got a sophisticated, worldly taste to it that I cannot stand behind any more.

Americans and Englishmen alike. Please split a bottle of this and together we will have a feast.

I will admit. I have been leery to try relaxation drinks. I don't know how my body is going to react. They all typically have the same ingredients, rose hips, melatonin, more stuff. All natural, earth grown, vitamins, more stuff. I think that I have a history of taking medicine when I was way younger and not eating and get nauseous. All the time I would do it. I would, for some stupid reason, not eat all day, take some Tylenol or something and feel...just...gross. Taking the medicine made me feel worse. All I had to do was put some peanut butter on bread and all would have been fixed. I could have easily bypassed dozens of ill feeling days/nights/etc.

So now you know my history of medicine, or at least a significant portion of it, so last night, I decided to give this a try. I drank it and it tasted very diet. It is fully explainable since no one is going to want sugar before you go to bed, and that's the intended usage of this product, so they had to artificially sweeten it. Don't get mad at them because they thought of knocking you out cold. It did have a sharp berry taste. It wasn't bad. If you're used to diet drinks, this is no different and you know the "sharpness" you're talking about.

I had full intention of watching at least two episodes of Cowboy Bebop last night. I watched one and made it through about 10 minutes of another one before I was knocked out cold. They say that it reached full potency at 15 minutes and you'll start getting sleepy. I clocked in at probably about a half hour before I started doing that thing where you don't get enough sleep, go to math class, and fall asleep for seconds at a time. I slept through the night, had some strange dream about a social gathering at the abandoned house next door to me, and woke up at 9:30 because my dog was yelling at me, but I feel good today. No side effects, no drowsiness, no leftovers.

This was the Night formula and I gave some friends some of this so hopefully I can coerce them to leave their experiences in the comments section. If you've tried it, let people know what you thought.

You know what sucks about Sonic? They play commercials for locations that they don't have locations in. From the front door of my house to the nearest Sonic is 161.36 Miles. Why am I getting commercials for restaurants that are about 3 hours away? I took a vacation to North Carolina a few years ago and they had it there. Since I get the commercials, I do know what they have to offer me. Cherry limeade is one of those items that I know I can purchase. Difference is that there, I have the additional pleasure of having it be a slushie and not "just" a pop.

This does taste like cherry limeade, but it's a bit thick, which could be in part to the corn syrup, but sweeteners aside, it's just alright. Everyone who tried it agreed. It's "eh". I guess it's the best I'm going to do unless I stupidly decide to take a road trip to get a hamburger, cheesy tater tots, and authentic cherry limeade. Oh wait, this Frostie beverage isn't even available around me. I'm screwed.