Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Ugh. Every time I take a sip it's like punishment. Not that "I know it's good for me so I'll do it" type of punishment. Not that "Oh this mouthwash burns, but I know it's killing germs and preventing me from getting gingivitis" type punishment. It's the "Who crushed all these Sweet Tarts and put them in this already disgusting juice?" type punishment. That's what it tastes like. 15 thousand Sweet Tarts, powderized and thrown into juice. It's supposed to detoxify, but I'd much rather just eat a bunch of celery, or maybe just perform an enema. Seriously, I can't imagine drinking this entire thing.

Here's the sweet thing about this review. Sure, it's gold already, but here's where I step up my own game. Who doesn't love math? This drink was $2.50. It's on the high side, but I figured, how can you mess this up? It's juice. So $2.50. On the label, it states that in order to achieve your intended weight loss goal of upwards of an estimated 15 pounds, you have to drink four drinks per day. Now we're up to $10 per day. Oh honey, don't let it stop there. You are supposed to drink 4 per day for a week. That's seven days. Bringing our grand total up to $70. $70 in juice.

I didn't need to detoxify. What do I have to clean out? Tacos? Please, leave them in there. I love them. Your drink on the other hand...

Darling, I'm feeling a bit fatigued. Do you see bags under my eyes? Oh, how dreadful. Sweetie, could you fetch me some cucumber slices for my eyes so that I can look my best for the gala tonight? What do you mean that we don't have any sliced cucumbers prepared? Don't you think we should, in case, oh I don't know, I have bags under my eyes? Please, slice up some and fetch me a sparkling water, too, while you're at it. I'm feeling a bit parched.

Oh, thank you very much. Although, next time, slice the cucumbers a bit thicker. It's not like you're paying for them. Actually, it's not like I am either. Husband is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now go tend to the laundry. Husband was complaining about not having any socks that matched.

Now that I'm alone, I'll just grab this sliced cucumber and put it on my...oh drats. I've dropped my cucumber into my water. No worries. I have more. I like cucumber in regular water, let's try this. Well, this is something special. It's bubbly, and we all know how I love the bubbly. Ha ha ha ha ha. It gets the sweetness from the cucumber as well as the crisp, clean taste. I might be on to something. Oh help. Help, come here please. Could we patent this as a drink? We can't? Why is that? You mean there is a company called Dry that already makes this drink? Well, I applaud their efforts. Now fetch me my black dress. It's time for that gala.

Smells diet, doesn't taste diet. Is that a clear winner? We're going to have to go over to our line judge to determine. John?

Well Mack, can I call you Mack? Anyway, it's a difficult decision to make when it comes to diet drinks. On one hand you've got the taste and on the other you've got the smell.

Mack, that's very true and also very obvious. I hope we don't pay you by the word because everything you said was quite stupid.

Thanks, John.

You're welcome, Mack. So honestly, what did you think of the drink?

Well, John, this tasted just fine. One squirt per eight ounces of water and I was on my way. It definitely would make me drink more water. It's gulp-able. It's got a real high gulp-ability factor.

Gulp-ability...is that a technical term, Mack?

Why yes John, it is. You can drink and know you're not drinking a tea, but you're drinking more than water. It's good and I think that people are really going to gravitate towards this. Dieters or not, this product doesn't scare people away.

You really redeemed yourself with that one, Mack. Thanks for coming down.

Thank you, John.

There are a couple of different versions of "hell" for me. One of them is endlessly reliving St. Patrick's Day 2009. I think that another one would be going to wherever "Margaritaville" is. I got to thinking and then the phrase actually popped into my head. "Margaritaville isn't a place. It's a state of mind.". I actually thought that and then promptly wanted to die.

I don't even know what Margaritaville has to do with this tea. It isn't a company or a subsidiary, or even a line that they carry. Strange. I have no idea why it's there.

This tea is alright. It's a poor tasting, medium quality tea. It's sweetened with cane sugar and has no artificial flavors, but it's not great. It's oddly sweet and strangely lemon'd. No, not Lemon D the drum and bass artist that I could never get my hands on any records by. I don't know what's going on in here, but it's not a good blend of otherwise good ingredients.

Ah. What a lovely day out today. It seems like just yesterday I was wondering when I could stop wearing two coats and it seems as though today is the day. Today I ate two hot dogs (a summertime treat) and took a walk with my hoodie open. What a day. The sun wasn't out and I didn't have to squint. The bus was packed to the gills (even though a bus isn't a fish) with stupid teenage kids kissing each other for some reason, but I didn't care. I knew that at the end of it all, I was going to go home and get a cool bottle of root beer. I went through my pop, juice, "other", and found just what I was looking for. Just what was going to top it off? I felt like a dude who hates his job and just wants to come home and drink a low quality beer. But instead of hating his job, he's merely aggravated with it and instead of drinking a low quality beer; it's a medium to high quality root beer. Aside from those two minor details, it's basically the same thing.

This was good and it hit the spot. As advertised, it was creamy. Not too sharp and not too bold. This root beer is a safe bet with any root beer connoisseur. You can taste all of the flavors as intended and I actually thought that it got better as I got towards the bottom of the bottle.

That being said, I had to get ketchup across the street...and when I was gone, my girlfriend, soon to be ex-girlfriend, decided that she would finish my root beer. I got home disappointed to see that what I anticipated to be the best part of the root beer, much like the bottom is the best part of a sundae cone was gone. So it is.

This is ginger ale. It certainly is. There's no doubt about that. Nope. No question in my head that this is ginger ale. Faygo is no dumb dummy. If you ask them to make ginger ale, that's what they'll do. I reckon, though, that this ginger ale is pretty equal to other company's ginger ale. Go into your local grocery store and grab their knock-off brand of ginger ale and you'll see what I'm getting at. This isn't bad, but it's nothing special. I feel like a job well done is a job done well. This seems like it's the bare necessity of what makes a ginger ale good. It's probably easy to make, easy to keep consistent, and possibly/probably cheaper. I know someone is looking for a generic drink for things like mixers and parties where it's not the star player.

Faygo, I'm not dissing you. I am not in the position to dis, or give props, but I did rate your root beer pretty highly. I have nothing against you or the city of Detroit. Keep up the good work. Just step up your ginger ale game. Second to that would be to make your cane sugar versions easily accessible.

For the first time in a long time, I can taste pomegranate as pomegranate when it's mixed with something. Assume for a minute that pomegranates are people and there is a king. No, not king. Boss. Yes. Pomegranates are a company and they named their company "Pomegranates", you know, like how the band New Kids On The Block had a song called "New Kids On The Block" off of the album "New Kids On The Block". Pretty original. At least don't give it a title so it inherently becomes "Self Titled" or "S/T". Anyhow, the boss has all these people making sales. Selling themselves as contractors to juice companies. For example, Juice Co. is making an orange pomegranate drink and they need pomegranate, obviously. So these pomegranate workers go to Juice Co. in order to flavor their drinks with their own skilled labor. Here's the thing, though. Pomegranates are crappy workers. They aren't good at getting their distinct flavor into anything and it reflects poorly on Pomegranate (the company) and therefore, reflects poorly on the boss.

Snapple has hired only the best Pomegranate workers and, for once, they've done their job well. You can taste the raspberry and the pomegranate together in a harmonious blend. Harmonious is a strong word, but I wanted to be complimentary. It's a bit strong. It's good, but it's pretty sweet. Fruity yes. Cardboard no. I mean...my favorite, no.

It's 1991. City of Compton. Rough, rough streets. Kids killing kids over things you and I would laugh at. They don't laugh, they kill, as I mentioned before. Not a day goes by where you don't hear a gun shot or at very least, a domestic dispute. These are hard times. Hard times turn people to drink. Alcohol. 40's. Big alcohol. 40's are like the party sub of malt liquor.

Here's my proposal. Let's go back in time and instead of having overpriced bodegas sell 40's of St. Ides, carry the 40(ish)'s of Archer Farms Wild Berry. People could have been in a bad mood because of financial times and street warfare, but they also could have been upset at the fact that they were drinking a clearly low quality beverage. Archer Farms Wild Berry Italian soda is a bright, clean, and crisp drink. So many flavors roll across your tongue with every sip, like elderberry and blackcurrant to name a few...and it's more than affordable.

Cleaning up the streets is a rough job and since it clearly can't be left in the under-capable hands of O'Shea Jackson, leave it up to the Archer Farms Italian soda lineup.

Summer is a great time. Every year I wait for the three weeks a year where it's nice out. It seems that every day someone is having a barbecue or a backyard party or something. People who live in a tropical climate don't know what it's like. They live with it all of the time and don't have anything to look forward to. Summer vacation was the greatest time, every time, because it's so cold for so long. How long do I have to wear gloves and two jackets? Seriously. It's getting ridiculous. Summer is the time for fresh vegetables, fruits, and fish.

I would love to use the word "embodiment", but I feel that might be a bit excessive. It also might just be plain wrong, but this is my review and I can do what I want.

V8...I love it. Now that they have low sodium V8, everyone doesn't have a reason to crack open a can and get some vegetables. It's like a salad without all of the work. This drink is like a spicier, seafoodier V8. Yeah, dude, there's clam "extract" in there. I trust that doesn't mean poop, but what do I know? I feel like the FDA wouldn't approve of American's drinking poop. It's just the smallest bit clammy. Enough that it's recognizable, but also just enough where you don't want to throw up because someone tricked you into drinking clam juice instead of a Mountain Dew.

Friends. Ladies. Do you know what is absolutely awful for you? Fig Newtons. I don't know why because I don't think I've ever read the label and I certainly don't work in the factory at night, moonlighting as a janitor only to steal industry secrets.

As rad as that would be, except that every secret spy knows that if they take the job of a janitor, even for one day, they will at some point in their mission have to clean the ladies bathroom which, as we all know, is much worse than the men's bathroom.

This has a peculiar taste. Not bad, just different. I'm not familiar with figs outside of their delicious casing. It's almost like a black current or perhaps a red grape. It's not bitter but it is a sipping juice.

Next time you are doing espionage work at the Fig Newton factory, stop in to the juicer room where I assume they juice real figs to use down the line, and steal a sip.

Steak and dandelion sandwiches are something to be had. They have those little weeds, grilled and marinated and placed among a bed of delicious steak.

I don't know what Burdock is, but this drink tastes like someone put those fantastically delicious anise candies in a Dr. Pepper. It has a light taste with a heavy aftertaste. Heavy good like Heavy D and the Boys and to a lesser, but funnier extent, the Fat Boys. You know what? No. Fat Boys beats Heavy D and all of their boys. Go watch Krush Groove and tell me otherwise. Sbarro never looked so good.

What a relief. After the dark chocolate debacle from a few weeks ago, I was anxious to find some redeeming product from Cell-Nique. This did it. Not a hard competition to have something better than "the worst" rating you can get but all the same, this isn't bad.

Let it be known, that this is probably a health food drink over a standard juice or whatever. It's sludgy, gritty, bold, and flavorful. It's pretty good, though. It's like an orange juice with vanilla in it, for some reason, and then some jerk threw a handful of (edible) sand in it. Cell-nique claims that it's like "A farmer's market in every bottle" and I might give it to him. I really feel like this is good for you and the thickness and color don't convince me otherwise.

This drink makes me happier to try the other flavors we have in stock. I'm finding it kind of fun and strange simultaneously to not have anything in my mouth, take a drink, swallow, and be left picking stuff out of my teeth with my tongue. It's an experience, I can tell you that much.

You know we did this right, right? We're scientists. Jay and I are scientists. We bought a gnarly 6er of Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray, brought it back to Jay's cracked open a bottle and mulled it over. One single bottle was split between 6 people. It was like a drum circle if, instead of everyone playing at the same time and having it sound like cacophony, we each took turns expressing what it was this made us think of. Then it started to get weird. You see, this tastes 90%+ like celery. No lie. Just like sparkling celery. It's spot on. Couldn't taste more like it, if you ask me. The other ~10% is slight sweetness and maybe a hint of Sprite, according to my dad, who took part in version 2 of a 6 person taste test.

Here's where it got fun and experimental. Eating celery is awesome. All those negative calories and the added benefit of knowing you're going to have a clean digestive tract...what?!?!? Dan and I took it up a notch on the ol' belt of life and said, "Ants on a log!" and Jay was out of raisins, but was not out of peanut butter so we would eat peanut butter, take a swig of Cel-Ray and just smile. It was fun. It was a take on a classic kid treat.

I love ants on a log and I love Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray.

Oh, some cheap juice? Gross.

That's the old Mike. Now that I've drunk literally hundreds of different drinks from all over, I have to come back to drinks like this and give them a second shot. It's like the food critic that even though he eats at five star restaurants day in and day out, he still likes to go to Burger King because Whoppers are still friggin' delicious.

So Dan, knowing that I am on a real melon kick purchased this cat for me when he was in Ohio. On the front; watermelon and what I think is honeydew because it's green. Smell-wise, it's like a fruit punch in the nostrils. It's strong, but fruity as all heck. It's very inviting. So inviting that the slight HFCS sting doesn't keep you away for long. The flavor is somewhere in between a watermelon Jolly Rancher and some sort of melted melon-y freezie pop. It's pretty syrupy so anyone who is, I'm not going to censor myself here, a dick about corn syrup should just pass this one by. If you can man up for a second and give the inner-child in you a good time for once in your life, they'll thank you.

I did not know what to expect when I heard of MiO. I love the idea of having a drink mix in a super-concentrate and not having to fuss with powder. I don't hate powders, but from a practicality standpoint, it's easier to carry one thing than many things. Women, do you have purses? Carry this and don't carry 24 drink mixes around with you. Problem 1 is solved. Problem 2? Diet drinks are gross and often really gross. MiO scared me at first. It's a concentrate, so the flavor is concentrated, and you know what else is? The artificial sweetener. I didn't think that I was going to like it from the smell alone. I was still going to try it, obviously, but that caught me by surprise. Oh wait, I didn't solve problem 2. So I made the drink, and we at Thirsty Dudes don't mess around when it comes to mix drinks. We follow directions to a T so that it's easily reproducible. For this, I did the recommended "1 squirt" per 8oz. of water. It did not taste diet at all. There wasn't a hint of diet. It tasted like if you had juice, drank three quarters, filled the glass back up with water, and started re-drinking it.

I don't want to say that it tasted like weak juice; because here's the best thing about it...you can just add more mix. Oh, it's too weak? Add more mix. Done. It's completely customizable. You can mix flavors if you want. It could be good.

I like this as a product as I, as well as many others, wish that MiO had used Stevia or something natural since everyone is up in arms about chemical sweeteners. That being said, sucralose might have been a more disguise-able sweetener. Stevia might have had more sweetness that they didn't want. I'm sure they looked into it.

Look, this is clearly a well thought out product. It eliminates the need for many and consolidates into one easy to use, easy to travel, thing. It tasted good and I feel confident about the whole packaging not opening when it shouldn't do to a rather sturdy click.

This is a brand spanking new product and since it's not gross, even if you aren't on a diet, give it a try. I'm happy that Kraft and MiO took the time to send us some samples so that we could share this with you. I feel like we're breaking ground with crisp new, revolutionary products.

A review for this? Simple. This is the best diet cola I've ever had. This is also better than many standard cola's I've ever had, including, but not limited to, Coke and Pepsi. The cola taste is nice and clean and the Stevia sweetness accompanies it so nicely. Initially you get a solid, cola taste and then it's just the right amount of sweetness. It's never bad. There are no bad aftertastes or anything. I regret nothing! This is a cola that I could easily drink again and again and if more people caught word (hint hint) that this existed, no one would drink diet Coke or Pepsi any more. Seriously, it's that good.

Thomas Kemper. Spandau Ballet said it best. Gold.

Things I like about this ginger ale:
I like the design of the can because it reminds me of a can that should have holes in it from some kid in 1950 using it for target practice with his BB gun that he just got for his eleventh birthday.

Things I don't like about this ginger ale:
It's safe.

The taste is that of a dry ginger ale. It's classic, and I'm sure, unchanged for decades. It's not like a Seagram's or a Canada Dry. It's much less sweet. The taste isn't bad either for that reason. As I mentioned previously, it's a bit safe for my liking.

Pep? I'm full of it. Piss and vinegar? Likewise. Hater of energy drinks? This guy. To come across a juice that is an all-natural energy drink kind of intrigued me. I bought it, took a sip, and pondered...why don't all energy drinks taste like this? Why do all energy drinks taste like someone cracked open a case of Smarties, mortar and pestled them, poured them into some already disgusting drink, and called it a day? Oh, you're surprised that I know what a mortar and pestle is? I'm also full of surprises.

This drink was more of a puree than a juice or an energy drink. For that, it was actually pretty nice. I like a nice, thick drink anyhow. The flavor wasn't bad, either. Fruity up front, and since it was Stevia, just a little sweet afterward.

All in all, I would say this was a success for Nestle and I hope that Jamba is more available to the general public. I'm not an energy drink convert, but this is cleverly disguised.

My grandma rules. Every time I go over there she has made something delicious like pasta, cookie, or something else. She doesn't fool with drinks, though. If she did, that would run companies like Granny Squibb out of business. That says a lot for my grandma, but I don't want it to sound like this company is easy to beat. It is hard to find a good iced tea company. This tea was very good. It's clearly a lemon tea base with just the right amount of mint. It has enough mint that it's extra cool, but not that it's mouthwash.

Very refreshing.

What did I just say? What did I just say? Remember when your dad said that to you when you "deliberately" disobeyed him for a second time? You didn't mean to, but sometimes it just happened, like you were half way into a killer swing and had to follow through and you didn't mean for that baseball to go through the neighbor's window.

Anyhow. What did I just say? Didn't I say that I wanted a watermelon pop? I did. What did I find on a quest for new and foreign drinks? You guessed it. Watermelon pop. One step better, though, it was cane sugar and not far from my house and it had other flavored friends to accompany it.

Without hesitation, I grabbed it and ran out the door, after paying the cashier/proprietor/cook/stock boy/floor manager. I went home, threw it in my crisper drawer and let it sit and think about what it had done. A week, maybe two later, I thought that today would be the day and it certainly was. This drink was sweet. I don't know how I drank the whole thing but I did. It's labeled as a sparkling fruit drink, but that just means "pop", right? It does to me. It did taste like a watermelon Jolly Rancher, which if that's what you're looking for, is right up your alley.

We found these in a local halal market if you want to know where to get them.