Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Without a doubt, teeth are shattering everywhere this pop is sold. Dentists live in houses larger than you can ever imagine. Children are bouncing off the walls. Parents are all poor because they spent all their money on their children's cavities. For what? 16 fluid ounces of delicious, fantastic strawberry flavored pop. It almost doesn't taste like pop, but like liquid candy. It's quite exquisite, if you think about it. It's probably important that parents don't let their kids touch this stuff, as it is so good and so sweet that they won't be able to get their sticky little hands off of it. Seriously, if you live where this is sold, don't let your kids come with you to the grocery store because once they see that red bottle, it's over. You're going to have a toothless, fourteen year old kid living with you. Bad news. It's good, though. If you aren't a turd about fake sugar and just want to cut loose for a bit, get some. Editor Dan brought this back from a trip to Detroit and I just finally got around to reviewing it. It was worth the wait. Tell your friends but don't dare tell your children.

Thirsty Dudes, as a whole, unfortunately do not fancy coconut drinks. I like Mounds bars as much as the next guy. I like coconut shavings on ice cream. I have never handled a raw coconut, but I feel like it's probably not that bad. Let's make a compliment sandwich for this drink.

Good: The added sugar in this drink makes it a more "candied" coconut like you might be used to in candy and sweets.
Bad: It's reminiscent of, and I'm quoting girls in the office here, watered down pina colata and sunscreen.
Good: This is the best coconut drink I've had.

It's more sweet and less...water than the Vita Coco or Zico. If you like coconut water, this might be a nice, sweet treat for you. If you don't like coconut, this still isn't the drink for you.

Now here's the kicker. I can't penalize due to me not liking something. I think that if you liked coconut you would like this. I'm going to give an extra bottle because I know some people will really like it. I don't want to discourage people from getting it.

This drink makes me want to, like Sleepytime Gorilla Museum says, party like it's 1997. What was I doing in '97? Playing with friends, all the time. Not worrying about girls. Just playing. One thing we played was WWF Royal Rumble for Super Nintendo. To this day, those are the only wrestlers that I know so when people are like, "Oh, did you hear about what John Cena did to The Miz", I have to respond with, "No, but what ever happened to Razor Ramon?" This drink is like a wrestling match where summertime is meeting winter in a no holds barred cage match in my mouth. On one side, we've got a nice, lemon tea. It's got multiple lemon elements to it including lemon peel, lemon myrtle, lemon juice, and lemon extract. It's a lot, but it is not gross, friends. Trust me. So that's summer. Winter is that whatever else is in this tea mixed with (probably) whatever tulsi is, makes it taste almost like a light cider. No apple, just the feeling of cider. Bold. It leaves a nice homemade lemon tea taste, but when you're drinking it, you've got everyone fighting. At the end everyone wins. Oooh, Sorry. I should have written "Careful: Spoilers" at the top, shouldn't I. Sorry.

A man walks into a bar in Canada and says, "Barkeep, I know you hate being called that because it's a terrible term that no bartender actually likes to be called because it's the male equivalent of a beer wench, but all the same. Hey, barkeep!" "Ugh...Yes?" says the bartender, apathetically. "Why don't you give me one of those Sioux City Cherries and Mint pops?" says the man. "How about this, friend? Number one, no. Number two, how about 'please'? Number three, we don't carry them." responds the nicest sarcastic bartender you wish you knew. "Wait, what? I want it. I always get what I want. Don't you know who I am?" says the increasingly arrogant patron. "You can't get everything you want and I can't believe that no one has told that to you in the last, at least, 40 years ago. Also, we don't carry it. I don't know what to tell you. Do you want a beer or something?" responds the bartender who is clearly becoming more irritated. "Well here's the thing. I had that one before and I liked it. It wasn't here. It was when I was in vacation in the States. It was lighter than a cherry pop and has a little hint of mint. I was impressed because I didn't think that I would like it but my lovely wife here said I have to try new things. I think you should probably have one back there somewhere. You are a bartender after all, right." said the obnoxiously assumptive patron who is about to get thrown out if he doesn't watch his tongue 'round these here parts. "Look sir, we don't have your pop. We have beer, liquor, and standard pop. If you're looking for some specialty pop, you're going to have to go somewhere else." said the bartender, clearly on his last nerve. "Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm going to take my business elsewhere. Thought I would try out a local, mom and pop establishment while on vacation but it seems that you don't want my business. Good day, sir. Work on that attitude, why don't'cha?!" said the man as he exited the bar. "This is an Applebee's, jerk!" exclaimed the bartender.

My brother, now residing in Germany for a duration he told me three times and I now forgot, went on a wine tasting tour with his girlfriend Gabe last week and called me. On this trip me a growler of War Horse micro-brewed root beer. He said that it had vanilla and anise in it. That's a pretty good way for me to drink anything. So his plans came to fruition and he bought a growler, which I picked up last time I went to my parent's house. I threw it in the fridge while we went to partake in Thirsty Tuesday tonight so when we got back to my house, we would have a fresh, cool growler of hand crafted root beer.

I opened the cap, took a whiff and it was dark. Very bold, like that jerk with a lot of greeze in his hair coming up to you, if you are a girl, and saying something about your butt and expecting not to get slapped in the face. I poured a glass for myself, Jay, and Jay's ol' lady. We all drank at about the same time and there was silence. It was a good silence because it was pretty complex. It was sharp and had a lot of flavor. The anise wasn't too singled out and was more of a helper than a focal point. The vanilla I didn't get but what I did get, and correct me if I'm wrong, was some sort of barrel aging. It was like a better
Sprecher Root Beer because that tasted like downright wood.

I hope that they one day bottle this and sell it locally, it gets picked up by a distributor, and then distributed at least regionally. It's really something that you should try.

I have never been to Brooklyn. It's true. I have been to New York City a handful of times and have only really done Manhattan. I know that I would like the taste of Brooklyn to wash that clichè from my mouth because something about a city made to be an advertisement just doesn't suit me. So, since I've never been there, here is my "dream Brooklyn". Let me know if I'm close.

I'm walking down the street. I've got a bitchin' pair of Wayfarers on. Probably tortoise shell if I know myself well enough. Everywhere is the sound of the Beastie Boys, only up to Ill Communication, of course. Everyone is riding fixed gear bikes, has an ironic beard or mustache, and is eating pizza. Yes, some of it's vegan. Everything is brick. No aluminum or vinyl siding in the entire borough. Paired with the pizza is Old Brooklyn soda. It's only fair. It's not a dictatorship over there. Sure, Power Pop Pop Pop has a bit of weight even though he's all the way in Newbridge, NJ, but Brooklyn is not his home.

Am I far from the truth? Possibly. Possibly not. Were the Ghostbusters from Brooklyn? That's just more of a question for myself.

As for this pop, it was good. It wasn't syrupy at all and that's all thanks to the cane sugar. The sweetness isn't too much and the actual flavor is the aftertaste, which is nice for a change. Oh, you like black cherry pop? You'll love this. Oh, you've never had black cherry pop? You could love this. You don't like black cherry pop, Jay? That's why I'm reviewing this.

Nothing says "party" like cake and pop. It's true. Pizza might help. Pointed hats, too. I feel that the basis, the core, of a party is cake and pop. If you don't provide these things you are either:

1. Old


2. A lame adult

That's about it. I hope that you, my faithful Thirsty Dudes and Dames fit into neither category.

So today I had a get together at my house and, as one would assume, had ice cream and plenty of beverages. I got this new stock from College Club when Jay and I went there about a month ago and I decided that it was time to bring it to the masses. People all seemed to want the cream soda and the cola champagne. I happily opened both of them and let them have at it. I've had the cream soda before and loved it. The cola champagne was a new addition and I was excited to try it.

I. Did. Not. Like. It. You know who would like it? Nay, love it? 8-years-old kids. An 8 years old boy would love this because it is wildly sweet and it tastes like bubble gum. A couple people liked it and one person said that it was better than the cream soda, but they are simply wrong and I did not let them get away with such blasphemy.

They can't all be winners and it's pop like this that can be a fun experiment and if it sells, it sells, but it won't be sold to me again any time soon.

Can you get mad at someone if they only do 50% of a task but the 50% that they did do is stellar? I mean, you can't be totally mad at them, especially if it's something like your nephew coming over, telling you he's going to wash and detail your car, but right before he's supposed to start vacuuming up all your crumbs from eating toasted English muffins on your drive to work, you sister calls and tells you that little Mason has to come home. You assume that he's done so when you go into your car the next day and notice that there are still a mound of crumbs because you can't get up five minutes earlier to eat at the table like a civilized adult, you are a bit surprised. Here's the thing, though. He simply offered it to you. He didn't have to do any of it. He did half and to all of the people on your treacherous ride to work love the look of your clean Toyota Yaris sedan with the radio that looks like it had the display ripped off of a calculator you had in 3rd grade.

Xing has not let me down thus far. Yes, some drinks I like more than others. This I was interested in because it was their first endeavor to the realm of half and half. It's a tricky market because Arizona has been dominating the market and people's minds with their Arnold Palmer, which, in my opinion, isn't fantastic. This, though, is mostly just lemonade. I can't really taste the tea with the exception of at the very end where it might have been tea because it tasted differently but actually could have just been because the can was in the sun for a while.

Here's the thing...the lemonade was quite exceptional. It made me forget that it was a half and half at all. It's a strange predicament to be in where I have to rate a drink that I liked but didn't taste anything like what the label said. For that reason, I have to put it right in the middle.

If you like half and half, we've got tons on this site to check out, but if you like lemonade, you might just want to pick this up and forget that there is tea in it all together.

Jay and I love to ride bikes. Problem is that it's been raining like every single day for weeks and we can't do it. A few days ago, Jay and I went all over the place and ended up riding 28 miles. That may not be a lot for some, but it is to us. I've ridden in a couple benefit rides and clocked 60 miles before, but that doesn't happen when we're just cruising around.

Tonight, Jay, Thirsty Dudes editor Dan, and I rode around looking for some bike path. It should also be noted that it was 10:30 at night when we left, so it's not like we were taking some daytime stroll. Long story short, a train-yard got in the way and when we eventually got around it, we somehow made it closer to home than to some mystical bike path that we weren't sure existed in the first place. Total ride was about 18 miles.

On top of that, I did like 5 hours of gardening today by pulling up shrubs that I didn't want and cleaning up the leftover holes. Needless to say, I burned a couple calories and I knew that it would be time to break out one of my protein drinks.

This one I've been sitting on for quite some time and as phallic as it is, it still had to be done. I thought that it might be super sweet and maybe stingy with all the vitamins, minerals, and just plain stuff but I couldn't be more wrong. If you drank this without knowing was it was, like out of an unmarked Solo or Dixie cup, you would swear it was just some regular juice. I don't know about the citrus berry, but what I do know is that this drink smells and tastes like strawberry Twizzlers and that is fine with me.

Obviously I can't judge this based on it's supposed effects since I drank it one time and not regimented like it would probably ask for. If anyone has, I would love to hear your results. I know that if you're looking for some protein and can't take those shakes anymore, three rather delicious sips and you're done.

I often wonder what one would want to "detoxify" themselves of. Obviously if you smoked a pound, or kilogram to our metric brethren, of week, you might want to get that out of your system. It's the same with any sort of drug. Aside from that, you can't really "detoxify" yourself of a giant hamburger that you shouldn't have eaten but the menu said that it had chipotle in it and that is your weakness. Water, I feel, would probably be the best detox drink because it doesn't leave anything behind. No sugar. No carbs. I think I've heard that cranberry juice is a good cleanser, but once again, what are you doing that you need to be cleansed?

I kind of expected this to be lighter than a typical aloe drink, you know, because it's called "Aloe Water". I thought that it might be in the beginning, but after you take a couple sips, you're right there with the rest of them. One thing that I did notice is that the "chunk count" is less in this than in many of the other aloe drinks I've had. That's never good. If I'm buying a drink, knowingly with chunks in it, I never want to chance that I will take a sip and not have anything to chew on. Taste? It tastes good. It's fruity but you still get a pretty good aloe taste to it. Think of a very light fruit punch mixed with an "original" flavored aloe. There is honey in the ingredients but I can't really pinpoint it in the drink itself.

If I ran this company, which also makes Coco Water, I would drop the tagline of "Natural Detox Drink" because it makes me feel dirty every time I read it. I would say something like "100% All Natural" or "All Natural Aloe" or "Naturally Sweetened". Why make something out of nothing. I have drunk my share of aloe drinks and I've never heard it be considered detoxifying.

Also, don't smoke a pound of weed. Go outside and play.

Do you remember a few years back Fox had a pilot for a show called "Drive?" It was a pretty cool concept. Someone kidnapped this dude's family for undisclosed reasons and the only way to get them back would be to race from point A to point B and (probably) win. I don't know if you could earn your family back just from participating in a race and losing. That seems pointless. Needless to say, the show didn't get picked up, but I actually wanted it to. I don't know how you would keep a show based inside of a car interesting for 23 episodes to the general public, but I would have watched it. The "code name" for this drink is "drive" and I don't think that the driver of the kidnapped family would have been too keen to have this be his titular product. It's simply too strange.

You have to drink through garbage to get to "the good stuff" but then you're left with more garbage. This isn't one of those clichè "artificial sweetener" discussions either. It's kind of like you taking blood orange powder mix, which doesn't exist, putting it in your mouth, and then pouring the water directly into your mouth making juice in there. Obviously, the traditional, mom and pop, way of making juice is to put the juice in a container, mix water in, stir, and then drink. They skipped a couple steps and it shows.

I haven't really been impressed with the Vitamin Water Zero collection, thus far. Their LifeWater collection is better than this. If you're looking for a diet drink in this water-esque realm, stick with the LifeWater.

When I was in college, I had a friend called Chad. Chad worked for Student Associates, which basically meant if there was a promo going on from an outside company, he would be on of the people to work it. Handing out products and flyers and just doing promotion was his gig. Kind of like a hired street team, if you are familiar with that term, a term which I feel died out as soon as people started spending time online on Facebook and Twitter and not on the streets where things used to happen.

One of the companies that he did stuff for was Starbucks. They had him handing out cases of their new Frappuccino in the smallest possible containers. Those lil' baby 4oz containers like V8 comes in. 4 ounces? Am I a child? Nay, I am a man who wears child sized clothing.

So Chad took a case of the stuff and gave it to my roommate, Evan, and I and we didn't know where to start, so we decided to just jump head first into the case and destroyed about half that first day, got sick, and struggled to finish the second half.

This Illy Latte Macchiato tastes a lot like that but less sweet and more coffee taste. It's teetering on the edge of my dislike for coffee and my like for coffee tasting things. It's pretty good. There is just the right amount of sugar to offset the otherwise strong coffee taste. I think this is a good product for people like me that don't hate the taste of coffee in things, but don't like coffee itself, all the way up to coffee lovers.

Good job, Illy. You've got a huge market.

Gorgeous packaging is a selling point to me. I like when people put some time and effort and thought into it. Shouldn't everyone? Does anyone not care when an item is packaged nicely? All you Mac fan-boys, you don't love how well your hundredth iPod is packaged? They do a better job of their packaging than their products. What? How many iPods have you owned because they last about a year and a half before they just stop working. Alright, alright. I'll stop. Now back to drinks.

This tea is fantastic. It's such a dark brew of black tea. One of the darkest ready-to-drink beverages I've ever had. I think that companies try and play it safe. They brew it lightly so that it's not as heavy but brother, this is not that company. It's perfectly sweetened and you can really taste the honey, which isn't overshadowed by the sugar.

This is my first drink from Argo and it will not be my last. You hear me, friends? It will not be my last. I only know one place around here, which is Merge Restaurant in Buffalo, that I can get it, but I hope that Argo steps up their distribution, charges a little less, and pleases me and you by making it more readily available.

Long meetings. You spend all day at an office and sometimes it's alright. You've got your little desk and it's done up the way that you like and sometimes you can listen to music there. At my desk, I don't listen to metal because there are others around and the others wouldn't appreciate it. No, not like the movie "The Others," which was one of the most awful movies I've ever seen, next to "Bats" of course. I mean, come on. Nothing happened in the whole movie and even the payout was just discovery of nothing. Ugh, Nicole Kidman, you're the pits.

Long meetings. I'll start again. Nothing can save you short of a car hitting your building or someone smoking in the stairwell, which sets off the smoke alarms which means that the fire department come and evacuate the entire building. Since neither of these happen, I needed something. A guava juice is the perfect escape from reality and I was lucky enough to have one in cache.

I enjoyed this drink in all its gritty goodness. As I've said previously, I don't know what Maaza does to their drinks but they're right on the fence between nectar and juice and I don't want them to move. It has a great guava taste. Pretty sweet, but the flavor was on.

Since I'm writing this and I'm (usually) not a disrespectful jerk all the time, I am out of the meeting writing it, so I finally got out, but unless a meal is provided, there should be no such thing as a three and a half hour meeting. FACT!

This has a real sharp smell and it beckons your call, like a siren to the black abyss. I steer my mouth/ship towards the bottle/sharp rocks. Here's where I can no longer make similes between enchanted sea women and pop because this took a turn. If I may make one last Greek mythology reference, if I was a boat, I would have avoided the sirens call, not waiting for it like Bernard Sumner and friends wanted me to do, because this was one of the smoothest drinks I've ever had. It's a birch beer that goes down smooth like a cream soda. It's really strange.

It is not bad. Let it be known, but I wanted a gnarly bite, like I normally get with my birch beers. It's like those fireworks that you like but don't last long enough for you to be fully satisfied with. There is a quick giant explosion and then a quick disintegration. Sure, I could make a Cure reference, but that's too many English new wave bands in one review for even me.

That last statement isn't true. There are never enough obscure references in our reviews. If anything, there isn't enough "review" in our reviews. Guess what, it's not going to change.

Greg's got a sweet tooth. I love it. I drink a lot of drinks with sugar in it, but it's never sweet enough. Rumor has it, and you could probably ask to confirm, that he once lined up Cadbury Creme Eggs and ate three, one after another. He was the person I had in mind when I brought this drink in. I have been holding on to it for just the right time and today, this dreary, spring day.

I gave it to Greg to try first and with the blink of an eye, half of the bottle was gone. He must have been jonesing for something sweet. I did mention that I brought something in for him, and when I presented him with this, his little mouth probably started working. He had a good "woah" face on when he tried it, which means that it's good. I gave it a whirl, liked it a lot, gave it to Zack to try and he said that it tastes like "liquid Rolo's" which I don't think that I could top in a description, so I won't.

I let Greg finish the rest of the bottle, which he promptly and swiftly did. I think he liked it, and I think that he thinks that you would, too. Take a trip north to Canada, get a little bottle, and share it with your friends because it's got a heart-stopping amount of calories for one person to commit to.

Pears. Pfft. Apple's crappy cousin who always stops by at the worst times and stays way too long and asks you thinks like, "Hey, are you still into that band Bush?". It's not so much insulting as it is a reminder to how dumb you once were and how long it's been since you talked to them. Also, do they still like Bush? Were they asking you because they had something new to inform you about? I don't think Gavin Rossdale has anything new to say about Bush. So pears...

I somehow ended up with this pear drink and I have been reluctant to drink it. Since I'm taking a brief hiatus on pop, I figured today is the day. I cracked it open and liked it. With most of the Bai drinks, it's got the very Stevia undertone with a legit fruit flavor as described. The smell of pear, which never bothered me, is very present when you smell the drink. It's a 50/50 toss up between who wins, sweetness or fruitness. Oh, fruitness isn't a word? I'm sorry, who is reviewing this drink? My cousin? Hey cuz, remember Sponge? That'll get him to shut up for a minute.

This is good, although not the best Bai drink I've had, thus, I will/have rate/rated it as such. If you love pears, you will like this drink, but even though you love pears, you too might be a bit disappointed about the fighting between the flavors. You might want really pear since there aren't a lot of pear drinks out there. I don't know what you want. This might be it. You can't really go wrong with this company, so give it a whirl. You won't be disappointed.

Mondays I am home. I work for 15 minutes at a time while either feeding or changing or consoling Max. He rules, don't get me wrong, but he is tiring. I always eat quickly. I'm like a cop. Why do cops eat donuts? No, not because it's clichè, but because they need to. How long does it take to make a turkey dinner? Longer than it takes to get a donut and go solve crimes. Pop in, pop out. They have all the assortment in the world. Crueler, bear claw, angel cream and it's lesser, associate brother, Boston cream...the list goes on.

I wish I had a donut. I had to make microwave burritos. A little bit about these burritos; they aren't as old as they taste. They left a strange film on the roof of my mouth, much like Captain Crunch does. I've gotten over the "Oh, Captain Crunch tears the roof of your mouth to shreds." That's old news. Did I get sidetracked? You know that's right.

So I'm eating these burritos and...they...suck. I put a lot of pico de gallo on there, too. I needed to solve this pickle with something. In my fridge, keeping cool, was this Metromint Good Berry Mint. I was excited to see a new flavor and, because of that, I bought it. Isn't that how it works? I seem to think so.

So here I am, trying to disguise the foul grossness of these microwave burritos and anxiously awaiting the new flavors of whatever the heck Good Berry Mint is. First sip...mint. Second sip...mint. Third sip...mint. Excuse me...hello? Fourth sip...mint. Let's read the side of the bottle: raspberry, blueberry, pomegranate, acai, and blackberry. I don't taste any of the berry friends in here. Fifth sip...mint. Is it overpowering? Possibly, but I don't really get any fruit. If I was drinking this next to a Metromint Peppermint, I might be able to taste the difference, but by itself, plain mint.

It's hard to rate something that doesn't taste like what it's supposed to taste like. It's not bad, it's just mint-flavored water, but I don't get what they are trying to sell me.

Wishin' I just bought another Chocolate Mint. That's all I'm saying. No regrets, just wishin'.

EDIT!

So, after the encouragement by MetroMint themselves, I gave it another whirl. They thought that what I had may have been a bad batch or the fact that I drank it when it was cold, combined with the mint, may have hidden the berry. So I got another one, drank it right then and there, and, don't'cha'know, there was that berry critter. It was good. So, word to the wise, if you're going to drink the Good Berry Mint flavor maybe pour it in a glass with some ice or drink it at room temperature because once you get it the way that it's supposed to be got, it's really good.

I have had some stomach thing. I am not a doctor so I cannot tell you what it is, but after every time I eat, I feel like garbage. I can't eat as much and I need to sit and be quiet or else... I don't know, I feel more sick.

Since only the rich can afford health insurance compounded with the fact that I won't take medicine, I had to take matters into my own hands.

Scouring through my stock, I remembered that I had a hot ginger ale. As we all know, the hotter the ginger ale is, the more natural and good for you it is. I threw this cat in the fridge for a bit, took it out, cracked it open, and took a sip. Hello cured stomach ailments, here we come. Then we had a little bit of a problem. You see, when I read, "hot" I expect HOT. This was more of a sting.

Now, "hot" is a relative term. I am quite accustomed to hot flavors, so although this may be on the lower levels of the ginger beer ladder, it could be too much for, say, a wimp.

Flavor-wise, it's not bad. It has a genuine, earthy ginger flavor that doesn't linger on your tongue. All of the flavors of actual ginger are apparent and the sweetness isn't overpowering.

The Thirsty Dudes crew had to go to Canada to get this Australian treat, even though it says on the bottle that it's available in the US. It was good, but I don't think it's worth a special trip anywhere to try and find.

More drinks should be interactive. Ramune is the perfect example of a fun, interactive drink. It's so fun to knock that marble down into the drink. This is equally fun. Twisting the top orange part and letting the powder fall into the drink, helplessly, like someone pulled the ground from under it. It's actually pretty incredible how dark this drink gets with how little powder actually goes into it. Also, I did say powder, but they did an awesome job of formulating it so that it doesn't have that gritty, "too much powder" taste like you are drinking half juice and half sandy juice. It tastes like if you mixed orange Flintstone vitamins and Tang, two things that remind me of childhood. If I had this as a child, I could cross two things off my list. A multitasker. This drink is good and good for you. It's clichè, I know, but it's true.

It reminds me of some James Bond poisoning technique, a bit. Obviously not orange because Mr. Bond would be hip to whatever Goldfinger is trying to do to him. If he, or probably Oddjob, would use something similar to those clear fiber powders, but mixed it with a truth serum/powder, all would be lost. You and I would be living in a gold-free environment. Fort Knox would be Goldfinger's because James Bond was thirsty.

Buy it for yourself, buy it for your kids, buy it for your lover. If anyone doesn't like it, tell them that you'll never buy them anything ever again, but do it in that voice, you know the one, the one that makes it sound so personal that the other person feels like garbage and buys you a Whopper because they feel bad.