Juice - 935 Reviews

When I was in junior high there was a girl who briefly lived down the street from me. She was a terrible excuse for a human. She was such a hood rat that I'm surprised her parents didn't name her Holly. Now for some reason this girl took a shine to me. I have no idea why as I made it perfectly clear that I thought she was horrible and wanted nothing to do with her. Even so she would show up at my house every day and just walk in. One day I was in the basement putting my trucks on a new deck, and she wandered down offering…€¦well I'm sure you can guess. When she wouldn't leave after me screaming at her, I grabbed a fire extinguisher and fired it in her face. That solved my problem, and she never came back.

This juice requires no screaming or C02 cannons. I expected it to be budget, because of the look of the can. That is a design from several decades ago if I ever saw one. Luckily it is anything but. This is a great tasting juice that spotlights some of the best that the tropical islands have to offer. We have mango, papaya, guyabano, pineapple and calamansi. This could have been solely any of those juices and I would have been a very happy boy. When you take a sip of them mixed together you can almost hear the tide coming in. It creates one of those flavors that just tastes tropical, but if you stop and think you can make out each of the individual flavors.

A word of advice to the youth of today: always keep a fire extinguisher and a can of juice handy and you'll have nothing but smooth sailing.

Remember when Andy Kaufman went up on stage and awkwardly acted out the Mighty Mouse song, well just the “Here I come to save the day!” part. That was hysterical. If the man were still alive, hurting for money and forced to do product endorsement, I would hope that he would back Naked Juice. I mean if you gotta sell yourself for the man, you might as well back a product that is actually great, and not hurting anyone. Hell, even with him dead his estate could sell his rights to them. I don't think Naked actually makes commercials, but I can see it now. It could be the original footage of the Mighty Mouse bit, except instead of taking a drink of water they could edit in a bottle of Naked and at the end the screen would say, “Naked's Mighty Mango: It's here to save the day.” Marketing genius right here.

Nothing in that ad would be a lie either. Whenever I feel myself getting the old scratch in my throat that is a telltale sign that sickness is on it's way, I get myself a large bottle of this stuff and just pound it. More likely than not the sickness will pass and I will be just fine in a day. It's essentially a mango puree with a bit of orange flavor to it. Sure there is also apple and banana juice in here, but you can't taste them at all. There is so much vitamin C in here that it could fight off an army on oncoming illness, just like a little mouse…€¦wearing a cape.

Whenever I think of peach nectar a very specific idea is floating around my skull. I think of a very thick, sweetly perfect juice that tastes like I have shrunk down a million peaches so that I could fit them all in my mouth at once. That is what Looza peach nectar tastes like, and it's what I think that all drinks that bear this name should as well. Unfortunately Kerns does not share my belief. First off this is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, which can be okay in sodas but is a big no-no when it comes to juice. The result is that instead of tasting like glorious fruit, it's a bit on the candied side. The consistency of this is fairly thick, but it's the wrong kind of thickness that you get from a syrup and not from blending the fruit for a shorter time. At least they used real peach puree in this. It's not horrible by any means. I would happily drink a can of this, but when you're beverage is being compared to the big guns you have to reach for the stars. Kerns apparently though that reaching for the lowest branches would be enough.

I found this drink once before and did not buy it because it was two years expired. It sought me out and demanded I drink it. Now, I found this and my heart dropped because I thought this was going to be the drink to "do it." What do I mean by "do it?" Why, throw up, of course. I put this in the fridge today in anticipation of possibly doing it, but I'm a Thirsty Dude, I have to drink everything. This is part of everything, ergo I have to drink it.

First sip was a tiny sip. If this were going to make me sick, the sip I took would have warned my body that terror was about to strike. It was prefacing my body to prepare for the onslaught that was about to come. My poor body. It probably hates me. I throw absolute garbage at it every day and it does me pretty well.

I was surprised, though. It was not poison but an almost drinkable beverage. If you can imagine a green olive inside a lemonade, that would be this. A kid martini. It tasted a lot less like a green olive than I was expecting. I'm not drinking more than 10% of this as I still fear it but I conquered it nonetheless.

In closing I will tell you what it says on the front and you can determine for yourself if what I said matches the companies statement on said drink:
"A wonderful gift bestowed by nature with a distinctive flavor"

You know in the movies where it will show a dog getting hurt and it will say in the credits, "No animals were harmed in the filming of this movie?" I would like to know how many strawberries we just slaughtered in the making of this drink. I think that this drink is nothing more than people trying to stuff an entire one of those clear, plastic containers of strawberries into this tiny, baby can.

This drink is chocked full of strawberries and tastes only like strawberries. For that reason, I can't fathom how they kept the price low. I mean strawberry juice is one thing but poorly pureed strawberry chunks is another. Without exaggeration, there are probably two whole strawberries in this drink at least. It's great. I've got no complaints. Keep 'em coming.

I can't get over how great it is that this company was started by a couple of surfers. Even better is that they decided to start the company after a surging trip to Brazil when they were given a bowl of acai juice to drink…€¦A SURFING TRIP TO BRAZIL! If you ask me I'm gonna have to wager that we have a Point Break type scenario here. These dudes pulled some bank heists in order to fund surfing expeditions (to this day this is still the greatest movie premise of all time). The thing is that instead of all either ending up in jail, dead, or lost at sea on the coast of Australia these dudes changed their lifestyle and put their heist energies into making juice. Now they just use their profits from the business to fund their surfing trips. I mean these guys aren't crazy adrenaline junkies or anything.

Not only do these guys have a great bad guys gone good life story, but they also know how to make one hell of a beverage. I think we can all agree that a lot of companies' acai juice can be a little much to handle. It always tastes like you're drinking concentrate. Sambazon knows how to smooth it out and make it an enjoyable, healthy drink. You can taste the acai, but it's not in your face with every sip. I think it's the apple juice that they mix in that solves the harshness problem. Either way this drink is great. It's smooth, fruity and all of the flavors blend together seamlessly. You can tell that there is yerba mate and guarana in the drink if you think about it, but if you were given a glass with no indication of what was in it, it would just taste like a general blended smoothie. You would have no idea of the caffeine kick you were about to receive.

Get yourself a quart of fresh red raspberries, put them in a cheese cloth (one with a small rip in it) and just smash the hell out of them. Gather the juice and the few chunks that found their way through the hole into a cup. Fill the cup up the rest of the way with bubbly water and mix in a bit of sugar. What you will have created is essentially what is in this bottle. It's strange how much it tastes like raspberries. I know it's supposed to taste like them, but normally any fruit flavored pop doesn't actually taste like the fruit, and if it does you usually have to concentrate to find the flavor. This tastes exactly like you're eating raspberries, and the little mushy chunks do nothing but help it.

This is the first time I have ever said this about a soda, but I think it could do with a little bit more sugar. There is something about it that is just the tiniest bit off from making it absolutely perfect. I think a bit more sugar would balance things out and give it the little boost it needs to stand tall at the top of the soda pop pyramid.

Do you know what I'm in support of? Kids being strong. Keep in mind that I'm not around children very often, except the four or five that my friends have, but it seems every kid I see now a days is a little chunker. I blame television, video games and the fact that there is so much garbage in food these days. Sure my friends and I had TV and video games when we were younger, but we also spent a majority of our time outdoors exploring and skateboarding. Perhaps the fault lies in the growing number of creeps in the world that make parents not want to let their kids wander out of their sight. Who knows for sure?

Anyways, yes I am pro kid health. This drink is essentially Vitamin Water that is formulated specifically for children. It has all the vitamins and minerals that they need to be healthy and strong. Well, those alone won't make them that way, they do also need to stop being so lazy and go build a fort by the creek or something like that, looking out for Chesters the whole time.

This orange beverage tastes like someone took some weak Tang and mixed in some ground up Flintstone's Children's Vitamins. It tastes like it was made from a powder mix, but I chalk (no pun intended) that up to the high levels of vitamins in it. It is in fact a bit too chalky for my liking. If it were anymore than 12oz, I doubt I would have been able to finish it. I had a brief struggle with the amount I had, as the chalkiness got worse as I reached the bottom, even though I shook it up. This is a good concept, but the flavor just wasn't quite there.

More melons. I want more melon in my life. I want it in my diet all the time and I want it in more drinks. I love it. It's been done pretty poorly with the exception of the Calypso Triple Melon. This is close to a really good execution but something inside of this bottle is killing the perfection that I so desperately desire. I will blame it on the sugar as none of the fruits in this drink have the sharpness that I'm getting. I don't get the watermelon but I do get the strawberry and the melon and those are the two that I really want. I can taste things trying to get through like a goat trying to get through the fence at a petting zoo to stick its wet nose in your pocket to get the feed you just aren't giving to him fast enough. Oh, those rectangular pupils get me every time. I forget and then the twice a year I spend time with them; there they are, filled with 90 degree angles. It's just unnatural, but goats eat cans and boots so it's fine. Goats. You guys are alright.

For straight edge kids such as us, sparkling grape juice is like champagne. No it's not as expensive, but it's what we buy when we want a fancy drink. I'm used to the big bottles of this, and had never seen it in a single serving bottle before. To the untrained eye, I almost thought this was a wine cooler on the shelf.

I've had some sparkling juices that are more sparkle than juice, but this is not the case with this bottle. The grape juice is really good and has the perfect amount of carbonation. It has a bit of a thick aftertaste, but most likely due to the grape concentrate the drink is made with. I probably should have saved this for New Years, but I prefer the big bottles because they are good for sharing. This serving size is like a personal drink for a fancy dinner.

Have we, The Thirsty Dudes, reached a level of respect and admiration in the beverage world that we can start demanding things? I don't mean demand people send us stuff, although it is nice when they do. I mean demand that drinks be named/labeled in certain ways. For example if a juice drink, such as this one has four or more different types of fruit juice listed in its ingredients that it must, under Thirsty Law, be labeled as a fruit punch. I will give the companies a little bit on leniency, in that they are allowed one fruit over those in the name of the flavor. I know certain fruits are expensive and using apple or grape juice to stretch out the juice is more cost effective. Anything more than that, will hereby be known as fruit punch.

The drink that I am currently sipping on will now be known as “Strawberry Kiwi Fruit Punch.” It's that easy. You see the top three fruits listed in the ingredients are apple, grape and pineapple, yet none of them are in the name. While I do enjoy this juice (especially since there is no added sugar) it by no means tastes like someone mashed a bunch of strawberries and kiwis together. That is a drink that would probably be costly, yet would totally be worth that cost. I'm drooling just thinking about it. This tastes like a fruit punch that has a slight kiwi aftertaste. I want to say that you can taste the strawberries in every sip, but the flavor I'm singling out doesn't taste like biting into a piece of red, juicy fruit. It is just a flavor that companies have programmed my brain to process as strawberry.

So there you have it. I have pounded my gavel and the first Thirsty Amendment has been passed. Make sure you spread the word to your friends in the business. I would hate for them to get fined for breaking my law.

Sharon was sick of all the rules. There were so many rules. No carbs. No bread. Watch your salt. Exercise then carbs. No bacon. Salad but no creamy dressing. No milk. No cheese. Diet pop. Artificial sweeteners are bad for you. So many rules.

Sharon works hard, alright. She eats with moderation, exercises regularly, and looks good. Look at me. She looks good. She doesn't need to worry as much as she does but she does because that's what happens.

She was talking to a friend who was a personal trainer and he said he found this awesome drink. It's a low glycemic drink with less calories, carbs, and sugar. It's a win-win, right? Well...not quite. If you drink it slowly, it's alright. It's like a slightly mango limeade. If you drink it quickly, the Stevia can be a bit overpowering. Sharon, who drank wheat grass on multiple occasions, can deal with that. She enjoys drinking slowly and loving life. Now if she could only spend less time at the gym and more time finding a man who tells her that she can spend less time working out and more time with him, she'd be all set.

Wait so did Somona leave the partnership with Williams, or is this beverage just an example of what you can make with the fancy appliances they sell in their stores? Oh neither, it's just the name of a city in California that is located close to where this fancy sparkling beverage is made? Well that's less exciting that knowing that I could pay way too much money to buy kitchen doodads that would allow me to make this drink in the privacy of my own home, but I'll let it slide due to the delectable nature of this juice. It is juice; don't be mistaken. It is simply a mixture of apple and blood orange juices that have had carbon dioxide added to it. There are no sweeteners in here mucking things up. It's pure and it is wonderful. I was hoping it would be pure blood orange juice, so the addition of apples is the only reason this didn't get top marks. It tastes better than 99% of the beverages you have ever drunk, but to be honest it is more apple than orange. The apple flavoring is like a roller coaster car slowly climbing the hill, and the blood orange hits you suddenly and quickly like rushing down that self same hill. Don't worry, there are no loopy loops on this ride to make you lose your lunch.

No. We haven't done this before. Yes. It has been out for a decade. There is no shortage of reviews for Arizona reviews on this site. As a matter of fact, they are one of the most reviewed products that we've done. Sometimes, though, things slip through the cracks. Things we've drank one hundred times we don't remember if we drank for personal pleasure or for the good of the site. Up until now, this was strictly a pleasure drink. Well, not any more, kids. Now it's business.

Look at all the darn fruit on this bottle. Let me count the ways this is a fruit punch: apple, pear, mango, cherry, both green and concord grapes, and strawberry. That's a plethora of fruit. That would make a pretty decent fruit salad. Does it make a decent drink, though? Well, yes, it does. You can't taste everything. I feel like I'm missing out on some mango action, perhaps some cherry, too. Do I hold it against them? No. How fine are people's taste buds that they can distinguish between like ten fruits all while being sweetened by corn syrup? No, that's not a dig. It's just what they use to sweeten it. Sure, I'd like to taste this with real sugar, or even sugarless, but it's not penalizing them. The sweetener is fine because there are a lot of fruit flavors going on in that bottle.

Arizona aren't a bunch of dumb dummies. They've been doing this for years. Remember how we just celebrated their twentieth birthday? They're vets. Pros, even. They did a fine job and you know that because you've been drinking their stuff for years. I'm sure they would thank you if given the opportunity. You should thank them, too. It's the right thing to do.

Up before dawn; that is the life of a surfer. Sure getting up that early blows, but that is when the waves are the best and more importantly when the beach is free and clear of tourists. Itâ…‚¬…„¢s bad enough having all of those people gawking at you, but the true hell is when one of them thinks that they know what they are doing on a board and comes out, gets in your way and inevitably needs to be escorted back to the shore before they drown. So yeah, the result is that I have to wake up far to early for one who lives a partying life as I do. Surviving on 4 hours of sleep a night, you would think that my immune system would be shot. It would be if it werenâ…‚¬…„¢t for my secret weapon: Kona Red.

My buddies go out to the coffee plantations and gather up the discarded coffee fruit. You see when you make coffee you cut the beans from the center of these little red berries. You didnâ…‚¬…„¢t know that? Well that is because you are more than likely a touring staring at me from the shore while Iâ…‚¬…„¢m carving those waves. Anyways, that leftover fruit is chock full of the antioxidants that help keep me healthy. My friends take the fruit, juice it and add some pineapple and apple juice. The result is akin to a smoothed out acai juice. It has a very dark taste, but the pineapple and apple juices liven it up a bit. Itâ…‚¬…„¢s a fairly strange taste that grows on you the more you drink. It tastes absolutely nothing like the coffee that you brew, and has no caffeine (but oh how that would help me).

Okay itâ…‚¬…„¢s 4am. I should wax up my board and meet the guys down at the beach. The pipeline waits for no man.

Honey, I'll be home a bit later, but I made some soup for you that is in the fridge. Just warm it up and you'll be good to go. Actually maybe toast a little bread and break it up in the soup, who doesn't love that?

*Cut to several hours later*

Darling, I appreciate that you took the time to make me soup for dinner, but I have to tell you that was the worst soup I've ever tasted in my life. It was so sweet and tasted vaguely dairy like. I don't know where you got that recipe, but please never make it for me again. I would rather go hungry than eat that again. What does it matter what container I took it out of? Of lord, please don't tell me you made mass quantities of it! Anyways I took it from the blue container. I thought it was weird that you put soup in a pitcher, but with a color like that what else could it be? What, the soup was in the Tupperware on the bottom shelf? Well then what exactly did I eat? Please tell me it wasn't one of the kids science experiments. Oh it was a smoothie that you made, that makes way more sense as to how sweet it was. I know I wasted a large chunk of your smoothie, but can I please try it cold instead of piping hot? Well this is much better this way. It's a nice thick mango and orange juice that is not insanely sweet, which I really enjoy. It's a bit chalky though, especially towards the bottom of the glass. That little bit was almost undrinkable. Oh, you added some whey and soy protein so it will help you out after your workout. You really are a smart one, and I am truly an idiot for thinking this was soup.

I was thinking aloud today that it would be awesome if you could change the color of your pee. It is not gross. It's awesome. Obviously I wouldn't use a dye or anything not "natural" but I would like to use something like the things they use for food to make it a certain color. Carrot juice, beet juice, and so on. Concentrate the living daylights out of it, put it in a pill, sell it to kids, have them laugh as they pee purple. I would buy a year supply out of it and just drink so much water that I would pee every fifteen minutes.

Just as luck would have it, I would have this drink in the fridge queued up and ready to go. It's got all sorts of stuff in there for color and although I can almost guarantee that I'm not going to pee light pink, I am going to enjoy twelve fluid ounces of delicious and nutritious juice. A full day's vegetable and fruit servings in one with no added sugar and all the vitamin C a man can handle. This is great for this time of year when I could get a cold at any minute. I need all the help I can get. Now if someone can help me pee neon pink I would be ever so grateful.

If this line of beverages is any indication, I believe I am long overdue for a trip to the Philippines. So far we have reviewed mango, calamansi and guava juices, and now we're on to pineapple. That's one hell of a foursome of juices to have readily available in your country. Do you like how I assume that all of those fruits grow rampant everywhere? Oh of course you can walk down any block in the Philippines and pick each of these fruits from trees you will pass. It's just like in America where you can't look more than 50 feet without finding apples, pears and grapes.

The other juices from this brand that we have done have had sugar added to them. It was unnecessary, but I could live with it and enjoy the juice. With this pineapple juice, they decided to throw caution to the wind and leave out the sugar. It was a wise choice. All that is in this can is pineapple juice, it's not sweetened and it's not watered down. It's wonderful, and not too acidic. It tastes like you're biting into a fresh pineapple that you cut from the bush you just passed on vacation, except you don't have to fear about your tongue bleeding from the amount of acid in it. Life is good in the Philippines.

I'm surprised Jason hadn't already reviewed this, seeing it's made in his backyard. Well not literally his backyard, but his stomping grounds of West Seneca. New York has the best cider in the country (that I've had). I don't know what it is about the apples here, but they make incredible cider and I moved back at just the right time, when gallons of it are everywhere and on sale.

Blossom Valley is no different either. This cider is a prime example of how delicious apple cider from Western New York can be. I may be biased since I grew up here, but I stand by it.

I don't know what these fruits are furious about. Perhaps it's because they are being referred to as tropical, and they are all everyday heart of America fruits, except for the pineapple. Have the rest of the fruits worked themselves up into a tizzy because the pineapple is getting a higher billing than them? Well if it's the apples and grapes that we're talking about, that would be understandable. They are doing all the grunt work (they are the only two fruits mentioned by name on the ingredients list, the rest falls under natural flavors) and they get very little of the credit. Isn't that how it always is, the work of many is exploited by the few?

I really hope that our friend cherry isn't putting up much of a fuss. He may not be at the top of the marquee, but he certainly is the star of the show. Everything else melds together into a generic fruit punch flavor, but it's that small billed cherry whose performance shines through. Isn't that what is most important, to be the name on everyone's lips once the curtain falls?