Juice - 935 Reviews

Super Juices might be the worst superhero troop of all time. Villains would essentially need to do nothing more than be bigger than the largest fruit so that they could squash it. A lemon can thwart all the criminals it wants but against, say, a sheep, it will get trampled. Sure, the lemon might try to squirt some stingy lemon juice in its eye but it's not going to stop the sheep when it's in some sort of sheep rage. Pigs are known terrors. You've seen Snatch, right? I mean come on. Do grapes really stand a chance? Nope. Even together, I welcome any animal that squashes them into a collective murder juice puddle so I can drink this juice.

Look, it's nothing exceptional but it does not go without mentioning that it is a good juice nonetheless. It's chocked full of all sorts of different fruits like plums, peaches, pineapple, black currant, elderberry and many more. It's actually kind of a waste that it's not more of a medley because it just tastes like a good pomegranate juice. Come on. If you're going to go through all the trouble to wrangle up camu camu, muscat grapes, and black raspberries, you shouldn't focus your efforts on just one dude. My two cents. This superhero isn't going to save me from anything other than if a banana shows up and wants to join in the festivities. If they do, super team, please save me.

Snapple was one of the first “big” companies to make the switch back to real sugar from high fructose corn syrup. I for one was a happy camper. As you may know if you are one of the three people who actively read this website, that aren't me (I'm looking at you Mike and Neuland), HFCS destroys my stomach if I drink more than one bottle of something with it in it within a week. Snapple was a savior for me on the road. It some something that I knew would be in every rest stop and gas station. It allowed me to mix things up from water and straight up apple and orange juice. At that point there were maybe only 4 or 5 flavors in their “All Natural” line, but since then they've been cranking them out. In an age when there is a decent selection of non-corn sweetened beverages regularly available I started taking them for granted. Trying this drink I realize I'm an idiot. This is pretty darn good. Sure it's sweet as all hell, but sometimes you get “the tooth” and you need to serve it as your master. Would this be better with less sugar? Of course it would, what juice wouldn't be?

The weird thing about this is that pear juice is one of the main ingredients, above any other juice. Now, a lot of companies use apple juice to stretch the juices they use, but I've never run across a company using pears for that self same thing. It's one of those things that you would never taste if you didn't know, but once the knowledge enters your mind grapes you can taste it. Luckily the peach flavor overpowers any other flavor, with raspberry riding shotgun. The pear juice is nice and tied up in the trunk where unsuspecting people would have no idea…€¦just where pears belong.

Think of every fruit you've ever eaten and then put it in a drink. Simple as that? No. I'm sure there are countless composition notebooks over at Ralph and Charlie's house filled with just the perfect ratio of all of them. Oh, you want a roll call? You got it, Chuck.

1. Banana
2. Orange
3. Apple
4. Lemon
5. Pineapple
6. Grape
7. Tangerine
8. Apricot
9. Peach
10. Passion Flower
11. Mango
12. Kiwi
13. Guava

Seriously. They're all in there. It's a great drink, too. It doesn't really have any star players which is a feat in itself. It's well sweetened and although I don't think I can drink any more, it's because it's a generous bottle, not because it's bad. It's pretty acidic but expected and welcomed. This is not a juice for wimps. If you want a serious juice, like juice with a tie on, this is for you. There is no messing around. Ralph and Charlie should be given gift cards to Jos. A. Bank since they are so fancy with their juices. Someone buy these guys a nice new pair of slacks because this just is oh so serious.

Did you ever wonder why Gargamel was always trying to get at the Smurfs? Some theories are that he wanted to turn them into gold, he thought they would be a delicious treat or that he just hated them and wanted to destroy them. Truth is that good ole Gargy just needed their blood to power his doomsday machine. He was actually quite upset about their eventual destruction. He spent many a late nights sitting up with Azrael, crying about how such innocent creatures needed to die just so he could completely destroy the rest of the human race. You see at school everyone picked on him for being bald and ugly. Oh, you didn't know that Gargamel was actually a high school student? Well he was. The entire Smurf world was really just a school shooting about to happen. It was sad really to see a boy so confused.

Eventually Gargy grew up and started a Fortune 500 company. He invested a lot and created this juice in homage to the creatures he once thought he had to destroy. All proceeds go to Smurfs all around the world. It's like reparations: reparations that are a mixture of blueberries, blackberries, apples and a banana. It mostly just tastes like blueberries though with some other flavors around the edges. Gargamel tried to list them as Smurfberries on the label, but the FDA wouldn't hear a word of it. If he had just reversed the percentages of blackberries to blueberries this would perhaps be the world's finest drink, but alas he did not and what we are left with is still delicious.

Are you an elderly rabbit? Do you have a sweet tooth, or two sweet front teeth for gnawing? If you have answered yes to these questions have I got a drink for you. Ralph & Charlie, whom I can only assume wear giant bunny costumes all day due to their love of carrots, have released this beverage to honor said love. It's all an aging rabbit, who practiced poor dental hygiene could ask for (cause you know it's a juice, so they don't have to chew the carrots, did you really not understand that? Wow.).

Now, I've drunk a handful of carrot juices before, and I have strangely enjoyed them all. Every time I purchase one, I always question why am I doing such a thing, but when it hits my tongue, I am reminded that carrots are delicious and actually make a good juice. The thing about this drink that makes it stand out from the others I've had is that it has added sugar to it. It still had that classic carrot flavor to it, but it has an added sweetness, that almost makes it taste like a treat served at Thanksgiving. It doesn't taste as fresh as the other juices, but I think the added sugar would make it enjoyable to more people. You know, the people who think that vegetables and health food are for pansies. I think even those people would enjoy this juice. Them, and that geriatric rabbit I mentioned earlier.

It is a bit audacious to call your company "Fave." It's just presumptive. That's not to say that this isn't going to be someone's favorite because it's not too bad. There are fruits and vegetables inside this little number and for the most part, it's pretty good. This drink is mostly fruity with only a touch of...strangeness. I know that makes it sound bad but it really isn't. It's a tangy juice with a little bit of lies inside of it. It's a white lie, which is globally acceptable for some reason. It's like there is an unspoken asterisk next to the phrase that means people don't get offended when you flat out lie to their face. Adultery, murder, and speeding don't get you in trouble if you explicit say it as a white lie.

Silly Americans. You thought the cold war was over and that you had won. You believed the movie Clue when it told you that Communism was nothing but a red herring and that capitalism was the true motivator. You have been duped and now we have infiltrated your very culture. Who do you think own all the Red Robin restaurants? It is us, working on getting you fat and slovenly. Did you really think that Red Bull was there to just help you get through your day? We created the company in order to weaken your hearts for the battles to come.

We even have some products over there for the sole benefit of our agents who are stuck on your soil. With all the garbage that you produce and consume we needed to make sure there were some things that were healthy for our people to consume. We bribed some of the higher ups at Naked and they created a special blend for us that they call “Red Machine.” It is a mixture of all of the finest communist fruits to remind our people what they are fighting for. Each bottle contains 13 raspberries, 11 strawberries, 3 cranberries, ¼ of a pomegranate, 1 ½ of an apple and 7 red grapes. We also mixed in 1/3 of an orange and ½ of a banana, as well as a bunch of other vitamins and the like to ensure continued health. While you and your countrymen choke on their excessive calorie and sugar intake, the people's people will remain at the peak of their health drinking these wonderful prepackaged smoothies. They taste like nothing but wonderful red fruit. It has been formulated so that the other ingredients are not evident in the taste. What you get has a strong berry flavor with the slightest hints of the bitterness of cranberries and pomegranate.

America, you stand no chance. Our day will come soon, and on that day all class struggles will cease to be. You will be too bloated with weak hearts to stop us.

It's not often that you see concord and white grapes hanging out together. They're both grapes so you think they would be friends but no. I heard something happened at a family reunion where white grape brought a sexy banana to the barbecue and concord grape ended up making out with it behind the shed. Concord, you should never take you best friend's woman. Perry Farrell taught me that. White grape, you should be man enough to know that bananas will come and go and that that one was no good for you any way.

Maybe they made it up after a decade or so of a childish grudge and decided to collaborate again and come together on this little guy. The problem is that they wouldn't get out of the pool when they made this drink because it tastes watered down. The flavors are all there but it tastes weak. I like weak drinks but I think that with these two grapes together, a nice unaffected mix would have been nice since it is such a rarity.

These two are fine now but they lose a decade of their lives being angry at each other. We will ramp up to an uncut double grape juice but until then we have this, which is almost totally awesome.

One of my favorite things about traveling/touring is finding and trying regional beverages. Recently I found myself in a crappy little grocery store at 2am in Kansas looking for something to satisfy my hunger. There was no “natural” section to speak of, and hardly any vegetarian selections except for crappy chips and actual vegetables that I had no means to cook. Things were looking grim, and then I stumbled across a little display of these sparkling ciders. My night started to look up, but I left the store with a bag of flavored rice cakes and this bottle of cider. Sure I went to bed hungry that night, but I had a good taste on my tongue.

This is not a spiced cider, and I can only assume that they grow a different breed of apples in the Midwest than in Buffalo, so it ended up tasting more like a sparkling cran-apple juice than sparkling cider to me. I'm okay with that. It was still delicious. Basically if you give me a bottle of any juice that is carbonated with no added sugar, I am going to love it. The cranberry juice isn't very strong, so the apples do most of the work. Apples: The backbone of America.

Apparently the world has gotten a little lax on the meaning of the word “pure.” If someone were to offer me some pure juice, I would expect it to be straight up juice with nothing added to it at all. I would also expect it to have not gone through any sort of process. I'm looking in your direction concentration. Mr. Pure seems to think that juices from concentrate still count as being pure. I suppose they get some credit for not adding any sweetener to this juice. It's just orange and pineapple concentrate and water, which is better than most inexpensive juices. My issue with this drink is due to that they are a bit heavy handed with 1/3 of the ingredients aka water. The juice tastes watered down, which brings me back to my pure argument.
To sum this up it tastes like watered down orange juice with a slight nod to pineapple. I guess if you're looking for juice in a gas station like I was it could have been way worse, but I'm not sold.

Ladies and gentlemen, steal them from seafood restaurants or from your children, but do whatever you can to get yourself a bib, because we're in for a wild ride. Welcome to the 4th annual Westminster Chug-A-Thon, where literally dozens of people come to compete to see who is the national chugging champion. Due to legal issues, we can no longer use beer as our chugging liquid of choice, so this year we have a treat for everyone with some nice Blackberry Lime soda from the appropriately named Bibb company. We have a tanker truck full of the stuff, and that is about 8,000 gallons people. That's a whole lot of liquid, which means there is a good chance we're going to need the paramedics that we have on hand. It's also guaranteed that our contestants are going to be hurling the contents of their stomachs all over themselves, hence the bibs. There's only so much liquid the human stomach can hold, and they are going to need to empty their "tanks" several times if they are serious about winning. It's really a shame though, as the soda we're using is quite delicious. Actually, I feel odd calling it a soda, as it's more of a sparkling juice than soda pop. It's just blackberry and limejuice mixed with carbonated water and a little sweetener. With only 13g of sugar per serving, it looks like no one will be getting diabetes during this contest, which is good because we can't afford another lawsuit. Seriously though Bibbs has a great blackberry base with a strong lime flavor added to it that is nice and present without making you think that it should be called lime blackberry instead. It really is a shame that such a tasty drink is going to flood the streets in the form of regurgitation. With 8,000 gallons in the trunk there is sure to be enough leftover for everyone in the audience to enjoy a glass or two as well. So you're welcome and enjoy the event. Please put on your nose plugs though as we don't want another Stand By Me scenario this year.

Vegetable based juices can be fickle things. If they are made fresh it is wonderful. All of the subtle nuances of the vegetables pop out at you, and it just feels like you are doing something healthy and nothing can change that. On the other side of the coin, if they are prepackaged and mass produced to have a longer shelf life the glitter in their eyes fades away and you end up with something that tastes more like soup than juice.

With this product Odwalla is walking a tightrope between the two. It certainly doesn't taste like it was freshly juiced, but it's not quite in soup territory yet. It tastes mostly of carrots and beets, with the carrots giving it that slightly dirty taste, as they are prone to do. There is a slight hint of ginger flavoring, but there is no burn to speak of. Drinking juice that isn't very sweet will probably be a shock for a decent amount of people, and I can't really see this going over too well with the general populace, but there are people out there like myself who will enjoy it, and they should give it a chance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am about to propose something so radical that it may literally make your heads spin, so before I tell you please sign the waivers that you will find underneath your seats that will ensure that you cannot sue us in the case of death or dismemberment. Everyone sign? Good.

For decades the world has been plagued with garbage “green apple” flavoring. Nothing about that flavor tastes anything like the juice that would fill your mouth if you plucked a nice green apple from a tree and took a big bite. No instead it tastes like fake sour garbage. Everfresh is dedicated to putting an end to that tyranny, so we proudly present you with our newest product: Granny Smith juice. It is made with actual Granny Smith apples (albeit from concentrate) and nothing chemical or foreign. This is what green apple juice should taste like. Call your congressperson and demand that this be put in place of any juice that bears the fake green apple name. We are no longer children with candy on the brain and we deserve a serious juice. I fully expect a small parade for our efforts. Thank you and goodnight.

Even though Welchs has a large array of juices on the market, my first thought when I hear their name is always “jelly.” I don't even eat jelly. I mean I have no moral objection to it, I just think that it's unnecessary. I generally eat my bread products dry, and if anything they get a little dab of peanut butter. There is no need to get fruit involved. Still, I hear Welchs and my mind goes to jelly.

This bottle only contains 10% juice. I wonder what percentage of their jelly is actually fruit? 10% is a joke in the juice world. If it's less than 40% juice I say it's not worth my time, and I have a hard time actually calling it juice and not “drink.” So to me this is not a juice, but at least the pittance of juice they used was actually partly mango and passionfruit. It was probably 1% each, with the other 8% going to that generic base, apple juice. So what we have is low levels of juice, which is only concentrate mixed with overly sweetened sugar water, yet somehow it ends up tasting great. I mean really, really good. You can very blatantly taste the mango, passion fruit and apple juice. It's the passion fruit that really shines through though. I had such low expectations for this, and I was pleasantly surprised. Well played Welchs.

I found this in a bar in Boston a couple weeks ago. I went along with my friends as they bar-hopped around Cambridge, drinking nothing but water and Diet Pepsi. Finally, at our last stop they had this fine beverage on the menu so I obviously ordered it. There's only so much Diet Pepsi I can consume in one night.

I am a fan of Squirt, so whenever I find a different grapefruit soda I have to try it. I have never been disappointed with a bottle/can and this was no exception. It was very sweet, which surprised me since a lot of sparkling drinks are lightly sweetened. It also had little chunks of grapefruit, which was pretty awesome, and a great surprise.

I apologize for the crappy photo. Bars aren't known for their stellar lighting as you might know.

Our buddy Donnie over at Buffalo Eats gave us this little number. He thought he was going to get us something gross and to most people he would have succeeded but we're not most people. We've been around the block. Yeah, this is laden with chunks but you know what, son? Nata de coco has a pleasant chewiness to it and the flavor isn't too bad either. Apple lemon? That's new. That's different. It tastes like kind of a cruddy apple juice with some cruddy lemonade in there but together mixed with la chunks (French) it somehow comes together in a nice and chunky way. I love this chunky drinks category.

Carrots? Really rabbits? Just carrots? You're not very civilized now, are you? Bugs Bunny can dress up in all the fancy suits and dresses he wants. All the wigs and all the hats and all the lipstick in the world won't bring him up to the caliber needed for this drink. Four ingredients; carrots, apple, ginger, and lemon. Done. Bugs, you are a legend, but you stick to carrots. You can't handle the subtle heat that the ginger brings and aren't ready for the subtle sweet and sour of the apple and lemon. You could only handle twenty five percent of this drink and it simply doesn't warrant buying it.

I grew up on you and your hijinks. Your friends and foes got me through a lot of hard times but this carrot just is, as Madness said, one step beyond.

I have had a turmeric drink before and it tasted like water strained through a handful of Indian food. I really like Indian food. Jay and myself frequent Indian restaurants a lot but I'll tell you right here and now, I don't want to drink it. This drink, as Jay has mentioned every drink that cannot be reiterated enough is that this drink is not for everyone. It's spicy and does have a rather peculiar taste. That's taking into consideration that every ingredient under the sun inside of it. Spicy ones. Exotic ones. Fresh ones. Look at the bottle. There are ten or so ingredients that you wouldn't put into a drink yourself but they did.

What do I think of it? Well I'll tell you. You have a drink that is a good dinner drink because it is spicy and is almost a meal in itself. It's not think or chunky but you sip it so it takes a while to get through it. It's also not really sweet, regardless of the honey, so I don't know if you would spend time mulling over this drink. Well, maybe you would. I think that you and a friend could sit down and watch some fancy foreign film and split this with a friend. I could not drink this whole thing myself. I know Jay can't either because I went to his house and he gave me some of a drink that he reviewed a day before.

This is one of the strangest drinks we have had on Thirsty Dudes only because it's so complex. I welcome more drinks like this onto our not-award-winning-in-a-long-time website.

I will be the first person to tell you that I don't eat enough vegetables. I eat more than probably the average amount; probably because I have a kid and don't want him to be a diabetic chunk by the time he is old enough to ride a bike. At the same time, I am pretty opposed to "hiding" vegetables into other foods like "this ravioli secretly has a serving of vegetables in it." and sold that way. Just give your kids vegetables like my parent's did me and don't take "no" for an answer. You're the parent. You make the rules. Don't let your turd kids tell you what's what. That's your job and you suck at it so now companies have to make up for you inability to be a good parent by injecting vegetables into your kid's junk food tricking them so they don't get antique diseases or just fall apart at the seams. Kids. Eat some corn. Not all vegetables are great but corn is. Peas are fine.

This drink is carrots and mangos and tastes like 90% mangos. It's not going to make up for your lack of health food but it's better than pop and one step closer to something like a V8 which is both delicious and healthy minus the sodium. This is a good juice all together. It's one of the better mango drinks I've had. It's nicely sweetened with sugar and still manages to keep everything represented. I like it. You should like it. Find it. Like it.

Dear World,
I would appreciate it if you could start giving me a $5-$10 a day stipend to spend on high quality juices. You see I blew the 1.3 million dollars that we made from Thirsty Dudes last year on a sweet jet and I can't afford to purchase my beloved juice now. I know I should have thought it over more, but at the time the plane seemed like such a good idea. I didn't take into consideration the continual cost of fuel, and I obviously can't afford that either, so here I am with this giant jet in my backyard, just sitting there. I know I could sell it, but do you have any idea how much one of those things depreciates just by taking it off the lot?

Back to my point: I love juice and it helps to keep me healthy. World, you want me to be healthy don't you…€¦and happy? I mean if you really don't want to keep me in supply of fresh juice, could you at least send me some Life Juice every couple weeks or so? It's the closest bottled juice that I have ever had to something that was juiced before my very eyes. I am particularly fond of this Positive Balance one. It's basically a mix between their Oh My Greens and Happy Belly juices. I mean there are some slight differences, but that's what it tastes like to me. It's a mixture of spinach, kale, parsley, cucumber, celery, beets, apples, carrots, ginger and lemons, and yes you can taste each and every one of those fruits and vegetables in it. Luckily the celery isn't as strong in this one, so it's basically perfect. It tastes like how a horse pasture in the country smells, well minus the poop. That might sound like a bad thing, but I assure you I mean it in a very, very good way.

So, what do you say world? Will you support my juice intake? I mean if you really want to lower it any more, I guess I could settle for Naked juice, but I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I would be if you just gave me butt loads of Life Juice.