United States - 4098 Reviews

Your grandma rules. Make her cookies for once. Every time you go over there, she's up to something. Something delicious, not something maniacal. You're grandma who is capable of every baked good imaginable is not capable of even the slightest evil. You want cookies? Don't worry because she has some in the freezer that she made yesterday and if that's not good enough for you, you brat, she does have two different types in the oven as we speak. She also makes the best spaghetti, regardless of her heritage, known to man.

There is always some sort of pie there. Typically it's a cherry or an apple pie, complete with those nice, woven tops like you see in movies and in print. She doesn't do those lazy flat, plain tops with a couple holes so you know what kind of garbage pie it is. You grandma deal with quality. Your grandma is the Rolls Royce of cooking and baking. When it comes time to fall, she makes pumpkin pie and it's obviously delicious. She nails it every time and has never made a bad pie in her life. Upstate Farms has hired your grandma at a reasonable rate to spill her secrets into a plastic container because this stuff tastes like pumpkin pie and I'm not exaggerating. There are even little spice specs, a term I just coined that if anyone uses henceforth they owe me royalties, inside of the drink. It's delicious.

Throw your forks in the garbage, kiss your grandma on the cheek, and go get this. It's a limited time thing that might only be available in Upstate New York. Wash your forks and put them back in the silverware drawer. I don't know why I told you to throw your forks in the garbage. You don't need them for a drink, is what I was getting across. Then I tried to get you to help your grandma out because she already made you a large meal. There is no reason she should be doing your dishes, too, you ingrate.

Jamie, I will make you a strawberry milk. Please, just work on your homework and I'll make it. You've got that big science test tomorrow and have to study and do that math homework before you take a bath. I said I'd make you a strawberry milk.

Oh no. Oh no no no. Crud. Oh no. There is only enough milk for half of this strawberry milk. Crud. I've got to fill this glass or that brat kid is going to have a heart attack. What have I got in the fridge that I can put in here? Water? No, he'll know and that would be gross anyhow. Sprite? No, that would be too sweet and milk isn't carbonated. Coconut milk? Yeah, that will work. It's not transparent and actually, let me try this here, actually gives it a nice taste.

Jamie, we didn't have enough milk so I poured some coconut milk in there and before you freak out and throw the glass across the room like you did the last time, try it. I tried it before I brought it over here and it's actually pretty good. There you go. It's good right? What do you think? Yes, coconut milk. It's good right? Not too sweet and just enough of the coconut that it's not overbearing. Overbearing? It means "too much". See, you're learning science, math, and now English. See how much fun and educational hanging out with your mom can be? Nothing else. I didn't put anything else in there. It's just strawberry syrup and then half a glass of milk and half a glass of coconut milk. Yes, I can make them for you more often only if you can tell me what quarks are. You can't? Keep studying buddy.

Since Bob went away to school he constantly complains about juice. Whenever he bought some from the store it was always too sweet, and it hardly tasted like the fruits it was supposed to. It was far too processed. He was accustomed to walking around his families farm and plucking fruit right from the trees whenever he felt a pang of hunger. Also his uncles constantly made the best juices he had ever had. He missed those days, and was sick of his studies. He was just about to pack it in and move back to the farm when he got a package from his brother Walter. Enclosed was a mess of bottles of Walter's new juice blend. Two ingredients. Two wonderful ingredients. Apple juice and tart cherry juice were all that Walter put in those bottles. It doesn't need a single thing else and Water was smart enough to realize that. No sugar. No preservatives. All the world needs is pure juice. It tastes exactly like fresh fruit. Why would anyone want anything else? Bob certainly didn't, so he went on to get his degree in paranormal psychology.

Apparently I just drank history. After drinking this bottle, I decided to do a little research and I found out that Red Rock is one of the oldest carbonated beverages in the United States. It was founded in 1885 in Atlanta, Georgia. This probably is why it has a very classic cola taste to it. It's not trying to be fancy (despite the "premium" label), and it really works. If you like Pepsi Throwback, you'll love this.

The most interesting thing I found out was that Babe Ruth endorsed this soda. This is a big deal because this was the only product he ever personally endorsed in his lifetime. Look at this iconic poster and tell me it doesn't make you want to try it:

If Dora the Explorer has taught me one thing, it's that "azul" means "blue". Since I took four years of Spanish, two in high school and two in college, I already knew that, so that loud brat actually taught me nothing.

This drink is certainly blue and certainly tastes tropical. Check and check. Two things that are not lies right off the bat. Good start, Cintron. Then I took a sip and there was another check; an energy drink that was not at all disgusting. It does taste "tropical" but I can't exactly pinpoint actual flavors. I'm going to say pineapple might be in there, followed by some leis and also a hula skirt and a copy of Dog the Bounty Hunter: Best of Seasons 1, 2 and 3 on DVD all liquefied into a can.

I don't drink a lot of energy drinks but I've been feeling my body crash at like six almost every day so today I felt like I needed it. If all energy drinks were this good or if this was sold by me, I would turn into one of those people that can drink them and get no boost, like those jerkwads who take so much ibuprofen that when they ask you for it and you say "How many do you want? Two?" they respond with a scoff and a number higher than five. You're a drug addict and you're also pathetic. Deal with the pain and earn your tolerance back. Stop taking medicine for everything. Pilgrims never had medicine and they turned out fine. I bet pilgrims would have loved this drink though.

I have more in the can downstairs. I hope those dogs didn't knock it off the table and are getting speed boosts.

For the first time on US soil, we bring to you, chocolate tea. "Oh, that's so American." you say to yourself. "They'll put chocolate in everything." and to that I respond with this:

Chocolate is delicious, can be good for you, and is no different than adding fruit to flavor your food so get off your high horse, a phrase that has never made sense to me, and drink this.

Are "high horses" a breed of horse? Are they just tall horses? If you have the tallest horse in a pack of horses...herd of horses...gaggle of horses, does that mean you have the "high horse"? I don't really care if I'm right or wrong because I'm picturing people getting out a piece of wood and drawing lines on it like you would every year your kids grow up and you want to make a growth chart just to see who has the tallest horse. It's a hilarious vision that I would like to retain for quite some time.

You like sweet tea, right? You like chocolate, right? You like experimenting by assuming that putting two things you like together can't be wrong, right? Welp, so does Rob and he made something really nice. Essentially, all he did is make some quality black tea and put some cocoa powder in it and make this gem. Yes, more happened than that, but I'm guessing that you could do close to this by doing what I described above. It's really good. Better colder than now, but nonetheless, pretty exceptional and quite different than any tea you've ever had before, unless of course, you've had this before and in that case, it's quite parallel.

Mark, I asked you to get me a flavored water. What is this crap you brought me? Sure its got water in it's name, but this tastes more like a juice than water. It's so darn sweet. It's absolutely nothing like what I wanted. I wanted something as light as can be, very crisp and just slightly flavored. Well I want it flavored enough that it doesn't taste like someone spit a little juice in my water, but what I want is 98% water. I want it to be like I took a nice frigid pitcher of water out of the fridge, poured myself a nice tall glass. I want that, but lightly flavored, like I said. I want the flavoring to be more of an aftertaste than the actual flavor of the drink. Water first. Flavor second. You have another bottle? That thing looks comically bad. Its label is just screaming artificial sweetener. It's sweetened with agave syrup you say? Well I'll give it a try. Wow this is exactly what I wanted. Now my only problem is that since it's like water I could probably drink ten bottles. Looks like you're going back out in that blizzard to pick up some more. Thanks Mark, you're a doll.

In my book Goose Island is now four for four when it comes to quality pop. They have the ability to take fairly standard soda pop flavors and push them to a higher level. If I was taking a survey after getting off the phone with tech support and they asked me from 1 to 10 what this soda tasted like with 1 being your standard candy tasting grape soda and 10 being sparkling grape juice I would have to give this a 7. It's not totally grape juice, there's still a bit of that sticky sweet candy flavor to it, but it's very minimal. I wish this was the standard for grape pop, but alas 9 times out of 10 you're going to end up with that fake grape flavor.

It feels nice to consume an energy drink for a change that doesn't feel like it's killing you. I know a lot of people who think Rumba is the best energy drink on the market. I can understand why; it's 100% juice, it delicious, and it's much better for you than other energy drinks.

But what about the Samba flavor? It also is 100% juice but I got a mouthful of a flavor I don't really like when I sipped it: cranberry juice. I've been trying for over 20 years to like cranberries, but I still can't do it. They are one of my most hated fruits. If you love cranberries then you'll love this. You might even want to marry it. Although, if you're like me, and cranberry anything makes you gag, stay away from this fun looking can.

Snapple going all-natural was a wonderful thing to see in my lifetime. To be able to enjoy their teas and juices again was like being reunited with family from the other side of town. A town that had a giant wall running down it. That's right, to my stomach the removal of corn syrup from their drinks was like the wall being torn down in Berlin (side note: corn syrup completely destroys my stomach for some reason).

My main complaint about this drink isn't even a complaint at all. It's merely confusion. The third ingredient listed is kiwi juice, yet it's not in the name of the drink. Using actual kiwi juice is a big deal people. Most kiwi flavored things are artificial and gross. When you have the real deal in product you should flaunt it. I dare say that this actually tastes more like kiwi than mango. They could have named it something terrible like "Krazy Kiwi Mango Madness." Of course that would make me never want to buy a bottle. Maybe Mango Madness was the right title, but underneath it they should have wrote something about the kiwi in there. "A Ki-winning Combination." And that is why I do not write ads.

This past week, I saw the band Minus The Bear. They were wonderful and the headliner, The Velvet Teen, was also pretty impressive. They were like an early 2000's indie-rock/math-rock band meets Mutemath. Anyhow, reason I bring up Minus The Bear is that they are from Seattle, so I'm sure they know a thing or two about good coffee. Me personally, I don't know anything about any coffee, only what I hear from other people. Since everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, I don't even take that with a ton of weight. Also, I like to form my own opinion so here goes.

With little if any investigation of the coffee of Seattle, I feel that I can safely say that this is not Seattle's Best Coffee. I am not saying that this is bad, because it's actually quite good. It's got a light, foamy latte flavor and the vanilla definitely cuts the coffee taste. Between the vanilla and the sugar, you've got a nice coffee drink that's suitable for many occasions. Not "high tea" but basically any other occasion.

Now back to the competition that this company started when it named it's company "[Location]'s Best [Item]". That's a ballsy move; I've got to say. Now it's printed on cans and bottles and bags and people are going to read it and just assume that it is, in fact, Seattle's Best Coffee. I am sure that people who work for the company probably sneak out at 3am, travel through the seemingly endless rain while listening to either "Bleach", "Ten", or "This Is What I Know About Being Gigantic" and go to another coffee place they think is better than their own.

Bands from Seattle, voice your opinions. I've going to need some indigenous opinions on what was said here.

Are you sick and tired of worrying about the impending zombie apocalypse? Does it keep you up at night thinking about the day when you and your family will be attacked and the walking dead will rip the flesh from your bones in order to get to your sweet, sweet brain nectar? Harcos Laboratories has a new product to put your mind at ease.

After years of research, and movie watching, it was scientifically proven that zombie's do not attack their own kind. With this knowledge Harcos employees worked long and hard in the lab to come up with a syrup derived from actual zombie blood that will cause the imbiber to give off certain pheromones that will trick the living dead into thinking you have already been turned. In layman's terms your brains will smell like butt-soup to them instead of sizzling prime rib.

It's lucky for us that zombie blood in its natural state tastes like melted green freezie pops. The difference is that downing this I.V. pouch won't make you cough like the dickens. Unlike the mind, it's not a terrible thing to taste. It is also has added ingredients to give you extra energy to run to safety in case you are in the .01 percentile that are unaffected by the blood of reanimated corpses.


************************************************************************
We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

Jason Draper is a wimp. Yes, that's right, I'm calling him out right here and now. Last week, he reviewed the Tweak Extreme Berry and said it was one of the most intense energy drinks ever. This surprised me because I had previously tried the Grape flavor and I didn't think it was that crazy.

So I had to see for myself. I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me this morning so I cracked this bottle open. It tastes good. It's not amazing, but it's a decent non-carbonated energy drink with not much energy gross taste to it. After I was done drinking it, I noticed the bottle said you're not supposed to drink more than 8 of the 12 oz in one day. Well I did, and on an empty stomach nonetheless (not on purpose, I was just so busy that I forgot to eat). Not drinking it on an empty stomach is another warning it gives you. Oops!


You know what? It didn't bother me. Compared to how insane the Redline Energy Drink was, this is nothing at all. It did not make me jittery, and it didn't make me any more energized than a couple cups of coffee would. So I challenge you Mr. Draper to try Redline (I have purchased a bottle for you) and then tell me if the Tweak Extreme you had is truly as strong as you thought it was.

Remember when there was a real problem with swarms of bees? They would all band together like an unruly gang and attack, and demolish, anything in their way. I'm pretty sure that I discovered the cause of it. It turns out those bees were way pissed that Dr. Tima harvested such a ridiculous amount of their honey for her sodas. I'm not kidding. She went to Africa on safari and emptied every last nest she found of anything resembling honey or a comb. It was really kind of disgusting the blatant disregard our dear doctor had for the indigenous animals.

I really couldn't believe someone would do such a thing, then I tasted this "kola." After one sip I was ready to hop continents and help the doctor find as much honey as I possibly could. Not only is this good, but I can tell that weeks from now I'll be in my print shop and out of nowhere I will start daydreaming about it. I'm sure I will drool on whatever shirt I'm printing and not even notice.

This starts off as a good quality "olde time" cola. If you're looking for a Coke or Pepsi facsimile, you're barking (or should I say buzzing) up the wrong tree. This is a hand-crafted soda that reminds me of Fentimans' Curiosity Cola. So you take that awesome cola and then you add butt-loads and butt-loads of honey to it. I'm not kidding it's ridiculous how much honey is in this. It's almost like a honey soda that is cola flavored and not the other way around. I love it. I did get some complaints that it wasn't very carbonated, but I thought it was just right. The fizz didn't bother my throat, but it also didn't taste flat. Now put on a beekeepers suit and watch out because those little buggers are coming to get us all.

If Walter Matthau was still around, he would sue this company because people would be overusing the phrase "Bad News Bears" while describing this drink. It smells like every other energy drink you've had and if that is your cup of tea, fine. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the smell is deceiving. On first sip, it wasn't that bad. On subsequent sips, it got increasingly bitterer. I've had energy drinks before, but this, to me, tastes very bitter and overly generic. If I were you, I would get more sleep because morning breath tastes better than this drink. That will energize you and not leave you with the deep seeded feeling of regret.

You'd think at 3:30am I should be reviewing one of the many relaxation drinks in my queue. Nope, not tonight. I have a lot of work to do in the next 36 hours so I'm going to power through the night at work. In order to do this, I need energy obviously. That's where this wonderful little bottle comes in. I went with a Cintron energy shot tonight because they have a good track record of making delicious drinks. This isn't ground breaking, but it's definitely good as far as energy shots go. The mango flavor is nice, but the citrus mixed with the energy flavor leaves a bad aftertaste. Luckily the bottle is all gone now and I'm already feeling more energized. Back to work I go!

I found this in a gas station between Bloomington, Indiana and Cleveland, Ohio. There were 4 different flavors and they were $1 each so I decided to get all of them because they were cheap and I had never seen them before. It turns out this is an exclusive energy drink to Speedway gas stations. It's a pretty standard energy drink. It tastes like Mountain Dew Code Red with an energy drink aftertaste. I'm glad this was only a dollar because it's not worth much more than that.

Ever since Vitamin Water came on the scene tons of companies have popped up with their own versions. They all refer to them as water drinks. Let's call them what they are people; they are sports/revitalization drinks. This is closer to a Gatorade than it is a glass of water. I feel like as soon as you add a sweetener to water that it no longer can be considered water. If this is a water drink than so is a bottle of Coke. Both are over 50% water, but really come on.

Now that I have that rant out of the way, the drink is pretty great. I don't know why they put erythritol in here along with normal sugar, but luckily you can't taste it at all. Maybe that is the secret that drinks need. There are only 9g of sugar in this, but it tastes just as strong as it's competitors. The main flavor is definitely grape, but there is some berry flavor mixed in there as well.

Toronto is a big city, which means it can be very exhausting when you walk everywhere because you think the exercise would be better than public transportation. I have nothing against the bus, or subway, but I know that starting in a week I'm going to be sitting in a van all day on tour, so I should get my exercise while I can. After a day and a half of nothing but walking and eating I decided to try this energy shot out. It tastes like a harsh lemon lime Gatorade. The harshness is due to all the concentrated energy junk that's in it. It's not as harsh as most though, and it kept me trekking for the next couple of hours.

I've got to get this off the docket immediately. Blueberries, although blue on the outside, are purple. If I had a handful of blueberries and threw them at Andrew WK's crisp white shirt, not only would I be a jerk, but his shirt would have purple on it, not blue. Why do I bring this up? Well friends, this Gatorade might be the most insincere color of all time. It's toxic blue. It's windshield/windscreen washer blue. To add insult to injury, pomegranates most certainly aren't blue. The color of this drink, to me, is unnecessary and brings me to another point; why do we need to color drinks anyhow? Color doesn't mean flavor. Plus, don't those dyes cost money? Save money and I'll drink clear drinks all day. I don't care about it. I will go as far to say that I don't need purple carrot to color my organic drinks. Let the cards fall as they may. If a drink is off white, I don't care. If a drink is brown, I don't care. I know it's a way to distinguish the different flavors and if I see a red drink, it's probably cherry or strawberry. You feel me, dogg?

Flavor is like any other Gatorade, which is surprising because this is low calories and I can't tell the difference. Kudos for that. I can't say that I taste really any distinguishable blueberry or pomegranate. Maybe, if I'm pushing it and Gatorade comes to my house and puts a gun to my head I would say that I might taste some blueberry. If Gatorade does come to my house, I hope they bring that purple "Rain" flavor because that is delicious.

Gatorade, why don't you come out with a clear line of sports drinks? You could market it like, "These colors don't run, but you do." or "We don't see color, we only see results." or the less popular "These drinks are color blind but they're help you train for the air force."