Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

What exactly is the difference between black cherries and the run of the mill kind? Are they just riper, or is it a whole different style of fruit? I love regular cherry flavored things, but I'm never a huge fan of black cherry....until now. This really turned me around. I think it's because it's straight up juice and carbonated water. No sugar added. There's some apple juice in the mix as well, which is noticeable in the taste. If all black cherry were like this I would be a converted man.

I have never had such a clear view of what I expected a drink to taste like in my mind as I had with the contents of this bottle. I pictured a serrated knife cutting into a whole orange with little sprays of juice spewing forth. The smell of the rind lays heavy in the air. Then a few leaves of basil are plucked from a plant. They are sliced up and laid on the orange slices. I could smell and taste it before I even opened the bottle. I couldn't wait to try it.

When I opened the bottle the scent of oranges greeted my nostrils, but the basil was only faintly there. The taste was about the same. It was strongly orange, with faint hints of basil. I really wanted there to be an extremely strong herbal flavor, but you can't get everything you want in the beverage world.

This is made by Bolthouse Farms and it's like a more natural version of Vitamin Water. It tastes really good, but the name led me to expectations that were never met.

I love when I go into what appears to be a run down corner store and it ends up being a beverage Mecca. At first I walked in and saw one lone cooler filled with the usual suspects of crappy soda. Then I noticed they inexplicably had five rows of Hansen's pomegranate. Strange. I turned the corner and the store opened up fairly large with two full walls of coolers. Excellent.

They had the largest selection of Jarritos I had ever seen. Who can say no to pineapple? Not me, that's who. Unfortunately it wasn't a strong flavor. It had a general sweet soda flavor with a hint of pineapple citrus flavor. I like my pineapple strong and Jarritos didn't follow through for me. Shame on you!

Gentlemen, thank you for staying late this evening. As you know our new energy line goes to the bottling plant in the morning. Yes Johnson I know they are going to be in cans, but saying cannery sounds like we're talking about tuna, and I can assure you all that fish will not come into play here. The reason we are all here is because we have the cans designed with terrible Olde English typeface and all, but we have an empty space on the cans for our celebrity endorsement. We were sure we'd have someone by now, but Michael Jordan and ZZ Top have not returned my calls. Shocking, I know. So gentleman, unless one of you has a famous cousin we need to think of something else. How about a quote from a dead historical figure? Hmm who would be good? Who knew about energy? Tesla? Yeah he ruled but the populace isn't very familiar with him. Edison? I don't want people to associate us with his dark period. That whole electrocuting animals thing would probably turn PETA against us. Hmmmm. How about Ben Franklin. Him and electricity go hand in hand. I bet he would also love a drink that tastes like you mixed Red Bull and orange juice. Get me his biography! I'll flip it open and the first quote I randomly put my thumb on will be it. "Energy and persistence alter all things." Gold! Meeting adjourned. Looks like it wasn't a late night after all. Go home and spend some time with your families before the Franklin estate decides to sue us. I'm not getting clearance on that quote.

Chicago is home to some of the best vegetarian food I've ever tasted. There are multiple restaurants that are must eats if you don't partake in the flesh of other creatures. Today I learned that the same city is also home to one of the best teas I've ever poured down my throat.

I obviously chose this because of the awesome bottle. It looks like it should house some sort or marinade and not a tea. Secondly when has anyone known me to pass up something with ginger in it? Not only does it taste like ginger, but also there are actually small pieces of it in the drink, like sediment. It's surprisingly smooth with a heavy ginger flavor, minus the burn. The secret weapon in here isn't the ginger though; it's the trace amounts of vanilla. It gives this tea a whole new dimension. I picked this up at Whole Foods. Hopefully their stores outside of Chicago will also carry it, because I definitely want more.

This can tells me to "think pineapple." Don't worry friends. I'm already there. I take a bite and it's so juicy it dribbles down my chin. The acidic levels in it make my tongue tingle a bit, but not to a level that it's uncomfortable. I mean it's my imagination so I cut the thing right off the tree/bush with a machete and use that same tool to slice it up. Man this is some good pineapple. I do have a question though. What does this pineapple have to do with my mango tea? There's no pineapple juice in it. It doesn't even have the faintest taste of pineapple. It tastes like a nice dry/bitter white tea with just the right amount of sweet mango juice mixed in. There's also some cane sugar and agave thrown into the mix. It's not overly sweet. It's just right.

Now if I could only get this pineapple off my mind...

Hey Paul, are you really entering that beauty contest? I mean that's a joke right? You look like a gorilla somehow mated with an eel. Your parents are fairly good looking, how did you end up so weird looking? I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just wanted to make sure you didn't completely embarrass yourself out on that stage. Sure you have a great act for the skill section. I don't know anyone else who can balance all of their body weight on their nose while singing Cher songs like you can. What is that, your secret weapon? I don't think it's really going to work, but if you want to give it a try, it's all you.

Wow! You pounded that can and now you look like a young Steve Guttenberg. I don't know if it's enough to win, but it's a definite improvement and you won't get laughed off of stage. Do you have another? Hmm this tastes like a light tropical fruit punch. It's got sucralose in it, but it's one of the better tasting diet drinks I've ever had. What's that? I don't look any different? Well is that really a shocker? I mean did you really think I could look any better? I'm pretty much Oscar Wilde's dream come to life.

Things I know about martinis are as follow: olives may or may not be involved, gin is in it, James Bond liked them "shakened" not stirred, there are bars dedicated to them, they now come in a variety of fruit flavors, and finally people drink them when they want to pretend they are all sorts of fancy pants. I've never had a real one, and I never will. I will try fake versions of them, or mocktinis if you will.

I'm in a van with people who have tried the real deal and they all say this tastes nothing like what it's trying to imitate. I'm perfectly fine with that. They always sounded like a one-way ticket to Grossville to me. So it doesn't taste authentic, but it does taste like raspberry ginger ale minus the ginger ale. That would be raspberry soda for those of you playing along at home. It's nothing terribly special, but at least it doesn't taste like olives.

Marky, move the launch ramp slightly to the left. I want to make sure I don't land on my mom's flowers. What do you mean I'm going to land on them anyways? Haven't you ever seen me skate before? I'd be pro if I could just get an audience with the head of some company. Just to prove it to you I'm going to launch over my dad's new car. First let me down this can of Crayons. It will give me the extra energy I need. Hmm this stuff is actually pretty good. It has the consistency of watered down Gatorade, but twice the flavor. It's got that weird blue raspberry flavor that tastes like it should come from a real fruit, but raspberries don't taste like that at all. In fact I like this a lot. Guys, you won't believe this. It says right on the can not to launch over your dad's car OR your mom's roses. Looks like this little show is off. What's that Tommy? You're right, those aren't roses they are petunias. Here I go.....

Everyone I'm on tour with kept making fun of me because I wanted to stop at a Big Lots to get drinks. I understand it sounds ridiculous, but that closeout store is a goldmine for drinks and $3 DVDs. Joe from Night Birds grabbed some DVDs I grabbed a buttload of drinks.

This one was the opposite of stellar. As Joe said it tastes like a goddamn melted lime push pop, but only drenched in sucralose. Ickville.

I'm tagging along with my friends, Night Birds, playing the role of "merch dude." Our first stop was Cleveland, OH. We went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was surprisingly rad. I got to see Ian Curtis' lyric sheets, a bill The Replacements got for damaging a hotel room, the original Riot Grrrl zine, some rad Nirvana stuff and a bunch more. I nerded out a bit. I also worked up one heck of a thirst. Only juice could save the day.

Cleveland is hardly a coastal town, but how can you say no to Nantucket Nectars with its all-natural juice goodness? It's pretty readily available everywhere, so I don't know why I don't drink it more. This is a perfect blend of pomegranate and pear. Both are obviously present, but the strength of their flavors keep each other in check and subdued. It's incredibly refreshing. Just the way I needed it to be.

To me Tetley is an old ladies tea. A grandma tea if you will. It's what my grandmother always drank, and it was probably my first experience with tea as a child. I was young and dumb and I thought it was complete garbage. Now that I've wised up through the years I love tea. It's probably my favorite beverage. The thing I loved about Tetley when I was a kid was that each box of tea came with a little ceramic animal. My grandmother's cabinet was filled with them (She was a women who loved her tea). Playing with them filled many hours of my youth.

When I was up in Canada recently I saw this at a grocery store and I felt I owed it to that forgotten porcelain army to buy it and review it for the site. Let me tell you 2 liters is a lot of beverage. Especially when it's a way sweet beverage. This is a good quality low quality iced tea, if that makes any sense. There's nothing special or fancy about it. It's actually more like sugar water than tea, but it kept me coming back for more. The lemon flavor is also very strong. If this came in tall boys it would be a nice and refreshing drink to pick up at gas stations on road trips. As it is I'll keep nursing this huge bottle.

Mohawk Place is the only bar in Buffalo that I think is worth going to. It used to be a biker bar, but over the years it has transformed into a "punk" bar. All of the employees rule, and I've become good friends with most of them. I DJ there bi-monthly, and when my bands play Buffalo that's where we do it. It's a dive bar with the perfect size stage and the room is big enough to hole 200-300 people, but doesn't seem empty when only 50 people are there. It is a beer and mixed drink bar with nothing too fancy. The other day someone asked the one bar tender to make him a mojito. For some reason that is hysterical to me. Don't get me wrong I think they are tasty (minus the alcohol of course), but the idea of someone drinking one at Mohawk is completely ridiculous. It's way to fancy pants for that place. I didn't witness it, but I can imagine Erik the bartender semi freaking out of the guy, and that makes it even funnier to me. I had that on my mind today and when I had to make a decision between Give flavors, it was a no-brainer to go with the mojito grapefruit.

This is an all-natural energy drink. It's a good thing to be in this day and age. It's made with yerba mate, gotu kola leaf, guarana, gingko biloba and rhodiola rosea root extract. Nothing chemical. Nothing gross.

The can did not instruct me to, so I did not shake it before opening it. As a result three distinctive sections of flavor were in the can. The first third of the can was mostly grapefruit with just the tiniest hint of lime and mint. The grapefruit flavor was great, just the way I like it. The second third was more mojito flavor with a hint of grapefruit and a slight note of yerba mate. For the end of the can it was mostly all yerba mate with a lime/mint aftertaste.

I would have preferred more grapefruit flavor the whole way through the can, but it was still pretty great. Better than most energy drinks. I will definitely be giving their other flavors a shot.

If you ever find yourself in Buffalo at Mohawk place, order a mojito and see if you can get the bartender to snap.

This is a drink that would have a cameo role in my dreams. I can just imagine it now. I'm trekking across the prairies on a mission to get who knows where, but it's somewhere important. I suddenly come to a gate. Why is there a gate in the middle of the prairie with no fence? I surely don't know, but if you think I'm going to try and bypass it you my friend are the crazy one. I approach the gate and suddenly dozens of screaming undead souls come out of the ground in front of it. I am informed that if I do not dance with them they will tear into my flesh and eat every last morsel, even my pancreas. Who likes to eat pancreas? The undead I suppose. Before I know it someone has cranked "Jungle Boogie" and we're all getting down. There's even a dance line and everyone is trying to outdo each other. I make mention that I'm getting thirsty and one of the zombies pulls this bottle from his chest cavity. I blow off the dust, twist off the cap and take a big gulp. The pineapple is refreshing without being overly acidic. Then the ginger kicks in. At first it's just the flavor, but after I swallow the burn sets in. It's a good burn. The kind of burn that will give you the little push you need to out-dance the undead. Just as I'm about to pull out some big moves I wake up. My first thought would be "Where can I score me some of that juice in the waking world?"

It's a rough place to be, out on the hard streets of Aloeville. People were getting hooked on the heavy stuff left and right. Personally I've seen more than a handful of friends fall victim of its sweet siren song. It seemed that everyone was out to get the sweetest stuff they could find, and the bigger the chunks the better. More and more dealers were popping up everywhere. It was getting to a point where you couldn't be on a street corner without someone trying to push it on you.

That's when Aloe Water came onto the scene. They came up with this crazy idea that this city needed to be shaken awake. They thought the aloe world had become too complacent, and it was time for a change. They started producing a light aloe drink that wouldn't kill you so fast, to help clean up the dirty streets of this run down town. They went for the smallest chunks they could find. We're talking orange juice pulp small here. They also wanted more of a hint of flavor, rather than the way companies of old would bash it over your head. Sometimes they put a nice light pineapple. It wasn't harsh at all, just like they soaked chunks of pineapple in their aloe juice and then strained it out.

Before long things started to look brighter. Diabetes counts went down. People seemed happier. A new era began.

Are you aware that there is never an inappropriate time to yell "It's Science!" Be it in the lab, at the dinner table, the zoo, an ICP concert it is always appropriate if said in order to confirm a statement you've made. If you're out for pizza and a friend thinks it tastes gross, but you really like it, you can say something like "It's really good because they didn't go overboard with the sauce. It's Science!" You have just won the argument. There is nothing they can say to come back from that.

Science is truly at work in this soda. It's to such an extent that it doesn't even need to be said. I knew going in that it was going to taste like grape. I opened the cap and the strong sent of grape hit my nostrils. My mind still expected orange, right until the point that my taste buds registered it as grape. It messes with ones brain. It's like listening to Beatles records backwards only to find out that Paul is the walrus. Even at the end of the bottle my brain still processed it as a mixture of grape and orange even though there is no orange flavor in it. If I went into this blind folded it would taste of pure grape soda, yet my eyes continue to mess me up. You win this round Real Soda.

Mike did not enjoy the Beaver Buzz citrus energy drink. As we all know, Mike it wrong sometimes. Actually Mike is normally infallible, it just turns out he doesn't like energy drinks. I in turn thought it was one of the best energy drinks I've had. I was excited to drink the tea version of it. Non-carbonated energy drinks always seem weird to me, but I'm starting to come around. It reminds me a lot of Arizona's green tea. It's very sweet, with a green tea after taste when you exhale. It's decent, but it's not as good as the other two Beaver Buzz's I've had. That being said, I would still pick this over most "normal" energy drinks.

Also, it's Canadian and it's still hysterical that it's called Beaver Buzz. I appreciate their sense of humor.

Sir, I'd like to hire you to work for our company. We're looking for someone who can go through all of our peaches and pick out the finest ones to be used in our teas. Your outwardly French disposition leads me to believe that you would be perfect for the job. Sir don't tell me that the French have no history with peach picking. I am the head of this corporation. Do you think I came this far without knowing a thing or two about the different nationalities and their fruit traits? I'm just going to need some information from you. Can I please see your passport and work visa? What do you mean you don't have them? Carol get me immigration on the horn, we have an illegal in the office! Why should I listen to you explain? What could you possibly say to make me not call the authorities? What? You're a penguin? I'm sorry I thought your beak was just a comically over-sized nose. So a French penguin huh? Well you surely don't have any peach experience. How about you just model for the image on our label? Okay let's keep this on the down low. I don't want any animal INS on my butt about hiring illegal birds.

So we learned today that penguins know squat about peaches and that the fictitious head of the company that I made up can't tell someone with a huge nose from a penguin. What I also learned was that oolong tea is halfway between black and green tea, and it definitely tastes that way. Also this tea is delicious. It's supposed to have a little more sugar than the other Honest Teas, but I can't really tell. It's "just a tad sweet" just the way I like it.

At first I thought this tasted exactly like orange juice, then my thoughts turned to Sunny D. Then I realized that it is pretty much dead on "orange drink." This is what gas station beverage junkies have dreamed of for years. Imagine if you took one of those huge gallon jugs of orange sugar drink and added pulp to it. Okay, so that's not really that crazy of a concept, but that hits this on the nose. It has a very strong and sweet orange flavor. The aloe chunks in this aren't very big at all. They are the size of the largest pulp chunks you would get in orange juice.

While I do enjoy this the more I drink the more I question why I'm not just drinking orange juice with pulp. Also, why is it making my mouth slightly numb? Did someone drop some Auragel in my bottle when I wasn't working? Now we're going to have to listen to the baby cry because we have nothing to numb his gums. Good job guys!

I just ate five pounds of lentils. Okay so maybe it was about two pounds, but it was so many lentils, and they were covered in so much hot sauce. It was wonderful. When I got home from the diner I was stuffed, but I wanted a nice sweet sparkling drink. I'm borderline food coma here, and I still crave a pop. What's wrong with me? How do I not weigh 500 pounds?
Muscatel it is. It's a wine grape, but this doesn't taste like wine at all. At first I thought it tasted like some weird freezie pop, but then I realize it tastes kind of gross. Wait maybe it does taste like a wine of some sort, because wine is also gross. Way to ruin perfectly good grapes by making your crappy beverage wine makers of the world.

I want this to be good, but it's just not. It tastes old. Jerid said it tastes like it's been sitting open on a shelf for years and is long expired. Maybe he's right. He tastes right. I mean it tastes like what he said, not that his flesh tastes right. Maybe it does. I've never actually tried it. Hey Jerid come here....