Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Well this is something different. I don't drink hot coffee. I just don't. I get gimmicky drinks when I go to coffee shops as you can probably tell with my copious amount of Frappuccino and Coolatta reviews. This iced cappuccino is no different. It's a frothy, foamy, iced coffee drink. Also, the fact that it's chocolate mint screams, "not legitimate coffee." Back to something different. What's different is that I bought one today (pictured) and it is currently and by the time you read this, was disgusting. I will describe that in detail and then describe all the other ones that I've had.

I woke up, felt fine, but didn't have time for a proper breakfast so I got little doughnut holes AKA "timbits." While I was there, I thought it would be a good time to get a little drink for myself to review/enjoy. A nice woman with a not so nice crustache took my order and delivered to me the worst iced cappuccino I've ever had. I don't need to tell you that I don't drink so I am basing this off assumption but this drink tastes like someone pulled the old teaspoon/tablespoon mixup and put way too much creme de menthe in this because it tastes borderline alcoholic in it's concentrated mintitude (not a word).

All other ones that I have had are a nice blend of chocolate and mint and I don't need to drink from the top in hopes to avoid the mint disaster that is sleeping at the bottom. It's a good, refreshing drink that I enjoy getting on rare occasions. I also only get a small and I never get the "supreme" option, which is like the top trim of a car. Whipped cream and chocolate and caramel syrup. Oh, it looks great and nothing looked sadder than the drink that I received today, all naked in a clear cup, but I don't need/want those extra calories and it's honestly aesthetic unless you really have an affinity for whipped cream. I might save myself more extra calories by throwing this in, what the British call, "the bin."

This drink reminds me of my daddy. Growing up and living at home, my daddy always woke up before me to go to work. He would make a pot of coffee. He and my mom drank and still drink coffee but now they drink out of the Keurig because my daddy is decaf and my mom isn't. My daddy's breath was always coffee scented and drinking this reminds me of the rare occasion that I would try it. Also, when he scorned me for doing dumb stuff, which happened all the time, I couldn't help but smell his coffee breath.

I love coffee drinks but this drink is simply too much coffee and not enough...something. I don't know what I like about coffee drinks. I do like the flavor of coffee. Coffee ice cream is great but this is too close to what coffee is. If you want a coffee, this is it just colder. It's like an iced coffee but not gluttonously large and sans ice. I guess that's like 66% of what makes an iced coffee an iced coffee, but you know what I mean. Take a cup of coffee, put in more sugar than you would use in your regular coffee, and throw it in the fridge.

Daddy, if you're reading this, which since I know you because I came from you so I can assume you aren't but I'll finish this thought anyway, you would like this. It would remind you of you a decade plus ago. Remember that man? I do.

Sam was an all-star bowler. He looked forward to leaving work so that he could go hit the lanes. He had an extra ball and shoes in his car at all times just in case he got stranded somewhere and there was a bowling alley somewhere near. He was a good bowler, too. He bowled consistently in the 200s. He had an array of bowling shirts and was on three teams at any given moment. Best of all, he was a great sport and lost gracefully. He was the best teammate anyone could ask for.

One day when Sam was walking down the street, a van was parked outside a local shop. This happens all the time but this time something caught his eye. There was a case of bowling pins, or what Sam thought were bowling pins, in the trunk. When he got closer, the noticed that it was a drink that looked a lot like bowling pins. He saw the truck driver grab another couple cases of drinks and asked him what that drink was all about. The driver told him that it was a new low-glycemic juice that just came out and offered to give him one. Sam was more than happy, thanked the man, and took the pomegranate drink.

He got to his office and around lunchtime, grabbed his sandwich from the fridge and his new juice. He was pleasantly surprised at how good it tasted. It was a great pomegranate flavor with all the lovely bitterness but mixed in the cool aftertaste of Stevia. It wasn't an overwhelming Stevia taste, which was something that he was worried about.

He went back to the store and bought ten bottles of the drink to hand out to his teammates, who all agreed that it was a very good juice and fitting for the bowling championships. It also went down better than beer and his teammates don't play as well the longer they play because they're not drunk.

Rico "Scorpio" Rodriguez is the protagonist in the video game "Just Cause 2." He is in one as well but I haven't played that and I'm currently playing two. I have been playing this game, not today, but overall for the past month and a half or so for thirty-seven hours. That's almost a workweek of my life playing this game. That being said, I am only 38% of the way through. Back to Rico. There is no sleep and no rest in this game. The only rest would be when he's surfing on top of cars or parachuting from high places. No actual sleep though. I'm thinking that when I turn off my Xbox, he's taking swigs of this triple mocha Shock Coffee. It's juicing him up for the next time we take on the government faction. Them and their propaganda trying to recruit the innocent people of Panau. They're just trying to do their own thing and Pandak Panay is ruining the otherwise tropical islands. I know that it would work for Rico because I was nearly asleep a few hours ago and next thing you know, it's almost two o'clock and I've been playing since around nine thirty. Rico and I are putting in some man hours and the espresso and sugar are really getting us going. It's such a good, natural brewed taste that I wish it came in a larger can. I do not want to be up, though, so it's a good thing that it doesn't. If they could tone it down somehow and double the size leading to the same results but with more quantity, I would have been stoked.

Rico and I have some things to do include take control of the islands of Panau by any means necessary and I do mean any.

Twenty years old. Twenty. Arizona is one year away from being able to drink its own alcohol line. It can vote for your local quarterback as the president of the United States. It can go to the casino and win six dollars playing penny slots. It cannot rent a car without having some sort of authorization from his or her daddy. It can buy cigarettes but it's is also smart enough to know that is not a wonderful decision.

Arizona is almost a full-fledged adult and what better way to celebrate than with a drink fit for a youth? That's right, and cherry lime Rickey. I feel like this is the sibling or close cousin to the Shirley Temple. It's a little bit of cherry with a little bit of lime and a lot of bit of sparkling because that's what you do when you are twenty; you sparkle. You shine your shoes, you walk out the door, and you feel like a million bucks. You've got your ability to perform as an almost adult but while having a drink in your hand that makes you feel young.

This is a limited edition flavor with a timeless taste. Having never been to Brooklyn, I don't have the nostalgia behind this flavor but that doesn't mean that I cannot appreciate it. What am I? An ignoramus? I am not, sir, and I take insult to hear that from the likes of you. Insulting me after all the nice things I said about you. It makes you look like a real turd, you know that?

I have a vision in my head. Come with me. There are two groups of kids. One side has oranges and one side has mangoes. These kids are all the pitchers from local little league teams, armed with a seemingly infinite amount of fruit. At the signal, they throw fruit at each other over a big pipe. There is a piece of clear plexiglass in the middle so when the throw their fruit, it hits the glass and slides down into a juicer. All the juice goes through the pipe and gets mixed with carbonated water and canned and the solids are spat at the opposing side leaving the kids covered in a fruity pulp. It's all for fun. Kids have fun and they help out the company.

This tastes like just carbonated orange and mango. It's not too sweet and isn't terrible for you. It makes it better when I imagine where it comes from rather than where my educated mind tells me it's from. Remember that scene in Blues Brothers where the people threw beer bottles at them in the bar? That's what I'm imagining but with fruit and not hooch. That's much better and appetizing than a clean factory filled with hairnets and adults.

Charlie hated candy. He didn't hate the taste of it, he was just raised to hate candy by his parents who believed that anything unnatural was wrong and raised him on a very healthy diet of all natural foods. He didn't have a McDonald's hamburger until he was old enough to drive to a McDonald's and get one for himself. One day, when he was nineteen, he went to the store and on his way out he saw a candy machine. He decided that he would try it out. He dug out a quarter and got some Cherryhead candies. He ate two or three and his mind was blown. In the middle of the grocery store he dropped his organic eggs, milk, and screamed. He had missed nineteen years of candy and this was his first time ever having it and he was kicking himself for not being able to try it earlier. He ran to a store clerk and begged him to help him find more Cherryheads. The clerk said they only sold the candy in the vending machine but they sold a powder version of the candy that he could buy. He thought that would be perfect because he could just carry a bottle of water out of the house and fill it when he was on the road and his parent's weren't looking. He eagerly paid for the mix, went home, and went to sleep.

The next day Charlie had to go to work. He jumped out of bed, got ready for work, and jumped in the car. He brought his water with him, drove to an empty lot, parked his car, opened his glove compartment and grabbed the mix. Just as he started to pour the mix, he heard a knock at the window. He jumped, spilling some mix on himself. He looked out the window and it was his dad. He rolled down the window and asked his dad what was up. His dad told him that he was driving and saw his car in this empty lot and wanted to know if everything was alright. Just as he said that, he looked over and saw the box of drink mix. He said to Charlie, "Son, it's alright. I've been sneaking candy past your mother for almost three decades. I've hid it in the laundry chute that I convinced your mother was broken but it's really just blocked by my stash of candy. Just hide it from your mother and you'll be fine. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He nodded at his father and shook up his drink mix and took a sip. It tasted exactly like that candy he had in the store yesterday. Just as sweet and just as strong of a cherry taste. He was thrilled. He was also very excited that both he and his dad could bond over the fact that over the next few years, they would hide candy around the house together behind his mom's back.

Greg was a troubled teen. He spent a lot of his youth stealing candy and snacks from stores. He never got in any real trouble, as he was a good kid otherwise. He was just a little bit sneaky. Greg would steal a pack of gum or bag of chips or can of pop but nothing worth more than a couple dollars.

One day, he was thirsty and went across the street to get something to drink. He saw a bottle of Martinelli's half and half and thought that it was in a cool bottle and he needed it. He grabbed two off the shelf, put them in his oversized pockets, and walked out of the store. He sat down around the corner and drank a bottle of it. He liked it a lot. It was different because it wasn't so sweet like other iced tea and lemonades. It was an even split, just like how it was advertised. It had a little pulp towards the end, but it wasn't too tart.

He was just about to open the second one and old man Harris, the owner of the store came out and saw him drinking a stolen drink and chased after him. They got around the block and Greg grabbed the bottle like a baseball, which it is in the shape of, and threw it at old man Harris. Harris caught it, yelled at him to stop stealing from the store and walked back. That kind of scared Greg and he only stole a few more times and went straight after that.

Camping. Well, almost camping. Jay, myself, and I went almost camping. He slept in a tent and I slept in a rodent infested cabin. You know what? I would do it again. I always have fun there. We set up a zip line, made s'mores, hiked, stole corn from a cornfield, explored an abandoned barn, ate food, and shot at cans, bottles, and corn with a .22 rifle that was made to shoot cans, bottles, and corn.

We stopped at the store and got some food and drinks. I decided I was going to go "calorie free" and get this seltzer. I think that I made a pretty good decision. It was flavored just enough to cover up that rather terrible "soda water" taste that I actually don't like. It just tasted like carbonated raspberry water. I couldn't really get a lot of lime out of it but some might be able to.

If you don't like seltzer but have a knife pointed at you in seemingly the world's most violent grocery store, you can pick this and get out sans air hole. Seriously, if you are ever in a grocery store and someone has you at knifepoint making you pick out a seltzer, anyone will do. For around a dollar, you can be a good Samaritan and save your life and the need for a rather graphic cleanup on aisle twelve. You might also want to make a mental note to go to a different grocery store next time. That place you go to sounds rough.

I often praise Jay. Today will not be that day. Today, I dislike him quite strongly. He gave me this FRS a while back, reviewed the other one and claimed it was great. "Awesome" I said to myself. I didn't want a repeat of my last FRS drink. I threw this in the fridge and actually looked forward to it. Mistake.

This drink is as thick as the day is long. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Nope. I'll compare it to the color and viscosity of dog puke. That odd, off-yellow, creamy-ness. It doesn't have any dog food in it, which I guess I should be thankful for. This is just vile. It smells alright but between the texture and the odd, protein-rich flavor, and the fact that acai should not be made for public consumption regardless of it's antioxidant qualities, this drink is, well, undrinkable.

Sorry Jay, but you can't win them all. You lost your shirt on this one and you might lose another because if I throw up, I'm using whatever you have on as my target.

Jimmy loved the Fourth of July. He loved both the holiday and the Soundgarden record. When he rode to his aunt and uncle's house every Fourth, he would see how long he would be able to listen to that song on loop before he couldn't take it anymore and turn it off. His record is nine.

When he got to his relative's house, his aunt said that she had some sparklers for him. Now Jimmy was nineteen and didn't get the same kick out of sparklers as he once did. He went to go get some pulled pork and corn when he saw his aunt coming out with a small box. She handed him the box and he asked her what it was. She told him that it was a box of sparklers. He looked inside and there were small bottles of a carbonated drink that was all fruit and no sugar. Jimmy was pretty psyched because it was either this or off-brand colas.

He sat down to talk to his grandpa about what each other have been up to and cracked open the raspberry Sparkler. He was pretty excited about how good it was. It tastes like carbonated apple juice with crushed up raspberries in it. He then went through all his relatives at the party and told everyone to drink some. They all liked it. He was more than happy to have this box of drinks to share with his entire extended family. He doesn't really have a lot to talk to a lot of them, even the ones that he sees outside of the annual reunion. Now that he had this drink, that wasn't going to be a problem for at least two years.

Yesterday we went to the Buffalo 66 (watch it) Denny's, which has been turned into a Mexican restaurant. It was wonderful and if I didn't know better, which I do, I would never guess that it was ever a Denny's. I would never guess that I would eat there around once a week after some punk show downtown.

Jay proposed that we go across the street to an Asian market get our dessert. That dessert? A honeydew popsicle. Look, Jay and I like the simpler things in life. We're by no means simpletons, but we like simpler things. We're kids, basically. We're children. Either way, I ate a delicious honeydew popsicle and made our boy Jerid drive my car, which is standard, so that I could eat it.

While I was at said market, I bought this little number: coffee milk. You want to know what it tastes like? Coffee and milk, right down the middle. Fifty fifty. I've tastes a lot of drinks in the vein of this but never with so much milk taste. It tastes like I made a sweetened coffee and then poured milk in it and called it a day. So much milk flavor. It took me by surprise.

After all that we went to Big Lots, as usual, bought drinks, as usual, and traded drinks, as usual. Typical Thirsty Dudes hangout.

I met one person that doesn't like chocolate. Well here's the deal. She said she didn't like chocolate but had a sort of asterisk next to everything. "I don't like chocolate but I like chocolate chip cookies." or "I don't like chocolate but I like dark chocolate." Face it, girl. You like it. Just accept it and move on. She doesn't really eat a lot of food, so I don't think she'd like this drink. It's not as terrible as you would think that a chocolate fudge pop would be, though so if you are weight conscience, you could easily take a sip or two. If you feel guilty, give yourself a Weight Watchers point or something.

It's true. I haven't had a lot of chocolate pop and the ones I've had have been alright. This one is one of the best but let it be known, it's thick, man. It's a dark cola and it does taste a lot like chocolate fudge. Just saying "chocolate fudge" makes me think that I'm just drinking pounds, like I would weigh 150 pounds, take a sip with my eyes closed, and then when I opened my eyes and put the bottle down I'm all of a sudden 160 and my pants don't fit anymore. It's not the case, but "chocolate fudge soda" just sounds revoltingly terrible for you.

I'm going to put this in the "score" category because it's actually pretty good and everyone I've had try it really likes it. Diet or no diet, chocoholic or choco-hater, you'll have a good time drinking this with friends.

For a limited time is such a good marketing phrase. It really forces you to get your finances in place and to make sure you purchase an item before that limited time is over. You never know when it's going to end and sometimes you don't know when it started. You just know that you're smack-dab in the middle of the deal of a century and if you wait on it, you may never get another chance to do it again. A lot of times, these limited time items go away and don't come back and when you don't catch it in time, you kick yourself until they come out with another product that you are sure to snap up.

This was one of those limited time items and I'm glad that Jay jumped on it because it's pretty great. It's coffee in a pretty minimal sense but a pretty strong cookies and cream taste. The combination together is enough for me to give Jay a kiss right on the lips because I'm getting sad at the fact that I've got about one sip left in this bottle. You know a drink is good when you drink it, enjoy the flavor, and then when you start losing it, you drink again because you don't want to be without that taste in your mouth. It's like you are scared to miss it, like normal people unlike Jay and myself feel about girlfriends. It's not our fault. We still feel that emotion but it's our crappy girlfriend experiences that have ruined us for our current ones. They're very understanding. Saddened at the fact that we are dead inside but understanding in that we at least treat them with respect. I haven't been let down by this drink, though, and until I do, I will miss it, like the deserts miss the rain.

Nature's promise is to fill your body with vitamins and minerals that come from nature. Nature does a good job making food and drink. As a matter of fact, it probably does the best job. Technology makes food maybe bigger and faster but that doesn't necessarily make it better as much as it makes it convenient. When nature says something, it means it. Nature doesn't lie. People lie and blame it on nature. Things like "100% Natural" means that it comes completely from nature and that, in my experience, is about five out of ten times true. That's 50% lies. Nature never lies, once again.

When nature wasn't lying, they teamed up with a company that used that phrase as their titular line and made a delicious drink. It's a raspberry white tea. It's not bitter, has a pretty great raspberry taste, and is lightly sweetened. The latter has the keys to my heart because it's an actual relief when something isn't just chocked full of sugar.

Here is where the vegans, namaste-ans, and hipster vegans have a point in that they believe in things that come from the earth and don't really subscribe to things that are "manufactured" and artificial. You guys. You guys and your dreadlocks, fixed gear bikes, patch'd jackets, and 80's secretary glasses. You guys have a point. You have a point about nutrition. Only. Exclusively. Just nutrition. Knock it off with the rest of that nonsense. You girls are wasting your prime years looking like my Jewish Aunt did in 1986.

You're a classy lady and you deserved to be treated right. You don't need that guy over there, giant padded shoulder suit coat, slicked back hair, button up shirt with a skinny tie, hair as tall as the eye can see. You need a man like me. Baby, it's 1985 and it's time to stop getting with "Yes Men" and get with a man that will make you scream "yes!" That's where I come in. Baby, this dance club is playing the right songs, New Order, Joy Division, The Smiths, and we're getting down. Do you want something to drink, baby? I'll get you something nice.

What a strange bar. I got you something but it's not the martini a classy dame like you deserves. Honestly, strange bar. I mean who serves cold cans of mocha coffee at a dance club? Oh, yes, so I got you a cold can of mocha coffee. I've had this before but always at a corner store, never a club. Drink it. I know you've got a cosmopolitan there but just take a sip. It's good, right? It's a nice coffee taste but with a cocoa mix. It has a good coffee aftertaste, too, like real coffee. It's not too sweet that it tastes bad for you but is sweet enough that it's a nice little treat.

Wait, where are you going? Are you leaving with that grease ball? Really? Oh, he does have a rather gorgeous Lamborghini Countach. Why didn't you tell me? I would have saved two dollars on buying you that drink. Naw, you deserve it baby. Can you ask your man if he can take me for a spin? No? Alright. Welp, see you later.

Remember when Jones came out and you thought to yourself, "Green apple pop?! Woah!" Now, look, they've still got strange, fun flavors, those crazy Canadians, but you've got to pay the bills. Diet cola sells and people love the stuff. Even for a company that prides themselves on using pure cane sugar, they can't do that unless they make a super weak, odd tasting pop. Dry does it, but they're good at it and that's their thing.

This, and you shouldn't be surprised, just tastes like a diet cola. It has an alright cola taste but is still diet. I might say that this is a titch (scientific term) better than diet Pepsi. I'm not hating; just doing a poor comparison. I'm not a hater. I'm cynical, but I'm no hater. 'Nuff respect, Pepsi. Let these guys do what they do.

Sadly this is a pretty big bottle of mediocrity. I thought that mate lemonade would be pretty interesting but instead, I was served some sort of light juice that doesn't really taste much like lemonade or mate. Odd how that happened. It actually tastes a bit diet, but not too much. I'm just kind of milling over the taste but from what was advertised to what was delivered, they are worlds apart. This drink was fruity but light almost like if you had some guarana Vitamin Water.

I didn't know what it would taste like as mate is inherently pretty bitter and lemonade is sour or tart. Together I thought that it would have given my tongue a run for it's money, a phrase that my tongue doesn't understand because it doesn't work and as many times as I've tried to become a famed voice-over actor, it decided to work by spouting off negativity, sarcasm, and unfortunately misdirected wit.

I might have the energy to complete my day due to the caffeine in both mate and guarana, but I didn't particularly enjoy the path to get there.

What a wonderful treat. The regular Cheribundi is a tart little number. This was a great step in the right direction. I'm not saying that I didn't like the previously mentioned variety, but this one is like a dessert. It's a little like a chocolate covered cherry, yes. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that anything that is chocolate and cherry must taste like cherry cordials. It does but with less sweetness. It's still tart but still retains that awesome chocolate taste. If you are into that type of thing, dessert at all hours of the day, this could be the drink for you. A delicious little surprise strategically placed in the "nature" or "organic" or "whatever" section of the store. Now that you've read this, you know where to find it. People who haven't read this will be looking in the regular drink section or the dessert section. Idiots. You are now smarter for having read this than everyone else. Congratulations.

In space, no one can hear you scream. This is fine because everyone up there is texting all the time anyhow. It's worse than Earth. Everyone up is there is emoticon-ing so much more than down here that they had to invent phones that have an extra row of keys that are just different emoticons. LOL, ROFL, ASL, and WTF, are so last decade up there. No one talks anymore.

That isn't a bad thing for everyone, though. When word gets out about a new product, since everything is digital and instant, everything happens super fast. When the latest shipment of Earth food came up there, there was a case of Zevia strawberry pop. Some of the people split it up and instantly started raving about it. They said that it was sweet and had a real Stevia taste but the taste of actual strawberries was stellar enough that everything blended together wonderfully. Also, like in the movie Wall-E, everyone is disgustingly obese and rolls around in abandoned Lark scooters so the zero calorie thing really helps.