Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

I have had a wonderful time with Oregon Chai tea. It's my morning drink. Some people drink coffee and some people drink pop. The latter are a gaggle of crazies because who drinks pop in the morning. I can only imagine your teeth. Ugh. Sorry, but seriously? Pop in the morning? I feel like people that drink pop in the morning drink pop all day long. I couldn't imagine. My girlfriend's mom might not drink it in the morning, but I've never seen her drink water, only diet Pepsi. Her son works for Coke and I've never seen her drink anything other than diet Pepsi through a straw, which messes up pop even more.

Back to the point. I didn't need a jolt, but I expected a rush of flavor. There is anise in the ingredients and I could smell it through the pack and that excited me. A nice, bold licorice tea is just what I wanted. It's just what I want at all times. It's my life. Don't you forget it! Oregon Chai left me by wayside on this ride because it did not fully deliver. It smelled so strong but tasted like a light chai. There are spices in there, but they aren't brought out as much as the other ones I reviewed. It's the original, though, so you have to start somewhere. The ones that I liked were at an 11 when it came to flavor. This has a little bit of everything but is ratcheted down to about a five. It's still chai, but now that I've fallen in love with the other ones, this might be my last "The Original."

Craig loved raspberries. He lived in the country where there were fields that he spent many a summer day foraging for raspberries. He knew how to spot good ones and which ones to leave for another day. He brought some home sometimes to make raspberry juice which was just him crushing raspberries in a mortar and pestle and then pouring the juice through a strainer. It's poor man's juice, sure, but it was also delicious. His mom came home from the market with a pomegranate one day and gave it to him. He had no idea what it was but his mom told him to open it and take the seeds out.

He opened the fruit and his eyes lit up. He had never seen so many seeds in all his life. He crushed them up, poured that juice through a strainer and drank it. It was fruity but it was bitter. He tried to mix it with his raspberry juice but he couldn't get a good mix. It was too sweet and too bitter. He tried mixing it with water but, as he expected, it just lessened the flavor. He needed something else. His grandma would make a wonderful, lightly sweetened black tea whenever he came over so he went over there and got a big gallon of it to bring home. He mixed all of the juices together and had it: a lightly sweetened tea with real raspberry juice in it. A little bitter, yet a little sweet with a strong fruit juice flavor that he would drink as much as he could.

His mom couldn't always get pomegranates, but when she could, she did because she actually really liked Craig's concoction. The whole family did and that made Craig very happy.

Honey, I'm sorry that I'm too sick to go to the fair tonight. I don't know where this headache and dizziness came from. I know how badly you wanted to ride the merry-go-round and the Ferris Wheel. We can go tomorrow but for now I've got to rest. I did get you something just in case a scenario just like this would occur. I bought you some cotton candy pop. I saw it and had to get it for you because I know you love it so much. What's not to love, though? It's so much fun to eat. It's so big and then you put it in your mouth and it almost disappears.

Here you go buddy. What do you think? It certainly smells good. It's sweet? How sweet? Too sweet? How is the flavor? May I have a sip, buddy? Thanks. Ooofff. You're right. It is sweet. Uhhh. The flavor isn't bad. It's certainly cotton candy-esque. This is great if you are in a city that...say...forbids carnivals, lawn fetes, or fairs. You have a couple ounces of summer fun right there.

Buddy, tomorrow we will go and pet all the llamas, drink all the sweet tea, play all the "I Got It", and eat some hot dogs. I promise. For now, let daddy just sit here and listen to the soothing sounds of Sade.

Anyone from the North East sector of the U. S. of A knows that it's been blazing hot these past couple days. It's record breaking hot. I went to the flea market with Editor Dan and Jay and when we were outside, Dan saw a cool, brass buffalo bank that he couldn't pick up because it was roasting in the sun. What better thing to beat the heat than limeade. Sure, lemonade is right there but sometimes that's old news. I wouldn't mind if this was the summer of limeade and everyone drank it like limeade was "so last year."

This limeade might be the best I've ever had. Reason being is that it's not ultra tart or ultra sweet. It's light and actually drinkable. Could you image? I like being punished by my beverages as much as the next guy, but this is just a lovely drink. I know there isn't cinnamon in it, but I kind of get the taste that there is. It might be the natural, rind-y lime taste that's confusing me with cinnamon. That is my tongue playing tricks on me. I'll take it because it's good.

Santa Cruz, if you want to buy that idea from me about making organic (of course) cinnamon limeade, it's up for grabs. I have very reasonable rates and am easy to talk to. I also have a fantastic phone voice if I may say so myself. We'll have a great time in our negotiations.

To whom it may concern,
I don't know if you have thought ahead for things like birthdays, Christmas, Easter, or Sweetest Day, but you needn't look any more. I, Nature, have created the greatest gift for everyone. I mean everyone. I don't and never have discriminated. Everyone is equal and this drink I have created with my bare hands is for you.

Allow me to describe this gift that I have so generously and nonchalantly given to the people of the world. It is an aloe drink. Simple as that: original aloe flavor. No funny fruit business. I stick to the classics myself. Vinyl? I love it. Laserdisc? Nope. VHS, son! I only listen to debut records from bands and will not buy anything after that regardless of how much better it is. Yeah, I know the production quality is usually better on subsequent albums, but I stick to my guns. No, I'm joking. Nature doesn't use guns but I do rain on tons of parades if you know what I mean.

I just thought that I would remind you that this gem of a drink existed because I noticed in the last quarter sales were down a little bit. Remember, this is a gift so drink it with glee and have a wonderful day.

Sincerely,
Nature Steinberg

One thing I would like to do before I die is chop a pineapple down from a tree and eat it. I guess I could have someone more skilled get it down for me but I want it inside of me no more than two minutes after it came down from the tree. That's a fresh pineapple. I want it. I don't think that's a dramatic request. I can catch it, even though I am aware it might hurt me. It's like a slightly spikey, oddly shaped football. I love pineapple, though and want a fresh one. No more of this out of season garbage. Fresh, son.

This pop, although probably distant from a fresh pineapple, tastes a lot like pineapple. Not quite carbonated pineapple juice, but close. It's very sweet. You should not drink this alone. It's not destructive in its calories content at a pretty standard 120, but it is sweet, man.

Who knows, a fresh pineapple might not be that far away. I don't have any plans to travel to an exotic paradise any time soon but in the scheme of things, even five years isn't that long to have to wait for hopefully the best pineapple I will ever have in my life.

I've had Day's stuff before. It's good. It's basic, but it's good. I wanted a root beer so I went through my stash, picked one out, went to put it in the fridge, and noticed that this was queued up all ready to go. Awesome.

Now I will admit that I've become a bit of a drink snob since I've been doing the website. It happens since I drink so much. I have to pick favorites and you really get to hone down what you really want in a specific drink. Teas I like a little bitey. Root beer I like dark with a lot of licorice. Sweet tea I like with real sugar and as little ingredients as I can get. When I come across a can of root beer with high fructose corn syrup, I almost instantly don't care. I will still drink it with an open mind, but my brain tells me that I already know what it's going to taste like. This was different.

There is a little bite to this and the ingredients don't really do the drink itself justice, I feel. This is a medium to dark root beer with a strong root beer taste. It tastes less sweet than a standard root beer would taste. The fact that I'm still explaining how this tastes is extra credit to them. What's great is this is good enough to get again and I don't think it's hard to find.

Day's; I'm sorry for not having faith in you. You have most certainly earned it.

Johnny was a small-town boy. He grew up in a town with one stoplight, one gas station, one barber, and a local grocery store. He was listening to the radio and heard a sweepstakes where he could win a trip to "the big city." He was the tenth caller, won the prize, and before you knew it, he was on his way. He had been on a train before, but only a few towns over, never this far. It was a two-day trek and Johnny was more than prepared. When he arrived at the hotel in the city, he brought his one bag up and headed back down to enjoy the city itself.

He was a bit thirsty and went next door to a small store to get a drink. There was an endcap, which advertised a low calories, iced tea mix that you could mix with a bottle of water. He remembered that the hotel had a six-pack of water ready for him so he bypassed some of the stranger drinks.

Johnny went upstairs to make some tea and ran into a couple cute girls who he invited them up to his room. He told the girls to relax while he went into the bathroom to mix up a bottle of tea so that in the case that it made a mess, it wouldn't be too bad to clean up. He heard the girls talking and didn't think anything of it. He sat down on the bath to drink a little of the tea and initially it was a bit strong. He could have mixed it into a larger bottle of water, but all he had was a smaller bottle. It was a little bitter and did have some acai flavor. Acai was not a flavor he was familiar with but he thought it was bitter on bitter but mixed with a lot of sweet kind of evened things out. He drank about half of the bottle before he got up to see what the girls were up to. He went to leave the bathroom but the door was stuck. There was a phone in the bathroom, which he used to call the front desk to tell them that he was trapped in the bathroom. They came up and let him out and asked him what he was doing. He told them that he let some nice girls come in the room while he made some tea and then the door wouldn't open. The man asked him what happened to the television and Johnny didn't know what he was talking about. When he walked out of the bathroom, he noticed that the television, radio, coffee maker, and desk lamp was missing. The girls had robbed him. The maintenance man said that there is a security camera that was in front of the elevators and they won't be able to make it out of the hotel without being caught.

Johnny had been in the city for less than an hour and had already gotten robbed. He will never wonder again why his parents and grandparents never went to the city. City girls were trouble and he spent the rest of his trip not talking to anyone.

That sun man. What a jerk. Beaming down on you all of the day. You've got to put on thick layers of creams and salves just to go outside. Das Racist knows what I'm talking about. White man can't even go outside without getting a disease. I feel it. I spent my youth inside playing Ultima on the computer with my friends because I didn't want to squint anymore and it was too hot and his house was air-conditioned. My mom would call down and have my friend's parents kick us outside. My friends hated me because of it.

Max, my little dude, needed a pair of sunglasses. I feel so bad for him in the backseat because apparently they have outlawed tinted static clings. I can't find them anywhere and because of that I had to get him some glasses. I bought some for him, he liked them, liked to wear them for three seconds, take them off, eat them, and throw them on the ground. When I found those glasses, I also found this drink.

I like melon. Love it, really. Pear? We all know where I stand on pears. Whocaresville. I don't hate the taste of pears, though. This was good. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't terribly sweet and actually had a pretty strong melon flavor. Pear is there, but not as much as melon and for that, I thank you, Gatorade. I would buy this again and the whole bottle is only 20 calories.

Next time you go to the store to buy sunglasses, sunscreen, suntan lotion, or a giant sun hat, pick this up, too and you'll be sure to survive one more day out in the sun.

I've been looking for a nice, high quality cola for a while now. Jay was turned on to my search, too so now we're both on a little bit of a liquid quest. I went to get lunch and run errands with one of my bosses today and we stopped at a little sandwich place that usually has pretty good drinks. This, which is new, was there and I had to get it. I might not stop until I find a cola that I absolutely love. Five bottles and I'll stop and move on to something else. I was very anxious to get my hands on this. So much in fact that when I used the old "take the cap off the bottle by hitting it against a concrete curb" trick, this happened:



I have never done this before. If I ever break something, it's usually a small crack or a piece but this was the entire lip. It was downright hard to drink and quite dangerous. I may have shards of glass inside of me because if you think that not having a crucial part to a bottle will stop me from drinking you're crazy. I did what I set out to do which was drinking this cola and it was good. Cola, being inherently dark, didn't have a lot of the complexity that Maine Root stuff often has. Sure, "spices" was one of the ingredients, but it didn't really get to me. It was a good cola, though and if I had to compare it to something, it would be the Mexican Coke. I personally haven't had the Mexican Pepsi so I can't compare it to that.

I risk my lips and bowels for this website and for what? A great cola? You bet'cha!

What's this? It's a plum covered in sugar? Are you telling me that this is a sugarplum? Part of me doesn't know what an actual sugarplum is, but the other part of me thinks that you are trying to pull a fast one on me. I'm drinking this Jones Sugar Plum pop and it's really sweet but doesn't have any taste that I can compare it to. Stop shoving that plum in my face. You're getting sugar everywhere. Eww, really dude? You licked it and then stuck it in sugar? That's gross and I'm that much happier that I didn't touch it. What does this taste like? It's hard to say: Fruity and sugary and carbonated. Does anyone actually know what a sugarplum tastes like? Do people still eat them? I thought it was only in that Christmas song. This is good but I bet your spitty, sugar covered plum is disgusting. It might not be for you since it's your spit but for others, you might want to do what we used to do with pretzels to get salt to stick with it and just spray it with a spray bottle of water. Stop spitting on fruit!

All morning for no reason in particular we were talking about The Chapelle Show and how great it was. It seriously came out of nowhere and we talked about it for an hour. It was a wonderful three seasons that ended too soon.

I knew I had some "purple drink" down in my pile so I picked it out, refrigerated it, and here we are. I know the "purple drink" he's referring to and that is not great. It's like that age-old discussion that you have with friends about if Skittles taste different because it's like 49% water, 50% sugar, and 1% flavoring. I never, not even as a kid, like "_________ Flavored Drink" because it's a bad imitation of an imitation. This drink is only one tier deep so it's closer to what an actual grape tastes like but still, not what grapes taste like. It sweet, it's juice, it's purple. That seems to be all it takes to pass the grape exam. This isn't terrible, though. It's absolutely drinkable and after a nice long lunch walk with "work dudes," it's just what I needed.

I don't know if you've noticed but the weather has been getting increasingly better out there. By "out there" I mean outside not "out there in whatever location Call Of Duty" is in. I was like you, indoor kids. I loved playing video games and I still do. If I could do whatever I wanted, I might take a week off of work, pay for all my friends to take a week off of work, and just play video games for a week straight. Inside. No sun. Since this is the real world and I'm not what you consider "privileged," I do not have that luxury so I have things like "work" and "a kid" and "previous obligations" that I need to take care of. Here's what I'm getting at. When the weather gets nice, lemonade tastes better. Sure, you can drink it year 'round but in the summer lemonade is a thing that is earned.

This lemonade, fresh and new to shelves (almost) everywhere, isn't bad. Oh you see that there is honey and ginseng on the can, the two ingredients that made Arizona what it is today if you ask me, but you wouldn't know it by drinking this. It just tastes like lemonade. If I had an Arizona lemonade, a product that does not exist, and this lemonade with it's additional ingredients, I might say that this has less of an edge. That might be where the honey comes in but you can't taste it as a flavor, only as an effect. Ginseng, well let's face it. You didn't taste it in the green tea, either. It's great that it's there. Probably not noticeable that it's not there.

I'm happy that this exists because it's a nice change and a better product than the Arnold Palmer. Yeah, I said it. That in itself should be worth a thousand words.

Mark was a magician. He loved what he did. He went to kid's parties and made kids float, did card tricks, and made birds and bunnies come out of everything. He was pretty good and was always interested in something bigger and better. Sure, he idolized David Copperfield, who didn't in the industry, but he was realistic. David Copperfield is the Michael Jordan of magic. At the end of every kid's party, he always plays 52 Pickup. The kids love it because all the cards are in the air and they yell and they scream. Magic takes a lot out of a man. He's got to clean up all that bird poop, rabbit poop, cards, and smoke powder. After a show, he likes to go to the store and get something to drink. He went to a corner store and grabbed some random cola. He looked at the bottle and smiled because the "Big Shot" guy was chewing on a cigar and he could just hear his voice. He laughed and opened the door and bumped into someone. He looked up to apologize and it was David Blaine. He was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He put his hand out to shake his hand while muttering, "My name is Mark. I'm a magician and a huge fan." David thanked him and asked him for some of his pop because he left his wallet in the RV. Mark gave him the whole, unopened bottle and told him to keep it. David opened it and took a big chug. Then he made a face. He told Mark that it was some of the worst cola he had ever had. It just tasted bland and generic. No body and nothing special. He said he could have bought a Pepsi and been more satisfied. Then he made the bottle disappear with a poof of smoke and went back to the RV.

Mark sat in the car for at least ten minutes just pondering what had just happened. He met David Blaine, but gave him the worst cola he had ever had. He didn't know whether to mark that as an accomplishment or not. Either way, he continued to do magic at kids parties and had one spectacular story to tell people in the Magician's Guild gatherings at Denny's.

There is a video game that you should know about called "Trials HD." I have easily invested hundreds of hours playing it. It's a simple motorcycle game where you accelerate, brake, and lean your way to the end as quickly as possible. There is a level in it called "Dreamscape" that is all over the place. Ramping up and down through someone's crazy imagination with floating planks, scaffolding, and twisted wood. You can see what I'm talking about here.

This drink is the liquid equivalent of that track. I've made a few mugs of this before and liked it, but preferred "the original" variety. After drinking it today, I might change. It's so spicy. It's almost woody and peppery. If you like light drinks, you couldn't drive your car away from this drink fast enough. It's a lingering drink, too. So spicy. It caught me off guard because I didn't know that it was going to be so bold. If you're in the market for a change and need to pull a total 180, this is the place to go. Oooh. So spicy.

These are dangerous times guys, dangerous times. They are dangerous times to be a small company because large companies are getting smarter and making some awesome products. Snapple, in my eyes, was long forgotten for a long time and then in the last couple years they ramped it up and now make delicious tea. That's why it drives me crazy when I see small companies using garbage ingredients. You know that Snapple could make way more if it used worse ingredients but there is someone digging their feet in ensuring that doesn't happen.

This tea is pretty great. I've been doing this for long enough to know different varieties of tea and flavoring. This is a lightly sweetened (both as advertised and as practiced) white tea. It's good. I would like it if this was just that: simple, efficient, and beautiful. I've never had just a plain sweet white tea. It would be fantastic. You hear me, Snapple? I'll buy it. Cherry is a rarity in tea but pomegranate is a bit old hat. The pomegranate in this is good, but it might be about 33% of the fruit. Cherry takes the majority, a majority I'm calling 66%, and is right on the cusp. It's a dangerous line that it walks because sometimes people think that cherry tastes mediciny but this is not at that rate. It's good. White tea plus cherry plus pomegranate is a good mix. Let it be known.

Snapple, you've done good work. You made something new and I've got to give you credit because it was a fantastic implementation.

Karen was a stupid idiot. She was one of those people who always said, "I could make this better at home." when she ate or drank things. It was annoying to spend any amount of time with her because it was almost certain she would utter it. One thing that made it more annoying was that she was not a fantastic cook, or baker, so every time she said it, you would flashback to the time she said, "Oh, remember that time we had that meal at that restaurant? Well I made it and it was way better." and it sucked. No offense to Karen, but she was an excellent banker but a terrible copycat when it came to food.

She went to the store and bought a bottle of Mmm...Tea's black tea, honey, and lemon tea and brought it home. She took a sip and thought, obviously, that she could make it better at home. She thought the tea was a bit bitter but did have an honest, lemon and honey taste. The actual slice of lemon in the bottle probably helped a bit. She brewed some black tea, bought some honey in a bear container as she thought that was the pinnacle of honey manufacturing, and a lemon. She mixed everything up, and threw it in the fridge for a couple hours. She took it out, poured it into a glass, and for the first time made something that was actually better than the original.

Congratulations, Karen. Enjoy your success until the next time you try and make something better than the original.

Jeremy had a very limited space at his farm but since farming was in his blood, he never gave it up. He harvested only strawberries and herded one thing, which oddly enough, were dragons. Yes, sure the strawberries encroached into the dragon pen but the dragons never cared about having to eat them. Jeremy didn't mind either. It was a lot cheaper than feeding the dragons their usual diet of giant rats, mice, and Raisin Bran.

Once a week, Jeremy would milk the dragons to harvest their juice. Yes, dragons lactate juice. Where did you think that dragonfruit flavored drinks get their taste from, an actual fruit? That's crazy. He would get all the juice, put it inside a giant containment unit and then hand squish strawberries into it and make his own juice. This juice was nothing short of awesome, too. It was sweet and still left room to taste like both strawberries and dragonfruit. Jeremy was concerned about health and was also on the forefront of sweeteners so he used natural alternative sweeteners like Stevia.

One day, a giant tour bus drove up to Jeremy's farm. The door opened and loud rock music and smoke emerged. Three men in black suits came out. Two were some of the largest men he'd ever seen. The one in the middle carried a suitcase. He explained that he worked for Sobe and was prepared to offer him "a large sum of money" for his secret. Jeremy, having done this for about fifteen years, thought that it might be time to start something new like becoming a honeydipper or used car salesman. He shook the smaller mans tiny, frail, uncalloused hands, and said goodbye to the two behemoths who gave him a nod but didn't actually say anything which Jeremy thought was rude.

Jeremy was rich. His hard work had paid off and now he could spend time riding the dragons and eating strawberries rather than making juice out of them.

This ship is great but exhausting. All day and everywhere and every minute there is something going on and you feel obligated to go to all of it. I've done karaoke like four times, swam in the pool, eaten tons of fruit, went on a water slide, casinos, cafes, candy shops, banquet halls, and more.

I like the boat, I really do, but I cannot get a good night rest. Every morning I wake up unsatisfyingly tired. The pillows and bed are too soft and my body is used to firm both. I needed a boost so I drank this. I punched me square in the mouth and not in a good way.

I normally like getting decked in the mouth by drinks but this was a sucker punch. It tastes like fruit punch with that "energy drink" taste. It was strong like bull and the first half of the can made me twitch every sip. After that it just tasted overwhelming. It did get me to 1:30 in the morning, though so I might actually give it the credit it deserves there.

Cozumel, Playa Del Carmen, caves, beaches, and lagoons: That was today. I drove a jeep with a slippery transmission. It also didn't like to restrict reverse when shifting from fifth to sixth. High speed grinding gears: not fantastic.

After about four hours of swimming, brother gets tired. We traveled back to Cozumel to hit the shops but for some reason, it didn't have the same flair as the first time a few months ago. We needed something to drink. We couldn't have drunk everything in all of Mexico so I'll say that the drink supply was massively lacking in Cozumel at that time. I only felt the need to buy two drinks.

This was a good place to start. It was just pomegranate juice. I love pomegranates. Love 'em. This was just juice, so it's hard to review. If you could imagine a pomegranate juice that is not too sweet and tastes like a less bitter pomegranate, you've got it.

Now it's time for dinner, more karaoke with me probably singing Tears For Fears, and probably more Rex.