Juice - 935 Reviews

Do you think Joe was originally known as Trapper Joe? For some reason, I always imagine him being from Canada, even though I know his origins are German (at least in some capacity). I just picture him out there in the wild wilderness of Canada, setting traps and collecting his bountiful pelts. He lived like a king, and then slowly, but then very suddenly the pelts dried up. Joe found himself without work, and started to lean on his other skills more, and got more into the commerce side of the game. It wasn't long until he started working with an entirely new set of people, who referred to him as Trader Joe instead of Trapper Joe. Eventually he made his way down to the States and well, the rest is history.

That whole scenario has nothing to do with this drink, but oh wait it does. For some reason they decided to name this juice “Heart of Darkness.” At first glance this seems to make no sense what-so-ever as neither mangos nor passion fruit are native to the Congo where Joseph Conrad set his short story. Since the actual juice has nothing to do with an ivory transporter in central Africa, I can only assume that the name is in some reference to Joe's history as a trapper come trader. Maybe the owners of the company are just fans of late 19th century literature. Either way it's a strange name for a juice.

No matter what the name, this is one tasty juice. While it's not solely mango and passion fruit juice, it is still 100% juice with apple, white grape and pineapple filling out the missing space. It does taste more like a tropical fruit punch then it's namesake, and even though that is a bit of a disappointment at first the taste is more than good enough to make you forget your woes.

I can pretty much guarantee that if I gave a purple carrot to Mike's son Max he would say something along the lines of, “That's not a cawwot, cawwots are owange silly!” Apparently in my mind Max switches out Ws for Rs. I think he actually does that, at least that's how I hear it in my head. I think what we have here is a full proof way to get kids who don't like carrots to eat them. What child wouldn't be excited about eating purple food? Kids hate carrots, right? I know in my family we did. At least I grew to enjoy them, while my sister just goes around telling people she's allergic to them, and every other food she thinks might be gross. That's right I just outed her. Also she might slip in the old …€˜I can't eat that or it will give me kidney stones” act. She's a magician with many tricks. It's too bad they are all to get her out of eating food.

Everything I have written above has absolutely nothing to do with this drink, so if you made it this far you deserve a treat. May I suggest a bottle of this juice? I know carrot juice doesn't sound very appealing. I kind of like it, but I was hesitant the first time I tried it. This beverage on the other hand tastes mostly like a heavily strawberried apple juice with a vague root vegetable flavor floating around the perimeters of your taste buds. If this didn't say “purple carrot” in the name I would have never guessed that they were a part of the ingredients list.

Strawberries run this town, with the aid of his deputy apple juice and even the uniqueness of a purple carrot isn't going to be able to change the way that they run things.

Oh kids. You've got so many more selections than when I was a kid. I want you to read that like I was the oldest man alive because that's how I meant it to be read. The written word just doesn't have the same flair as, say, an audio recording. Oh, you know, kids. Records. Remember records? Remember crank windows? You dumb kids and your dumb buttons. Try endlessly turning a knob for a little bit, why don't'cha? Lazy brats. Oh, right. Reviews. Right.

I don't spend a lot of time around raspberries but I've been around an apple a couple times and I've got to say, this is a very accurate portrayal of that dynamic duo. You've got some super sweetness from the apple and some nice berryness (not a real word) from the raspberries. Not too bad, Litl' Squirts. All without adding any extra sugar in there, too. You, sirs and madams, have made a good juice.

Speaking of little squirts, you! Hey, you! Do something constructive with your life. Yeah, I'm sure leveling up in World Of Warcraft took a long time but it's not making you a better person. Go get dirty. Get hurt. Get a job. Stop talking on the phone. Drink some healthy juices. Get strong. Be nice to old people. Get me something to drink. Hold the door for people. Be polite. Golden rule. You kids are the worst, nowadays. The worst.

Let's cover something here: peaches in their natural state are amazing. They are one of the best fruits to ever grace this planet, from whatever galaxy they originated. Oh you didn't know that peaches are sentient beings from another world that we enslave and then consume? Now don't you feel like a savage? It's okay, if humans tasted as good as peaches, we would probably eat them too, so long moral decency.

So yes, peaches are nearly perfect. Artificial peach flavor? Not so much. I suppose it's fine in a pinch, but really there is no need for it when we have the entire species at our disposal. It always tastes too sweet and like candy. A big problem is that a lot of companies use this fake peach flavoring in their drinks and trick people into thinking that what they are drinking is how the wonderful fruit actually taste. It's nothing but lies.

Beverages, especially the sparkling ones that use real peach juice are few and far between. Val de France not only uses actual juice in their sparkling drinks, but they also do not add extraneous sugar. They do mix up their peach juice with some apple juice, but you can't blame them for that. They have to keep the price point down somehow.

This ends up tasting like a fancy soda pop, which is what it is. It's soda for the high class, or for those of us who want to pretend that we're classy for a short period of time. You can most definitely taste both the peach and apple juices in here. They exist in a harmony that is not to be disturbed with other ingredients.

My only complaint is that I poured myself a decent sized glass of this, and while it is delicious and only has 19g of sugar per each 8oz, it became too much once I got to the last quarter of the glass. So keep that in mind; this juice is made to be enjoyed in small quantities. If you do that you will certainly be pleased with your choice in beverage.

Cheribundi has cherry juice in excess. They must for the amount of varieties of their drinks that are on the market, and all of them with straight up cherry juice in them. In fact they juice 20 cherries for every 16.9oz bottle of juice they produce. They are also purists and don't deal with concentrate when it comes to this tart little red fruit. The result is they have an entire line of products that taste like the wonderful fruit that is the origin of their company name. Seriously, every beverage of theirs I have tried really tastes like I'm eating a bowl full of cherries. As a professional I can tell you that is most definitely not the norm with cherry flavored, well anything.

The downfall of this drink (extremely slight as it may be) is that with all of their diligence on their money maker, the blueberries in here did not receive as much attention as they should have. They in fact came from a concentrate, but hey at least it's real juice and not some artificial flavoring made to taste like blueberries. I don't know if it is due to the concentrate, or just the amount used, but the blueberry is losing the war against the cherries. There is not a harmony shared between them, and the strong flavor of the cherries overpowers the tiny blueberries. The blue fruit is most apparent in the aftertaste and even then the lingering tartness of the red is still highly present. That being said, this is by no means a bad drink. In fact it's on the greater side of the scale. I'm simply dreaming of ways to push it to the “Gotta have it now or I may explode category.”

Looking to expand your horizons? Sure. Why wouldn't you be? No one likes to be stagnant. No one likes to eat the same thing over and over again. No one likes to do the same thing time and time again. People need variance. People need change. I bet you don't drink juice with chunks of fermented coconut in it. If you do, I think the next step is something sassy like latex fun. If you haven't gotten there yet, chunky drinks that taste like flowers are the previous step. It's a good step, too. Sometimes the flowers can be too perfumy but sometimes they can be alright. In this drink's case, they are pretty good. There is a nice, firm texture on the coconut chunks and the flavor is a nicely sweetened, nicely floral little number.

You should know as soon as you drink this, though. You should know that the next step is, as I mentioned before, latex fun. Tight stuff. Stuff with zippers. Like it or not, that's next. Brace yourself. It gets hot in there.

“I can't tell you what juice I'm drinking but there are two berries involved.” How many times can one website paraphrase stand up comics (Mitch Herberg)? The answer to this and other unimportant questions will be hidden in our reviews over the upcoming weeks.

This may be the single chalkiest protein drink I have ever tasted. I'm halfway through the bottle and my teeth feel like they have a very thin layer of sand on them. It's a weird experience that is for sure. I don't even know if I dislike the sensation, it's just odd.

Once you get past the chalkiness and delve into the six strawberries, five blueberries, three apples and one banana that are in this bottle things are a little bit of okay. It definitely has more of a berry flavor than anything, so the name is fitting. The apples and banana aren't very noticeable, even though they make up a majority of the substance.

Okay, I've come to the conclusion that while I don't have the chalkiness, it's not something I really enjoy, thus this is a functional beverage in my book any nothing I would drink solely for the flavor. I would consume it again when I'm trying to juice my pecs (pun definitely intended).

There is only so much you can say about juice, and I think I've said most of it before. As a result I started reading other people's review on this internet for Berry Blast, and my findings confused me.

Okay let's start from scratch; this bottle contains five blackberries, four raspberries, 4 strawberries, three and a half apples and half of a banana. With those type of ratios it's no wonder that this tastes like berry flavored apple juice (to be fair it tastes like a heavily berry flavored apple juice, but the base of the larger fruit is still very noticeable. Thirteen berries could fit in the palm of my hand; it's not much at all. I still enjoy the taste of this, and I understand that a lot of juices are cut with apple juice to sweeten them and keep costs down while retaining a 100% juice claim, but from Naked I expected a stronger berry flavor. With the somewhat hefty price per bottle, I expect a little more.

None of the above is what I found confusing. What put a quizzical look on my face was that people were saying that this is not a healthy drink at all and that it's all lies. Some claimed that there was a ton of sugar added to it, others claimed that there were “chemicals” added to it. Wait, what? I know there was a lawsuit against Naked, but not for the reasons mentioned above. If I read everything correctly the lawsuit was because GMOs were used in the vitamin “boots” added to some of the drinks. There is no sugar secretly added to this juice. There are also no weird chemicals in the mix either. This is simply a mix of fruits, as it doesn't have any of the boosts in it. Yes, this is not as healthy as eating straight up fruit, due to pasteurization, but it's not sugar water like some people claim.

The internet is a terrible place where everyone thinks they have a voice and their opinions are right, even though they don't have their facts straight. People read an article a little piece of it sticks out to them, and then their brain extrapolates that with no factual basis and suddenly it's gospel. I am not denying that some sketchy stuff may have gone down with Naked and their labeling, but the internet has become a runaway train of additional claims, that have no basis in real life. These are certainly the end times.

As I get older I've started paying more attention to my heath and what I eat. You get to a certain point and you're old friend metabolism isn't quite what it used to be. It's a sad state of affairs similar to watching a childhood pet grow old and incontinent, except you know with less crying and fewer emotional scars. So here I am at 34, going to the gym three times a week (once a year would never have crossed my mind a few short years ago), eating better (cutting back on processed fake meats, eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting back on snacking) and trying to drink more 100% juice. I must say that drinking all these dumb drinks for this website it not helping anything, but such is progress, or some other inappropriate line.

Raaw is a company that I can get behind for my juice intake, and lucky for me they are now available around Buffalo, NY. I haven't bought into the whole raw diet thing. I know it has it's benefits, and I'm not going to make any excuses, I will simply state the truth that I just don't care enough to do it. I don't even care enough to give it a half assed attempt. With that being said, when something is served raw I take note and appreciate the health aspect, with no work on my part. What's more important to me about these juices is that they are juice with nothing else added to them. There are no sweeteners, no preservatives or GMOs; just fruit and vegetables. I can ask for nothing more. Well okay, I could ask for a lower price point, but that's not going to happen, and I understand that quality comes at a price.

This bottle promises a slew of berries and wheatgrass. It fully delivers (along with some other juices). Even though there are six different types of fruit used in this mixture (apple, pineapple, strawberry, blackberry, raspberry and blueberry), 50% of the flavor in here comes from the wheatgrass, a flavor that I stand behind. The other 50% is an amalgamation of the fruits that leans heavier on the berry side of things, mainly black and blueberries.

It isn't quite at the level of “just juiced” but it is way closer than 99% of the prepackaged juices on the market. It's a beverage you can feel good about drinking and you should drink it often.

It was nearly a decade ago that an ex of mine said the words that would haunt me to this day, “I wish I could just buy a bottle of cantaloupe juice.” Every since then I can't help but crave a bottle of the best juice melon have to offer. Sure, watermelon is fine, but it's so watery and any attempt to make it otherwise makes it tastes like gross candy. Honeydew is wonderful, and it also eludes me, but it doesn't pack the same punch as a cantaloupe. Why doesn't this exist!?!? Have you ever cut open a cantaloupe? The amount of juice that pours out is ridiculous. It would be so easy for a company to juice them for our pleasure. I've hoped. I've longed. I've dreamed. My prayers have not been answered.

My friend Dave handed me this bottle, and I thought life had changed forever. The flavor said melon, and the picture was clearly of cantaloupe, with no other melons in sight. A quick check on the ingredients had me slightly disappointed, but still with high hopes. This isn't pure cantaloupe; it also has white grape and watermelon juices in the mix. It did clearly state “cantaloupe extracts” in the list though, so at least there was a trace of the real fruit.

One sip, and I knew this was not the beverage I've dreamed of so often on those dark lonely nights, but it also was nothing to pour out. The flavor is definitely the melon I want, but you can also taste watermelon fighting with it. It's a compromise that I am willing to deal with, as I'll take what I can get in this regard. I made it through about half the bottle before I decided that it was a bit too sweet. I still drank the entire thing, and greatly enjoyed it, but I could have done without the added sugar. I'm not a kid anymore and excess amounts of sugar can get me down. Now I will sit here and daydream of a 100% cantaloupe juice, with no added sugar that is readily available in stores.

Over the summer (it seems so long ago) I was leaving to go out of town for a bit, and I had some assorted fruit that needed to be eaten or else it would go bad. A handful of it was in the stages where it would still taste fine, but the texture would be far to soft for me to enjoy properly, so I decided to make a smoothie from it all. I sliced it all up, and through it in a blender with some ice and juice. I had apples, strawberries, and raspberries, even a mango. The thing is that all of those flavors went out the window when I added a handful of cherries to the mix. After that all I could taste in the smoothie was that wonderful red fruit, and you didn't hear a single complain about it.

This juice tastes extremely similar to my concoction. It has a general fruit base, but then you get blasted in the face with a punch of cherries. The only difference is that right underneath the cherry taste in here you get a bit of cranberries. So you get socked in the nose by cherries, the cranberries then slaps you, all followed with some verbal taunts from a general fruit mixture that really could be anything at all and it completely inconsequential. It abuse by fruit, and I would have it no other way. I suppose that makes me a fruit masochist. Lucky for me it's chock full of vitamins and fiber, so I will experience a quick recover before I return for more of a beating.

I can tell you that I got this in Canada and I can tell you that Jay and I had a wonderful time eating sandwiches and talking about music and I think we might have seen Cheap Girls with Jay's lady friend but what I couldn't tell you is how long this drink would sit around and not get drank. Did it deserve its purgatory both in a box and on a shelf? No. It should have been drunk sooner because it was rather good. You know, for all intents and purposes, porpoises (?), no, it's purposes, it's just a fruit punch.

No one ever defined what fruit had to be in a fruit punch but here in America, we have really been, figuratively speaking I hope, crapping the bed. Yeah, you've got some cherries and some grapes. Maybe even a crossover blueberry and/or pear. What you don't have is pomegranate and why not? Sure they're a little expensive but there are so many little bits of joy in there that one could go a long way. This drink tastes like a pretty honest and good blend of both blueberry and pomegranate, which doesn't happen too often, but when you don't have sugar, real or fake, mucking up the mix, you can actually taste ingredients. Novel idea, eh? The "eh" was an homage to Canada who produced this drink and allowed my to have an internationally good time with Jay, my dogg.

It's not terrible to be in the middle. For the most part, if you are in the middle you are either content with skimming by or you like to stay hidden. That or the whole "glass ceiling" thing. You'll break it one day, friend. As soon as they understand that great idea of yours isn't as crazy as they once thought.

Speaking of the middle, no not the overplayed Jimmy Eat World song, but this drink. It is in the middle between a crappy orange juice and "orange drink" which is inherently crappy. I don't know where the "ade" comes from but I wish someone had helped "aid" this company in the flavoring of this drink. Yes, I know. Pun humor. If any drink dictates it, this one does. It's not bad, but it just tastes like it could either be better or worse and that in itself is its punishment.

Middle finger? Too strong for this drink. It just tastes a little diet, all fake, and like you thought, "Hey. Orange is orange." and mixed orange drinks together and called it a day and hoped your daddy wouldn't notice you drank most of his orange juice. Oh he'll know and you'll be in trouble. It's just orange juice though so he won't be mad for long. Just go outside and shovel or mow the lawn or something.

If someone were to tell me five years ago that I was going to be drinking corn I would have said, “Well, that's weird, but okay whatever.” I was, and am, very apathetic. While I may not have been freaked out by the idea, this is not what I would have expected. My mind instantly goes to a nice buttery, salty ear of yellow corn. This on the other hand is made from purple maize, which is another beast entirely. It tastes nothing like the summer treat that most Americans are used to. I don't even know how to describe the taste, but it's apparently rich in antioxidants.

You take that purple maize and mix it in with some pineapple, lemon, cinnamon and cloves and you have Chica Limena, a traditional drink from Peru. When I opened this up I had no idea what I was in for. It's such an interesting collection of ingredients, which all can be overpowering in beverages, but they all blend together nicely. This is one of those drinks that you can make out each specific flavor in the taste if you concentrate. You can even taste the sugar cane. It's the spices that initially have me concerned, but they stay mostly in the background, sticking their heads up a little bit more in the aftertaste.

I have to say that I'm not really sure what I think about this. I keep going back to it, and the can is nearly empty, but I don't know if I can really say I enjoy it. With each sip I keep waiting for the pineapple flavor to get stronger, but it never does. I can't really hold that against them though, as it's not marketed as a pineapple drink, it's a maize drink and they do well enough with that.

"Four Seasons" starring four fruits. Watch this fall as your favorite fruits get together for the first time since high school and see what each one has been up to. In this heartwarming, yet hilarious tale, we learn about the four characters both as individuals and as a group and watch as them meet and grow apart. Tears are shed, punches are thrown and laughs are had.

We start out with Mango, a tough kid from the wrong side of the tracks meets up with Orange, a pretty, do-gooder who just wants a change of pace are playing basketball when on to the court comes Pineapple, a shifty-eyed kids that can't help but get into trouble. Finally, Guava, the youngest of the crew meets them at the mall and just doesn't leave them alone.

Together they get part time jobs at a juice factory where they made juice that tastes like them. It is a company run by Mango's dad who started it in his garage just to stay busy and out of trouble. Together they learn how to manage school, work and women all at the same time while making a nice juice that they all agree was better than almost any fruit punch. It is made with real ingredients (and heart) by four scrappy kids from all walks of life. It was not too sweet and everyone had their time in the sun.

Watch as they all say their goodbyes and go away to college but come back for a holiday several years later and talk about what their lives have become.

Find it today in your nearest gas station's "Straight to Video" bin.

Popeye is back on the scene doing what he does best, using spinach to get amped. That was the whole purpose of this character right? He was a construct of Big Spinach to encourage children to eat this leafy greenness? Everything is pretty much the same, except now he's hiding the spinach in juice based energy drinks. I'm fine with that. I would also be fine with eating it outright, as I do that all the darn time.

This is an energy beverage that is 70% juice. That's a high percentage in this game, and us here at Thirsty Dudes appreciate it. While this doesn't taste like biting into a nice juicy apple, it also does not taste like fake apple candy garbage. That flavor is the worst. Probably the worst mass-produced flavor this country has ever be subjected to.

The white grape juice in here is paired up with the apple and the result is something that is a new beast altogether. Green apples and white grapes together make light green grapples, right? That is a fruit I would be all over.

This reminds me a lot of Tango Apple from the UK. I am most definitely a fan of it. The folks at Popeye suggested that we also try it hot, so I did just that. Heated, this tastes way more like hot green apple juice. It leaves you with an energy kick that would be fitting for a nice chilly autumn day. I prefer it cold, but everyone has they preferences, so maybe you would like it hot. Who am I to know?

It's not all green, but you might say that it's mostly green. Let's tally up the ingredients and see where we stand.
Apple …€“ Could very well be green.
Banana …€“ Could be green, but probably wouldn't taste very good. The fact that there is a very distinct banana flavor in here makes me think it was ripe and yellow.
Mango …€“ Orange, brown and yellow.
Pineapple …€“ Not even a chance of it being green.
Kiwi …€“ This is a glorious green, and I wish most of this drink were made of it.
Spirulina …€“ I had to look it up, but it certainly is green.
Chlorella …€“ It's green. I think it has something to do with chloroform, err I mean chlorophyll. I don't think this drink it going to make anyone pass out.
Other greens used: Broccoli, spinach, barley grass, blue green algae and parsley.
Ingredients included in the “Dried Greens Blend” that are not green at all: Garlic and ginger.

So as it stands we have nice green ingredients and five none green. I will give them their very green moniker. It looks like green sludge, so why not? It tastes pretty good. The base of this is similar to the Bolthouse and Naked “green” drinks. It's pretty sweet tasting and mostly taste like fruit and not the other additives. The only difference I can really tell is that it has a stronger presence of banana. It's a nice alternative, at about the same prince point.

I've been reading Fizz: How Soda Shook Up the World and I've learned a lot about the history of pop, or soda, or whatever you want to call it. I find it very interesting, and it's a good read. While I have a love for your classic sodas, I would love to go back in time and make a change. I'm pretty sure that the world would be a better place if sugar had never been added to fizzy drinks.

As I sit here sipping on this can of Solixir I keep thinking to myself this is great. It has an excellent taste (white grape and lime mixed together to give it an unusual citrus taste), and there are only 13g of sugar in here that occurs naturally in the fruit juice used. The thing in that there is a little something in the back of my brain that tells me that there is something wrong. That thing is in fact that it is a fairly dry soda and it's “missing” sugar. Now, I only feel that way because my body has been programmed over the last 3+ decades to expect soda to be uber sweet. The thing is it doesn't need it. If I had started off associating a taste like this with what soda should be I would be completely disgusted with how sweet a “normal” pop is if I had one now for the first time.

On top of being a healthier soda, this also has a botanical blend added to it that helps with concentration, without the spike and crash that caffeine and other energy drink garbage has.

This is what I want. This is how things would be in a perfect world. People wouldn't be so overweight and overridden with diabetes (well at least to some extent).

Uh hello, I'd like to speak to your supervisor. You see I spent a lot of money, and I mean a cubic butt ton, on my tropical vacation and it was nothing like I was promised. In the brochure it was listed as a tropical fantasy. Now, I know that means different things to different people, but I believe there is a general underlying theme to everyone's thoughts on a perfect vacation of that sort. I can assure you what I received was nothing close to that. I chose the pineapple package. I feel like that's a very specific niche, and as I said it just was not delivered.

For starters there is not a lick of pineapple anywhere to be seen in here. It's all sugar, pears and apples and that's pretty much what the base of it is like. On top of that is the vaguest of pineapple flavors that I wouldn't ever be able to place is I wasn't looking for it. The addition of sucralose along with the high fructose corn syrup does not help a thing, especially since it still contains 48g of sugar.

As I said I am completely unhappy and I would like a refund. Oh, you'll reimburse the fifty cents it cost to my account. Well thank you. I'm sure the time it took me to contact you about this is worth more than the amount reimbursed, but it's the principle of it all.

Ahh, Christmas Eve. 'Tis the time for me to wrap all the presents I bought in one day while the little buddy is away. Did I succeed? Ha! No. I am actually writing a review instead of wrapping presents. Will I catch gruff for it? Probably. Will this review write itself? Nope. You see the priority of things in my life. Review, then joy.

It's snowing here and this is a summer drink. Pomegranate lemon green tea: Summer drink. It might just be the lemon but if we're talking about season fruit, isn't pomegranate a fall fruit? I've got one in the kitchen but I bet it's going to be alright. Why? Because I'm no fruit connoisseur, that's why.

This is a good drink, even if I have to go out after the review and shovel. It, as most Made drinks do, have a good green tea bitterness. The pomegranate is there and just a titch of lemon that you can actually taste. I really have enjoyed Made and this is no different. Their green tea line is good because they've got a good base and everything else is just icing.